The Verdant Dude

Kindle Fire Review

2012-02-01T00:01:00.000-05:00

A few weeks back, Gia gave me the wonderful gift of a Kindle Fire from Amazon. She's been an Apple gal forever. A bunch of Mac computers in her past. On her third iPhone, but still using the first iPad like a fucking savage. ;)

But this Kindle Fire tablet is my first real gadget for the sake of having a gadget. I NEED my laptop PC for work...and for play. I NEED my not-so-smart phone for work...and for play. But really the only reason I would get a tablet, of any kind, is for play and for play alone.

The Kindle Fire does that well. It does it very well. It ain't perfect, and I'm not saying it's as good as an iPad. But for my purposes, it works just as well. Let's do a quick round of Sergio Leone's favorite game, shall we?

The Good

The e-reader it top notch. It's exactly what I wanted an e-reader to be when the first Kindles were introduced. No buttons, just swiping. And the size of the screen is relatively the same as a paperback, which I what I normally read anyway. Sure, the e-reader (and the Kindle app) on the iPad work pretty much the same and look just as good. But for hundreds of dollars less, you get the same functionality.
Watching films or TV shows thru Netflix or Amazon Instant is fast, bright and convenient. The screen size is just about perfect for watching a film in bed or waiting in a reception area. It's much better than I thought it was going to be.
It's ultra-convenient to carry around. I haven't found the cover that I like yet, but I have a number of jackets that have a handy pocket or two that it slips into rather nicely. And having it by my side when I'm watching a TV show and I want to quickly look something up on the Internet is ultra-convenient as well. Very easy to swipe it on and type a few characters for the answer. Much more so than opening up my laptop for the same exact thing.
Plenty of useful and free apps available from the Amazon Store. Too many for me to even consider reviewing right now. Mostly because I haven't done anything with them yet. But I will. I'm sure I will.

The Bad

For right now, I'm pretty much using it for brain candy right before I go to bed. A quick game of this or that, filtering through my feed reader, reading what my Tweeple are saying. And that's all fine. The mobile versions of Twitter and Google Reader work great on it. But for a lot of other websites out there? Not so much. Even just a simple Google search is...awkward on the Kindle Fire. Maybe iPad users experience the same thing. I don't know, but I much prefer serious web surfing on my laptop PC to the tablet experience so far.
No 3G. Oh well.
No camera, blue-tooth, GPS or mic either. Oh well, again.

The Ugly

As I kinda alluded to above, I hate typing on the thing. I've always been a physical keyboard guy, and I'm finding the touchscreen keyboard difficult to get used to. Hell, even my phone has a physical keyboard for texting and what-not. I'm a touch typist, and a pretty darned fast one at that. So going back to the old hunt and peck for typing on the touchscreen always makes me shake my head a bit.
The Android operating system is a bit buggy. Not overwhelmingly so, but enough to make the Ugly list for me. I've encountered several screen freezes or application problems that seem to be tied directly to the operating system. I don't know if Amazon will be doing any system upgrades or fixes, but for right now I'm not thrilled with the performance of the system itself. More to follow on this one.
Flash is supposed to be supported on the Kindle Fire, but most of the flash sites I've come across don't work or are EXTREMELY buggy. I think an operating system for a tablet, whether it's this one or iOS, should work with every internet site out there. Regardless of whether or not Flash is a good or bad product. I don't care. Everything that is on the Internet should be available on the device in full working condition. That's all I'm saying.

So that's it. My quick and mostly meaningless Kindle Fire review. It's a great toy, and just about perfect for what I intend to use it for. It may not have all the bells and whistles of the iPad...I actually don't know because I've only used Gia's iPad on several occasions. But it seems to be an earnest attempt at a well-made, much cheaper alternative to Apple's tablet.

Odd Winter

2012-01-26T00:17:00.000-05:00

I'm totally going to ruin it with this post, but we've had just about the best Winter in recent memory so far. Weather-wise, that is. And by "best", I mean warmer than usual with no snow.

In fact, we had our first snowstorm of the year over this past weekend. A convenient little storm that began overnight on Friday and into early Saturday afternoon. All that meant to me was staying home with my woman and our recuperating cat (Wolowitiz is doing much better now, thanks), and drinking a whole mess of bourbon. Slept in Saturday morning and then went out to shovel about 4 inches of some dry powder. It was glorious. The easiest snow removal day in memory.

I don't know why I even bothered, though. The weather forecast was for rain and 50 degrees on Monday, which is exactly what happened. By the end of the day, just about all the snow from the weekend was a memory.

I've been actually appreciating the warm weather even more than the lack of snow, even though those obviously go hand-in-hand. Went out to get the mail today in a t-shirt and it felt like around 60. I'm sure it was colder, but it really didn't feel that way.

So January is almost over, and February is looming. Normally a month when we get slammed with snow and cold weather.

But I'm hoping that this trend continues. Right through the Winter and into Spring.

A mild Winter is just what my soul needed.

Alright, Alright, Alright

2012-01-24T00:01:00.000-05:00

David Wooderson is back, girls. And he's just as cool as ever. Check out Matthew McConaughey reprising his best role ever after 19 long years. The song is courtesy of Butch Walker and the Black Widows. Dig.

"The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N." - words to live by.

h/t: The Interrobang

Gogo/Yak?

2012-01-19T13:39:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned before that our female cat, Gogo, is nearly impossible to catch in a photo. Because she never sits still for even a second all day long. Yet, somehow, Gia was able to snap a picture of the elusive yak-cat with her new iPhone 4S. We call her that because...well, look at the hair. That's some yak shit going on, isn't it?

click to view the full horror of the yak-cat

Maybe she was sitting still because she was worried about her brother, Wolowitz. He's in the kitty hospital right now recovering from a blocked urinary tract. Poor guy. He went in yesterday, and we get to bring him home tomorrow morning. The house isn't the same without him.

Simon's Cat - Double Trouble

2012-01-17T13:19:00.001-05:00

This is what every day is like in our home.

Except we have four crazy cats instead of just two. And we don't keep our litter boxes in the living room. Not even when the cats were just wee kittens.

Meow.

The smacks to the top of the head and the young kitty taking a "shiver/stare" crap in the litter box is our Gogo to a fucking T.

She generally likes to wait until we are cleaning out the litter boxes every day to do her business. As if to say "Thank you, human. For giving me an appropriately clean place to take a shit. Now clean this mess up! I may have use for it again in an hour or so. Chop chop!"

Bogus Globes

2012-01-16T11:16:00.001-05:00

Every year, I like to re-post something that I wrote about the Golden Globe Awards way back in 2006. Actually, I forgot to re-post it last year for some reason. Maybe because Ricky Gervais did enough as the host to make me forget how much I despise this sham of an awards show.

So in honor of Matt LeBlanc winning a Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy last night (seriously...for acting!), here's my nearly annual rant on the event. Cheers! - Earl

01/19/2006 8:28 PM EST - date of original post.

Sofia Vergara - insert Golden Globes joke here

Hey kids! As you may have figured out, I'm a bit of a film fan. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I like to watch the annual award shows to see who takes down the big prizes each year. I was a little bored the other night watching the Golden Globe Awards when I decided to find out who/what the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is all about. If you are not familiar with the group, the HFPA is the organization that determines the nominees for each award category and subsequently votes on the winners for the Golden Globes. But who are they? I mean it never made much sense to me. Are they Hollywood press reporting in foreign countries about the entertainment industry? Are they foreign press working in Hollywood? Who are these people that the media focuses so much weight on around award season? Surely it must be an astoundingly large number of critics and reporters from around the world weighing in on the best that Hollywood has to offer. Hundreds if not thousands of dedicated men and women working tirelessly to hand out awards that are the pre-cursor to the big daddy of all entertainment awards, the Oscars. Right? Wrong!

The HFPA is a non-profit organization of somewhere around 90 international journalists based in Hollywood whose purpose is to disseminate information about film and television to a world-wide audience. 90 JOURNALISTS! Are you kidding me? These 90 men and women are the only voices and votes for an award as seemingly important as the Golden Globes? Now don't get me wrong. The HFPA does some fine work, I guess. In 2005 they donated $1 million to various arts and cultural programs around the world in an effort to further the advance of the film and television. They also donated $250 thousand to the Red Cross. That's mighty white of them.

Where do they get the funding for their charitable work, as well as the funding needed to run the non-profit organization, you may ask? Well, they receive a sizable licensing fee from the networks to run their annual event...the Golden Globe Awards. They also receive licensing fees from various cable networks for allowing them to report from the red carpet. Hm-mm. So let me get this straight. The HFPA (all 90 of them) collect licensing fees from an award show that they run in an effort to award excellence in a field that is already swimming with too many awards. And they give out those awards in the award show that they sponsor, which in turn provides them with the revenue that they need to keep handing out awards the following year? Holy self-sustaining stroke-fest, Batman! And I thought I used to get confused with The Terminator and all of its time-line questions. Wait...how was John Connor born if he needed to send his own father back in time to be with his mother in the first place, and, and, and...system failure!

This is bogus, my friends. It's just another example of mutual masturbation that the media machine that is Hollywood has fashioned out of thin air. It made me sick to read about this, and if I ever see another weepy, blathering idiot of a winner (like Felicity Huffman ~~this year~~ back in 2006) crying about how this is the greatest night of their lives I may actually vomit on my television screen. "You really, really like me...all 90 of you! You really, really like me!" Actually, it's possible that only 25 of the members liked you, honey. Or whatever number of voters that is needed to beat out whomever came in second place. What a piece of crap award this is!

Once again, feel free to applaud the charitable work that the HFPA does. But let us not kid ourselves. Most of the money isn't going to help poverty and starvation in Africa, or to help relief efforts in ~~India~~ Haiti. No, most of the money is handed out in the form of financial grants to cultural institutions to help further their own causes. There is some good stuff in there, but most of it isn't of the do-or-die type of relief.

You can find out more about the HFPA on their website, that is if you can stomach it. Me...I'm done with this award show in the future. I always thought that some of the choices were a bit odd (C'mon...have you seen Geena Davis in "Commander in Chief"?), but I always thought there was some kind of integrity about the awards themselves. I don't know what goes into the voting for the Academy Awards, and I'm sure it ain't perfect. I just don't know if I have the heart to do any research on that right now. Sigh.

Oh, and if you were wondering why I placed a picture of the stunning ~~Scarlett Johansson (decked out in stunning scarlet, thank you very much)~~ ~~Christina Hendricks~~ Sofia Vergara at the top of this article, it wasn't so that we could make some blatantly obvious double entendre about the Golden Globes and her outfit. I just think she's got some nice hoo-has.

Hi. How are you?

2012-01-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

I was reprimanded by a dude who smells like a wet dog yesterday for abandoning ye olde Verdant Dude since the holidays. That wasn't my plan. Nor was I planning on a specific timetable for rejoining South Blogistan. I guess his little nudge worked because here I am.

Now what?

I hope everyone had a healthy and wonderful Holiday season. Mine was a bit fragmented. Gia went down to Charleston to see her family before Christmas, but I stayed local to see my family. But I made it down to SC in time for New Year's Eve and Day, so we just celebrated double then. All good. We've both been back for about a week now, but we still haven't really settled into a routine. Other than watching Sons of Anarchy marathons every night.

Much like me with this here blog.

I didn't make any New Year's resolutions. They never work out too well for me. But I have promised myself that I would do my best to move forward. Move forward from what? Well...everything. Work, family, life. A lot of times I get into these ruts where I just remain static. Or worse, I start back-tracking. So a generic "move forward" is something I am striving for in the new year. Let's see how that goes.

I hope I can fill this space with interesting posts, or at least posts that don't make you want to vomit. That's a thin line I'm constantly walking here. I'll also try to post some more on our collaborative food blog. I just posted a little something over there yesterday. Then there is the radio show. Now that the holidays are over, hopefully we can get back to a regular schedule in the Cornfield. I'm wondering if Sunday nights aren't really the best time for this thing. I'll keep you posted.

Other than that...I got nothing right now. I hope you are all enjoying the New Year!

Oh, one more thing. I got this package of old photos from when I was a kid over the holidays. I may post a few of them here and there. Below is one of them that I sent to a friend and she did some kind of clip-art thing with it. It was from a cell phone picture that I took of the original, so it's not very clear. Except, of course, for the rugged good looks.

Behold The Verdant Dude at age 6 or so in all his glory!!!

Charlie Bucket called...he wants his hair back.

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

2011-12-30T00:01:00.000-05:00

Great article today from scribe Joe Posnanski about Babe Ruth and The MVP Formula. But, as usual, my favorite part of the thing has nothing to do with baseball at all. He compared something or other to an episode of Bewitched, and then...as he does...he had to include a Pozterisk. What's a Pozterisk? I'll let Joe explain:

Pozterisk (PAHZ-tur-isk), noun. An aside that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything but is thrown into the middle of the story because the author thinks it’s funny.

See? He named it after himself because of his extremely heavy use of them. So anyways, here was Joe's Pozterisk about Bewitched:

*My daughters have taken a sudden liking to the show "Bewitched." And it reminds me of something that has always bothered me -- was Darrin insane? I say yes. He had a wife that looked like Elizabeth Montgomery and could do pretty much unlimited magic. She constantly wanted to use that magic to HELP him. And he basically yelled at her a lot and told her to STOP using that magic and become a suburban housewife? Huh? … The question goes double for Larry Hagman in "I Dream Of Jeannie?"

I've always thought the same thing. Fools.

Image source

Bennington Claps

2011-12-28T20:34:00.000-05:00

Here's out youngest cat doing his most special trick. He sits on his haunches, and...well, he claps.

Usually at nothing at all. Something he sees floating in the air. Something outside the window of our bedroom. We've even spied him doing it while looking at himself in a mirror. So odd.

But he will also clap on demand. When food is involved. Check it below or go to Youtube here.

Bennington Claps for Food from BE Earl on Vimeo.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-24T13:25:00.001-05:00

The Pogues and Kristy MacColl doing Fairytale of New York. Have a great one everyone!

H/T Savannah Marsh Mama

See ya after the holidays!

2011-12-22T00:08:00.002-05:00

We had a freakin' blast of a time on Just Talking to the Cornfield Wednesday night. You should'a been there. Or maybe you were. Either way, you can catch a replay on Talkshoe or iTunes. I actually may have been semi-coherent for the show, but I'm not sure. A half a bottle of bourbon can play tricks on your mind.

So the next week and a half are gonna be busy. Gia is down in Charleston with her family for Christmas. I stayed up here to look after the cat harem and see my family for the holiday. But I'm heading down there for New Year's Eve and Day. It's gonna be off da hook. And I'm gonna be REAL busy with work during this whole time. Year-end gets a bit nuts in my business. It is what it is.

With all that, I may not be blogging that much until the second week of January or so. But that's okay. You're a little sick of me anyway, right? RIGHT?

But I'll still be reading and commenting every once in a while. So don't you go changing.

Bottom line...Seasons Greetings, everyone! Have a great Holiday season!

Happy Holidays from the Cornfield

2011-12-21T00:01:00.000-05:00

Join the Colonel and I on Wednesday, December 21st at 9PM EST for a special Holiday Edition of Just Talking to the Cornfield.

It's all gonna be about the Holidays. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Saturnalia or another of the Winter Festivals or holidays. Or if you just want to hear a couple of idiots ramble on about holiday food, holiday booze and/or holiday films.

We plan on sharing the pulpit with some very special guests as well. So it will surely be an episode that you won't want to miss.

Photo source

Baron Ambrosia

2011-12-16T00:01:00.000-05:00

Those of you outside of the NYC/Metro area may not have heard of Baron Ambrosia. Hell, I live nearby and I had never heard of him until Wednesday night. Now...everything has changed.

Who is he? Well, he's the screen alter-ego of NY filmmaker Justin Fornal. What is he? That's a much harder question to answer. Equal parts pimp, vampire, Anthony Bourdain, Kid Rock and William Shatner. He hosts a cooking/travel show called Bronx Flavor on local public-access television. A "quaffer of culinary consciousness" as he likes to say. It's kind of like "No Reservations", but with much shittier production values, campy bits and the Baron's odd and over-the-top voice-over.

I may get sick of it very quickly, but it also may be MY FAVORITE TELEVISION PROGRAM OF ALL-TIME!!! And I've only seen one episode so far!

Check it out on the website for full episodes. All I can think of is that line in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas about Dr. Gonzo.

"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." - Raoul Duke

Here's a clip of the opening credits. It's just...so odd. I can't look away.

Behold

2011-12-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

Just my opinion, ya see. Yer entitled to yer own.

Source: someone on the Internet...sorry.

Let's Try This Again

2011-12-13T00:01:00.000-05:00

Didn't get a lot of response from this last week, so I figured I would give it one more try. If there still isn't any interest...well, then there is no interest. And we'll just move along. However, I'm all for giving folks a second chance. Unless they do icky stuff with kids, I mean. Those people can burn in Hell, although I would prefer to see them burn here on Earth. Instant gratification and all. Where was I? Oh yeah...have at it! - Earl

_____________________________________________________________

So....one of the ideas that my co-host had for Just Talking to the Cornfield in the off-season was to have a show specifically dedicated to Christmas food and recipes. Which is odd, because he's Jewish. But I think he meant the "holidays", in general. Not just Christmas. Or he just hates his heritage. Let's move on...

Besides, I don't really know what Christmas food is anyway. In my family, we basically just did Thanksgiving all over again on Christmas Day. Maybe a spiral ham in addition to a turkey. I just don't remember anything memorable about Christmas or Christmas Eve dinner. I know some of my friends of Italian descent do the whole Seven Fishes thing on Christmas Eve. I don't know what that is about. Sounds good though.

Here's my thought. We are gonna do a show sometime in the next two weeks about Holiday Food including recipes and suggestions. You can be a part of it. Either by joining us during the broadcast (I'll let you know when that will be), or by commenting here with your suggestions or recipes, or by emailing me your suggestions and recipes to babyburke at aol dot com.

I'll then post all the recipes and/or suggestions to our collaborative food blog after it is all said and done for everyone to enjoy. What do you think?

Do it to it, peoples! FUN!

Christmas Giving

2011-12-12T00:32:00.000-05:00

I dig Christmas.

I dig Christmas music.

I dig Christmas movies.

I dig giving and receiving Christmas gifts.

I hate Christmas commercials.

Especially the ones where a husband tricks his wife into thinking the small box he is giving her is a piece of jewelery, when it's actually the keys to a brand new BMW parked with a huge honkin' bow in their snow-swept driveway.

Have you ever given a car to a loved one for Christmas? Has anyone in your family? Has anyone you have ever met done it? Has everyone anyone in your family ever met someone who has done it?

I fucking hate those commercials most of all.

But I dig Christmas itself. That's something.

You're So Mean

2011-12-09T00:01:00.000-05:00

Best song ever...or BEST SONG EVER! Don't even argue with me. Seriously.

Precious

The Pretenders

I LIKE THE WAY YOU CROSS THE STREET 'CAUSE YOUR PRECIOUS
MOVING THROUGH THE CLEVELAND HEAT HOW PRECIOUS
TAKING RIDES AND ALL THE KICKS WAS SO PRECIOUS
BUT YOU KNOW I WAS SHITTIN' BRICKS 'CAUSE I'M PRECIOUS
MADE ME WANNA,
MADE ME WANNA,
YOU MADE ME MAKE IT
OH, YOU'RE SO MEAN
EAST 55TH AND EUCLID AVENUE WAS REAL PRECIOUS
HOTEL STERLING COMING INTO VIEW HOW PRECIOUS
IT'S A PITY THAT YOU BRUISED MY HIP 'CAUSE I'M PRECIOUS
YOU SHOULDN'T LET YOUR MANNERS SLIP YOU'RE TOO PRECIOUS
MADE ME WANNA,
MADE ME WANNA,
YOU MADE ME MAKE IT
OH, YOU'RE SO MEAN
WE WENT AROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND THESHOREWAYWE WAS A DUET DUET DUET DUET DO IT ON THE PAVEMENT
OH MAYBE MAYBE I'M GONNA HAVE A BABY
WE WAS A DUET OH WE DO IT ALL NIGHT

I WAS FEELING KIND OF ETHEREAL 'CAUSE I'M PRECIOUS
I HAD MY EYE ON YOUR IMPERIAL YOU'RE SO PRECIOUS
NOW HOWARD THE DUCK AND MR STRESS BOTH STAYED
"TRAPPED IN A WORLD THAT THEY NEVER MADE"
BUT NOT ME BABY I'M TOO PRECIOUS I HAD TO FUCK OFF
MADE ME WANNA, MADE ME WANNA, YOU MADE ME MAKE IT
OH, YOU'RE SO MEAN

Holiday Food Ideas/Show

2011-12-07T00:03:00.001-05:00

Treeman

2011-12-06T00:01:00.000-05:00

Forgive me if you've seen this one already. It's been making the rounds on Facebook, according to Gia. Her musician friends all love this guy. All I know is that this video made Gia laugh harder than I've seen her laugh in years.

I love his accent and the way he punches himself in the hand when he can't get the notes right. This guy needs to be a star. Even if he IS the world's angriest guitar player.

Jazz in the Cornfield

2011-12-05T00:01:00.000-05:00

Last night we were all over the place in the Cornfield.

Usually one of us sets an agenda and we do our best to not stick to it. It's like a game where everyone loses. But I was too lazy to set a proper agenda this week for us to ignore. So we did a free-form, stream of consciousness thing. Just talked about whatever came across our tiny minds. Which included:

Christopher Walken impersonations. Bad ones.
The TV show Taxi. Slow down....
The actor Peter Coyote's birth name. It's Rachmil Pinchus Ben Mosha Cohon. He's Buddhist now.
Jazz. And our inability to really understand it.
Joe Frazier, Muhammad Ali, Miguel Cotto and Antonio Margarito.
The Odd Couple. "We're out of Cornflakes - F.U."
Baseball Wives. It's a train wreck.

And it just got odder from there.

Check it out on Talkshoe or iTunes, if you have an hour and forty-six minutes to kill.

SALTALAMACCHIA!!!

Old Man Winter

2011-12-02T00:01:00.000-05:00

Rears his fugly head.

Who is that lady in the background?

I like to layer my clothing in the late Fall/early Winter months. Sue me.

Holiday Films in the Cornfield

2011-11-30T10:28:00.001-05:00

I'm being ultra-lazy today by making you do all the hard work for me.

We have a little internet radio show, and the initial idea was that it was going to be about 50% baseball and 50% other things that interest us. Movies, TV, food, booze, etc...

But we love baseball so much that it often becomes difficult for us to include the other things we love. Back before Halloween, we did a special show where we only talked about horror flicks. No baseball talk at all. It was loads of fun.

In the coming weeks, we are going to incorporate more topics like food and booze as we see fit, but specifically we are planning a Holiday film episode a few weeks down the pike. Just Holiday film reviews. And here's the thing...I don't know that many Holiday films off the top of my head. Here's what I got:

It's a Wonderful Life
Miracle on 34th Street
White Christmas
Holiday Inn
The Nightmare Before Christmas
Elf
Love Actually
A Christmas Story
A Christmas Carol (or any of the remakes)

That's all I can really think of. I left out some that I didn't enjoy like The Santa Clause or Jingle All the Way. I left out others that I did enjoy that I don't really consider Holiday films like Home Alone or Die Hard. Just because a film is set during the holidays, doesn't make it a Holiday film. (Although one could make an argument for Home Alone)

So I'm asking you, dear reader, what is a really good Holiday film that I need to see and enjoy? I'm looking for some suggestions so I can add them to my list and maybe review a couple of them during that show I mentioned previously.

And if Christmas isn't your bag, and your faith's holiday has a good flick, throw that in as well. That's why I refer to them with the PC-tag "Holiday" instead of Christmas. But, for the life of me, I can't think of one Hanukkah, Eid, Saturnalia, Yalda, etc... film. So if you know of any, this is the place to enlighten me.

Movie Review: The Shrine (2010)

2011-11-29T00:01:00.000-05:00

Just because we are done with the Halloween season, doesn't have to mean I'm done with horror flick. Nope, I watch those year-round. The latest and one of the greatest is this nasty little flick called The Shrine that I found on Netflix.

The film starts off with a young man who appears to be ritualistically killed by satanists or something. It's a great opening that brings back memories of those old 60's and early 70's Hammer films, the non-vampire ones. Actually, the entire movie is like a love letter to those old satanist cult films that I loved so much as a kid.

A journalist and her two friends go to Poland to see if they can solve the mystery of the missing young man who was killed in the opening scene. They find a backwards town that could have existed at just about any point in time, but would have fit right in with those Hammer flicks I mentioned. And the townfolk don't want these Americans nosing around in their business. But there is this weird stationary fog that has settled over a part of the forest and they want to investigate it, so they do.

What they find is a creepy ass demon statue holding a human heart. Then shit starts to get real, or unreal to be more specific. I'm not going to give any spoilers because I don't want to ruin it for you if you intend on watching it, but the film really kicks into high gear after that.

Oh, and the filmmakers decided against giving us subtitles for the parts in Polish. This way we, the viewers, are as much in the dark as the American characters in the film. It's unsettling in a great way.

It's one of those small horror flicks that actually exceeded my expectations. Nothing historic, you understand. But it's pretty damn good. Check it!

Green Man

2011-11-28T10:28:00.001-05:00

I'm always looking for Green Man images for my blog and what-not. I just dig it. So my buddy, ever the thoughtful dude himself, sent me one that he found online somewheres that I can use during the holiday season.

Look for this one to be incorporated here sometime soon.

UPDATE: image credit Anne Stokes

Pretty cool, eh?

Ho ho ho, Holidude!

Thanks

2011-11-23T00:01:00.000-05:00

To these things, I give the thanks:

Our four cats. Gogo, Wolowitz, Bootsy and Bennington. They make us so happy nearly every day. I say "nearly", because happiness doesn't just happen every day. Sometimes they puke on the carpet and you step on it with your bare feet. Those days aren't so great.
Jim Beam. I love me some bourbon, and I love me some classy bourbons. But most times, I just want some plain old Jim Beam. Filet mignon is awesome, but a lot of times you'd rather just have a great burger. Jim Beam is that great burger. You know what I mean.
Baseball. I've been enjoying this off-season of baseball nearly as much as the regular season. Having the weekly radio show certainly helps. Being a fan of a team that you know is gonna spends some money to ensure a quality product is out on the field every day is an even bigger help.
Cooking. It both excites and calms me. I was a indifferent chef for most of my life, but now I try to inspire myself in the kitchen at least 4 or 5 times a week. Good for me, good for Gia, good for our health. It might be a more recent passion than booze or baseball for me, but it's just as important.
The Internet. Without it, I wouldn't be watching Breaking Bad or Mad Men on Netflix, boring y'all with this here blog of mine, wasting time on Twitter or playing silly games. I also wouldn't be finding as many cool recipes or friends or opportunities for...whatever. I never want to be unplugged again. Except for the times when I don't wanna be plugged in. Again, you know what I mean.
Tom Waits. I wasn't a big fan growing up, but I've really come to appreciate the man and his music. Whenever I'm feeling particularly down or up, Tom centers me. I dig that.
My family. This is the extended family I'm talking about. My family, Gia's family, our friends, our friends' families. It's all family to me. They are...the best.
All y'all. That, according to a Southern friend of mine, is the plural of y'all. Which, of course, is a plural expression. "You all". Hey, I don't try to make or break any rules. But all y'all are pretty damned special, and I appreciate the hell outta you.
My Gia. She is my world.

That's enough for now. I've got a lot more to be thankful for, but I'll save that for another time.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Make it your own. Fly your turkey freak flag.

Old

2011-11-21T11:29:00.001-05:00

Turned 45 this past Friday. Yeah.

Celebrated with Gia and our friends in NYC on Saturday with the following agenda:

Biscuits and coffee from Donna Bell's Bake Shop in Hell's Kitchen. Both were outstanding. I had bacon, blue cheese and parsley biscuit, naturally. Gia went with the pimento cheddar and chive variety. Each was the size of a baby's head. The service at the joint? Not so outstanding. We ordered 4 biscuits, a muffin and four coffees and we got 3 biscuits, the wrong muffin, 3 coffees and a 15-minute wait for them to brew the last cuppa. The place is tiny, but c'mon...they need to work on that.
Breakfast pitcher of beers (and bourbon) at Rudy's Bar & Grill. The best dive bar in NYC. We got there around 11:30AM, so the alcohol was indeed of the breakfast variety. I don't know what time they opened, but our bartender's shift ended at noon. And I've closed the joint past 4AM in the past. I think they pretty much close for a couple of hours, and start all over again. My kinda joint.
Took a walk downtown and stopped at a crummy Irish chain pub because one of us needed to pee. Wasn't me, by the way. Didn't stop us from ordering a round of Lutaks. We miss you, big guy!
We got hungry again, so we headed over to a sandwich shop on Broadway called No. 7 Sub attached to the Ace Hotel. Gia had done a mess of research about the best sandwiches in NYC, and this place consistently popped up. And they were awesome. I had a brisket hero with Chinese mustard, pickled jalepenos (replacing the mushrooms) and parsley. Gia went with the broccoli hero with Lychee Muchim, Ricotta Salata, and Pine Nuts. Equally as awesome. They are strictly a takeout joint, so we took our food to the lobby of the Ace Hotel which was an odd, wonderful experience. Drinks were ordered at the Breslin Bar located in the hotel, and we sat down for a nice meal. Did I mention the lobby was an odd experience? Packed to the gills with guests of the hotel and transients like us. Drinks were being had, job interviews conducted, seemingly lots of work going down...all this on a Saturday afternoon. Weird, but it was a great place to people-watch.
Our friends had to go home at this point, so Gia and I trudged on without them. First to some local bar whose name I don't recall. We were headed to the Flatiron Lounge, but it was still 15 minutes away from opening. So we ducked into this joint. Met some really interesting people there as well. But the Flatiron Lounge was the real gem. Great cocktails served with absolute precision by knowledgeable mixologists. A real treat.

We kinda called it quits after that. Headed back to Penn Station for the train ride home. There were a couple of more bars mixed in there, one at Penn while we waited for our choo-choo and one near our home. By 10PM, 12 hours after we got to the city, I was done. And feeling it very much the next day. I can't party like I used to.

The title of the blog post says it all.

Old.

On Human Error

2011-11-17T10:13:00.001-05:00

Go here to read Michael Lewis' (of Moneyball fame) great Vanity Fair article on Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman. It's utterly brilliant. The power and often failure of human intuition and reasoning. Good stuff.

Here's an excerpt:

In 1983—to take just one of dozens of examples—they had created a brief description of an imaginary character they named “Linda.” “Linda is thirty-one years old, single, outspoken, and very bright,” they wrote. “She majored in philosophy. As a student, she was deeply concerned with issues of discrimination and social justice, and also participated in antinuclear demonstrations.” Then they went around asking people the same question:
Which alternative is more probable?
(1) Linda is a bank teller.
(2) Linda is a bank teller and is active in the feminist movement.

If you answered (2), well...you aren't alone. In a poll conducted, 85% of respondents agreed with you. Once you really think about it, you will realize why that isn't the correct answer. Or just read the article to get smarterer.

See? It ain't only sandwiches and baseball here.

PS - But if you NEED the sandwich stuff, here it is. You are welcome.

Get Thee to the Greek

2011-11-16T11:28:00.001-05:00

Don't live a stone's throw from half a dozen greek joints where you can get a tasty, authentic gyro?

I feel sorry for you.

BUT...Fugs1 (aka Bill Mangini) is here for the rescue!

Well, not here...over there. With a recipe for homemade gyro sandwiches. Including a recipe for the Tzatziki sauce that goes with it. Yum!

Check it!

Over there now

2011-11-15T13:25:00.001-05:00

I'm not here, and probably won't be for the rest of the week. Well, I'm here, but not here...ya know.

Instead, I'm over there...talking about sandwiches.

Today: The Best Cuban Sandwich Ever! Check it!

Sandwich Week: Simmer, Sip, Share

2011-11-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

It's late on Sunday night as I type this, and I've had a rather sudden urge to write about my favorite food.

The sandwich.

A hero, a roll, a slice of pita or maybe just two pieces of bread. And something to put inside that bread. That's what I like. Gimme, gimme, gimme a great sandwich. And don't be half-ass about it. If it's gonna be tuna salad or egg salad, jazz it up a bit. If you want to make it as simple as bologna, how about fried bologna? All I'm saying is that I just don't want something hastily thrown together. I need some thought put into it.

This coming Friday is my birthday, and Gia wanted to know what I wanted. And, like every year, I have no response to that. I don't really need or want any kind of gift. I don't pine for objects I don't have. If I want something bad enough, I don't wait for someone to buy it for me. That's just been a part of my DNA forever.

So this year, I asked her to research the best sandwiches to be had in NYC. I'm taking the day off and we are going to head in early for breakfast at this bakery I've been dying to try. Then walk around some, maybe do some shopping, maybe have a beer someplace before heading to the sammich joint late in the afternoon to see what we see.

That's what I want to do on my birthday. Have an incredible sandwich experience. Insert gay joke from Slyde here. Yeah...he's THAT obvious.

Oh...so we've got this food blog called Simmer, Sip, Share going on as well. I've been a little lax with posting over there lately. So I've decided to make it Sandwich Week over there. I'm going to post once a day about a great sandwich that I've made or enjoyed. I encourage everyone who contributes to the blog (you know who you are) to join in on the fun, if they so wish.

Let's start off the week with this bad boy:

Yeah...that's a paper plate. Deal with it...

Looks delicious, right? Wanna know what it is? Well, you'll have to go here to find out. Heheheh.

Welcome to Sandwich Week!

Teeth

2011-11-11T00:01:00.000-05:00

This is my few favorite thing in my reader: Nature Wants to Eat You.

Tigerfish will fuck you up!

It's a Tumblr site, and a fairly new one. So there isn't a lot to peruse just yet. But what is in there will haunt your nightmares forever. THIS is why I sometimes hate nature. Because nature can have "great big fangs".

"Look at the bones, man!"

PS - Happy 11/11/11. Let's all do a shot of something at 11:11:11 PM, okay? Hell, let's do one at 11:11:11 AM for that matter! SHOTS!

5 Years Ago: The Verdant Dude Archives

2011-11-10T11:23:00.001-05:00

Got to thinking about this today from a post Alex Belth put up over at Bronx Banter. It's about the night I met Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft. And, um, told Sarah Jessica Parker that I loved her. Ugh. Read on, good fellows...

_______________________________________________________________

"Aww...that's so sweet!"
Sep 19, 2006 by B.E. Earl

Slyde's tale of his trip to NYC to see Martin Short's Broadway show made me think of my favoritist Broadway experience. Hang onto your socks...this is gonna be a long one. And I've told this story before (on Slyde's blog, I think) in short form so it may be repetitive. Oh well. Deal with it, beee-yatchs!

Now, I'm not a Broadway guy. I'd much prefer to hand over 10 bucks at the local movie theater to see a good film than sit through a Broadway play. Sometime, just sometimes, it's really worth it. This one time was more than worth it.

Before "The Producers" came out and became such a huge mega-hit, I had heard that it was being adapted for Broadway. I was/am a huge Mel Brooks fan so I was instantly interested. I also needed something to buy for my girlfriend at the time for Christmas.

So I went online to pre-buy tickets for the earliest show possible. There really wasn't a buzz for it yet as most folks didn't know it was coming. It wasn't Opening Night...it was actually the first "rehearsal" night in Manhattan, happening a few weeks prior to the official Opening Night. Cool.

When my friend Cristina found out about it, she asked me to try to score tix to the same show...which I did. Somehow I managed, three days later, to get the two seats right next to me and my girlfriend for her and her husband. Like I said...this was all pre-buzz, but I still found it odd that I could get those.

Anyway, we get to Manhattan some months later for the show and we do the dinner thing at Carmine's, drinks somewhere else before rolling to the show. The lobby was packed and we ordered drinks and settled in towards the rear of the lobby...back by the emergency exits. That's when we hear someone knocking on one of the exit doors to get in.

We didn't know what to do. Should we let someone into a sold-out first night performance of the show? After weighing our options we decided to open the doors. It was Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft!

MEL BROOKS AND ANNE BANCROFT! MRS. FUCKING ROBINSON!

They thanked us and we shook hands (I think I actually hugged her and she gave me a little kiss on the cheek...it's a blur) before they joined the party. I was dumbstruck! My friends Cristina and her husband then asked "Who was that woman with Mel Brooks?" AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH! I can't stand non-movie people!

So, if that wasn't good enough (and believe me I was high for two weeks after meeting them) the show was fantastic! Mel stood in the first row and conducted comically throughout. Hysterical! But it gets better...much better.

At intermission, we went out to the lobby to get another cocktail. As everyone filed in for the second half, me and my girlfriend stayed at the bar to finish our drink. I had to go tinkle so I told her to wait there and I would be right back. I turned around and there was Sarah Jessica Parker just standing there by herself. So I turned around and smacked my girlfriend to look over there at the Big Star. She was deep in conversation with the bartender so she didn't understand what I was saying. I didn't get that she didn't understand, so I just proceeded on towards Mrs. Broderick.

There were so many things I wanted to say. Her husband was awesome in the play...tell him I said Happy Birthday (don't ask why I knew it was his birthday on that day)...I love your show...I loved "Square Pegs". So many things!

All that came out was "I love you". I wanted to die.

But Sarah Jessica Parker, to her credit, was very kind. Instead of calling Security, she put her hand on my arm and said "Awww...that's so sweet!" with a great big smile on her face. I'm a fan for life because of that moment.

Epilogue: When I left her and went to proceed to the bathroom, I realized that my girlfriend didn't follow me over to the Big Star. I know had a decision to make. Do I A) go back past Big Star and tell girlfriend about her before I pee or B) not tell her and risk her almost certain wrath? I chose option A. So I snuck around Ms. Parker and whispered to girlfriend "Now act cool, but right now the only other person in the lobby is Sarah Jessica Parker". She responded by pushing me out of the way and running over to her screaming to put her in a bear hug in what was certainly the most un-cool act of hero worship ever witnessed. My work for the evening was done. Thank you.

Left Hook

2011-11-09T09:01:00.000-05:00

In the 70's, if you were a boxing fan, you were either a Muhammad Ali guy or a Joe Frazier guy. It was that simple. I was only a kid watching the replays of their titanic battles on Saturday afternoons on Wide World of Sports on ABC, but even I knew that. I was an Ali guy. The big, bold personality. The slick as lightning footwork. The flair, the drama...everything. Muhammad Ali was bigger than life, and Frazier was a hard-working pug with a tremendous left hook. Ugly to watch, but efficient as a bulldozer. The man never floated like a butterfly in his entire life.

But, as I got older and I became more aware of the everything that went down before and during these fights, I've become more of a Frazier guy. I'm sure he was no angel either, but the verbal abuse handed out by Ali against Frazier in that time now seems incredibly over the top and offensive. Calling him an "Uncle Tom" before their first epic battle. Then calling him "The Gorilla" before their third fight in the Philippines because it rhymed nicely with "Manila". These were things that hurt Frazier down deep for the rest of his life. And coming from a man who he respected and helped, both financially and otherwise, during the time he was stripped of his title in the late 60's. It was disgusting.

There was a social and political aspect behind these fights as well. Ali represented the younger folks. He refused to serve in Vietnam, and lost the Heavyweight title along the way because of it. He was hip, fun and socially relevant. Frazier wasn't any of those things. But he really wasn't the opposite either, as the media and Ali suggested. He just wasn't...Ali.

And then there was Frazier's boxing style, which I characterized earlier as "ugly to watch". Except it really wasn't. It was actually quite amazing. Head down, always moving forward, punches coming from everywhere, never backing down, smothering his opponent with his aggression. Mike Tyson had a little bit of that in him. Except that Frazier also had the wonderful left hook. One of the best weapons I've ever seen from a fighter. Quick and mean, full of bad intentions. It was a crippling blow that seemingly came out of nowhere.

I've still got a lot of love for boxing, especially the Heavyweights in the 70's like Ken Norton, Ernie Shavers, George Foreman and, of course, Ali and Frazier. But I also recognize it as a brutal, unnecessary sport that essentially kills these men before their times. Quite the conundrum, as some would say.

All that being said, I was much more saddened at the death of Joe Frazier earlier this week than I really expected. It was an odd left hook to the soul that I didn't see coming, naturally.

RIP, Joe.

source: NY Times

Twitter question

2011-11-08T00:01:00.000-05:00

Most of you blogiots are also twidiots, and I mean no disrespect by that. I'm a twidiot too. But I have a serious Twitter question that may or may not be awkward.

I've noticed some of you use websites/apps like Get Glue, Foursquare, Gowalla, etc... And you have them linked to your Twitter accounts. Checking in with these sites/apps (and I'm kinda guessing here) will generate a tweet to your Twitter stream. Right? Is that how they work? To broadcast to the Twitterverse where you've been, what TV show you've watched, where you've eaten. Things like that. Again, I'm not sure exactly how they work, but that's the general drift I get from seeing the generated tweets.

I'm curious as to why you use these sites/apps. What, exactly, are YOU getting out of it?

I mean, I can see when you've had lunch at McDonalds or breakfast at Denny's or whatever. Or that you've watched the latest episode of Glee with 75 others who've checked in. Or that you've unlocked some sticker of some sort for visiting someplace you haven't been before.

I don't really think about those tweets very much. They show up in my timeline all the time, but it rarely interests me. As I peruse Twitter, I usually skip right past them. I'm just not sure why you want me to know that you are doing those things. Not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information.

So, again, I'm curious as to why you are using these sites/apps. I'm a relative noob to Twitter. I only follow 56 feeds, and there are only 42 folks who follow me (42 people who must be bored to death with my Twitter lameness). Maybe there is something here that I am missing with this particular piece of social media. Maybe there are some really fun and interesting reasons to use these sites/apps. I dunno.

I honestly don't mean to put anyone down for what they are or aren't doing on Twitter. It's not my place. I'm just really curious about these things. Truly.

Holla back if you care to enlighten me. Thanks!

High Shelf Booze

2011-11-07T13:40:00.000-05:00

I'm digging Eilen Jewell, the self-described Queen of the Minor Key, lately. Another Pandora discovery. And not only because she sings about "High Shelf Booze".

But it doesn't hurt.

Dig.

High Shelf Booze

Eilen Jewell

If my man asks ‘bout what I’ll do
Now that he’s turned me loose
Tell him I’ve gone to meet all the girls
And drink all that high shelf booze

The high shelf booze, the high shelf booze
You won’t catch me dead with no blues
The high shelf booze, the high shelf booze
You won’t catch me dead with no blues

I always said I’d be his slave
Before I would be his dog
But it looks like he’s got me rambling ‘round
And sleeping in a hollow log

A hollow log, a hollow log
Sleeping in a hollow log
A hollow log, a hollow log
Sleeping in a hollow log

Well it’s one man on Sunday, another on Monday
Two on Tuesday afternoon
Easy come, easy go
You won’t hear me sing no lonesome tune

Easy come, easy go
You won’t hear me sing no lonesome tune
Easy come, easy go
You won’t hear me sing no lonesome tune

If I were Brian Cashman

2011-11-04T00:01:00.000-04:00

Note: Stop reading now if you aren't interested in the fantastical musings of a NY Yankee fan. It will be better for you and better for me. Slyde...don't even bother.

___________________________________________________

Here is my off-season plans for the Yankees, now that they have extended the contract of CC Sabathia and locked up the options on Robinson Cano and Nick Swisher. It's very simple.

Trade Nick Swisher. Yeah, yeah...I know they just picked up his option. And at $10.25 million, it was a very reasonable option. Yeah, this is a world in which $10.25 million is considered reasonable. But there is something very real to dislike about Nick Swisher. His game, his approach to hitting, is a very patient, wonderful thing. Until it's not so wonderful. He will not swing at a pitch that is an inch outside of the strike zone. Over the course of the season, that's a great thing that leads to a wonderfully high On-Base Percentage. But his game is over when confronted with an umpire that allows the outside or inside pitch to be called a strike. He is virtually useless in these contests. I, for one, would appreciate a hitter who can roll with the punches a bit more. Mark Teixeira is a similar type of hitter, but the Yankees are paying him a fortune for a number of years. So he ain't going anywhere. A hitter like Nick Swisher under contract for only one year is VERY attractive to the rest of the league at that price. Go get a decent starting pitcher right now. He doesn't have to be an 1 or 2 guy. He shouldn't be for Nick Swisher and one year. Or maybe go for some prospects, because I have an idea about SP coming a bit later. But the Yankees can get a decent return right now for Swish. They should do it.
Sign Jim Thome. My love of Jim Thome knows no bounds. And the man can still crush right-handed pitching. Having him as a part-time DH, along with Jesus Montero from the right side, is a great move. And a solid long-ball threat off the bench. Yankee Stadium. Short RF porch. Jim Thome. I'm smiling just thinking about it.
Sign Michael Cuddyer. Or Jason Kubel. Or Josh Willingham. I don't really care. Sign one of them to play RF in the absence of Nick Swisher. All three are underrated hitters and defensive liabilities. Sounds like Swisher to me. And all three will come with lower price tags than Nick Swisher. Not that the Yankees have to worry about money. They don't. But with the limited SP talent available in free agency, the combination of dealing Swish for a pitcher and signing one of these guys seems like a no-brainer to me.
Sign Dontrelle Willis. As a lefty specialist out of the pen. Yeah, I know...he's always been a starter. But as many analysts have pointed out already, he's no good in that role. BUT, he stymies left-handed hitters. Very, very well. This is a LOOGY you want in your pen right now. And the Yankees can afford to give him more than the league minimum to do so.
Release AJ Burnett. I like the guy. Honestly, I do. But he is a sunk cost and a hopeless cause right now. His roster spot can be put to better use. Sorry AJ. Bye.
Sign Yu Darvish and Hiroki Kuroda as a tandem. Darvish will be an expensive, long-term deal. The 37-year-old Kuroda will probably settle for a one or two-year deal. Pairing the young, inexperienced (in MLB terms) Darvish with the older, experienced Kuroda seems like a good idea to me. And a short-term deal for Kuroda is an ideal bridge to the two remaining Killer B's (Banuelos and Betances) in the Yankee farm system for 2013 and beyond. This is the move I'd be pushing for the most if I were Brian Cashman.
Re-sign Andruw Jones. Or another decent, cheap OF-type with the ability to play RF and/or LF. And be a strong right-handed hitting threat on the bench. I don't really care who it is.

So here is my Yankee Opening Day 25-man roster:

Russell Martin - C
Mark Teixeira - 1B
Robinson Cano - 2B
Derek Jeter - SS
Alex Rodriguez - 3B
Brett Gardner - LF
Curtis Granderson - CF
Michael Cuddyer/someone else - RF
Jim Thome - DH/bench
Jesus Montero - C/DH
Eduardo Nunez - INF
Andruw Jones - OF
CC Sabathia - SP
Yu Darvish - SP
Hiroki Kuroda - SP
Ivan Nova - SP
Phil Hughes - SP
Corey Wade - RP
Joba Chamberlain - RP
Boone Logan - RP
Rafael Soriano - RP
Dontrelle Willis - RP
David Robertson - RP
Mariano Rivera - RP
25th spot - another corner infielder (Chavez?) or UTIL type.

American Horror Story

2011-11-03T11:12:00.000-04:00

"No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill house, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for 80 years and might for 80 more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone."

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

You are gonna die in there...

Warning: very mild spoilers below

I've waited a few weeks to review the new FX series American Horror Story to give it time to fester in the cellar of my soul. Because that's where this oddball horror series belongs. In the cellar of my soul. Festering.

That's a good thing.

In case you haven't been watching, it's about a family who have moved from Boston to LA after an affair by the husband with one of his students, and the still-born birth of their baby. The two bring along their surprisingly frank and non-stereotypical teenage daughter with them. She's the most "normal" one in the family, even though she suffers from depression. The father is a psychiatrist, practicing out of his home.

They movie into an old restored mansion with a history. The house has seen so many deaths, mostly murders, that it has become a regular and popular stop on the Murder Tour. A bus tour celebrating locations of famous murders in the LA area. Yeah...you don't want to live there. Neither does this family after just a few short weeks. But their savings are wrapped up in the house, so they are going to have to sell it before they can move on. Hopefully while they are still alive.

Not a given.

The house some additional "residents" to speak of as well. And not just the ghosts of the murdered former owners and their visitors. Constance and her daughter with Down Syndrome, Addie live next door, but they seem to be tied to the house just as much as the specters. Always walking in un-invited. Especially Addie. One terrifying scene had Addie crawl from under the teenage daughter's bed after grabbing her ankle and singing "Trick or treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat!" on Halloween night.

Well, it was terrifying to me.

Then there is Tate. A young disturbed man who is receiving therapy from the father in the family. He's just as much of a fixture in the house as the overhead lights. And he has a healthy/un-healthy romantic interest in the teenage daughter. Something her father is not so keen on at all. Tate's backstory hasn't been fully told yet, but somehow he is tied to the house as inextricably as Constance and Addie.

Then there is Larry Harvey, my favorite character on the show. He's the horribly burned and disfigured former owner of the house. He has been released from prison after murdering his entire family because of an advanced case of brain cancer. Not sure that would happen in real life, because he is one crazy mother-fucker. His "dream" is to become a character actor in Hollywood, but he is really around to warn the father about how the house "told him" to murder his family...and for comedic effect. Larry is a hoot.

And don't get me started on the...thing living in basement. Or the dude in the rubber S&M suit who seems to be behind every door. Imagine an even more evil version of the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. Around every dark corner of your house. Yeah.

This show is creepy as all hell.

Dig.

See ya, NCIS

2011-11-02T00:16:00.002-04:00

Shoulda done this a long time ago, but NCIS...I'm breaking up with you.

I haven't been really enjoying it for a couple of years now, but I've been watching it out of habit. It's fucking terrible. But it was like comfort food or comfort television, if you will. Something to put on in the background while I'm doing something else. It's really fucking terrible.

I feel like the only reason I hung in this long was my awkward crush on Pauley Perrette. But even she (and her character Abby) are starting to wear on my last nerves.

Last week's episode was the final straw.

They introduced a new love interest for the elderly Dr. Mallard (David McCallum), played by Cheryl Ladd. The homicide of the week looks like it was turning into a serial killer case. And Ducky, Dr. Mallard (get it?), was having mixed feelings about how exciting his job was. Or at least he was having mixed feelings about sharing his excitement with his new lady love. She seemed...oddly into it.

No. They weren't going to make Cheryl Ladd a serial killer, were they? Nah. That would require several weeks of character and plot development. Plus the modus operandi was ridiculously complicated. Getting someone drunk, getting them to a remote location, getting them to take ecstasy, tying them up, then getting them to drink enough water to kill them because ecstasy makes you thirsty. What? There were way too many problems with that.

Yet, that's exactly what they did. And, although Mark Harmon's character did figure out that she was the killer, she basically just confessed to Ducky when he demeaned the actions of the killer. She wanted him to be impressed by the killer, ya see?

Ugh...it was the most ridiculous hour of television ever produced. And yet it wasn't that much worse than every other episode that I have been trudging through. It just sucks.

Officially deleted from my DVR queue. Goodbye, NCIS. Forever.

Asshole Cat Part Duh

2011-11-01T00:01:00.000-04:00

Remember when I told you about how much of an asshole this guy is?

He's only cute when he sleeps

Well, he has taken his morning routine of waking us up to entirely new levels lately.

You see, he used to just jump on us, meow, jump up by the window shade, rattle that, meow some more, knock some shit off the side table and then meow some more.

But Bootsy is the Terminator cat that is going to be the end of us all. He's a learning asshole cat. He's actually figured out our technology. And he's using it against us.

We have one of those iHome clock radios. You know the kind, it's got a dock to charge your iPhone or iPod on top. Other than that...it's pretty much a regular clock radio. And Bootsy has figured out how to work it.

I'm serious.

He turns the radio on and off. We adjust the volume lower, but he has figured out how to fix that issue too. He also knows how to turn the alarm off and on. My favorite thing, and by that I mean my least favorite thing, is that he has learned how to set the alarm so that it goes off in 2 minutes.

I'm serious.

He sets the alarm for two minutes in the future. I don't even know how to do that! How the fuck has our cat figured out to set a fucking alarm?

He's such an asshole.

Boo!

2011-10-31T00:01:00.000-04:00

I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween today. It's the one day of the year when I really wish I were a kid again. My favorite holiday.

I've posted this before, but it's sooo good and creepy and fun that I have to post it again. It's called "Season's Greetings" from creator Michael Dougherty. It stars little Sam (short for Samhain), a little trick-or-treater who is being stalked by a bad man. Sam was seen again in Dougherty's Trick 'r Treat, one of my favorite horror flicks of all-time. Check that one out on Netflix Instant if you haven't already. It's a gas and a half.

Season's Greetings, everyone!!!

Movie Review: TrollHunter (2010)

2011-10-30T03:29:00.003-04:00

Ever since The Blair Witch Project, or The Last Broadcast from the year before if you prefer, horror and found-footage have been a match made in Hell. Sometimes they are done really well. Take [Rec], for example. Sometimes they are done really poorly. Take Diary of the Dead, for example.

TrollHunter (or The Troll Hunter) is an example of the former. A whole heap of subtitled Norwegian fun. And who knows more about fun than Norwegians? They invented Black Metal, fer crissakes!

So there seems to be a bear poaching problem in the wilds of Norway. And some teenage film students are going to find out who is behind it all. They've got a good lead on a loner hunter driving a Land Rover. He's the most likely suspect according to some local hunters with proper bear kill licenses. So they start to follow him around to see if he is, in fact, the perpetrator.

What follows is some good, old-fashioned, mythical fun. The hunter is actually working for the government. The TSS, Troll Security Service. They control the troll populations in the remote forests and mountains of Norway. Sometimes it involves blaming the resulting livestock carnage on rogue bears that they plant at the scenes of destruction. The film actually does a pretty good job of taking seemingly normal, everyday events and blaming them on troll activity. Bridge down? Troll. Russian backpackers found killed? Troll. Small seismic disturbances? Big troll.

It's not nearly as ridiculous as it sounds. I know, but really.

The thing is, it's all done very professionally without taking itself too seriously. Even though that's the general premise of found-footage horror films. They HAVE to take themselves seriously to bring the horror. But here the filmmakers...well, c'mon...it's trolls! They know how ridiculous that is, so they have a little fun with it. From the first time the hunter yells "TROLL!!! RUN!!!", you know you are in for a good time. The kids knew it too. Until shit starts to get real.

The trolls themselves look a bit ridiculous, but not too bad considering the nature of the beasts. And there are several genuine shock/horror moments thrown in for good measure. The backstory is also handled very well. About as plausible as you can imagine for a movie that wants the viewer to believe that trolls are real.

I dug it. So will you.

My NetFlix Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

The Shape

2011-10-29T20:05:00.002-04:00

Nick Castle
Dick Warlock
George P. Wilbur
Don Shanks
Chris Durand
Brad Loree
Tyler Mane

What do these seven actors have in common?

Thrill me.

Movie Revew: Blood River (2011)

2011-10-28T14:44:00.000-04:00

Another "find" in the Netflix Instant horror vaults.

And another sparse, simple tale of a dysfunctional family and a stranger who wanders into their midst. This time it's a couple through the Nevada desert to visit her family. She's pregnant with their child, with a child from another man left at home for the trip.

After a night at a roadhouse/motel in the middle of nowhere, they head out only to have a blowout about 50 miles from the motel. And 5 miles from a dead town in the middle of the desert called Blood River. And about a billion miles from somewhere where anyone wants to be. Soon enough they are joined by counter-culture cowboy Joseph. An ominous man who claims to have run out of gas somewhere down the road. But he was at the motel the night before, and dead bodies have been left in his trail.

So you see where this is going. Except for suddenly when you don't. It's when this classic serial killer tale turns into something else entirely.

And I got to tell you, I wasn't too thrilled when it did. I was kinda enjoying the tension between the corporate couple with the child on the way and this dangerous drifter. I wanted to see how THAT film was gonna play out. Even if I had seen THAT film many, many times before.

Where the film did head? Well...that kinda bored me, to tell you the truth.

And that's pretty much the last thing that you want from a horror flick several nights before Helloween.

Meh.

My Netflix Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Movie Review: The Bleeding House (2011)

2011-10-27T13:12:00.000-04:00

First of all, that's a terrible name for a film. Terrible. The literalist in me immediately imagined a house with blood pouring out of the window panes and door jams. After maybe an accident of some sort. A papercut, perhaps. Or a gift-wrapping incident. The Bleeding House? C'mon...

But there I was last night, perusing the horror genre on Netflix Instant, and the cover art for this one jumped out at me. Very simple. Red, black and white. Kinda creepy. I almost didn't even need to read the summary of the film to check it out, but I did. And I still went ahead. And I'm glad I did.

Imagine this: You are at home with your highly dysfunctional family in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio. Nighttime in Autumn is rapidly approaching. Suddenly a man knocks on your door dressed in a white linen suit and white fedora. The kind of outfit you would expect to see in a Tennessee Williams play. Oh, and he's carrying a beat-up old doctor's bag. You know, the kind of beat-up old doctor's bag that you would expect to see that character from that Tennessee Williams play carry. Oh, and he's being not-so-vaguely religiously creepy. He's got car trouble down the road, and the mechanic can't come until the morning. He's asking to be put up for the night.

Do you let him in?

OF COURSE YOU DON'T!! He's a creepy, religious dude in a white linen suit carrying a beat-up old doctor's bag! There's about a dozen reasons NOT to let him in the house at that point.

Guess what Mom and Dad of the dysfunctional family decide to do? Yup. And wacky hijinks ensue. And he goes on to say things like "I cut people" when they ask him what he does for a living. Followed by an explanation that he's a surgeon and some nervous laughter, all around. But at this point in the evening, I'm gonna start watching my ass around this guy.

It's a very simple film from there on. White Linen Suit, of course, is a bad guy, and he's gonna do bad things. But there is a twist with this family. Did I mention that they were dysfunctional? But that word doesn't begin to scratch the surface. And I don't mean that the twist is a great cinematic twist. It's not. You'll know what is going on with the family pretty much right away. But the way that it plays out is pretty interesting.

It's sparse and simple, but that's the way I like my horror movies sometimes. The best part of the film is the performance of Patrick Breen as White Linen Suit. He's both subtle and over-the-top at the same time as the villain. A really great turn by a really great character actor.

It's not a perfect film. Horror rarely achieves that level. But it was a nice, little movie. And by "nice" I really mean "vicious as all hell". And that's what I was in the mood for last night. So take this review with that particular grain of salt.

My Netflix Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Movie Night

2011-10-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

Holy shit!

Halloween is just a few short days away! And I haven't even figured out what I'm going as!!!

OK...I'm calm now. Halloween sure isn't the same when you are grown up without any interesting costume parties to go to. And no...I'm not asking for any invites. Thanks, anyway.

But I am excited for one thing these next few days. Horror movies. Lots of 'em.

I've already made sure to record some of the classics like Halloween, Bride of Frankenstein, Night of the Living Dead, etc.. Films I should already have in my library, except that I don't really have a movie library anymore. Those DVDs didn't survive the last move, and who really needs "hard" copies of films in this age of digital streaming? I can't tell you the last time I popped a DVD or Blu-Ray into the player. That thing just sits there like a...sitting thing. Yeah.

Well, anyway...I'm sure I'll be supplementing the fare that is playing on AMC and TMC and wherever with some new stuff on NetFlix or Amazon Instant. And I can't wait.

Horror movies. Yeah, that's what I'm in the mood for.

You?

PS - Oh, one more thing. I'm going to be reviewing them as I see them. So expect a bunch of posts in the coming days. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

Guilty Pleasures Redux

2011-10-26T00:01:00.000-04:00

After a long fight against a pre-Winter cold, I'm back. And meaner than ever.

Okay...maybe not.

But I am back, after missing most of the last week or so in the Blogosphere. Sure, a little Twitter here, a little commenting there. But it's not the same. I even had to miss the last episode of Just Talking to the Cornfield on Sunday night because I lost my voice after an ill-advised bout of drinking over the weekend. Well, it was probably the cold night air that did me in, but I think the booze may have had something to do with it as well.

Oh, I'll be reviewing the booze over here shortly. You are gonna dig it.

The Colonel and I were supposed to discuss some of our guilty pleasure films/books/tv/whatever on that episode. And we probably still will whenever we find time to record another show. We even share one in common that we were going to use as a discussion point. Notting Hill. Yeah, both of us are hopeless romantics at heart. Especially when the romance involves the world's most famous actress (as played by Julia Roberts...hehe), and an idyllic setting like the one in the film. Cry us a river.

But the ultimate guilty pleasure movie for most men I know is Road House. Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot, Ben Gazzara. An American rip-off of the classic kung fu films I grew up. Lone warrior wanders into a town that is persecuted by a powerful warlord. Distancing himself, at first, the warrior eventually falls for the town and its people and takes measures to bring down the evil warlord.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it. Happens with me.

Anyway.

So what are some of your guilty pleasures? Movies, books, magazines, trashy talk-shows, soap operas? What?

Hit me.

It's been too long...

2011-10-21T12:06:00.001-04:00

Since I've been down drinking at the bar.

Gia was sick all last week. Passed it on to me this week. But I'm thinking we are going to need to celebrate the end of this seemingly un-ending cold with a sad and wonderful night spent down drinking at the bar.

Yeah.

Down Drinking at the Bar

Loudon Wainwright III

Well, I call you up on the phone: nobody's at home.
Then I do my usual thing: I let the telephone ring and ring and ring.
I'm standing at a phone booth, coping with the ugly truth.

You see, I know where you are... I know where you are.
You're down drinking at the bar.

I can picture you there on that stool, drinking like a drunken fool.
Yeah, you're sitting there on your ass, muttering into your glass.
Paying for your lowlife thrills with wet quarters and soggy one dollar bills.

I know where you are, baby.
You're down drinking at the bar.

Dean Martin's on the jukebox, I bet.
Or maybe it's Tammy Wynette.
The tearjerkers are jerking your tears.
Salt water in your whiskey and your beers.
You've got the Miller High Life bouncing balls.
You've got the Utica Club waterfalls.

I know where you are, oh ho.
You're down at the bar.
You're down at the bar.

Go ahead get drunk, it's alright.
Lost weekend on a Tuesday night.
But I'm going to have to give you the score:
I'm not going to call you up on the telephone no more.
I'm sick and tired of listening to that phone ring 15 times.
I'm sick and tired of getting back my dimes!

Because I know what you are.
You're at sot, that's what you are.
I know what you are.
You're a lush.
You got a big red nose!

I know where you are, baby.
I know where you are...
You're down drinking at the bar.

These things

2011-10-19T00:01:00.000-04:00

Just in case you ever need to take care of me when I have a cold, I'm gonna need a few things:

Green tea with honey. It's oh-so-manly.
Some broth-based soup of nearly any kind. Chicken tortellini soup sounds about right.
NyQuil. Capital N. Small y. Big fucking Q. Original Green Death flavor is just fine.*
Sleep.
Lots of sleep.
Tissues.
Quiet.
A good book. Reading "The Collectors" by David Baldacci right now.
Pampering.
Warmth.
My hoodie skull pattern sweatshirt.
Plenty of episodes of Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Torchwood or anything else I haven't seen yet that is available on Netflix Instant.

And if you are a cat, you know who you are, please don't wake me up by sitting on my chest and yelling at me. That's very rude.

Actually, that last one applies to non-felines at all. Would hate to find this armless troll sitting on my chest in the morning. Ugh.

*h/t to Denis Leary, of course.

Yawn

2011-10-17T00:01:00.000-04:00

I love baseball. I really do.

But even I can't get excited about a World Series featuring the Texas Rangers and the St. Louis Cardinals.

I guess I should have a little more respect and admiration for the Cardinals organization than I do. They've been around forever and they've won more World Series than any team not named the New York Yankees. So a long and somewhat prosperous history.

They are also managed by a man who is a legend in his own time, Tony LaRussa. Some complain about his complex moves, lineups and pitching changes. But I side with those that say he manages the way he does to maximize the results of his sometimes over-matched teams. I know, I know...don't all managers run games like that? They should. Sometimes it seems like most of them are running the "Managing Major League Baseball for Dummies" playbook. Word for word. So I kinda dig LaRussa.

And they have the best player on the planet in Albert Pujols. Did you see his home run in the 3rd inning last night? That shit came in around shoulder high and he pummeled it out of the park. FAR out of the park. Amazing hitter, amazing player. So I guess I should be glad about that.

But I'm just not seeing any excitement coming from this series. Especially since it's gonna be on FOX, and I hate the announcing team of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver with the fiery fury of a thousand white-hot suns. They suck the joy out of the game for any viewer. But I'll probably still watch.

And I hope to be entertained.

I'm just not counting on it.

Just Talking to the Cornfield - New Episode Tonight at 9PM EST

2011-10-16T12:37:00.000-04:00

You know the drill.

The Colonel and I will discuss some baseball and some other stuff. Fascinating lead, right? Ugh...I suck at this.

Just listen in, okay?

Here's a better writeup from the Colonel in his weekly email reminder.

______________________________________________

So if you missed last week show, you missed Earl and the Colonel discuss some possible off-season moves for those playoff teams that were eliminated. But after another week of playoff games we now opt to get out of aggravation and frustration at the god-awful disastrous crews on TBS and Fox that are announcing the games. Its been so bad I yearn for Howard Cosell.

We also take a look forward at the World Series, and hopefully after tonight it was be fully decided who will play (GO CREW!!).

Finally, last week we tipped our junior high school cards a bit to talk about what movies 'moved' us the most in our younger days. Now, ugh, Earl would like to discuss what films or TV shows made us..... whimper. Get out your tampons folks!! Its what the Cornfield is all about.

See you at the Cornfield!!

Sincerely,

Earl and the Colonel

http://talktothecornfield.webs.com/

Buckets of Rain

2011-10-14T00:32:00.002-04:00

Bob Dylan wrote it. The lyrics...my God...the lyrics. Redbird did this awesome version of it.

Dig.

Buckets of Rain

Bob Dylan

Buckets of rain
Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets coming out of my ears
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand
You got all the love honey baby
I can stand.

I been meek
And hard like an oak
I seen pretty people disappear like smoke
Friends will arrive friends will disappear
If you want me honey baby
I'll be here.

I like your smile
And your fingertips
I like the way that you move your hips
I like the cool way you look at me
Everything about you is bringing me
Misery.

Little red wagon
Little red bike
I ain't no monkey but I know what I like
I like the way you love me strong and slow
I'm taking you with me honey baby
When I go.

Life is sad
Life is a bust
All ya can do is do what you must
You do what you must do and ya do it well
I'll do it for you honey baby
Can't you tell?

The Dark Side?

2011-10-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

I don't really need an iPhone. Then again, does anyone really "need" one?

Not only that, but I've never really wanted one. They seem shiny and bright and they make lots of cool noises. But I've always been a phone is a phone is a phone kinda guy. Even when I "upgraded" to a Palm phone about a year ago. It's not really in the same "class" as the iPhone or most of the Android phones, but it does everything I want it to do.

And lately, I've been find it does so much more. I've now got Pandora and Spotify running on it. Didn't even realize that was an option. And there is a iTunes app that I'm considering, although I don't really need it. The web browser is pretty fast too. Many times, Gia and I have looked things up at the same time on our devices. She, armed with her iPhone and iPad, me armed with my Palm phone. I dunno man...most of the time I find the answer, location, whatever first.

But now, Sprint has the iPhone 4S. I'm a Sprint loyalist. Not because it's any better than any of the other cell carriers out there. It's probably not. But because I've had little to no issues with them. That's been good enough for me for going on a dozen years now. And it's been a year since my last phone purchase, so my extra discount kicks in. I can get a new iPhone 4S for as little as $199.

If I want to.

I'm just having a hard time deciding if I want to.

My current phone isn't only good enough, it's MORE than good enough. There is a ton of useless crap that I can do with it now that I'm just not interested enough to bother with. Will an iPhone even be worth it for me?

So, for now, I'll probably pass on the iPhone 4S. I just don't think it's for me.

Besides, I kinda dig being an Apple curmudgeon. "Get off my lawn, you incredibly smart device that everyone else in the world loves!"

Mayhem

2011-10-12T00:01:00.000-04:00

I don't know what's the matter with me, but here I am posting again about a commercial series that I've really been enjoying. That makes it two weeks in a row. I don't even really watch commercials normally. But, like I said last week, I've been watching a lot of baseball and I don't change the channels during the breaks. Otherwise it's DVR and fast forward and see ya later.

The ads I've been particularly enjoying lately have been the Allstate commercials with Dean Winter (Oz, 30 Rock, etc...) as the personification of Mayhem. They are very reminscent of another ad campaign from several years ago from Traveler's Insurance where Richard Edson played the personification of Risk. I'm jake with that, though. I dig both actors. And I really don't care at all about Allstate or Traveler's. I just like the commercials.

Like this one, where Dean Winter personifies Mayhem personifying a raccoon (how meta is that?) living in the attic of a house. Just tearing shit up. Hilarious!

Or this one, where he has a bit of fun blocking a driver's side mirror. Yeah...blind spot Mayhem ensues.

And never again shall I mention TV commercials on this blog.

Until I see the next one that makes me laugh.

Date Night

2011-10-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

Lately, Gia and I have been trying to do a date night at least once a week. Maybe a movie, maybe dinner, whatever. This past Friday, our date night landed us at our recent favorite haunt in town. Got to meet the new owners of the joint, and enjoyed some delicious pub food. I had a fried pickle burger with swiss (as good as it sounds), and my woman had herself some short rib risotto. It all rocked so very much.

Then we headed down to a little sports pub that we've been frequenting lately to watch some of the MLB playoffs. Sure, the Yankees are out of it. But that just means I get to root for good baseball instead of my team. Lose some, win some.

As we were leaving, we heard what sounded like some live music coming from the restaurant that we ate at earlier. So we went to investigate. Sure enough, every Friday night they clear out one side of the joint around 11ish and a local band takes stage. The band that night was a reggae/ska/soul group called The Bluebeats. They were...really good. At one point they took a break from the reggae/ska and did what sounded like a Motown number. And the lead singer, a dude by the name of Mike Drance, really pulled it off.

Then they did a great version of Elvis Costello's "I Can't Stand Up for Falling Down". Well, Sam & Dave originally released it back in 1967. But I know it from Elvis, so that's that.

Anyway, I looked them up when we got home and I found out that Mike Drance was the co-frontman of my favorite ska band of all-time. The Scofflaws. I've written about them here before, a long time ago. He left the band right around the time that I was getting into them and ska in the early 1990's. But that's pretty freakin' cool. Makes me wish I had seen more of them back when he was skankin' along with the rest of the criminals (not really) in that band.

But he's still jammin' out with The Bluebeats, and that's cool enough.

I dig date night.

Here's a little Elvis Costello for ya. Enjoy!

Columbus Day Tidings

2011-10-10T00:01:00.000-04:00

Happy Columbus Day, everyone!

Really? Did I just wish everyone a Happy Columbus Day? What the hell are we celebrating today anyway? A Monday off from work?

OK...that works for me.

But I also want to give my boy Water Logged Canine a quick shout-out. Congrats on running and finishing the Chicago Marathon yesterday! 26+ miles. That shit is unbelievable!

Just Talking to the Cornfield - New Episode Tonight 9PM EST

2011-10-09T20:20:00.000-04:00

This is gonna be weird.

Here's what the Colonel has to say:

Hey folks,

So lets recap. Basketball is on strike, Hockey is for Canadians, and Hank Williams Jr., the guy who sings the theme song "Are You Ready For Some Football!!" for the NFL's flagship show Monday Night Football just compared Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler, and got fired. That leaves one major sport for us to enjoy. Lucky for you, we do a show devoted to it!!

This week on Just Talking to the Cornfield........

Episode Notes: So it's the playoffs, and a wonderful time indeed. Well, not so much for Earl. The Yankees lost. But the Brewers won, so the Colonel is psyched. Or psycho. Same difference. Join us as we discuss the near future of the Yankees, Braves, Red Sox, Rays, Phillies and Diamondbacks. Because they all just missed out on the next round, ya know. Oh, and for a bonus, we are going to discuss the hottest film scenes of all time. Find out what gave a young Colonel a miniscule boner. I've been waiting six months to type those words. Hehehe.

That's right. We want to discuss what changes we expect for the teams eliminated in the playoffs. We already have seen changes in the front offices, and that's just the start. Which players contracts are up, and which players will be targeted via trade or free agency??

And then........ we will be taking a left turn to discuss the hottest movie scenes of all time. It needs to be done. Love to hear your thoughts.

See you at the Cornfield!!

Sincerely,

Earl and the Colonel

http://talktothecornfield.webs.com/

Fuck.

2011-10-07T00:01:00.000-04:00

Rookie sensation Ivan Nova gave up two solo shots in the first inning, and then came out of the game after the second inning with forearm stiffness.

Fuck.

The Yankees load the bases in the 4th with one out, but Russell Martin and then Brett Gardner pop out to end the threat.

Fuck.

Detroit tacked on another run in the 5th off of surprise reliever C.C. Sabathia.

Fuck.

The strike zone was EXTREMELY fluid all night long. I'm pretty fair with the umps, but there were numerous occasions tonight when the Yankees got shit calls on borderline pitches, and I didn't see one time when Detroit was the victim of a bad call. Seriously, it was one of the worst strike zones I've ever seen. I don't mind an ump expanding the zone, but do it for both teams, fer crissakes!

Fuck.

The Yanks claw back with a Cano solo shot in the 5th, but they load the bases in the 7th with just one out. Again. And they only score one run. On a Mark Teixeira walk. A-Rod struck out with one out and Nick Swisher followed suit with two outs after the Tex walk. Way to go, heart of the order.

Fuck.

The Yankees get a mini-thrill in the 8th when Gardner singles with two outs and Captain Jeter sends one to the wall in right field. But it's easily handled by Detroit. Inning over.

Fuck.

Last chance for the Yanks in the 9th. Curtis Granderson and then Robinson Cano each fly out weakly to the outfield. That leaves it up to Alex Rodriguez. He who struck out with the bases juiced in the 7th with one out. Guess what happened? Yeah.

Fuck.

Let's have a ball and a biscuit, shuggah...

2011-10-05T00:01:00.000-04:00

I've been watching a lot of baseball on television lately, what with the playoffs and all. The games have been on TBS and TNT this week. And either they or MLB have paid a shitload to have Captain Morgan as a sponsor, because you can't get through one commercial break without seeing at least one ad for their famous spiced rum.

Not that I've minded. Actually, I've been enjoying this new Captain Morgan campaign, but I haven't been able to figure out exactly why. I drink Captain Morgan rum, but not often. I used to enjoy it with some Coke or ginger ale, but lately my palate prefers to substitute Jim Beam for it.

Anyway, like I said, I haven't been able to figure out why I liked the new campaign as much as I do.

Then Gia figured it out.

It's the background music. The White Stripes playing "Ball and Biscuit". A great throwback tune that reminds you of Jimi Hendrix or something. Is there anything that Jack and Meg can't freaking do? Check it live. And dig.

Second Verse

2011-10-04T00:01:00.000-04:00

You know the drill.

Three things:

1. You kids really lamed out on the Horror Movie Quote Trivia yesterday. Sure, some of the were pretty tough, but a lot of them were easy. Take another look and give it the college try. I hate to see you fail like this.

2. Talkshoe kinda shit the bed on us for this past week's episode of Just Talking to the Cornfield. About an hour in, we experienced some technical difficulties for no apparent reason. But we soldiered on, even though those present in the chat room told us that the audio went dead. We thought it might have been just an interface issue. Nope. The recording crapped out at that point, and for the last 45 minutes or so of the show we were left talking to...the Cornfield. We'll try to do make up for it next week.

3. Posted another recipe over at Simmer, Sip, Share tonight. A Corn, Bacon and Potato Chowder. So good it will make you forget how much you hate your significant other. Or yourself. I'm not your shrink, what do I know? Sheesh...

"Maybe we're at war with Norway?"

2011-10-03T00:01:00.000-04:00

Hey kids, since it's October and I haven't done one of these in a while I thought it was a good time for...

MOVIE QUOTE TRIVIA - The Horror Film Edition!

That's right. Here are a dozen quotes from horror films and all you have to do is guess the movie title. Get yer inner demons in line and see how well you do. There are two bonus quotes (in the title and in the label below), so there are 14 films in all. I'll update the post during the day with the correct guesses, and fill in the ones you don't get at the end of the day. Have fun, kids

______________________________________________________

1 - "God, I'd give anything for a drink. I'd give my god-damned soul for just a glass of beer." (The Shining - Sybil Law)

2 - "You'll simply never understand the true nature of sacrifice." The Wicker Man (original)

3 - "You know what I mean! What, you just get off a spaceship or something? Come on, Colombian gold, man. Hash, the grass, the weed, dig it?" Friday the 13th (original)

4 - "Oh yes, and this house will be here long, long after you have departed. You'll believe me." Burnt Offerings

5 - "That's my mother you're pissing on." Dead Alive (Brain Dead)

6 - "Darling, you can't rape a townie." Black Christmas (original)

7 - "A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, 'Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there.' And the man says, 'No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe.'" 28 Days Later

8 - "I don't have any friends and I like it that way. Being lesbian is just my security." The Faculty

9 - "When man meets a force he can't destroy, he destroys himself. What a plague you are." 30 Days of Night

10 - "Hey! Hey, Lonnie, get your ass away from there!" Halloween (original) I can't believe no one got this.

11 - "Charlie Brown's an asshole!" Trick 'r Treat

12 -"That old woman scares the piss out of me!" Pumpkinhead

Remember, they are all HORROR films. Or close enough. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

Title - The Thing (original)
Label - Dog Soldiers

Apropos of Nothing

2011-09-29T00:01:00.000-04:00

NOTE: I don't have the words right now to express how I feel about what happened in baseball last night. Simply put, it was the...BEST. NIGHT. EVER. More to come soon. Much, much, much more. - Earl

I just dig the song, yo. And I never heard of Sean Hayes, the musician, before. Score another win for finding cool shit on Pandora. He's an interesting-looking fellow, isn't he?

source: Wikipedia

Here's the tune in question. A jaunty little number (not) called "Fucked Me Right Up". Bonus points for having a potty mouth.

Fucked Me Right Up

Sean Hayes

Don't know that she knows
what it is she doing
Don't know that she knows
how deep this will cut
Can't believe you really think
We'll make it through this
You fucked me right up
Just fucked me right up

All alone
in a house that we were living
All that love
just walked out the door
She's off running around
with a brand new man
You fucked me right up
Just fucked me right up

I've got a long way to travel
with a heaviness taking hold
It takes a long night
when you unravel
a home

Don't know that she knows
what it is she's doing
Don't know that she knows
We are throwing it all away
Now tell me how you think
we're gonna make it through this
You fucked me right up
Just fucked me right up

Don't know that she knows
or even if it matters
The cut's been made
The dice have been thrown

What was our love worth
if it's something we could gamble
You fucked me right up
Fucked me right up

I got a long way to travel
with a heaviness taking hold
It takes a long night
when you unravel
a home

Goodbye
You fucked me right up

Winning

2011-09-28T00:54:00.001-04:00

I've got a deeply hidden competitive streak that I'm not very proud of.

Nobody likes losing, but I really hate losing. With a capital HATE. And it doesn't have to be anything important either. Playing ping-pong or pool or darts against a friend. I want to win...badly. I'm a gracious loser, and I don't have a lot of skill at any of those things. But I want to win...badly.

Back when I played a lot of golf, I would agonize for hours after a missed putt on the 18th hole that let a buddy of mine beat me in a round of golf. I had friends who could play the game and be happy with one great shot or one great round, but I usually was disappointed if I didn't come in with the low round of the group. I was disappointed a lot back in those days.

Back when I was in college a bunch of friends would play pick-up basketball games nearly every day. I hadn't played much basketball at home or at school before college, but I picked up the game pretty quickly. I couldn't jump for shit, and I was usually the slowest guy on the court. But I had good hand-eye coordination which meant I could handle the ball and shoot fairly well.

One of my friends had been playing ball his whole life. He played on various teams through junior high and high school. He was no star, but he could play. And whenever we got together, he always seemed to wind up on the other team. And when it came to matching up, he started nearly every game by guarding me. He was smaller than me, but he was strong and quick. I had a helluva time guarding him, and we battled. More than once, one of us wound up on the gym floor after a hard non-called foul or a shove to the lower back while trying to rebound. And afterward, win or lose, I was always exhausted.

Pretty much the only fights I ever got into in my life happened on the basketball court. And pretty much the only real injuries I've had occurred there as well. I had my shoulder dislocated badly, my ankles are shot from countless sprains. And one time I caught an elbow above my left eye that split open my brow and required a bunch of stitches. An elbow that was thrown with intention, by the way. Not by this particular friend. Well, not that time at least.

Frustrated one day, I asked him why he usually matched up against me during these games, and he laughed. He said it was because he knew that I was the only one on the court who wanted to win as badly as he did. And why bother playing if you weren't playing against someone who wanted to win as much as you? I didn't realize until then that sometimes I let my hidden competitive streak show as often as I did.

I don't play a lot of sports nowadays, and this post isn't really about golf or basketball.

It's just something that's been on my mind today for a totally different reason.

Man, I hate losing.

So exciting!

2011-09-27T00:01:00.000-04:00

So the Yankees lost to the Tampa Bay Rays last night. Which would normally make me sad. But the Red Sox also lost to Baltimore, which means that the Rays and the Sawx are now tied for the AL Wild Card spot with two days left in the season.

So exciting!

I was taking to a Boston fan the other day, and he mocked my joy over Boston's epic free-fall in the standings this month of September. He said that if I were honest with myself, the only reason I am happy is that I'm scared for my Yankees to face his Red Sox in the post-season.

Bullshit!

If there is any team in baseball I would want the Yankees to face in the postseason, it's the team that has shitting the bed in every possible situation when it counted most. And the Rays, with their awesome young starting pitching and the most creative manager in baseball? Nah...I wouldn't wish facing them in the playoffs on my worst enemy.

The only reason I am so happy watching the Red Sox flail about so pathetically is that I hate the Red Sox. That's it. Simple. And to see this team that was built to steamroll the rest of the league struggle is something that is putting a huge smile on my face.

Hey, they still might make the playoffs. I actually think that they will do just that. But this September has to be a horrorshow for the team and their fans. And call me evil...but I dig that.

PS - A similar collapse by the Atlanta Braves is happening right now as well. They lost to Philadelphia on Monday night, and St. Louis is tied with Houston right now as I type this. So there could well be a tie for the NL Wild Card with two games to go as well. This is nut! And so much fun! Un-fun update: Houston wound up beating the Cards in extra innings. So the Cards are still a game back from the Braves with two games to go.

Weekend Recap

2011-09-26T00:01:00.000-04:00

Here's a brief rundown of what I did over the weekend.

Friday night:

Took a hilarious picture of Bootsy sleeping with a big smile on his face. And we watched all the television shows that we had recorded from Thursday evening. Then Gia went to bed and I watched Fringe.

Saturday:

Went to the local Pickle Festival with our besties. You read that right. A pickle festival. And it was...glorious. Had a pickle on a stick and bought two bagfuls worth of pickles and related pickled...stuff. I wrote about it once before on this here blog. Way back here. Check it.
Then we all headed over to our new favorite local restaurant for a late lunch/early dinner. I reviewed the joint over at our food blog here. I knew what I was having before I even walked into the joint. A big burger smashed between two grilled cheese sandwiches. The server called it "the heart attack". But then the manager grinned and said, "If you want to do it up right, then add a fried egg and some bacon." Which sounded too good to pass up. Which I didn't. Neither did my buddy. It was absurdly delicious, and exactly what the doctor ordered. Well, not an MD, but you know... Here's what it looked like:

After spending about 4 hours at the restaurant (seriously), we headed back to the house for a mini-ramble and a sudden surprisingly awesome sunset. So sudden and surprising that I didn't get to take a picture of it. But it was really cool. Trust me.

Sunday:

Spent most of the day napping in bed. I had been fighting off a bit of a stomach issue for several days, and the excesses of Saturday certainly didn't help.

So was your weekend filled with as much whimsy as mine? More? You kids are awesome!

5+ Years Ago: The Verdant Dude Archives

2011-09-23T00:31:00.000-04:00

This weekend would have been my father's birthday had he not passed away back in 2003 from heart failure. I miss you, Dad.

Here's a post from the summer of 2006 back when I was still guest-posting on Slyde's blog. Have a good weekend everyone. - Earl

__________________________________________________________

Wish You Were Here
Jun 21, 2006
by B.E. Earl

Hey kiddies! Earl again with some mindless musings, musical mayhem, misty memories and magical mushrooms. Ok, no mind-altering substances here, but I was on an alliteration roll. Thought I’d contribute a little some-some for my buddy’s blog here on the first day of summer.

It couldn’t be a more glorious day here on Long Island. I finished up some work around 3ish in the afternoon and took a walk down to the beach where my sister had taken my nephew, Cavan. Not the most normal of names, huh? But it’s actually the county in Ireland where my mother’s side of the family came from, and my sister was kinda sold on it. My father’s side of the family came from County Cork, and I’m glad she didn’t go for that. Corky would almost be too much for me to bear as an uncle. I mean I’m rapidly approaching 40, but that doesn’t mean that I’m too old to laugh at a kid named Corky. Funny is funny.

Back to the beach in our story. Our local beach is right down the block from my mother’s house in Blue Point, NY. It’s affectionately known as Mommy Beach by the locals because of the preponderance of moms and their kids. There must have been a sign posted today, however, because Mommy Beach turned into Hot Mommy Beach! When I was growing up, I can’t recall actually thinking that any of my friend’s moms were attractive at all. These women today…whoa! Way to go, ladies!

I mentioned that my mother lives in Blue Point. This is also where I grew up, although I’ve been on the north shore of Long Island for about 8 years now. For those wondering why the name sounds familiar, it may be because of its relation to Blue Point Oysters. Back in the early part of the previous century, Blue Point Oysters were the best oysters in the world and they were harvested from the waters surrounding our little town on the bay. Sometime in the 1920’s or 30’s, however, salinity levels in the Great South Bay rose to a level that became toxic to our poor oyster population. Some say that this was caused by a hurricane that swept over our barrier beach (Fire Island), flooding the bay and neighboring beaches. Any time you see Blue Point Oysters on a menu today they are most likely from the north shore out of the Long Island Sound.

Now all that lives in our bay are clams, and the harvesting of those are strictly regulated due to over-harvesting and pollution. When I was growing up, it seemed like everyone had a relative who was a clammer. My brother and my brother-in-law each made some money by clamming. I heard that last year only five or six clamming licenses were even applied for on the Great South Bay. Its amazing how quickly man’s influences on our surroundings can get out of hand. It’s too late for our oyster population, but maybe one day we can see a resurgence of the clam population in the Bay.

As for the musical mayhem portion of our program, I heard a couple of songs on the radio today that I hadn’t heard in a million years. OK…at least since I was in college. "Echo Beach" by Martha and the Muffins, and "Summer’s Cauldron" by XTC. It’s absolutely amazing to me that good, rare music like this is still played on the radio someplace. The station that was playing them was WFUV 90.7 here in New York which is a member-supported public radio station, of course. I guess that non-commercial radio is the only way we are going to hear these gems outside of our iPods.

Finally, this past weekend was Father’s Day here in the US. I qualified that because I’m not sure if it is on the same date in other countries. I know from a friend of mine that Mother’s Day is located elsewhere on the calendar in the UK, so maybe it’s the same with Dad’s Day.

It was a bit of a somber day for me as in two weeks it will be three years since my father passed away from a long battle with heart disease. The last time that I saw him before his final heart attack (and subsequent hospital stay) was when I took him out for dinner the Wednesday after Father’s Day three years ago. He was watching what he ate because of his condition, but boy did he enjoy himself. He always said that his favorite times in his life were having a meal with his family. He always began each meal with smile and a soft-spoken “good to be together” when his children were around. We still do that on the occasions that the whole family gets together for a nice meal like we do on Thanksgiving Day or other holidays.

Three days later I got a call at home from my sister telling me that Dad was in the hospital again, and it really didn’t look good this time. He hung on for a few weeks, but it was still a shock when he passed. It’s still hard for me to believe that it has been three years.

At his gravesite on Sunday, I found myself wishing that our first 26 years together were a lot more like our last 10. We were always close, but we really became friends in that last decade, and I find myself missing my friend more and more as the years pass on. I think about the trip when took him on down to the Florida Keys, and I wish that we had done that more often. He said it was the best vacation he ever had been on. To quote Morgan Freeman from The Shawshank Redemption “I guess, I just miss my friend.”

With that in mind, I would like to wish a belated Happy Father’s Day to all the Dads and Grandpas out there, as well as to everyone else who has or had a father who was an important part of their lives like my father was.

Cheers!

Not Now

2011-09-22T00:46:00.002-04:00

Here is a brief list of movies that I want to see RIGHT NOW that aren't available on Netflix Instant, or should I just say Netflix. They are all films that I have looked for just in the past 24 hours.

No Country For Old Men
Mother
Or really any Albert Brooks movie besides Dr. Doolittle
Badlands
Eastern Promises
A History of Violence
Burn After Reading
Paths of Glory
The Natural
Sideways

I've seen them all before. Except for Dr. Doolittle. But, for some reason, I had a hankerin' to watch all of them again. And I can't. I mean, without paying Amazon or my local cable provider. Or sailing the seven seas. Sucks.

I can't remember the last time I checked to see if a movie was available on Netflix and it actually was available. Good thing they have a bunch of TV shows that we are in the middle of watching right now. Otherwise this 24 hours of searching fruitlessly might have been the end of our relationship.

I'm talking about Netflix and I.

You kids aren't going anywhere. Don't you go changing. Wink.

Small stuff

2011-09-21T01:06:00.001-04:00

They say you shouldn't sweat the small stuff. Or is that smell the ball stuff? I can never figure that one out. Yet here we are, dealing with the small stuff. In other words.....BULLETS!!!

I really don't get politicians. I mean, you might like Michelle Bachmann or you might...not like her. But for a person to have gotten as far as she has in politics, well...you have to respect her...savvy. You can see how difficult this is for me. What I don't understand is why she just won't apologize for the HPV vaccine/mental retardation comment. All she had to have said is that it was irresponsible for her to repeat an undocumented claim, and we all could have moved on. It's now going on a week and people are still talking about it. And she still hasn't said she was wrong. The fucking ego on these people. And by "these people", I mean all politicians. I'd have far more respect for any of them if they just admitted to fucking up every once in a while.
I see those photos of that teenager who caught an 800-lb alligator with a fishing rod and some kind of stick with a bullet on the end of it. And I can't help thinking that the wrong species won out in that fight.
Was it me, or were there a lot of gay soldiers running around on the Internet yesterday? Not that there is anything wrong with that.
Watched Bridesmaids last night with Gia. I thought it was funny, and a pretty good movie with some excellent performances. It just wasn't the "howl out loud laughing" flick I thought it was gonna be. Maybe I've just got the wrong plumbing downstairs.
The Fall Television season has started. I'm gonna try to be good and not add a bunch of new shows onto my DVR list. But Up All Night with Christina Applegate and Will Arnett is one that we are going to give a chance. Both of them are really funny people, and I hope it works out.
Speaking of funny television, the season premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia aired last week. And it was an awesome one! Alanna Ubach's crazy crack whore character stole every scene she was in. Amazing!

Is six enough for a bullet post? It'll have to be. I'm tired.

Guac and Roll

2011-09-20T00:04:00.000-04:00

I don't do fast food very often. We are trying to eat better, and the nutrition (or lack thereof) you get from your average fast food joint doesn't jibe with that.

But when I do, I generally prefer the burgers from Burger King over those from McDonalds. So maybe once a month or so, I get the hankerin' for a Whopper.

I'm also a guy who has claimed many times in the past that advertising really doesn't work for me. I don't really see something in an ad and immediately want that.

All that being said, the new commercials for the California Whopper at Burger King have been impossibly irresistible for me. Guacamole, swiss cheese and bacon. These are a few of my favorite things. I had to have me one. The only question would be when, not if.

When was yesterday for lunch.

How was it? Well, the guacamole was plentiful, but it was a bit bland and mild. The bacon was neither crisp nor tasty, but it did impart the necessary "bacon" flavor. The swiss was a nice touch, but it kinda got drowned out with the guacamole and bacon, even if they were both on the tasteless side. And the normal smoky flavor of the Whopper was drowned out as well.

Overall? It was pretty much what I expected. A sloppy, guacy mess. Which is fine. It was almost exactly what I wanted, sad to say. With fast food, you hope for the best and accept mediocrity. That's exactly what the California Whopper is...mediocre. Which, like I said, is fine.

Bad As Me

2011-09-19T00:01:00.000-04:00

Tomskat has a new album coming out on 10/24. "Bad As Me". I literally can't wait. Check out the title track down below here if the widget thing works. Dig.

Tom Waits - Bad As Me by antirecords

And for a little Waitsian perspective on new music releases in the Internet Age, check out his Private Listening Party/teaser for the new album. Dig times two.

5 Years Ago Today: The Verdant Dude Archives

2011-09-16T00:01:00.000-04:00

A buddy of mine who smells like a wet dog recently asked me to re-post some of my older stuff from this here old blog of mine. Back from when it was known as the Bug-Eyed Blog. And I thought it was a great idea. Mostly because I'm lazy, and this is easy blog fodder. So let's start a new semi-regular post here on the Verdant Dude. X Years Ago Today. With X being equal to whatever I happen to feel like at the time. And by semi-regular, I mean whenever the fuck I feel like it.

Here's one from 5 years ago, with added commentary in blue italics. Enjoy!

___________________________________________________

Cat Power

Sep 15, 2006 by B.E. Earl

One of the reasons I went to NYC earlier this week was to see the talented Chan (pronounced "Shawn", I believe) Marshall aka Cat Power play an early show at Irving Plaza.

Recent convert to the church of Cat Power, but damn is this one fine performer. Trying to describe her is like trying to describe your favorite bourbon. Husky, wood-smoked voice with trailer-trash beginnings aged into smooth honey-coated lyrics. She is an angel in blue jeans with a cigarette smoke halo. (I must have copied that from someone else. There is no way I really wrote that last line.)

Wow! New lady love (shiny!)* might have to watch her back! Not like me to wax poetic like that.

*For a while back there in 2007, I always referred to Gia as my shiny new lady love. Awww.

One complaint that I have is the crowd at the show. Besides scattered pockets of fun people, everyone else seemed to be watching as if zombie-fied. I know her music is a bit somber and smart, but she was having fun on stage. Smoking cigs and dancing around...having fun! The rest of the crowd treated each song as a dirge and acted accordingly. Not us! We danced and drank Rolling Rock out of cans! Yezzir!

Anyway, here is one of my favorite songs she performed the other night. If you ever get a chance to hear it, enjoy the tempo change towards the end of the song.

Lived in Bars
by Cat Power

We've lived in bars
And danced on tables
Hotel trains and ships that sail
We swim with sharks
And fly with aeroplanes in the air

Send in the trumpets
The marching wheelchairs
Open the blankets and give them some air
Swords and arches bones and cement
The light and the dark of the innocent of men

We know your house so very well
And we will wake you once we've walked up
All your stairs

There's nothing like living in a bottle
And nothing like ending it all for the world
We're so glad you will come back
Every living lion will lay in your lap
The kid has a homecoming the champion the horse
Who's going to play drums, guitar or organ with chorus
As far as we've walked from both of ends of the sand
Never have we caught a glimpse of this man

We know your house so very well
And we will bust down your door if you're not there

We've lived in bars
And danced on tables
Hotel trains and ships that sail
We swim with sharks
And fly with aeroplanes out of here

Bonus: Apparently I didn't know how to embed videos back then. Here ya go:

Two quick reminders

2011-09-14T00:01:00.000-04:00

Besides this here joint, I've got two other places you can sometimes find me on the internets. Well, three if you count Twitter...but I don't really use that all that much other than to bother people.

1. Just Talking to the Cornfield - The Colonel and I are still doing our mostly-weekly show. We've strayed from our regular Sunday night time-slot at 9PM EST here and there, and it looks like it's going to be on more of a mid-week schedule going forward. So if you can't find us live, you can always listen to the replay on Talkshoe or iTunes. Just try not to fall in love with me when you finally hear my dulcet tones. I don't even know what that means.

2. Simmer, Sip, Share - The collaborative food/booze/whatever blog I set up several months ago hasn't quite taken off like I hoped. I'm hoping this post will nudge those who agreed to participate into, ya know, participating. While we wait for that, ahem, check out my latest post for a vegetarian treat with a Mediterranean twist. A recipe I kinda followed from a wonderful site called Smitten Kitchen. Turned out great, I understand. I wouldn't know about that since I had a burger instead. :)

Don't leave me out there in the cold, kids! It's brutal out there.

Didn't I, my dear?

2011-09-13T00:01:00.000-04:00

Mumford & Sons. Dig. This is what I'm listening tonight.

Banjo happens!

Little Lion Man

Mumford & Sons

Weep for yourself, my man

You'll never be what is in your heart

Weep little lion man

You're not as brave as you were at the start

Rate yourself and rape yourself

Take all the courage you have left

Wasted on fixing all the problems

That you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

Tremble for yourself, my man

You know that you have seen this all before

Tremble little lion man

You'll never settle any of your score

Your grace is wasted in your face

Your boldness stands alone among the wreck

Learn from your mother

Or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine

And it was your heart on the line

I really fucked it up this time

Didn't I, my dear?

Overheard

2011-09-12T00:01:00.000-04:00

In Queens on Sunday morning yesterday.

A friend and I were walking back from the bagel shop when we passed an old woman napping on a lawn chair outside of a retirement home. She looked ancient. At least 90. And she certainly looked like she was fast asleep, but she lifted her head when she heard us walking by. Maybe we were talking, I don't know.

She looks at us and yells out at us in this magnificent old-school NY accent.

"Ya watchin' da Twin Towers on da TV?" she asked with a big smile on her face.

Surprised, we looked at her and replied that we had been, and that it was still on.

"It's hysterical!!!" she cackled loudly as we kept walking on by.

It was such a weird and wonderful reaction from an old-timer on that weird and sad morning. We really didn't know what to make of it besides laughing along with her.

New Yorkers. Ya never know.

She's gonna kill me

2011-09-10T00:32:00.000-04:00

Because we took a bunch of pics this particular day in Charleston. And this isn't the one she wanted me to share. But fuck it...I'm doing it anyway. Because this one makes me smile soooo much. Wearing my hat and shit.

Tada!

my love

Small Change

2011-09-08T12:51:00.000-04:00

Image source: Wikipedia

One of the more interesting thing I used to love about music and albums, in particular, was the album cover itself. Take the above image for Tom Waits' album "Small Change". I think it says just as much about the man and the music as the stuff that plays on the record. And how cool is it that the nearly naked woman posing as the bored dancer in the background is most likely Cassandra Peterson. She of Elvira fame, of course. She's not credited on the album, nor has she ever fully verified it. But she admits that it sure does look like her, and that was a time and place in her life when she doesn't really, ahem, remember exactly everything that went down. Cool, huh?

In honor of the lovely and talented Mistress of the Dark, here's a little Tom Scat for ya.

Pasties and a G String

by Tom Waits

Smelling like a brewery,

looking like a tramp

I ain't got a quarter

got a postage stamp

Been five o'clock shadow boxing

all around the town

Talking with the old men

sleeping on the ground

Bazanti bootin

al zootin al hoot

and Al Cohn

sharin this apartment

with a telephone pole

and it's a fish-net stockings

spike-heel shoes

Strip tease, prick tease

car kease blues

and the porno floor show

live nude girls

dreamy and creamy

and the brunette curls

Chesty Morgan and a

Watermelon Rose

raise my rent and take off

all your clothes

with the trench coats

magazines bottle full of rum

she's so good, it make

a dead man cum, with

pasties and a g-string

beer and a shot

Portland through a shot glass

and a Buffalo squeeze

wrinkles and cherry

and twinky and pinky

and FeFe live from Gay Paree

fanfares rim shots

back stage who cares

all this hot burlesque for me

cleavage, cleavage thighs and hips

from the nape of her neck

to the lip stick lips

chopped and channeled

and lowered and louvered

and a cheater slicks

and baby moons

she's hot and ready

and creamy and sugared

and the band is awful

and so are the tunes

crawlin on her belly shakin like jelly

and I'm getting harder than

Chinese algebraziers and cheers

from the compendium here

hey sweet heart they're yellin for more

squashing out your cigarette butts

on the floor

and I like Shelly

you like Jane

what was the girl with the snake skins name

it's an early bird matinee

come back any day

getcha little sompin

that cha can't get at home

getcha little sompin

that cha can't get at home

pasties and a g-string

beer and a shot

Portland through a shot glass

and a Buffalo squeeze

popcorn, front row

higher than a kite

and I'll be back tomorrow night

No Fun League

2011-09-07T13:15:00.000-04:00

The NFL season starts this weekend, and I'm not sure I could care less. Or is it couldn't care less? I can never get that one right.

I used to dig the NFL. Did weekly office pools at work. Participated in Fantasy Football leagues. Spent every Sunday afternoon at the local sports pub watching all the games. And I mean ALL the games. I even had Jets season tickets for about 5 years with a bunch of other guys. Those Sundays were madness. A chunk of Saturday was spent shopping and prepping for the game on Sunday. Then it was meeting up by 7AM, getting to NJ, cooking breakfast, cooking lunch, the game, cooking dinner and sometimes getting home by 11PM or so. The entire weekend was shot.

I'm getting too old for that shit. Well, I got too old for it a long time ago. Gave up those season tickets probably 11 years ago. But you know what I mean.

Now? I just don't care about the NFL. It wasn't even really the latest labor dispute. Professional sports are always gonna have those every few years. And it's not even really about Michael Vick. That dog murderer is now a superstar again for my favorite team, the Philadelphia Eagles. Not that I watch any of their games anymore. Not with that asshole leading the way.

Nah...I started losing interest in the NFL a few years before that happened. And I can't really pinpoint the reason. I just stopped enjoying it, I guess. I still enjoy College Football. More than enjoy, I LOVE College Football. But the NFL game just doesn't do it for me anymore. Same thing happened with the NBA a long time ago. I used to love it, then I just stopped. Weird.

Man...I hope that never happens with MLB for me. I can't imagine that it would.

Starfucker

2011-09-06T13:53:00.001-04:00

A friend of mine follows a handful of sports celebrities on Twitter, and spends a lot of time actively trying to interact with them.

I laugh and call him a starfucker.

But I also follow a handful of celebs. Felicia Day and Pauley Perrette, mostly because I have innocent crushes on them. Albert Brooks because he is one of the goddamn funniest people ever to walk the planet. Rainn Wilson and Megan Amram, because they have famously funny Twitter feeds. Same with Mindy Kaling and Michael Schur (Ken Tremendous). Simon Helberg and his wife Jocelyn Towne, because they hooked me up big-time last Christmas. And then there is Violet Blue, a sex-columnist whom I consider to be a celebrity*.

The rest of the "celebrities" I follow, however, are sports journalists and/or players.

Most of the time, I barely bother with either replying to a celebrity's tweet or try to contact them. Most of them have so many followers that I can't even believe they do anything with Twitter other than posting what they want to post. 140 characters at a time. But sometimes I do it out of habit. Like commenting on a blog.

The other day, I replied to Joe Posnanski (my favorite writer...sports or otherwise) about a trivia question I thought he might have had wrong. Turns out he just neglected to be as specific as he thought he was being, and he sent out some clarifying tweets. Mentioning me as being the one who first brought it up.

I'm starting to figure out this whole Twitter thing. Not bad. And call me a starfucker, but it's nice when someone you hold in high regard acknowledges that you exist. Both sad and wonderful at the same time.

Who is your favorite celebrity to follow on Twitter, and why? Anybody really cool ever interact with you? Give it up, peeps.

*Kudos to Avitable, by the way. He showed up on Violet Blue's Twitter feed AND on her blog the other day with his OK Cupid issues. Any press is...well, you know the drill.

JTTTC - New Episode tonight at 9PM EST

2011-09-03T19:41:00.000-04:00

Hurricane Irene postponed us last week. Then this week has been a comedy of errors about scheduling it. The Colonel has a Fantasy Football draft on Sunday, so we moved it to Friday night. Then I, conveniently, forgot about it and started drinking and barbecuing with some friends. So we had to re-schedule again...and the time is NOW! Or, 9PM EST on Saturday.

So pop a cocktail and join us live. Or listen in to the podcast after. But that's not nearly as fun. Right? Here's the Colonel's weekly email teaser.

__________________________________________________________

Wow, now I'm nervous. A Saturday Night in the Cornfield. This could get silly. I do plan on tasting many many sweet Apple Pie Moonshines and Catdaddy Cocktails for the show.

Just what I need to discuss all the disappointing players during this joyous Major League season!!

So you think being without power is a bummer?? Imagine being on the hook for $25 million, $50 million or even $100 million for a guy hitting under .200, or a pitcher with a 5-8 record and an ERA over 5 !!??

Join Earl and the Colonel for a special Friday edition of Just Talking To The Cornfield as we discuss the most 'disappointing' players of 2011. And because both of us lost power last weekend we had plenty of time to sit up and night and think of weird and or hateful things to spew out. Him more than me.

Sit down, grab a stalk and hope to see you tomorrow night at 9.

Earl and the Colonel

http://talktothecornfield.webs.com/

Love/Hate

2011-09-02T00:01:00.000-04:00

It was a great Yankees/Red Sox series this week. Great for me and the Yankees, because they took 2 out of 3. Even with the Overlord Saltalamacchia holding court for two of those games. He struck out against Mo in the 9th inning in Game 3 as the potential tying run, by the way. Just wanted to mention that.

But the game led to an interesting conversation between Gia and I. She, rightfully so, hates just about everyone on the Red Sox squad. I feel pretty much the same way, but my hatred is a bit different. I hate them because they play for the Sox. She hates them because of who they are. I think.

You see, I think I would LOVE almost all the players on the Red Sox if they were in pinstripes. Dustin Pedroia? The guy always has the most dirt on his uniform at the end of the game and he swings harder than anyone a foot taller than him. That translates into one of my favorite players of all-time. Jacoby Ellsbury? All the guy does is hit, hit with power, steal bases and plays stellar defense. Duh. Adrian Gonzalez? Sweetest left-handed swing since Kid Griffey, and a great defender. Kevin Youkilis? Sure, he's a hard-ass. But so is Jorge Posada. Love that shit.

The only guy on the team I don't love as a player is Josh Beckett. Hate the way that fucker pitches. Takes soooooo long between pitches. And he's a douche to boot, or at least he seems that way. I hated him in Florida, I hate him in Boston. Fuck Josh Beckett.

Jonathon Papelbon too, for that matter.

But the rest of the guys...we'll I'd be honored to have them on my team.

So hate and love? It's all kinda subjective.

Power

2011-08-31T14:29:00.002-04:00

It's back on.

YAY!!!!

It's been a rough week, but we also consider ourselves fortunate. Irene wasn't as tough of a bitch as the media made her out to be. Still, we live right on the water on the North Shore and the high tide on Sunday morning looked to be about 5-6 feet higher than normal. The bridge crossing the harbor was under about 2-3 feet of water at that time. Got some cool pictures of us wading across the bridge around then that I'm going to have to upload one of these days.

And the area down by the water where we normally park was under about 2 feet of water. We moved the cars up the hill onto the street before the storm for that very reason. The water was about 10 feet below and about 20 feet away from our back door, so we never really had much worry about losing anything to water damage.

No real wind damage either, but there were a lot of downed trees and lines all over the neighborhood. I guess that's why it took this long to get the power going. I dunno. What's weird is that we did have power (and cable and internet and phone) for around 2 hours on Sunday night. I don't know what happened in between that left us without power for almost 72 hours. Weird.

But we stayed dry and safe and we didn't burn down the house with the candles we had going. So, like I said, we were fortunate.

Hope the rest of y'all weathered the storm just as well. Or were well clear of its path.

Cheers!

Hurricane Provisions

2011-08-25T21:01:00.000-04:00

Gia went out today for some emergency provisions in anticipation of the doom that may be Irene this weekend.


Notice the empty water bottle

Let's see what we have:

Midnight Moon Apple Pie Moonshine.
Jim Beam Bourbon.
Huge jug of cheap white wine.
Catdaddy Carolina Moonshine.
Mostly empty bottle of water.

So we're good.

Crap! I hope we don't lose power. We are gonna need a lot of ice!

Me

2011-08-24T21:01:00.000-04:00

You know, in all this time, I don't think I've ever posted a real photo of me. I've posted pictures with my hand or a Lebowski action figure in front of my face, but never an actual photo. Let's remedy that, shall we.

What are you looking at?

Disgusted yet? Yeah, me too. That's my most recent favorite hat, by the way. A straw porkpie job that is perfect on a hot summer day.

We were at the Bar at Husk in Charleston, SC. A really great joint that I am going to review for y'all sometime in the near future. In the meantime, enjoy my review of The Tattooed Moose in Charleston while you gaze longingly into my bright blue eyes. You know you want to.

Little dog

2011-08-24T09:23:00.000-04:00

Was down South visiting Gia's family this past weekend. A hella time was had by all.

Except...

Well, we were left with watching her parent's little Yorkie for a few days. He's a sweet little guy, but he quickly reminds you (or me, specifically) of why large dogs are better than wee ones. Here's a brief synopsis, bullet-style:

He can jump up on a bed or couch, but he won't jump down. He'll just sit there and whine loudly until you pick him up.
He will eagerly climb down stairs, but he won't climb up them. He'll just sit there and whine loudly until you pick him up.
His oddest behavior? He refuses to walk on non-carpeted floors. Hard-wood floors, tiled floors, etc... He just won't cross those thresholds. He'll just sit there and whine loudly until you pick him up.
He never likes to be alone. He needs to be with you in whatever room you are in. And if there happens to be some un-carpeted territory between you and him? You got it. He'll just sit there and whine loudly until you pick him up.

Did I mention he whines? Loudly?

Ugh...how I hate a whiny dog.

It's gold, Jerry!

2011-08-22T12:02:00.003-04:00

Participated in an interesting episode of Just Talking to the Cornfield last night. Normally, we have a set agenda that we try to follow. Something like this:

9:00-9:10 Greetings and Salutations (whatever happened to Christian Slater?)
9:10-9:30 TWIB Notes (TWIB stands for "This Week in Baseball". Screw the trademark!)
9:30-9:35 Trivia time!
9:35-10:?? The week's topics. Normally it would include a statistic or trend that one of us would want to discuss. Maybe a segment on our "Cornfield All-Stars". Maybe a segment of "Tales from the Cornfield" or "Tales from the Shitter"...stuff like that.

I've been in Charleston, SC for a few days, and I wasn't really eager to put any energy into doing the prep work for the show this week. So on Saturday, when the Colonel emailed me an agenda, I greeted it with less than my usual amount of enthusiasm.

So I replied with an idea. How about a show about nothing? No agenda, no segments, no limits, no boundaries. We could and would talk about anything and everything. My co-host agreed with me 100%. It was on. A Seinfeld-esquian journey into nothing at all.

Seriously...it's worth listening just for the intro alone when we channel Jerry and George.

It was a hoot!

Check it out either on Talkshoe or iTunes.

I like to racism, bro!

2011-08-17T00:01:00.008-04:00

Courtesy of Kenny Fucking Powers, with a hat tip to my bro who smells like a wet dog for telling me out it in the first place.

So I've been thinking that we, meaning me, should probably stop drinking during our weekly broadcast of Just Talking to the Cornfield. Because, apparently, when I get drunk I like to use racist stereotypes for comedy. Like my man Kenny Fucking Powers up there. My co-hort isn't blameless either. He likes to poke fun at the Jews. Mostly because he is a Jew, and that's what he does.

Here's some of the full-on racist comedy from last week that you missed if you haven't listened in already:

The Colonel told a tale about a recent trip he made down to Kentucky and an unexpected hotel room visit by an young African-American woman who may or may have been a hooker. Because everything we know about black people we learned on Living Color, we lovingly called her ShaNayNay. Or ShaNiqua. Yeah...
I did a brief impersonation of this young lady where I referred to the Colonel's gleaming white mini-van of manliness* as "fly". Ahem.
At one point, we simulated a conversation between Albert Belle (black man) and Kenny Lofton (another black man) of the Cleveland Indians (circa mid-90's) that could have been a transcription from an episode of Oz. The word "bitch" was used several times.
I'm pretty sure I mimicked a Hispanic (an Hispanic??) accent at one point toward the end of the show as well. I'm not positive. I was pretty drunk by then. See what I mean?

I'd say it wasn't our proudest moment on air so far. But that's what makes it so damn funny! Well, at least the two of us were laughing at each other. There's that. We did manage to talk about baseball for a bit in there as well, if the racism isn't enough for you.

Check us out on Talkshoe or iTunes. We like to racism, bro!

*I think I stole that line from Kevin. Not sure. Either way, I'll give him the credit.

What if they were wrong?

2011-08-16T00:01:00.011-04:00

I'm not the biggest advocate in the world for abolishing any particular state's death penalty laws. I probably should be more concerned, but with everything else that is going on in this country and world...well, sometimes it's easier just not to think about some things.

I don't believe in the death penalty myself. Not in this day and age. Although I do get outraged by senseless crimes against children, and I've often thought that those found guilty of those particular crimes should be killed on the spot. But that's just frustration and emotion doing their jobs. When I calm down and really think about it, well...I just don't really feel that death as a punishment is something our government should condone.

And the biggest reason for feeling that way? What if they were wrong? They being the prosecution. What can be done when we put an innocent man or woman to death? How can we fix an absolute wrong?

Like I said, I usually don't think about these things. The death penalty was reinstated in New York in the mid-90's, but it was ruled unconstitutional in 2004. And no amount of worry on my part is going to change the mind of lawmakers in Texas or Florida or any of the dozens of states that currently use the death penalty as a punitive measure.

I don't think about it unless it happens to come up. And, while reading about Governer Rick Perry and his presidential bid, I came across the case of Cameron Todd Willingham. A man convicted of arson and the murder of his children back in 1992. Willingham was tried, convicted and eventually put to death in Texas in 2004. One of the 234 executions that have been carried out during Governer Perry's tenure in Texas.

What if they were wrong?

It's a long article, but a chilling one. Do yourself a favor. Take 15 minutes out of your life to read that, then think about how it was possible for a government to put this man to death. What if they were wrong? What if they didn't care that they were wrong?

It's depressing as all hell...

PS - This isn't really about Rick Perry's candidacy. I don't really have an opinion on him yet, or not an opinion I feel like sharing as of yet. It's just something that came when I was reading about him.

America's Favorite Pastime

2011-08-15T00:01:00.000-04:00

Todd Snider and Doc Ellis know all about it. Hell, you should too!

JTTTC - New Episode tonight at 9PM EST

2011-08-14T15:10:00.000-04:00

This episode may be one for the ages. Let's hear what the Colonel has to say about it in his weekly email:

__________________________________________________________

A few little teasers about tonights show:

Every wonder why Jason Heyward was hitting 7th earlier in the year. Why do the Reds bat Brandon Phillips clean-up?? Why does Tony LaRussa hit his pitchers 8th?? How come Howie Kendrick hits so low in the order this year??

Lineups, not just the players but rather the order in which the players are hitting, are one of the most important weapons a manager can use in "strategizing" against the other team. Some managers like Scioscia are good at it, some like Fredi Gonzalez are horrible, and some like Joe Torre and were simply geniuses at putting lineups together. You have to balance your teams strengths, while taking into account the very delicate mind set of the teams hitters, all while planning moves to be made during the game, and using the starting lineup almost like setting up for a chess match.

Tonight Earl and the Colonel will discuss lineups with a concentrated focus on the lineups of our favorite teams. The SECOND PLACE Yankees and the FIRST PLACE Brewers. Ha.

We will also be doing my favorite segment, Tales From The Cornfield, this time discussing our favorite "brawls". Thank you Earl for digging deep into your dark heart for that one. This will lead into our Cornfield All-Star team member for which player you'd want on your team, who would "have your back" during a brawl.

I also will be sharing a very special tale from my adventure across America this weekend, called "The Return of Shenaynay"

And finally, Earl may introduce a new Cornfield Contest, whereby we attempt to find a reasonable name for those top 'set-up' men, like Dan Bard and Kevin Robertson.

Ought to be a rousing good time. HOPE TO SEE YOU LATER!!

Sincerely,

Earl and the Colonel

http://talktothecornfield.webs.com/

Cool is fleeting

2011-08-12T00:01:00.053-04:00

I was talking about this the other day with a friend of mine.

For a while there, back in the mid-80's, Robert Palmer seemed like the coolest guy in the world. I don't know if he was the coolest guy in the world, he just...ya know...seemed that way. This was during the Power Station/Riptide years. Or year, to be more exact. 1985.

Hell, he was so cool while with Power Station that he even made a couple of the clowns from Duran Duran look cool themselves. No offense intended for those of you who like Duran Duran. OK, maybe a little offense. I'm just saying that the guy absolutely exuded cool for a brief period of time there. Cool with a capital "holy crap, those women dancing behind him in that video are really hot". In a distant, robotic, European kinda way. But hot, right?

It's not like Palmer came out of nowhere. I remember some of his solo stuff playing on MTV prior to his breakout turn with Power Station. "Looking for Clues" and "Johnny and Mary" from his Clues album were early MTV staples (kinda) in 1981. Check 'em out below:

OK...the first one is kinda odd. White hallway with a bunch of dudes dressed up in animal heads. Seems like a nightmare straight out of The Shining. Ugh...shivers. The second one is odd too. In an artsy, European kinda way.

But Palmer? He was cool in those videos. Not nearly as cool as he would seem in several years, but you could see it coming. Almost.

From there he did his Power Station stuff and Riptide. Then Heavy Nova came in 1988 and he copied his "Addicted to Love" formula for the video for "Simply Irresistible". Suddenly he wasn't so cool anymore. After that, well...he seemed to lose his cool completely. I don't know if he actually did, but it sure seemed like he did.

I have no idea where this came from or what I'm trying to say. I guess it's that "cool" is a tough thing to define. And that it's fleeting. That's what happened to Robert Palmer.

But back in the day? He was the bitch's bastard!*

*Stolen gleefully from Jack Warden in Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead. That starred Andy Garcia. He knows a thing or two about seeming like the coolest guy in the world. For a fleeting moment, that is.

Cat Pictures

2011-08-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

Been a while since you've seen the kitties.

There's Wolowitz...looking like he doesn't give a fuck about anything. Nothing could be further from the truth. He's a good soul, even if he likes to wake me up three times a night so I can pet him. Little fucker. He loves to lay down right there in front of the box fan. And he is our only cat who actually likes the air conditioning in the bedroom. He's a cool customer. Get it? Err...

It's just impossible to take a good picture of Gogo. She's really one of the most gorgeous, interesting looking cats you're ever likely to see. But she never, EVER sits still. Always a blur of motion. Which is why she tends to look more like Bill the Cat in pictures than the pretty kitty she really is. This is her spot all day long. Next to me on the desk on her lambskin. She's also our most vocal cat. Which is wonderful when she is sitting right by my ear and she decides to yell at me for attention.

Bennington sure looks surprised in this photo, doesn't he? Well, that's how he always looks. A constant expression of surprise on his face. Like life is constantly throwing unexpected twists his way. Here he is laying on a snack table over by the screen door. That's where he likes to perch himself during the day. And he's way too large to actually fit completely on the table. Half of his body is usually hanging off somewhere. Then he stretches and falls off. We all laugh. Especially the other cats.

Ah, Bootsy. Bootsy, Bootsy, Bootsy. Seems like the only time he's interested in us humans is during feeding time in the morning at at night. Then he's all up our asses. I had to snap this picture of him underneath some furniture because he disappears during the day. He knows he can get away with all that behavior because he's so fucking adorable. And this is the doucher that had crap all over his ass last week. Do ya think he appreciated me cleaning him up? Wouldn't think it from how he treats us.

Meow.

Shark in the jungle

2011-08-10T00:01:00.004-04:00

For a while there, I was a fan of James Patterson. You know, the guy who wrote all those Alex Cross novels that were bestsellers. After the first three or four of them, I started to get a little sick of the guy. Besides the Cross novels, he was writing 2 or 3 other books each year. Extremely prolific. But his writing began to suffer in the process.

And let's face it...he wasn't a great writer to begin with. And maybe it was the fault of the editor not doing their job properly. Who knows. All I DO know is that I started noticing mistakes, poor grammar and blatant plot screw-ups pretty soon after he began churning out all that work. So I stopped reading him. I figured if he (or his editor) couldn't spare the reader the time to spit out a well-written product, then I couldn't spare the time to support his work.

The same thing happened with Clive Cussler at some point as well. For me, at least. I mean, Cussler is formulatic to a fault. But it's that formula that makes his Dirk Pitt stuff so entertaining. On a beach. In the summertime. But it got to a point where I was finishing the book in my head after only reading a small fraction of it. Not a lot of surprises there.

Lately, I've been reading a bunch of Lee Child. His Jack Reacher novels. I'm currently up to "The Enemy", a prequel novel set in 1990 published in 2004.

And I'm just now starting to get sick of his formula. And some of Child's obvious weaknesses as a writer are starting to show. Making his characters seem oh-so-prescient by having them predict the future military struggles in the Balkans and Iraq. Yeah...Reacher is a God amongst men, but he really didn't need to make him any more omnipotent than he already was by using simple hindsight. C'mon...

And then there is this little passage about the M1A1 Abrams tank:

The M1A1 Abrams is like a shark, evolved to a point of absolute perfection. It is the undisputed king of the jungle.

Now, I don't even want to get started on giving the word "perfection" a qualifier like "absolute". Not sure the ideal of perfection can have degrees, but whatever. I'm sure I've done the same thing many times over.

No, it's the mixed metaphor of the tank being "like a shark" and "it is the undisputed king of the jungle". OK, the first one is a simile and the second one is a metaphor. Whatever. But my point is this. How does Dell (or Random House or whomever the publisher might be) let something like that get published in the first place? I mean, it's a simple matter of replacing "jungle" with "ocean" or "seas". Something!

Ugh...I put down the book as soon as I read those two sentences. I'll probably pick it up a bit later on tonight. Because I really want to see what happens.

But Lee Child? You're on notice, son. You had better get your shit together.

Or else!

The wrong type

2011-08-09T00:01:00.000-04:00

In my opinion, there are three kinds of people in the world.

1. Those who return their shopping cart to the proper designated spot for shopping carts after they unload their groceries into the car.

2. Those who make some kind of minimal effort to at least make sure that said shopping cart isn't blocking a parking spot or parked precariously near a vehicle. Where it could slam into that vehicle with just the slightest breeze.

3. Those who just leave their shopping cart wherever the fuck they want to leave that shopping cart. Because they are done with it and fuck everyone else.

I'm really not a fan of one of those types of people. I may or may not wish brain cancer upon them when I go to my dark place.

My dark place isn't very nice.

PS - I guess there are technically FOUR kind of people in the world. Some people don't do the grocery shopping at all. But I assume they go to Home Depot or Target or some kind of super store that requires a cart. I haven't figured it all out yet. I'll let you know when I do.

About Last Night

2011-08-08T00:01:00.003-04:00

Last night, depending upon your own particular criteria, may have been the best episode of Just Talking to the Cornfield ever!

Lemme explain...with bullets:

We both were drinking. A lot! I was sipping on some Jim Beam while the Colonel did the right thing and drank some apple pie moonshine from Junior Johnson and Piedmont Distillers. There was, of course, some stumbling and bumbling. Mostly on my part.
We talked about porn and fluffers. Not in the context of porn and fluffers, but kinda in the context of porn and fluffers. What's a fluffer? Dear God, don't make me type those words here.
We talked about the statistical probability of gay players in the major leagues.
Totally unrelated (maybe), we also talked about our favorite gay crushes in baseball.
Don't judge us!!!
Okay...judge us. Just do it, ya know, with some freakin' heart.
Oh yeah...we also talked about some baseball. A very little bit. For about 2 hours. Yeah.

Listen in on Talkshoe or find us on iTunes. You know you wanna!

Hell's Belle

2011-08-05T00:01:00.005-04:00

I haven't seen an episode of True Blood since Season 1, so I missed the one from last summer that featured a song by Cary Ann Hearst. "Hell's Bells" is the name of the tune, and it's really freaking good.

Seems like it became quite popular after being featured on that HBO show. I didn't know that, but we've been listening to it for quite a while now anywho. And she's from Charleston, SC...so we dig.

Check her interview on NPR a few months ago below. And then a few videos featuring her music, including the video for "Hell's Bell". Dig times two!

Sonic Chicago-Style Dog

2011-08-04T00:06:00.003-04:00

Here's what I want to know.

Looks, er, okay. I guess.

Has anyone out there tried the Chicago-style hot dog from Sonic? To be more specific, has anyone out there who knows and loves Chicago-style hot dogs tried the Chicago-style hot dog from Sonic?

And if you have, is it worth driving 10.64 miles to get them? Before you answer, please note that there is literally NOWHERE around where I live to buy Chicago-style hot dogs.

Hmmm...maybe this should have gone on the food blog.

Oh great...

2011-08-03T00:01:00.000-04:00

...another distraction to waste tons of my time.

Was watching television yesterday and came across a commercial for a new service offered by our local cable provider. On one of the channels I didn't know existed, there is a game channel hosted by TAG games.

Bejeweled, Tetris, Texas Hold 'Em, Beach Solitaire, Sudoku games, word puzzles and daily trivia/puzzle games. A bunch of stuff. And I hate to admit it, but they all look great. And they all work just as well with our TV remote. AND you can play against other customers in your area.

As if there weren't enough distractions on the Internet, now I've got to deal with this! Ugh!

Crappy Monday

2011-08-02T00:01:00.001-04:00

Not a lot of sleep on a Sunday night leads to an overall crappy Monday.

The cats made it even worse.

First, Wolowitz and Bennington tagged-teamed me all through the night with furious need of attention. I don't really understand it. I know that cats are nocturnal by nature, but they usually let us sleep through the night. But Wolowitz has lately started a routine where he comes in to the bedroom and yells at me. Never at Gia...just at me. Then I have to make room for him on the bed and pet him until he falls asleep. Which has the opposite affect on me. But I have to do it or else he just keeps yelling at me.

When Bennington realizes that I'm awake, he comes in and decides it's time for some petting as well. And he's got this kneading thing that he does...and he does it forever! Like an hour or so. Crazy! I think I got about 2 hours of sleep in total.

If that wasn't bad enough, I'm home alone during the day working and Bootsy comes walking by me from the laundry room where we keep the litter boxes. And he is wafting a certain...odor. One that is thoroughly unpleasant to my nostrils. He either took a nasty crap and just dragged the smell with him, or...

Yup...his ass is covered in shit.

He's been fighting a little cold these past few days, and sometimes it affects his digestive system in horrible ways. That's what happened today.

That's how I found myself typing the words "best way to clean a cat's ass" into Google today.

How was your Monday?

I want to believe?

2011-08-01T00:01:00.002-04:00

Hmm...not so sure.

There has been a rash of videos recently posted on Youtube and other sites claiming to be footage of UFOs or alien spacecrafts or whatever you want to call them. Lately, the deal has been one video from a specific angle and then another from a totally different angle at the same place and time showing the same...ahem...event. Then maybe even ANOTHER video from ANOTHER angle.

There are hoaxes, and then there are elaborate hoaxes.

I spend the requisite amount of time studying them and deciding that they are fake before I find out that they actually ARE fake, but I do it anyway. For my own benefit. Right now these fuckers are batting .000, but it ain't stopping them.

You know when I'll believe that the "event" is real? When I see it with my own gorgeous blue eyes. Or even as a live feed on CNN.

And then I will gladly shout in my best Will Smith impersonation "Welcome ta Earf!"

Right before they kill me and everyone I know.

How's your day going?