Nov 18, 2010

1,000 and 44

So here it is...my 1,000th post on The Verdant Dude. And, just like I planned, it has landed on my 44th birthday. It's like the two great tastes that taste great together.  Geez...it seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating my 300th post here.  Or my 40th birthday, for that matter.  Time flies when you throw a clock across the room, eh?

So, what's the best way to celebrate? A blow-job and some whiskey would be nice. No, not from you Slyde. You do have nice lips, but you have terrible taste in booze.

In lieu of that, how about 44 random and stupid things about moi?  Let's do it to it, shall we.

1.  Prior to moving in with Gia, I was extremely allergic to cats. Now they sleep on my face.

2.  My family never really did figure out exactly what my father did for a living.  I mean, we have an idea, but I'm going with international spy.

3.  I was terrible at drinking in college.  I generally drank until I blacked out/passed out, and vomiting was usually on the menu.  Now, at 44, I'm just hitting my alcoholic stride.  Yay me!

4.  I've got the cutest dimple on my...right shoulder.  What?  You were thinking someplace else?

5.  Boxer briefs...all the way.

6.  It's been five years since I got my one and only tattoo.  It's starting to feel pretty lonely down there on its own.

7.  I've still never been to any of the West Coast states.  Las Vegas is the furthest west I've traveled in this country.  And that took a whole lot of convincing on someone's part.

8.  I have been as far south as you can go in these here United States of America.  Many, many times.  But it's just about time to go back.

9.  I know it's just two guys eventually giving each other brain damage, but damn...I love me a good boxing match.

10. I find women with a kinda crooked face (like Ellen Barkin) to be incredibly sexy.  I find some women without crooked faces to be incredibly sexy also. I'm just saying I like a woman with a crooked face.

11. Gia does not have a crooked face at all, and I find her incredibly sexy.  She does have two different color eyes though.  So there's that.

12. If I had to have just one food for the rest of my life it would be tuna salad with pickles on sourdough bread.  But you gotta dice the pickle and mix it with the rest of the salad.  I'm not a barbarian, people!

13. With what we are going through with Sammi, I'm so glad that I decided long ago never to be a parent.  I don't think I could handle a sick or dying child.

14. Plus, having kids would just cut into my boozing time.  Priorities, people!

15. I'd stay up until 4AM and sleep until noon everyday if I could.

16. I love our Keurig one-brew coffee maker, but sometimes I think I'd like to sit down with a whole pot of delicious brewed coffee in the morning.  Just like the old days.  And not that drip shit either.  I'm talking percolator, baby!

17. I just found out that the first "season" of AMC's The Walking Dead is only gong to be 6 episodes.  So just 3 episodes left this year.  WTF?  Am I living in the UK or something?  Pfft.

18. I miss collecting comic-books.  Until I see a new issue of something and it's barely recognizable in format from what I read when I was younger.  I hate all that glossy paper.

19. I've mentioned this before, but it's been a while.  I chew my fingernails.  But only two of them.  I call them my "bad fingers".  One on each hand.  I used to gnaw on all ten, but about 10 years ago I was able to make this little compromise.  Now all my fury and stress goes toward those two bad fingers.  They are a mess.

20. I still have occasional issues with Restless Leg Syndrome at bedtime, but they seem to be happening less and less recently.  I have no idea why.

21. When I turned 19, I was legally allowed to purchase and drink booze.  But only for 12 days.  Because on December 1st of that year, the drinking age in NY went up to 21.  Looking back, it seems unfair to have had it taken away from me for 2 years.  It probably seemed even more unfair at the time.  Especially since I was very sick during those 12 days and on medication so I couldn't drink even if I wanted to.  And I'm sure I wanted to.

22. That semester at college was a bad one for me.  Because of the impending increase in drinking age and the rumors that the entire campus would go dry, it was all party all the time that semester.  I think I barely managed passing grades in everything .  I mean BARELY.

23. I did, however, learn how to hacky-sack and juggle that semester.  Skills that keep paying dividends to this very day.  Or not.

24. That Shake Weight advertisement on TV is disturbing.  Looks like an excuse for building up those jerking off muscles to me.

25. Not there is anything wrong with that.  Those are important muscles to exercise.

26. I'm becoming addicted to the Craig Ferguson show on late nights on CBS.  And it's one of those things that it feels right to watch it when it's on rather than DVR it to watch later.  The problem?  It doesn't go on until 12:35 or so in the AM.  See #15 above.

27. I wish I spoke with a Scottish accent.

28.Even though I love the weather in November (sweaters...yay!), I definitely start a 3-4 month mild depression around this time of year.  Probably because there is no baseball.

29. There are these stupid commercials for 1800 tequila starring Michael Imperiole that I'm starting to hate.  Not because they make fun of Patron tequila - which I agree is overrated - but because he turns the bottle upside-down and watches the tequila pours into the empty cap.  Then he says, "Look...my 1800 bottle just poured me a shot", but they don't show how he gets the cap off with the liquid in it without spilling mediocre tequila all over the place.  Phew!  I think I'm over-thinking some of these.

30. I only know that 1800 tequila thing doesn't work because we have a bottle at home and I tried it.  Oh, gullible me.

31. I wouldn't recognize Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Ke$ha or a bunch of other pop singers if they walked up to me and slapped me on the face.  Well, maybe if Gaga was wearing her meat suit...

32. Nor would I know any of their music.  I'm not being an old, grumpy guy here.  I've probably heard some of their songs, but it's just not my bag, man.  And I wouldn't really know where to go to listen to music like that anyway.  OK, I guess that does make me an old, grumpy guy.

33. I'd love to see last week's episode of Community win an Emmy this/next year.  If only because I now know what a "bottle episode" is.  Well done, kids.

34. Speaking of Community, it's one of those shows right now whose theme song get stuck in my head.  The other one right now is Veronica Mars.  Especially the slower funky version from Season 3.

35. Whenever I watch A Few Good Men, and I watch it a lot, there are about a half dozen times that I just wish Tom Cruise's character would punch Demi Moore's character right in her privates.  Lt. Cmd. JoAnne Galloway is easily the worst character Aaron Sorkin has ever written!

36. Whenever someone asks me what I want for my birthday or Christmas I always say the same thing. "I don't really need anything."  I mean, I guess I do need stuff.  But I can never think of anything in that particular moment.

37. Speaking of gifts, I still have to figure out some kind of prize for Paticus for winning the first ever Verdant Dude Jack Contest a few weeks ago.  Sorry, dude...I've been busy.  I promise that I'll get 'er done.

38. There's a new show on the Discovery Channel that premiering this weekend.  Brew Masters, a reality show following Sam Calagiano - owner of the Dogfish Head Brewery - as he travels around the world searching out new ingredients and styles of beer.  I'm checking it out, are you?

39.A lot of people find it hard to believe, but at one point in my life I seriously considered joining the military.  I even was a part of the ROTC program at my college for a year before deciding it wasn't for me.  I often wonder how that one choice changed my life.

40. I've never met someone who knows more about MS Excel than I know.  I'm sure they are out there, but I've never met them.  Back when I was a corporate stooge, our bosses in the head office sent an "expert" to train my staff on Excel and Access.  It took all of my willpower not to take over the class after 10 minutes of listening to what this so-called expert had to say.  Instead I just pretended that there was an emergency I had to work on and I excused myself.  Saved myself three days of correcting the fool.

41. Besides the Dude, of course, one of my favorite all-time characters in a film is Wade Garrett from Roadhouse.  No way that Dalton was a tougher cooler than Wade Fucking Garrett.  Plus, Sam Elliot = awesome.  And he understands the Dude.

42. I generally pick up at least one bag of potato chips every time I go to the food market.  For health reason only, of course.

43. If you want to be my Facebook friend, click here.

44. I sometimes dream of electric sheep.  Is that weird?


Phew! Alright, now that we have that accomplished...done, done and I'm on to the next one. DONE I'M DONE AND I'M ON TO THE NEXT...


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Note: Remember to play the Badgerdaddy Trivia Challenge every day. See you at 2,000!

26 comments:

Poppy said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! *beer cheer*

Dave2 said...

Would you recognize Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Ke$ha or a bunch of other pop singers if they walked up to you and slept on your face like a cat though?

Congrats and happy birthday!

Avitable said...

Happy birthday, Dude.

white rabbit said...

Happy Birthday! I'll pass on the blowjob if you dont mind as (a) I really, really don't want to (b) my best pucker would not stretch to anything like 3,000 miles and (c) I don't think I'd be very good at it.

A few random points:

6. That would be the one that graced your sidebar. Maybe put it back up?

21. What kind of country/state doesn't let people legally drink in public until they are 21? theer's a whole continent full of people here who think that's weird.

27. No you don't. Trust me on this...

39. Best not to join the military. People try to kill you.

Paticus said...

Happy birthday!!
Happy 1000!!
Regarding # 37- No worries.
Regarding #21- You didn't get grandfathered in?
And still thinking good thoughts for Sammi.

oh, and "harumph".

RW said...

Happy Birthday. They filmed me when I tried to friend you on facebook. No, it's safe.

WebSavvyMom said...

-->Clicked through from Avitable. Happy birthday!
Also, going to check out that brewing show. We have a kegerator with two taps and one is supposed to be for home brew.
~deb
www.websavvymom.com

B.E. Earl said...

Poppy - beer cheer is the best cheer! Thanks!

Dave2 - I guess it would still smell like pussy. ;)

Adam - Thanks! And thanks for the mention on your blog, ahem, young man.

Wabbit - 6. I don't know why I took it down. Maybe it was getting too cluttered over there. 21. Tell me about it. You can vote and go to war at 18, but try buying a rum and coke... 27. Yeah, I kinda do. 39. That might have been the ultimate deciding factor.

Paticus - No worries. And thanks for the kind thoughts on Sammi. She's still hanging in there, but we may have a tough decision soon. :(

RW - I sure it is. I'll click away in a moment.

Deb - Heya! That's awesome. I need a kegerator for that reason alone. And since my girlfriend is in the beer business, there is no reason I shouldn't be home-brewing already. Cheers!

Slyde said...

awwww, happy birthday. I'll call you later and talk dirty to you..

sybil law said...

Happy Birthday, Sexy Dude!!!

Really - posts about alcohol and crooked faces (I like scars), Dogfish, boxing, Craig Ferguson, Michael Imperioli (damn I love him), blow jobs, Sam Elliot (YES!) - I couldn't love you more! And THEn the Foo's?!
Dude.
Slyde totally owes you a blow job.

xoxo

Heff said...

Congrats on BOTH COUNTS !

downtown guy said...

Happy birthday, old man. If you get down here to the south again, look me up, we'll split a few pitchers.

sybil law said...

Also, you pissed off Adam with the Foo Fighters. Bonus!
And interesting that you talk about blow jobs and chose that song. :)

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde - how would that be different than any other day. And you totally didn't read the entire post. I know you.

Sybil - And he's been trying to give me one for about 20 years now! But I keep denying his advances. And the Foos...ah, yes...the Foos. That's kinda my end of the night drunken play off song. Play me off, Dave!

Heff - Thanks!

Hank - Sounds like a plan. Thanks!

B.E. Earl said...

Sybil - I love it, but I hate the taste... ;)

limpy99 said...

Happy Birthday and congratulations on your 1,000th post. Well done.

I must, however, object to your characterization of Lt. Cmdr. JoAnne Galloway. You're not persuaded? Well then, I strenuously object!

Slyde said...

i did too, fucker.

it sucked (as usual)

B.E. Earl said...

Limpy - Is that how it works? Hm? "Objection." "Overruled." "Oh, no, no, no. No, I STRENUOUSLY object." "Oh. Well, if you strenuously object then I should take some time to reconsider."

Slyde - The devil peed in the fridge. LIAR!

Mrs. Hall said...

DANGIT!! I get all excited about the facebook friend thing-then I click and my access to the youtube site is blocked. And it takes me a few minutes cause I'm thinking-how do you facebook friend people through you tube.

then it hits me.

EARL!!!! DANGIT~!!!!!

well, that's fine! just be that way :P

happy birthday to Earl and his might green blog! :)

B.E. Earl said...

Holly - I knew at least ONE person would fall for it. Congratulations! ;)

marty mankins said...

Wow. Quite the accomplishment. 1,000 posts, 44 years and a Foo Fighter video to boot.

Happy Birthday and Happy Blogoversary to you!

B.E. Earl said...

Marty - thanks on both counts!

Suzi Q said...

Happy Belated Birthday!

badgerdaddy said...

Dude, I was away and missed the event. So, belated hurrahs!
Interesting WV with your booze fixation - reoccer, like the phonetic Rioja.

Always Home and Uncool said...

Double happy and fie on you for RickRolling me!

Lotus07 said...

So many commentable things here, but I don't have the time right now. Suffice to say that the Pacific Ocean is breath taking, but only if seen above San Luis Obispo. You owe it to yourself to drive up Highway 1 in a covertable from San Luis Obispo to Portland at least once in your life....put it on your to do list.

I agree on the whole Excel thing. I am not a wise by any means, but it is THE application for doing anything with numbers. What my co-workers DON'T know about it continually astounds me.