May 3, 2010

I want...

... to live in a world without repercussions. I mean, I'm not going to kill someone just because I can. Even though it might be tempting at times. And I don't want to become an international jewel thief. The "international" part just sounds exhausting!

But there are a few things I would do all the time if there were no serious consequences.
  • I would spend as much time in the sun as possible if there were no such thing as melanoma.  Being one of the whitest dudes on the planet probably isn't helping very much here.
  • I would have bacon every day for breakfast if only it weren't kinda awful for you.  The death of Curly in City Slickers showed us that.
  • I would spend several years figuring out exactly which whisky/whiskey I love the most if drinking in excess of moderation didn't adversely affect my health in a number of ways.  And there is a lot of whiskey out there in the world.
  • I would drive 100mph everywhere if it weren't against the law or highly dangerous.  Getting there really isn't half the fun.
  • I'd tell annoying strangers off constantly if I was absolutely positive any one of them wasn't going to pull out a handgun and shoot me in the heart.  There are a lot of people who need to be told off out there.  I'm sure y'all would agree with that.
  • I'd pee outside.  Everywhere.  If only it weren't illegal in public places or just highly inappropriate in more private places.  Man, after all, is merely an animal.
What would you do? 


___________________________________________________
Note: Remember to play the Badgerdaddy Trivia Challenge every day. Peeing in the corner of a hotel room doesn't count as "outside".

16 comments:

Mrs. Hall said...

I want to quote House to some of my patients.

House says, " I can fix what's ailing you, but I cannot fix the fact that you're an asshole".

Because it's true!

Jimmy Bastard said...

A pretty impressive looking list pal, let's start on Tuesday at the top and work our way down.

mikeb302000 said...

I'd live like I did in my 20s. The repercussions were so great even then, that I had to cut that shit out. But I miss it.

white rabbit said...

Same as Mike. In particular, I'd smoke. As in - erm - just about anything smokeable...

;)

RW said...

I'd wake up in the morning and have really strong coffee from Africa with too much cream, maybe three big cups and then either eggs or waffles - a different way every morning, and read the paper. Then I'd plant myself in front of my terminal and write until about noon, when I'd get a small sandwich with some Italian or Polish deli meat... or Jewish... and then head off to the racetrack or the OTB depending on what season it was. I'd get back in mid-afternoon and go back to the computer for a few hours. Then I'd either go out to eat or cook up a real nice and esoteric dinner. Afterwards a pipe or - in the summer - a cigar out on the deck. I'd read a bit, have a cocktail or two and maybe put in another hour or so on the book. I'd get to bed at a reasonable hour and get up to do the whole thing again. On the weekends I'd add some chores outside and marketing, but coffee and rhubarb pie would be in there somewhere. And in the middle of winter I'd head off to the BVI.

The repercussions are that if this is what I did I would be out of money in nine months and all my non-IRA savings would be gone. Then I'd starve and get kicked out of my house. So... yeah.

B.E. Earl said...

Holly - wait, were you calling me an asshole there? Fair enough. ;)

Jimmy - So Tuesday is tanning day. Gotcha. I'm on it.

MikeB - Ah, my 20's were fun, but my 30's were better. 40's ain't so bad neither.

Wabbit - I never got the smoking thing, so I'll leave that to y'all.

RW - Sounds like a thoroughly pleasant way to spend a day or eternity. Man, I need to win the lottery.

Heff said...

Well, i DID just get through peeing outside....

B.E. Earl said...

Heff - It's very liberating.

Slyde said...

if you were REALLY living in a world without repurcussions, the first thing you should do is finally admit to the world the truth about your insatiable foot fetish...

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde - You know the old rubber and glue story, right? This applies. You are the foot fucking master.

sybil law said...

Oooh, man. Wrong day/ week to ask me this question!
I'd totally have someone killed - no, wait - I'd do it myself. o one would even care if this person died.
After that, I'd cause all sorts of mayhem. And have a great time!!

B.E. Earl said...

Sybil - Yeah, "having" someone killed is a little too upper-class for my tastes. Ruins the very idea of murder.

Bruce said...

I want a simple life:

I want a place where there are no telephones (but there is plenty of broadband connectivity).

I want to be able to encase anyone that pisses me off in a clear plastic soundproof bubble, so I can watch them scream, but not hear their cries.

I want to be able to pull a shot gun on anyone that asks me a question regarding how to fix something or ask directions and say, "Happy to oblige for all the money in your wallet (my information and knowledge aren't free.)"

I wish that there was a button on my office desk that opened a trap door at the entrance to my office, so that as soon as a saw stupidity attempting to enter, I could push it.

I wish I could jump 85 feet at time....it would be so much better than walking.

that is about it for now...that would keep me happy for a while.

Faiqa said...

I'd be the lead singer in a grunge rock band and shoot heroin all day.

Haha. I'm just kidding about the grunge band part.

B.E. Earl said...

Bruce - I dig!

FaiCobain - Yeah, grunge is so passe. Um, is emo still around?

Avitable said...

I can't answer this honestly in case I incriminate myself in the future.