Sep 16, 2008

Memories...

Let me take you back to a simpler time. It was the 1970's and you didn't have to worry about high gas prices or the flailing economy or an unpopular war. Wait a minute...the 70's actually were a lot like that. Hmm.

Anyway, it was somewhere around '75 or '76 and there were only three types of Doritos available to the general public. Original (who really bought those?), Nacho Cheese (as hawked by Avery Schrieber on Saturday morning television) and Taco.

This is a post for those of us who remember and love Taco Doritos.

I don't know why and I don't know when, but one day the assholes at the evil Doritos headquarters decided to stop making Taco Doritos. Oh sure, you heard rumors. They still made them, but they only sell them in Texas. Or I hear they have a surplus supply of them in North Florida...but only in the panhandle. Rumors designed to keep the hopes of a chubby 10 year-old boy alive!

I don't know if any of these rumors were true. I only knew the cold, hard abandonment of never having my favorite chips ever again. I would never pick up a Taco Doritos chip and find the side with all the flavoring* and put it directly on my tongue so I could lick it's deliciousness off in a slow, circular motion until it was time to bite down on the chip itself. I would never ever feel that sensuous joy again.

*Oh you know what I'm talking about. They've improved on the flavoring of chips over the years so that both sides now get some of the flavoring, but there is always one side that has MORE of the flavoring. And back in 1975, Taco Doritos only had flavoring on one side. Deep, dark, black, tempting Taco flavoring.

The fools at Frito-Lay have even tried to trick us over the years into thinking they were bringing Taco Doritos back. They introduced Taco Bell Doritos, but that was a pale imitation. They gave us Zesty Taco a year or so ago, but they only sold it in bags mixed with Chipotle Ranch. And there were still those rumors that Taco...original Taco Doritos were available somewhere in the South. You know, just to piss off us Yankees.

Tonight, at the Super Stop & Shop in town I thought I found the Holy Grail!

TACO FLAVORED DORITOS!!!
(I would provide a picture, but I can't fine one on the web anywhere - Earl)


It says right on the bag "They're back by popular demand" in odd lettering. Too good to be true? Unfortunately, yes. They are cheesier (?) for some reason than the Zesty Taco chips sold in the combo bag, and no where near the same flavor as Original Taco so many years ago. I don't understand it.

I don't understand why a chip that was loved by so many (read Michael Ian Black talk about the chip here) can't be duplicated. Why can't they just hire somebody who worked for Frito-Lay back in the mid-70's and put them on the job and give us what we fucking want!

Final verdict: Not bad, but not great either. I'm gonna have to live with the disappointment, I guess. Crap!

26 comments:

pure evyl said...

Taco Dorito's were good but I like Nacho Cheese perhaps because I just like saying, 'My Cheese, Nacho Cheese.' Over and over. It irratates my wife and I live for that shit.

kiki said...

this post is so deep on many different levels

B.E. Earl said...

Evyl - Nacho Cheese will do in a pinch. So will just about any flavor of Doritos. Except that Mountain Dew shit they put out earlier this year. Awful!

Kiki - click the link to Michael Ian Black's rant on Taco Doritos. THAT is deep.

Bucky said...

It's not that hard to find...

http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=TACO%20FLAVORED%20DORITOS&um=1&ie=UTF-8&sa=N&tab=wi

Wil said...

Ah dammit all to hell! Though I did prefer the Nacho Cheese also.

The Trailer Of Love

Mrs. Hall said...

You are a man of sophisisticated tastes.

hmmm.... doritos...

yummy.

Mrs. Hall

B.E. Earl said...

Bucky - The new bag is the one I couldn't find a picture of. It doesn't have a graphic of the chips themselves on it. It just says "TACO" in a weird, scratchy font and then "They're back by popular demand". Looks more like the green bag they did for the mystery chip (Mountain Dew) a whiles back.

Wil - Eveyone has their favorites!

Mrs. Hall - That might be the first time anyone has ever said that. :)

Heff said...

We're evidently about the same age. Strangely, I don't remember Taco Doritos. I guess mommy cared too much about my diet :(

Slyde said...

as a connosuir (sp) of all things "dorito", i must try these new ones..

for what its worth, i dont remember the 70's taco ones (keep in mind you are about 19 years older than me), but i do like the taco/chipotle ones...

B.E. Earl said...

Heff - we had to sneak 'em into the house from the local deli.

Slyde - As we confirmed this weekend at your 40th birthday party, I am only a year older than you. For two more months, anyway.

Poppy said...

These ones?

I've never had those, would love to try them...

B.E. Earl said...

I don't know if it is the same one as those. Totally different bag, and the old Taco Doritos I remember from my youth were in an orange and white bag. I think.

Paige Stanton said...

I understand your pain, while I was in Vegas I found Spicy Cheetos, we don't have those here in Canada. I stocked up!

Michelle J said...

b.e. i never had a taco dorito! I feel as though i am missing out on something that should have been a part of my childhood!! Hmmm, lets track some down!! Can we?? You?? Maybe somebody out there has a bag or two?? Ebay perhaps?? Dude, i'm serious!!

Michelle

Water Logged Canine said...

For me it's Vanilla Coke. Comes and goes. But oh boy, when it comes...I see color bars!

B.E. Earl said...

Paige - Spicy Cheetos, eh? Never had em. I've never been a cheese puff guy.

Michelle - The new ones aren't that great, and the old ones...I can't imagine any survived the past 20 years. Sniff.

WLC - No shit. Yesterday we went to a cheeseburger joint in Plainview. Know what I chased down my tasty burger with? Vanilla Coke! A mason jar filled with delicious Vanilla Coke. And free refills. I had 4!!!

Never Mind The Bollix said...

I'm banned from eating Dorito's and them cardboard Pringle thingies. Allegedly it is considered to be bad manners to double dip. Fuck em.. I buy em, I double dip when I want.

B.E. Earl said...

NMTB - no one tells me how to eat chips either. I'd fight that ban if I were you.

Mrs. Hall said...

ARGGGG!!! so tired I kan't spell!!

I meant to say:

You are a man of sophisticated tastes.

Further more, I really mean it. Why do we not consider Doritos a gourmet item? Because has 64 ingredients most of which are not found in nature? Is it because it is under 5 bucks a bag?

I say screw that.

Doritos will please even the most demanding and refined palate.

It is a pure and tasty delight!

;)

Mrs. Hall

That's it! NO more typing comments while bouncing a toddler on the knee.

martymankins said...

I remember the Taco flavored Doritos as a kid. They were good. The pics from Bucky and Poppy are from the actual bag they now sell in the stores. So far, only the 7-11 and Maverik conv. stores have them in the 99 cents size.

As for the Taco Bell brand, they were called Taco Supreme and I thought they were very good. They had a great sour cream like taste to them. I wish they would bring those back.

B.E. Earl said...

Mrs. Hall - I knew what you meant. :)

Marty - I don't think those current Taco bags have been sold in NY for a while now, but I'll take your word for it. And the Taco Supreme...they were okay. Just pale in comparison to original Taco.

FourLeafClover said...

Taco Doritos! Holy... I was born in the wrong time!

B.E. Earl said...

4Leaf - any description of them will pale in comparison to the real thing. They were the food of the gods!

girlydigs said...

How funny... I had completely forgotten about Taco Doritos... they were sooo yummy. Wonder why they quit making them?? I loved how the seasoning would be caked on one side... good stuff!

white rabbit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
kiki said...

my point is proven by the number of comments this has received