In a week in which we've seen a California man bite the nose off of his cousin, a naked Florida man eating the face off his victim and a New Jersey man stabbing himself and throwing bits of flesh and entrails at police officers...well, it makes sense.
This probably isn't the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse. But is shouldn't stop you from making preparations. I'm planning on a little shopping trip to survive the undead horde that is surely coming. Here's what I'm getting:
- An Axe-handle baseball bat. It just fits your hand really well.
- A Ginsu set of knives. Late-night television tells me that they are the best for zombie killing.
- Bourbon, and lots of it.
- A haircut. Dude like me with a ponytail? That's just one more way for a fucking zombie to catch you. I'd feel silly dying because a zombie dragged me down by my luxurious mane.
- A slow, fat, dim-witted friend. You know why.
- A middle finger lighter. Because it's bad-ass! And zombies burn real good.
- Some catnip for my cats. They are coming with me on my journey against the undead. I'm not a fucking savage.
- Did I mention bourbon?