Feb 19, 2008

Random Memory: Billy Squier


Don't know what made me remember this today, but I got to thinking about Billy Squier for some reason. Not in a gay way. Well, partially in a gay way. I mean, he was the gay one in my mind's eye and not me. Not that there would be anything wrong with that. I've mentioned before that I'm a little gay in some ways. I don't like cock, but I do enjoy Mark Harmon, Nathan Fillion and Dave Grohl. Especially Dave Grohl. One of my friends is going to see Foo Fighters tonight at Madison Square Garden and that's just not fair. I wanna be inside Dave Grohl. Once again, not in a gay way.

What the hell was I talking about?

Oh, right...Billy Squier. If you aren't familiar with him, that's okay. He made some decent music back in the early 8o's. A bunch of songs from his second album "Don't Say No" were staples on rock radio stations for years. His third album "Emotions in Motion" was one of the very few vinyl records that I ever owned. His next album "Signs of Life" was nearly as popular as the previous two, and things were looking up for this rock/pop God.
Then he released the video for "Rock Me Tonight".

It was all downhill from there. That video was so gay that some people believe it actually started the AIDS epidemic in the early 80's. That's not true, by the way. AIDS was created by a secret society of important members of the Conservative Right at a facility on Plum Island to help "spread the word of God", or so they claimed. It backfired on them when they found they could no longer spend the weekends at their favorite glory hole. It must suck to be so repressed.

Sadly, Billy's career never rebounded from that nightmare of a video. His fanbase had largely seen Squier as a guitar hero, and the prancing idiot video on MTV changed all of that. His next few albums tanked and he slid off into rock star obscurity.

Flash forward ten years, and I'm at beach club in the Hamptons (God, how I hate the Hamptons) with some friends. Jagrmeister is promoting something or other with a Celebrity beach volleyball game, and Squier is one of those set to appear along with some Playboy centerfolds and somebody from Menudo, I think. Cool! I had wondered just what happened to that guy.

Fucking guy shows up in a cut-off tank top and a pair of daisy duke cut-off jean shorts!

They were so short that I think his junk was hanging out of the bottom of them, but I can't be sure. I had to look away before I was blinded. Blinded by the gayness of it all.

Some dudes never learn.

Reminds me of the time that Slyde came to Key West on vacation with me and a couple of other friends. Two of the most awesome things ever happened there:
  1. I can't really blame him, but Slyde packed more for a beach vacation than a "hanging out in bars" vacation. He wasn't really made aware of what Key West was all about. One day he dressed himself in a cutoff black tank top (with fringes if I recall correctly) and a pair of short, bright orange shorts. The rest of us looked at each other, not really believing what we were seeing, but also not saying anything out loud. Lest Slyde changed his outfit and ruin our fun. So we head out into town to hit a few bars. On the way, we just couldn't contain ourselves. We just had to tell him how gay he looked. He turns around and says "What? THIS is gay?" with his hands on his hips or something. I don't think the rest of us ever laughed as hard as we did at that question. He hurried back to the hotel and quickly changed into a slightly more hetero look. He still got hit on, a lot, by some of the local talent, but we'll never let him forget that outfit. Priceless!
  2. The four of us guys headed out to a booze cruise one evening. It was a sunset cruise on one of those big catamarans, and it seemed to be filled with mostly German and Scandanavian tourists. We were having a Dabba-do time when this guy comes up to us and joins the conversation. Nice guy, but from the things he was saying (He was a florist, he had a rough week and just drove himself down there to possibly meet someone, he liked cock, etc..) he was obviously gay. At least obvious to me. Who cares? Nice guy, right? Anyway, after a litle while he looked at the four of us and asked "So, are you the four of you couples?" The boys were a bit flummuxed at this. Lots of hemming and hawing until one of them said "Um, I've got to go to the bathroom." To which Slyde and my other friend immediately said "Yeah, us too. We have to go to the bathroom." So they up and left me alone with our new friend who immediately said "you know, I wasn't trying to hit on any of you. None of you are my type." We laughed about the situation and he mentioned that it was a hell of a lot gayer to have all gone to the bathroom together than stay there and talk with him. Awesome! I wonder if they had a good time together in the little boy's room?

PS - Slyde is gonna be so pissed at me. I wonder just how he wil respond. Remember, this is still a fairly anonymous personal blog. If you are going to post a picture of me dressed as a wizard then at least photo-shop my face out of the pic. Thanks!

PS2 - Been adding a lot of new blogs to my blogroll over there on the left. Check 'em out for free now!!!! One of these days I'll roll the "new" links in with the old then it will be a grand ole' party. Huh, what?

PS3 - The latest over at MovieGrenade brings the boredom like never before. Prepare to be underwhelmed.

27 comments:

Slyde said...

Oh, it's SO fucking ON!

p.s. and you are a lucky bastard. Even with all the techno-geeky gadgets that i like to collect, I have yet to buy a scanner. So you are spared, for now.

p.p.s. I did not definetly NOT have on ORANGE shorts. I dont remember what color they were, but they were most definitely NOT orange!

p.p.p.s. I cannot help it if i got hit on by alot of guys on that trip. I am hot, there's no denying it. Women, men, Canadians.. they all want to bone me.

p.p.p.p.s. You forgot to tell the part where the guy in the panama hat asked me to dance. Maybe i'll tell that one on MY blog this week.

B.E. Earl said...

Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

elizabeth said...

Okay. I'll say it again. All these years and he still hides?!

Love the mental image slyde. Chachi - yer hawt.

elizabeth said...

PS how are there three categories? Women, Men AND Canadians? This leaves me confused...

Artful Kisser said...

Wow. You eyeballed Billy Squier's junk? Was 'the Stroke' playing in your head at the time? Love that song...

B.E. Earl said...

Liz - Anonymous it is, anonymous it shall remain...sorry!

AK - Heya! "Say you're a winner, but man you're just a sinner now!"

RaeJane said...

Gay?

I had no idea...

Stroke me just does not have the same appeal as it once did.

sigh.

FourLeafClover said...

Good video post. I wanted so much to like this video... I love 80's trash and I gave it an honest go but you're right... prancing idiot.

Btw, you were right to call me Rogue. I totally stole my hair from Anna Paquin.

B.E. Earl said...

raejane - Purely speculation, but just look at that video. Oh, and best of luck in our upcoming battle over at ookami snow.

4leaf - I thought the four-leaf clover on your (ample) chest on the masthead was an X...as in X-Men. But I figured it was an homage or something. ;)

jiggs said...

gay stuff is awesome!

RaeJane said...

I expect to lose.
And for me, to lose is to win.

I win either way!

woot!

ajooja said...

Thinking of Billy Squire always puts me in the back of the basketball bus, junior year, listening to a couple of seniors sing "stroke me, stroke me" to our coach sitting up front. :)

B.E. Earl said...

Jiggs - Woogaaaah!

RaeJane - Its an honor just to compete ;)

ajooja - My God, man! What the hell kind of school did you go to?

lotus07 said...

Ow man Squier is so gay. Must have something to do with the east coast. Back in the day, we were listening to John Cougar and Styx back in the mid-west. Squier would have been shown the business end of a corn cob, if you know what I mean....

Melanie said...

I saw Squier play one night, he opened for the who of all people. and he tripped over the stage! yea. he is gay.

i love it. why didn't you just answer the dude? people are people. he couldn't have overtaken four straight guys anyway.

:giggles:

B.E. Earl said...

Lotus - I was a big fan of John Cougar (but not Styx) back in the day. Especially before he changed his name back to Mellenhead.

Mel - Oh, I stayed and told him we were straight. We had a proper laugh about the whole situation. Sorry if I didn't make that clear in my post.

elizabeth said...

How come you wanted to throw up after you found me????

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I have a Billy Squires concert t-shirt from 1980.

He wore pink leather pants and a black mesh top. He was HOT. At the time it was widely known that his girlfriend was some fashion designer and did all his clothes for him. I'm hoping she has since dumped him because daisy dukes? Um, just no.

But he dances gay.

And I didn't mind the video so much after the first couple of times I peed myself laughing and that song is my fav tune of his except for maybe In Your Eyes.

And seriously, maybe guys thought he was a guitar god but chicks just thought he was way hot.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

PS: he dances like that on stage too.

B.E. Earl said...

Liz - I keed, I keed! ;)

Miss - I liked In Your Eyes and just about everything else from "Emotions in Motion". Twas a great album. One Good Woman was a favorite of mine.

So his beard, um, girlfriend at the time was a fashion designer? No wonder he went gay. ;)

Kat said...

earl- So um you haven't said yet what you were wearing...

Slyde- And here I thought it was men, women and 2 chicks outta yer league ;o)

B.E. Earl said...

Kat - Nothing but a smile. ;)

Slyde said...

ouch! thats just harsh, kat!

thats it! im cutting you off.

no more sex for you...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

stroke it stroke it...

i have that song on my ipod even though it is older than me. FUCK I WANT TO GIVE/GET A HANDJOB NOWWWWWww

B.E. Earl said...

Tequila - I do what I can to inspire horniness in others. Ehm, usually it doesn't involve Billy Squier, but okay.

Lemur said...

Wow -- just wow.

I was a Squier fan, and I definitely remember this video (although I was young at the time, and didn't recognize it for how gay it was).

Interestingly, there's nothing on the Internet (from a cursory glance) that states, emphatically, whether he is or isn't gay (or married).

I do love the quasi Elaine (Seinfeld) / Superstar (SNL) dance moves.

On another point, altogether, has ANYONE who plays the keyboards ever been able to look "cool" in a music video?

B.E. Earl said...

Lemur - I don't know what his sexual orientation is, and I really don't care one way or the other. Gia told me that, when he did this video, he was dating a famous female fashion designer.

His "gayness" is pure speculation on all of our parts.

Thanks for dropping in!