Mar 13, 2008

The Rest of the Trip

Note - Added a new little something over there on my sidebar. The beginnings of what will most likely be a very long list of my favorite bars, mostly in NYC. Check it out - it's right under my tattoo! - Earl



Rather than go into lengthy detail surrounding the rest of the baseball trip I spoke about a few days ago, let me just give you the highlights. Bullet-style!
  • Milwaukee was more fun that we expected. Met a bartender whose brother just got a job as an intern with Miller Brewing. "And dat's a good jahb, ya know. Eh?" Sounds funnier when spoken aloud with a Wisconsin accent by a blonde chick with big cans.
  • Ate at the original Morton's of Chicago while in, well, Chicago. They offered smoking and non-smoking tables (remember this was July of 2001) that were right next to each other. Not exactly sure how that worked.
  • Saw two games at Wrigley, one in the famous Wrigley bleachers. Met these two off-duty cops, a father and son, who lived around the corner. The Jew saw them smoking and asked if it was OK if he joined them. They talked for a while when the father asked "So [The Jew], are you one a dem Jewish fellers?" I nearly spit out my beer at that one. When he told him that he was, the father replied "Dat's cool. We like da Jews. Der good people. Not like da spics or da blacks...good people." Once again, much funnier when spoken aloud with a Superfans accent.
  • Detroit was the hell-hole that it was reputed to be. On our cab ride over to the new stadium, I asked our driver if it was an easy walk over to the old Tiger's Stadium from the new park. He told us it was, but after looking at us up and down he said "Three white boys like you shouldn't try it. Hell, I wouldn't even try it." For the last time, much funnier when spoken aloud by a tough-looking older black man.
  • The train schedule got wonky on the way from Detroit to Cleveland. We actually had to stop in Toledo for 2 hours. To kill time, The Jew and I went looking for a bite to eat and found the greasiest greasy spoon Diner on the face of the Earth. It's looks, however, were deceiving. I had maybe the best breakfast of my life in that little joint. So good, that we found Bob to tell him about it and we went back for seconds. No idea what the name of the place was, but it was in the middle of the nicest post-Apocalyptic neighborhood you ever did see.
  • We were done with baseball by the time we made it to Cleveland. I was also done with The Jew at this point. He got stupid drunk before the game and proceeded to annoy the fuck out of us over a woman he used to be obsessed with. After two innings I stood up, told Bob to get The Jew back to the hotel, and I headed out to a bar across the street. Bob ignored my command and followed me to the bar. Don't really know how The Jew made it back to the hotel, but he remembers something about riding in the back of a police car.
  • That night, angry and horny, Bob and I tried hitting on just about every woman in the bar. And there were a lot of women in the joint. The only ones that even gave us a cursory glance were grandmothers or mutants recently released from the mental ward. Deciding that the reason behind this wasn't our sparkling personalities but rather our flabby bodies, we made a pact. Full-time diet and exercise for the rest of the Summer. And no drinking. We made it too...mostly. Almost two full months. We both broke down and got drunk on the same exact day, however. September 11th, 2001.

12 comments:

Slyde said...

point of note: I had hoped you would have never blogged and used a sentence that started:

"That night, angry and horny, Bob and I tried..."

it's just too tempting to finish that sentence for you...

B.E. Earl said...

"That night, angry and horny, Bob and I tried some ass play. But our lunch at the Mexican restaurant earlier in the day spoiled the moment".

Is that what you want, you sicko?

Artful Kisser said...

Slyde stole my thunder. Bob's last name wouldn't be Downe, would it?

Kat said...

My mom ended up in Harlem when she was 16...by accident of course. They were on a band trip. Some locals noticed they weren't from around there and were nice enough to put them back on the right subway.

btw you shouldn't eat in the bedroom. Noone likes a crotch full of crumbs...well...except maybe Bob.

B.E. Earl said...

Artful Kisser - Slyde's a prick that way.

Kat - I used to spend a lot of time in NYC, so I'm fairly comfortable in most areas, even Harlem. That being said, we got on the wrong subway once for Yankee Stadium and ended up in a real bad neighborhood. A cop saw us get off the train and escorted us back to safety. No idea what you mean about the "eating in the bedroom" comment???

Kat said...

your meez silly...

B.E. Earl said...

Kat - You know that's not real, right? :)

Ginormous Boobs said...

I swear, I'm taking you on my next roadtrip.

white rabbit said...

Is this 'Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas' on booze?

B.E. Earl said...

G-boobs - I travel light. ;)

WR - "We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a saltshaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multi-colored uppers, downers, laughers, screamers... Also, a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of beer, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls. Not that we needed all that for the trip, but once you get into locked a serious drug collection, the tendency is to push it as far as you can. The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."

Kat said...

shit. so that's not you? damn. foiled again...

Melanie said...

I love milwuakee... love it.

this was fun.