Jan 23, 2009

heartbroken


Our big boy Syd passed away today.

It was sudden. It was unexpected. He died in our arms.

I started and deleted this post a half a dozen times tonight. I never want to get too personal and yet it was the only thing that I cared about and I needed to say something. It hurts too much. Tears like this haven't flowed since my father died 5 1/2 years ago.

I've never loved an animal as much as I loved Syd. I've only loved a handful of humans as much. He was my boy, my buddy, my best friend. He was the smile on my face in sad times. Now at the saddest of times...my smile is gone.

He was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing I saw each night as he slept right next to me with his head on my pillow. He lived for 12 years, but I only knew him for 2 1/2 years. In that time we grew so close that Gia actually was jealous of our connection. She is dying inside tonight.

I don't care if you think he was only an animal. Only a cat. Fuck that! He was my heart and now it is missing.

I miss my little buddy.




37 comments:

Avitable said...

I'm so sorry. Every time I've lost a pet, it's been heartbreaking. Please accept my sincerest condolences.

Mik said...

Sorry for your loss, they aren't just animals or pets, but friends, who don't judge you and just love you.

Tova Darling said...

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Steph said...

Oh Earl, I'm so sorry. Attachments and affections are real and viable regardless of who we share them with. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better; I've been where you are and I know how much it hurts. That's all I can offer you, along with thoughts and sympathy.

My warmest hug to both you and Gia.

Steph

B.E. Earl said...

Thanks everyone.

Means a lot.

RW said...

When our greyhound had to be put down a couple years ago because she had bone cancer in her leg I was surprised at how much I felt about that, so no need to explain. Am lifting a glass in Syd's honor. Maybe two.

B.E. Earl said...

RW - thanks man.

Bella@That damn expat said...

I know how you feel and if anyone tells you he was just a cat tell them I said Fuck you.

Jimmy Bastard said...

Nothing wrong with having strong attachments with pets, pal. The bond I have with mine is closer than some members of the Bastard clan.

badgerdaddy said...

I'm so, so sorry. Me and Zoe will raise a glass or two for the old fella tonight, you can be sure of that. x

Michelle said...

Green man i am truly sorry!! Syd sounds like an amazing cat and friend!!! You know he will always be with you in your heart and memory!!! I want to raise my glass to Syd and say "cat you rock"!!!!

In fact, i think i will!!!

M

Girl, Dislocated said...

So sorry for the loss of your best buddy... it doesn't matter what species he was, a friend is a friend.

Dr Zibbs said...

Sorry to hear that Earl. People that don't have pets don't understand.

Miss Ann Thrope said...

I am so incredibly sorry. It's horrible. I wish there was something I could say but there's nothing.

We lost 3 cats in 2005. I know. That's all I'm saying.

My best to you both.

B.E. Earl said...

@all - again, thanks everyone!

Slyde said...

ah, im sorry. i know that the little bugger was very close to you...

marty mankins said...

So sorry to hear this, Earl. I know exactly how you feel. We lost our mama kitty last July at the age of 20 and it was sad when she passed on.

Please know that my thoughts are with you at this time.

Faiqa said...

:( ::hugs::

livesbythewoods said...

Oh mate...so sorry. We cried for days when we lost our dog, they are not just animals. You loved him, he loved you. *hugs*

teeni said...

I'm so very sorry about Syd. I know that connection you spoke about because I felt that way about the cat I had for over 20 years. It's so funny how you can become so in sync with a buddy like that. Anyway, I wish I could help with the hole in your heart that I am sure Syd leaves but I guess only time can really help with that pain. I do feel for you and Gia though.

My only consolation is that you gave him a good life and you had him in your arms. You don't have to worry that he was cold, alone, or wonder what happened to him. I'm sure no cat was better loved and I'm sure he knew it as you held him. May he rest in peace.

mikeb302000 said...

Sorry to hear about it. I know losing a pet is serious business. Good luck during the healing process.

Dale said...

It's never 'only a cat', I'm sorry to hear about Syd, such a wonderful looking cat and clearly beloved.

Bianca said...

Very sorry to hear about your loss. I understand it and feel your pain. Our cats are our furry babies with tails. They are such a huge part of our lives. Hang in there and know that he's had a happy life with you.

Cap'n Marrrrk said...

Hi Earl,
Me and Bianca send our deepest condolences. We know the love and affection and warmth of having a cat companion and we know the hollow, despair of loss.

Ville said...

Oh Earl. I am crying right now with you, for you. I know exactly what it is like to have such a special bond with beloved pets. Myself and my 5 furry little feline children will be thinking of you and Gia during this incredibly difficult time.

I truly understand your grief.

Debra

pure evyl said...

Sorry dude. I feel for you. I haven't had a dog in 20 years since I lost my border collie, Bandit. Perhaps one day but I still feel like I could never replace him.

Holly Hall said...

OH EARL!

My heart goes out to you and Gia.

((hugs)) from me, and my dog Henry and kitty Prince Albert

Animals tap into a place humans just can't

((hugs))

hello haha narf said...

i'm so terribly saddened to hear of your loss. it never ceases to amaze me how furry little non english speaking beings gets so deeply into our hearts. know that i am truly sorry to hear of your loss.
sending lots of virtual hugs your way.

Paige Stanton said...

Hugs to you and Gia. So sorry for your loss.

Heff said...

I'm by NO means a fan of cats, but I do respect your loss.

Ookami Snow said...

I am sorry to hear about Syd.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Aww Earl, I'm so sorry.

Syd lived a great life full of love...take peace in that.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I am so SORRY to hear about the kitty kat. Syd looked like a beautiful boy. He will forever be with you!!

- Jennifer

Bruce said...

The older I get, the more I realize that the animals that really know us, know us better than any human ever will. Something that purrs on your chest for no other reason than some canned food in the morning is pretty honest, humble and only slightly demanding. I don't know any humans with those qualities. We have 5 cats and 2 dogs....and when one has passed away in the past, all of use, including the other pets, get very, very depressed. We are a family and we all know it.

Condolences, Verdunt dude.....

Paticus said...

I will apologize first for being a day or two late. i was sorta off the grid yesterday.
My condolences on the loss of Syd.
I had a cat named Phil that passed away on Valentine's Day 14 years ago now...and I think he and Syd had a lot in common, including their places in their owners' hearts.
Again, my condolences on your loss.

elizabeth said...

So sorry Earl. I know you loved him. You were a good cat daddy.

Poppy said...

I am so sorry, sweetie. Hugs to you and Gia. Syd is dancing in kitty heaven with some fantastic other kitties.