It's the long weekend...Fuck yeah!!!

Nothing gets my inner lush going like reading about a really good cocktail. Tonight I blame Bobgirrl for making my liver ache with longing. She just posted about experimenting with the perfect cocktail...a bacon vodka martini. I think she is a little confused, because obviously the smoky saltiness of bacon is much better suited to bourbon (and we will get into that a bit later on).

Got me to thinking about my favorite booze concoctions and where I enjoyed the best version of them. But remember, cocktails are like blowjobs. There are great blowjobs and there are terrible blowjobs. But, c'mon...at least it's a blowjob!

Moscow Mule - The original Moscow Mule is made with ginger beer, fresh lime and vodka poured in highball glass over large ice cubes. I'm going to stress the importance of large ice cubes in all great cocktails because large ice cubes melt slower than small ice cubes. Less melting means less water which means yummy cocktail goodness. I'm a big fan of all cocktails with ginger beer (like ginger ale, but spicier), and my favorite version of this one was called a Gin-Gin Mule served at The Pegu Club in NYC. It substituted ginger-infused gin for vodka. Made it extra gingery. Yum!



Martini - Notice I didn't say "Gin Martini". All fucking martinis are made with fucking gin. "Vodka martinis" are really just vodka cocktails served in the wrong glass. Sorry...I just don't like vodka and sometimes I get a little angry for the wrong reasons. Anyway, as I told Bobgirrl, her favorite martini is my favorite martini. Tanqueray 10 with bleu-cheese stuffed olives. The best one I've ever had...and I've tried many...was at a Morton's in New Orleans. They served it in a silver-rimmed martini glass. I felt like a King!



Mojito - Muddled mint, simple syrup, fresh lime, crushed ice, lite rum and seltzer. Six simple ingredient that make up one of the most complex tasting of all cocktails. Is it the lime you enjoy? How about the mint? Damn, that rum tastes good too! So refreshing on a hot summer day or a cold winter night when you are pretending you are in the sun. My favorite was served at a place called Conch Republic in Key West about 4-5 years ago. Sadly, I've been back many times and it has never been as good as it was that first time. Many bartenders over-muddle the mint and now they serve it in a smaller (plastic) glass. But that first one...holy crap!



Vesper - Named after James Bond's love interest in Casino Royale. Originally part gin, part vodka and part Kina Lillet with a lemon twist. Kina Lillet is no longer available, so most will replace it with Lillet Blanc and maybe a dash or two of bitters. As I've stated before, I don't do vodka. Even when mixed with other booze. Fuck that! So I've played with the recipe some and my favorite was mixed by a bartender at one of the hotel bars at The Carlton at Madison Avenue in NYC. He made it with Hendrick's Gin (sooooo goood!!!), Lillet Blanc and an orange peel. He did this cool trick with the orange peel and a match to cause a small flame before adding to the Vesper. Well, I thought it was cool.



Old Fashioned - Kind of an, um, old-fashioned choice. Bear with me. Traditionally the Old Fashioned is made in a short cocktail glass with rye whiskey, simple syrup and bitters. Add a couple of ice cubes and a twist of lemon and you are all set. The best one I've ever had was at a place called PDT in NYC. They made it with bacon-infused bourbon, maple syrup and homemade bitters. It was truly the most ridiculously incredible cocktail I have ever had. I want another. I want ten more. I want to stick my dick in it. I want it to stick its dick in me. Huh, what? I don't know how they infused the bourbon with bacon. Maybe they force fed bourbon to pigs for years and it just seeped into the bacony parts. That sounds like a fun job!

Have a great weekend everyone! I'm out of here....