So, what's the best way to celebrate? A blow-job and some whiskey would be nice. No, not from you Slyde. You do have nice lips, but you have terrible taste in booze.
In lieu of that, how about 44 random and stupid things about moi? Let's do it to it, shall we.
1. Prior to moving in with Gia, I was extremely allergic to cats. Now they sleep on my face.
2. My family never really did figure out exactly what my father did for a living. I mean, we have an idea, but I'm going with international spy.
3. I was terrible at drinking in college. I generally drank until I blacked out/passed out, and vomiting was usually on the menu. Now, at 44, I'm just hitting my alcoholic stride. Yay me!
4. I've got the cutest dimple on my...right shoulder. What? You were thinking someplace else?
5. Boxer briefs...all the way.
6. It's been five years since I got my one and only tattoo. It's starting to feel pretty lonely down there on its own.
7. I've still never been to any of the West Coast states. Las Vegas is the furthest west I've traveled in this country. And that took a whole lot of convincing on someone's part.
8. I have been as far south as you can go in these here United States of America. Many, many times. But it's just about time to go back.
9. I know it's just two guys eventually giving each other brain damage, but damn...I love me a good boxing match.
10. I find women with a kinda crooked face (like Ellen Barkin) to be incredibly sexy. I find some women without crooked faces to be incredibly sexy also. I'm just saying I like a woman with a crooked face.
11. Gia does not have a crooked face at all, and I find her incredibly sexy. She does have two different color eyes though. So there's that.
12. If I had to have just one food for the rest of my life it would be tuna salad with pickles on sourdough bread. But you gotta dice the pickle and mix it with the rest of the salad. I'm not a barbarian, people!
13. With what we are going through with Sammi, I'm so glad that I decided long ago never to be a parent. I don't think I could handle a sick or dying child.
14. Plus, having kids would just cut into my boozing time. Priorities, people!
15. I'd stay up until 4AM and sleep until noon everyday if I could.
16. I love our Keurig one-brew coffee maker, but sometimes I think I'd like to sit down with a whole pot of delicious brewed coffee in the morning. Just like the old days. And not that drip shit either. I'm talking percolator, baby!
17. I just found out that the first "season" of AMC's The Walking Dead is only gong to be 6 episodes. So just 3 episodes left this year. WTF? Am I living in the UK or something? Pfft.
18. I miss collecting comic-books. Until I see a new issue of something and it's barely recognizable in format from what I read when I was younger. I hate all that glossy paper.
19. I've mentioned this before, but it's been a while. I chew my fingernails. But only two of them. I call them my "bad fingers". One on each hand. I used to gnaw on all ten, but about 10 years ago I was able to make this little compromise. Now all my fury and stress goes toward those two bad fingers. They are a mess.
20. I still have occasional issues with Restless Leg Syndrome at bedtime, but they seem to be happening less and less recently. I have no idea why.
21. When I turned 19, I was legally allowed to purchase and drink booze. But only for 12 days. Because on December 1st of that year, the drinking age in NY went up to 21. Looking back, it seems unfair to have had it taken away from me for 2 years. It probably seemed even more unfair at the time. Especially since I was very sick during those 12 days and on medication so I couldn't drink even if I wanted to. And I'm sure I wanted to.
22. That semester at college was a bad one for me. Because of the impending increase in drinking age and the rumors that the entire campus would go dry, it was all party all the time that semester. I think I barely managed passing grades in everything . I mean BARELY.
23. I did, however, learn how to hacky-sack and juggle that semester. Skills that keep paying dividends to this very day. Or not.
24. That Shake Weight advertisement on TV is disturbing. Looks like an excuse for building up those jerking off muscles to me.
25. Not there is anything wrong with that. Those are important muscles to exercise.
26. I'm becoming addicted to the Craig Ferguson show on late nights on CBS. And it's one of those things that it feels right to watch it when it's on rather than DVR it to watch later. The problem? It doesn't go on until 12:35 or so in the AM. See #15 above.
27. I wish I spoke with a Scottish accent.
28.Even though I love the weather in November (sweaters...yay!), I definitely start a 3-4 month mild depression around this time of year. Probably because there is no baseball.
29. There are these stupid commercials for 1800 tequila starring Michael Imperiole that I'm starting to hate. Not because they make fun of Patron tequila - which I agree is overrated - but because he turns the bottle upside-down and watches the tequila pours into the empty cap. Then he says, "Look...my 1800 bottle just poured me a shot", but they don't show how he gets the cap off with the liquid in it without spilling mediocre tequila all over the place. Phew! I think I'm over-thinking some of these.
30. I only know that 1800 tequila thing doesn't work because we have a bottle at home and I tried it. Oh, gullible me.
31. I wouldn't recognize Lady Gaga, Christina Aguilera, Ke$ha or a bunch of other pop singers if they walked up to me and slapped me on the face. Well, maybe if Gaga was wearing her meat suit...
32. Nor would I know any of their music. I'm not being an old, grumpy guy here. I've probably heard some of their songs, but it's just not my bag, man. And I wouldn't really know where to go to listen to music like that anyway. OK, I guess that does make me an old, grumpy guy.
33. I'd love to see last week's episode of Community win an Emmy this/next year. If only because I now know what a "bottle episode" is. Well done, kids.
34. Speaking of Community, it's one of those shows right now whose theme song get stuck in my head. The other one right now is Veronica Mars. Especially the slower funky version from Season 3.
35. Whenever I watch A Few Good Men, and I watch it a lot, there are about a half dozen times that I just wish Tom Cruise's character would punch Demi Moore's character right in her privates. Lt. Cmd. JoAnne Galloway is easily the worst character Aaron Sorkin has ever written!
36. Whenever someone asks me what I want for my birthday or Christmas I always say the same thing. "I don't really need anything." I mean, I guess I do need stuff. But I can never think of anything in that particular moment.
37. Speaking of gifts, I still have to figure out some kind of prize for Paticus for winning the first ever Verdant Dude Jack Contest a few weeks ago. Sorry, dude...I've been busy. I promise that I'll get 'er done.
38. There's a new show on the Discovery Channel that premiering this weekend. Brew Masters, a reality show following Sam Calagiano - owner of the Dogfish Head Brewery - as he travels around the world searching out new ingredients and styles of beer. I'm checking it out, are you?
39.A lot of people find it hard to believe, but at one point in my life I seriously considered joining the military. I even was a part of the ROTC program at my college for a year before deciding it wasn't for me. I often wonder how that one choice changed my life.
40. I've never met someone who knows more about MS Excel than I know. I'm sure they are out there, but I've never met them. Back when I was a corporate stooge, our bosses in the head office sent an "expert" to train my staff on Excel and Access. It took all of my willpower not to take over the class after 10 minutes of listening to what this so-called expert had to say. Instead I just pretended that there was an emergency I had to work on and I excused myself. Saved myself three days of correcting the fool.
41. Besides the Dude, of course, one of my favorite all-time characters in a film is Wade Garrett from Roadhouse. No way that Dalton was a tougher cooler than Wade Fucking Garrett. Plus, Sam Elliot = awesome. And he understands the Dude.
42. I generally pick up at least one bag of potato chips every time I go to the food market. For health reason only, of course.
43. If you want to be my Facebook friend, click here.
44. I sometimes dream of electric sheep. Is that weird?
Phew! Alright, now that we have that accomplished...done, done and I'm on to the next one. DONE I'M DONE AND I'M ON TO THE NEXT...
___________________________________________________Note: Remember to play the Badgerdaddy Trivia Challenge every day. See you at 2,000!