- My sense of direction - I rarely get lost, except for the times that I don't know where I am or where I'm going. Mostly I guide myself by celestial navigation, but that can be difficult at times. Sometimes it's cloudy and I can't see the stars. Oh, and there is a good half of the day when I can't see the stars at all. Then I'm fucked. But usually, if traveling anywhere within a 5-mile radius of my home, I have a terrific sense of direction. Some of the time.
- My skill at Golden Tee - Video golf games are often the true indicator of one's final stop on the ole' existence train (up there or, you know...). I rule at Golden Tee. Except for that time that I nearly/possibly broke my thumb while attempting a severe right to left fade. Then I had to finish the game lefty. I still ruled, but just slightly less so.
- My hair - I grow hair at a pretty fast rate, and I think that's a pretty important thing in life. Right now I'm growing it out so I can pull it back into a top knot like the Dude from The Big Lebowski. Far out.
- My endless knowledge of the trivial - I've often thought that there is a portion of one's brain that is used solely for leading a normal, productive existence. Unfortunately, that part of my brain is filled with crap about movies, music, comic books, Norse mythology and pre-Columbian civilizations. I think it's a positive thing, but those around me are often annoyed. Fuck them!
- My lower legs - I'm pretty proud of 'em. I've got a pretty shitty outlook on the rest of my body, but my calves rock! Want proof? Just take a peek at my tattoo pic over there to the left. Bam! Try to contain yourselves, ladies (and Slyde)!
- My regularity - I'm very regular. I crap at least once a day, and I think that is a positive thing. Cleans me out in a great way. Besides the "every day" phenomena, it also usually comes around the same time each day. And usually in the middle of an important phone conversation. Sometimes I hang up and call back, sometimes I bring them into the bathroom with me. It usually smells pretty bad, but I don't think they know that on the other end of the phone. They might be aware of what I'm doing because of the grunting, but I try to cover it by pretending I have Tourette's Syndrome. I think that works well.
- My dancing skillz - That's right...with a Z! I excel at many different types of dancing. The sprinkler, the Cotton-Eyed Joe, the shopping cart, the lawn mower. It's not just the "white man's overbite" for Earl. I'm the complete package. I even participated at the World Record for dancing to the Macarena while at Yankee Stadium one afternoon. And by participating, I mean I made fun of everyone else who was doing it. The Macarena? Pfft!!! That's dancing for lemmings.
PS - Gia just reminded me of my cat stomping abilities. I should have included that. What would I do without her?
