Jul 13, 2009

Dear Trubba Man

A million years ago (or back in the 80's), I used to read National Lampoon every once in a while. And back then they had a feature that may or may not have been a regular column called Dear Trubba Man.

It was a fake advice column that they ran with a picture of Joe Frazier, I believe, as Trubba Man.  A picture kind of like that one on the right.  Maybe it was Ken Norton, I dunno.  But I think it was a boxer at the very least.  It wasn't the smartest feature published, and in retrospect it was probably pretty offensive to African-Americans.  But for some reason, I have never forgotten it.

A typical letter would read as follows:

Dear Trubba Man,
My girlfriend recently broke up with me and she threw all of my clothes out on the front lawn. What should I do?

To which Trubba Man would most likely reply,
If it were me, I'd kill da bitch! But seeing as how you seems like a wussy kind of guy, here's whatcha gonna want to do.  Blah blah blah.

And then he would go on about exacting his revenge in some funny/demeaning/stereotypical way.  It was mostly funny because of the picture of Joe (or Ken or whomever). 

Does anyone out there remember this feature from National Lampoon? Am I the only one?  I think Trubba Man would have had a field day with the Michael Jackson funeral.  Seeing as he was a wussy kind of guy and all.

And in totally un-related meanness, which slack-eyed monster is more awful to look at:


Forrest Whitaker or Paris Hilton?  I'm choosing Paris. I'm a hetero white guy, but I would totally stick it to Forrest given the choice of the two.

Because she makes me ill.


___________________________________________________

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Wow, that last part was really mean, wasn't it?

27 comments:

Heff said...

Paris makes me ill too, but mainly because of what comes out of her mouth. I'd have something going IN her mouth.

Forrest Whitaker is MUCH more fucked up.

Michelle said...

I like Forrest Whitaker. And I have no idea about that National Lampoon thing!!!

:O)

2abes said...

not a fan of either one....and you'd probably catch something nasty from each of them

Always Home and Uncool said...

Are they hooking up? Because that would be a train wreck to see.

Kiefer and Emo said...

but it's left...?

B.E. Earl said...

Heff - MUCH more fucked up? I dunno about that.

Michelle - did you see Battlefield Earth?

2abes - I wouldn't fuck Paris with Slyde's peepee.

Uncool - shudder.

K&E - right. Huh?

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

I realize I am a bit late here but:

1. Awesome photo of the dude doll. ;)

2. Happy belated B-day to your better half Gia. And if may take a month or a year-I look forward to her next post ;)

3. I had a patient who LLOOOOVVEEED the bloodhound gang. Naturally, I asked him to bring some in so we could show me his favorite CDs and such. (He would often bring in his other favorite band "They Might be Giants" I will often do this with patients, ask them about pets/music/food. Ask them to bring in photos/cds/recipes.

Because even if they are not in touch with reality, even if my patients hate being in my office and DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT---everyone has favorite foods/pets/music. And they like talking about them.

So during the visits he would talk about TBG and I would say, you should bring it in and he would say, "ok sure!" but he never did. So one time I asked him why.

He got all red and said something along the lines of TBG being having too much swearwords.

After seeing the vids, THANK GOODNESS he didn't bring those in. because DAYUM!!

3.Mr. Hall thoroughly enjoys the Battlestar. I try my best but don't enjoy the Robo blond. Plus I just can't wrap my head around the plot. Will keep trying though.

4. And you're just chicken Earl. Plain yeller for not taking the Mrs. Hall quiz!!!

OK

MRS HALL OUT!

white rabbit said...

The most bizarre advice column I ever came across was 'Tell the Pastor' in the Jamaica Daily Gleaner. Why anyone would want to tell the Pastor was a complete mystery to me cos he was the most unsympathetic git imaginable and just told anyone and everyone writing in to pull themselves together.

The funniest letter I saw was when someone wrote in complainaing that he had a small appendage and it was causing him all sorts of grief. He had even lost a browning (light skinned black woman) as a result. In desperation he had even tried beating the little chap against a paw paw tree but to no avail.

The Pastor told him to pull himself together...

Avitable said...

National Lampoon used to be funny - I remember reading old issues that I found somewhere. It went downhill pretty quickly.

Faiqa said...

I'm totally hetero, but I would pick Paris. She's hot.

Kiefer and Emo said...

the picture. Of Trubba. Or am I drunk. Don't answer that. It's too early amirite?

Slyde said...

you expressing your steamy desire to stick it to forrest whittacker is the first truthfull thing you've ever written here.

p.s. i really cant STAND FW. Im currently watching the shield and im up to season 5 where he was introduced, and he is KILLING ME with that lazy eye and his slurred speech. i cant understand half the fucking things he says...

B.E. Earl said...

Holly - you need to stop by more often. And don't call me yeller!

WR - pull yerself together, mahn!

Avitable - it's been decades since I have read it. Literally.

Faiqa - oh no. Really? Please tell me you are kidding. Please!!!!

K&E - oh that! If you look at it in a mirror it will be on the right. Crap.

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde - You know you love him. Admit it.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

I cannot comment on the lazy eye thing...as My Guy has one that rears its little head occasionally.
I think it's kinda sexy, but that's cuz I'm madly in love with the dude...

What would Trubba Man say??

B.E. Earl said...

Candy - Trubba Man says "If it were me, I'd slap the silly bitch upside the head and fix that shit. But seeing as youse is the wussy kind of guy..."

Water Logged Canine said...

Marty Feldman

Ookami Snow said...

I can't stand Paris, the city and the city in flesh-and-blood.

Jimmy Bastard said...

I like the idea of Trubba Man... I think you should reinvent him as a regular feature in your blog.

As for the lazy eyers... Forest is fine, but that awfy fecking Paris hoor should be flogged with broken beer bottles until she admits to being nothing more than a parasite skank.

B.E. Earl said...

WLC - Marty was a googly-eyed genius!

Ookami - and didn't Michael Jackson name his daughter PAris? Blech.

Jimmy - sounds like you would do pretty well as Trubba Man yerself. :)

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

YELLER!!!

B.E. Earl said...

Holly - you are trying to taunt me. It won't work.

sybil law said...

Never heard of Trubba Man but maybe my brother would remember?
Anyway, I'd totally do Forrest over Paris. She makes me itch just looking at her.

B.E. Earl said...

Sybil - she definitely has cooties.

Anonymous said...

I remember Trubba Man...to the point that I found this blog only because of Googling for it. I think this is the only reference to the NatLamp character online--you win. I think I may have some of those circa 1987 issues in an attic somewhere to someday consult the eternal wisdom of Trubba Man.

Anonymous said...

You seem like the kind of guy who would get f*cked up the ass the first night in the penitentiary. Typical Trubbaman advice. Ann Landers he wasn.t

Hierarchist said...

I remember the Trubba Man column in National Lampoon, and it was hilarious. I think it was Leon Spinks who was chosen as the joke persona for the columnist. The idea of an ugly alpha garboon giving romance advice is intrinsically hilarious, and very "racist," and was therefore conducive to therapeutic relief for the mostly white readers of National Lampoon.