Sep 22, 2009

The Beast

Welcome to my 666th post, children.



I thought long and hard about today's topic.   666 is a milestone I never thought I would reach on this blog.  So for weeks and weeks I have been planning a super-spectacular, highly evil, knock-down, drag-out of a post.

Nah...not really.  I just noticed my number of posts yesterday so I thought I would mention it.   Still...fun, right?

In honor of my "Number of the Beast" post here on The Verdant Dude I thought I would bless you with my top 666 Horror Films of all-time.   Whoa...that's too many.  How about my scariest 6.66 Horror Films of all-time?  Yeah...that sounds better.

Earl's Scariest 6.66 Horror Films of All-Time

6.66 - Event Horizon (1997) - I'm putting this one last, er, first (descending order, y'all) on the list because I really don't even like it.  In fact, I kind of hate it.  But that doesn't take away from the fact that I won't watch it at 2AM on a dark and stormy Autumn night because it scares the living fuck out of me.  Okay?  So many things that bothered me about this film.  How do you hire an actor named Jack Noseworthy, fer instance.  That name is just plain silly.   But Sam Neill wandering around with his eyes gouged out, glimpses of some kind of Hell dimension that looks like it probably smells really bad?  That's creepy folks.  And note worthy.  No...I didn't say nose worthy.  Sheesh!

6 - The Devil's Rejects (2005) - Say what you will about Rob Zombie.  No...go head, say it.  But the man loves Horror.  And the true test of a true disciple is how well he can make a really good Horror Film on the cheap.  And that's kinda what Zombie did with TDR.  His first film, House of 1000 Corpses, was just too much.  Too much story, too much over-produced crappy film making.  Just too much.  So when it didn't do well at the box office, he had to cut back some on some of the bells and whistles for the sequel.  What emerged was a leaner, meaner, much more scary film than the first one.  Great music, great gags, lots of great performances and nobody named Noseworthy anywhere in the film.

5 - Halloween (1978) - Speaking of Rob Zombie.  No wait...this is the John Carpenter version.  The REAL fucking version.  Still the grand-daddy of all slasher flicks, in this reviewer's most humble opinion.  Sure, Black Christmas pre-dates and heaviliy influenced it, but this one was done right.  And really, nothing has come close since.  Just a madman with a mask and a knife killing teenagers for no apparent reason.  A classic tale of the boogeyman.  Nothing more and nothing less.  Forget all the crap about Laurie Strode being his sister or whatever the Druids or the Man in Black were doing in the sequels.  This is just pure terror...in William Shatner mask.

4 - Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973) - OK, don't judge me.  This, ahem...made-for-television film scared the bejeesus out of little Earl back in the day.  It was probably originally shown on a Sunday night and then replayed on local TV stations on Saturday afternoons all through my formative years.  And I had to watch it.  Every. Single. Time.  It's a little story about a woman who inherits the family homestead when someone or other bites it.  She finds a fireplace bricked up in the basement and thinks that it would be a good idea to open it up.  Guess she never saw a made-for-television Horror Film before, eh?  Well, she let's loose a bunch of pint-sized demons with wrinkly prune heads.  The hide in her plants and in her medicine cabinet and they really just wanna kill her.  So she can join them, ya see.  It would be sweet if it didn't haunt my nightmares for a decade or so.  I saw it again about ten years ago and it was pretty silly actually.  Until I turned the lights off that night.

3 - The Omen (1976) - Some people like Rosemary's Baby, and still others prefer The Exorcist when it comes to 1970's Horror.  Me?  Well, creepy little kids always scared me the most.  And the Rosemary's baby was just too young to be scary.  And Regan was a bit too old.  But little Damian?  He was just the right age to be the creepiest of the creepiest kids in those films.  Even with Gregory Peck chewing up the scenery all over the place.  I would imagine finding out that your son was really the Antichrist might have that effect on anyone.  I still get a little chill with that final shot of the film.  Damian, breaking the fourth wall and giving the audience a creepy little look.  This film is probably one of the main reasons why I never wanted kids.

2 - The Howling (1981) - You'll notice that there aren't a lot of vampires, zombies or werewolves on my list.  I've never really been scared by most of those kind of films.  I always thought they were more fun than scary, but I'm kind of a weirdo.  But this one is an exception to the rule.  Mostly.  There was a lot more camp in this one than I remembered, and the ending was just plain ridiculous.  But there are some awesome scenes of pure claustrophobic terror sandwiched in there as well.  This is another flick that has climbed my personal charts as the years tick on.  It's just so well done.  Except for the ending, of course.  Silly cutesy werewolves!

1 - The Shining (1980) - The more I see this one, the higher it moves up my list.  It's just so damn creepy and odd.  I used to be a pretty big fan of Stephen King when I was younger, but somehow that has faded over time.  But Stanley Kubrick's interpretation of King's haunted house novel (in many ways I thought Salem's Lot was a better haunted house novel, but that is neither here nor there) actually improved upon a very decent and frightening neo-classic in major ways.  The wide open spaces of the hotel and grounds only accentuate the ever encroaching madness embodied by Jack Torrance.  I really love this film.  And I love being scared by it even more.

What films, if any, scare you?

Note - I did a similar post back on Slyde's blog when I was first starting out with this blogging thing.  They haven't changed that much in the past few years. My descriptons of the films even sound the same.  Huh.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. You know what really scares me?  Your face.

28 comments:

sybil law said...

I was just talking about this stuff last night! I agree with everything you chose, but I saw Amityville Horror when I was like, 9, I think, and those bleeding walls scared me. Nothing else, just the walls. They had a dog in that movie, and at the time I loved dogs and had pictures of them all over my room - it was hard to sleep that night!
Also, creepy kids kill me, too. That freak Malachai in Children of the Corn - ewwww! If he'd been my son in real life, I don't think I could ever look at him again. The movie was not great, but Malachai - ugh.

Avitable said...

Hm, I don't know of many horror films that I find scary, although Descent was pretty creepy and the first Blair Witch, before all the hype, was fucking amazing.

B.E. Earl said...

Sybil - I think because of where I live (very close to Amityville) and I know of all the fake hype, The Amityville Horror never did anything for me.

Avitable - I agree...not a lot of truly scary films. The Descent and Blair Witch both had their moments. Both very good films, I thought.

Slyde said...

Except for your ommission of Dawn of the Dead, i would probably concur with this list.

except for event horizon. Except for feeling up your thigh before the movie started, i dont remember much about this movie. I admit remembering it was creepy, but it just didnt leave much else of an impression on me.

Heff said...

I'm glad someone agrees with me about Carpenter's "Halloween" being the better version. Why is Zombie even BOTHERING with Halloween II ? Does he think he has to ruin ALL of them ?

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde - I went back and forth on Dawn of the Dead. Then I was trying to decide which version of Dawn of the Dead I loved more. And I couldn't decide. So I just left both of them off. Event Horizon wasn't a good movie. But it did scare me.

Heff - You know, the whole Zombie Halloween thing is interesting to me. He is a bit of a hypocrite because he first claimed that no one should ever mess with the original. Then he was handed a bucket of cash to do it. Guess that can change someone's mind. I didn't hate the new Halloween, but it messed with everything that made the first movie so powerful. But Zombie knew that. He knew he couldn't make the same movie as it has been done so many times now. So he made a different movie. One in which we now KNOW about Michael Myers. It wasn't great, but it wasn't awful. And that is more than you can say for a lot of Horror remakes out there. Hello Prom Night...yeah, I'm lookin' at you!

Dr Zibbs said...

Don't be afraid of the dark. Loved that! I wonder if it's on DVD.

Wil said...

Congrats Earl! Satanic yes, but I like it too!

Love, Ronnie James Dio

Wil Harrison.com

B.E. Earl said...

Zibbs - Looks like it might have just been released on DVD on warnerarchive.com.

Wil - Diooooooo!!!!

Bruce said...

You left out "ShowGirls".....with out a doubt the scariest film I have ever seen. To think that there are really women like Elizabeth Berkley running around in this world scares the shit out of me.

B.E. Earl said...

Bruce - yeah, but there are also women like Gina Gershon running around in this world. And that does the opposite of scaring the shit out of me. :)

white rabbit said...

Congratulations horned one!

Keep polishing the hooves!

B.E. Earl said...

Wabbit - All hail me!

justsomethoughts... said...

long time no blog. i see you are in even finer form than when i left. dead sexy indeed. and you make me laugh. so thats nice.

B.E. Earl said...

Duder - Welcome back! I was just lurking over at your joint the other day.

Callie said...

When I was a kid, the weirdest things would completely creep me out. The Blob, for instance. Hated it. Just the thought that there was this huge amorphous ball of goo that would absorb and digest you. Blech. And Amityville Horror scared the crap out of me. Seriously - I would not turn off my lights for over a year because of that stupid movie.

But the slasher flicks like Halloween and Friday the 13th? LOVED them! Had a blast. Didn't bother me in the least.

Nowadays, I suppose the weird creep factor scares me. Like The Ring. *shudders* I think it has more to do with the way a movie is filmed is what affects me more than anything now.

badgerdaddy said...

28 Days Later did the job for me. Loved it.

Oooh, if you get the chance, check out Dead Set - it's a zombie series set in the Big Brother (reality TV house). Made for TV but really beautifully done. And ultimately, pretty gory.

Michelle said...

HAPPY PAPPY 6666666666666

B.E. Earl said...

Callie - there was one scene in the Ring that creeped me out. Not bad since most Horror films don't even have that.

badger - I think you emailed me about that. Sounds delish.

Michelle - :)

Mik said...

Congrats on the 666th post and a list of movies that I have seen all of them.

Water Logged Canine said...

Congrats on your monumental achievement! Devil horns to you my friend. I've always thought the best horror is that which occurs in reality. Therefore, George W. Bush, and the fact that he was reelected is proof that truth is scarier than fiction. He he he...the war is over.

hello haha narf said...

i can't watch scary movies. they scare me (duh!). seriously, i'll have nightmares for WEEKS. movies are an escape for me...i really get into them and they stay with me. unless you are gonna send someone to snuggle with me for two weeks minimum after a horror flick, i ain't watching it.

anyhow, congrats on the milestone!

Poppy said...

Some GREAT pics!

I loved The Devil's Rejects. Freebird is on my iPod Touch because of it. :D

Happy 666!

B.E. Earl said...

Mik - but did you like any of them?

Doggie - now why you gotta go and mention HIM so late at night. I'm sleeping with my eyes open.

Becky - I'm sure you aren't lacking for snuggle volunteers. Snuggleers, if you you will. ;)

Poppy - Great music in that film! Love the title scene with Midnight Rider from the Allmans.

i am the diva said...

ah, scary movies?
Event Horizon Terrified me...

also, and laugh cuz it's lame "Candyman" scared the every lovin' shit out of me when i was 15. I watched it with my older brother - i was sitting on the floor, he was behind me on the couch... i got up to leave cuz i was too scared and he pulled me back down and said i wasn't going anywhere and made me watch the whole thing... i had to turn all my mirrors around for weeks after.

The Blair Witch Project also scared the fuck out of me.... but B-rad and i were just dating at the time and he made me walk home in the dark by myself... to my bedroom... which was in the basement....

the Horror genre gets me regardless of the quality of story line, filming, acting, etc... suspense makes my heart stop - i can't handle it...

B.E. Earl said...

Diva - the more I think about Blair Witch...the initial experience of seeing it...the more I love that film.

Poppy said...

That first scene is what made me know I was gonna love the movie. I saw the "first" film after, and am very glad I watched them in the wrong order, didn't like it as much.

B.E. Earl said...

Poppy - I did the same thing. The entire "underground" portion of the first movie was just too odd. I like my Horror to be a bit more realistic.