Who ya got?
Wound up watching a bunch of films from the Friday the 13th series and it got me thinking about the Jason/Michael Myers rivalry that really only exists in the heads of Horror film geeks. Like me. And Slyde. I've never been a big fan of the series. More of a Halloween kinda guy, I guess. But whichever way you lean in this debate, you have to admit that they are two of the most prominent fictional, un-killable serial killers out there. So let's take a look at these two fine gentlemen of cinema and see who the definitive winner is, shall we?
Apparently the makers of Halloween went the route of the 60's Marvel Comics/Stan Lee alliteration guide to naming superheroes. You know, Reed Richards, Peter Parker, Bruce Banner, etc... Michael Myers is NOT a scary name. Especially since the early 90's when a dough-faced comedian named Mike Myers started making it big on Saturday Night Live. No one should be afraid of a dude named Michael. Period. And it's annoying that you have to use both his first and last names. Never just Michael or Myers, but Michael Myers. Now Jason Voorhees...that's a scary name! Sounds Dutch, and the Dutch are scary. Winner: Jason.
Weapon of Choice
Michael Myers uses a butcher's knife as his preferred weapon of choice, but he gets creative from time to time and will use his hands or anything else lying around. Jason, while being fond of a machete, has been known to use everything up to and including the kitchen sink to kill his victims. Gotta go with Myers for being more loyal to his art. Winner: Michael Myers.
While Jason started out only killing randy camp counselors at Crystal Lake, he has shown that he can be pretty indiscriminate when it comes to choosing his victims. And it doesn't just have to be at Crystal Lake or on a Friday the 13th. He's killed in Manhattan and in outer space! Michael Myers only kills those in his way as he tries to wipe out his family and only on Halloween. Er, or the day before. He's got a plan, people. You gotta admire that kind of dedication. Winner: Michael Myers.
Jason wears a hockey mask. Or he has worn a hockey mask since the third film in the series. Remember, he wasn't the killer in the original movie. His mother was. And in the second film he was just kind of a lumpy guy in overalls wearing a sack on his head. The hockey mask is much scarier. Because hockey is evil, ya see. Michael Myers wears a William Shatner mask. There's nothing really scary about Shatner, except maybe his spoken-word recordings. Winner: Jason.
The "Other" Killers
The third Halloween film had nothing to do with Michael Myers. They "killed" him off in the second film and the producers planned to leave it that way. They wanted to keep the trademark going by making new films every year or so with the Halloween name, but with different story lines. That didn't work as most fans and critics panned the third film. He was back and raring to go in the fourth film and onward. Friday the 13th tried doing something similar with the fifth film by introducing a copy-cat killer. This wasn't kosher to Jason's many fans and he was back with the sixth installment. Bleh! Winner: Neither.
Jason has had to resort to a number of stunts to resurrect himself. He's been jolted back to life with a lightning bolt, he's been psychically resurrected by a misguided girl and his soul has possessed the body of a coroner. Michael Myers doesn't need these parlor tricks. He just doesn't die. Evah! Has something to do with a Druidic curse, I think. The series has been very wishy-washy about it. Either way. Winner: Michael Myers.
Sense of Humor
Michael Myers doesn't have one much of one. Oh sure, he sometimes has that naive sense of wonderment that comes with all serial killers. And he did dress up as Bob wearing a ghost's outfit just to fuck with Lynda in the first film. That was neat. But Jason? That dude is funny! He will do just about anything for a laugh. That crazy kid. This one time, in Manhattan, he scared a bunch of street toughs just by showing them the rotted face under his hockey mask. Remember that? Ah, hehehe...good times! And Jason Goes to Hell was hysterical, yo! Winner: Jason.
In reviewing my highly scientific study, it is apparent that the winner is, er, um. Wait...they kinda tied, didn't they? Let's just give it to Michael Myers. Because today is Halloween. Maybe Slyde will revisit the topic next Friday the 13th. Maybe.
Note - Only my brain cells were hurt during this study.