Feb 3, 2010

From Paris with...Cheese?

I've watched John Travolta's career with almost equal parts dread and fascination. While he's been wonderful in some great movies like Pulp Fiction, Blow Out, Get Shorty or The Boy in the Plastic Bubble (don't judge me!), he also has a ridiculously growing list of ridiculously horrible films on his resume.  I was thinking about that while watching a trailer for his newest film, From Paris with Love.

It looks truly awful.

Travolta is be-decked in his patented bad-guy clothes, even though he supposedly plays an American spy attempting to prevent a terrorist act. Spouting manic genre-specific dialogue while blowing up speeding cars with rocket launchers.  He might be "too old for this shit!", if ya know what I mean.  I can't even begin to describe how awful this film looks, even though it's based on a story written by Luc Besson...who I kinda dig.

Or you can judge for yourself by watching the red-band trailer for it down below.  It's chock-ful of Travolta chewing up the scenery.


OK, all that is bad enough, right?  Then I saw another commercial for it a few days ago.  One that, for some reason, I can't find right now to embed.  And frankly, I'm kinda tired of this subject already so I will just describe it.  The commercial ends with Travolta's character handing a bag of fast food over to the other guy saying this line:
Every man has his vices.  My vice?  A Royale with Cheese.
I shouldn't have to tell anyone what movie they are referencing there, but Quentin Tarantino is rolling over in his grave right now.  Wait?  He's not dead.  Are you sure?  Have you seen a picture of him lately?  Looks pretty dead to me.

Anyway, I've heard that there are a few surprise scenes in this film that they HAVEN'T shown in any trailer yet.  Stuff that is gonna blow everyone's brains all over the back seat of the car!
  • Travolta is gonna stop some of the terrorists by staying on that mechanical bull longer than anyone!  "Anyone" may or may not be played by Scott Glenn. 
  • At one point Travolta is gonna lose the terrorists during a car chase when he sees Kirstie Alley walking her toddler down the sidewalk.  The baby, voiced by Bruce Willis, will tell him that the terrorists "went thataway!"
  • When asked by his partner in the film why he shaved his head, Travolta will jokingly replied "Because people kept messin' with ma hair. Ya know.  I would work on ma hair for a long time and people would have to go and hit it.  They hit ma hair!"
  • Travolta and  Jonathon Rhys Meyers will fly off at the end of the film on a beautifully restored classic car that Travolta, for some reason, keeps describing as "hydro-matic".
 Gonna go watch Lost now.  Bye!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Maybe he will take somebody's face...off.

18 comments:

badgerdaddy said...

Haven't thought about Blow Out for ages. Wonderful movie.

RW said...

Nonplussed by Travolta. He was great in Primary Colors - and I mean truly. Can't see past the baggage. I'm kind of a bigot...

Water Logged Canine said...

Sorry...did you post something? I'm in a fog. Speaking of "lost," I'm lost in a daydream of Vienna Beef Dogs with all the Chicago-style fixin's.

This shit just got real!

Slyde said...

you ALSO forgot about the scene from his new movie where he and Forrest Whittacker grow dreadlocks and try to enslave the human race...

B.E. Earl said...

badger - it really is.

RW - I'm a big fan of Primary Colors as well. And yeah...I can see why you wouldn't dig his baggage.

Doggie - It's on like Donkey Kong, my friend. I'm gonna talk like Harry Carey all day when I'm eating those dogs!

Slyde - No...I think even Travolta wants to forget that film. I know I do.

hello haha narf said...

i'd still fuck travolta

Slyde said...

i'd still WATCH you fuck him...

Slyde said...

or......

i could fuck YOU and have Travolta watch US...

your pick!

B.E. Earl said...

Becky - you go girl.

Slyde - Were you talking to me or Becky?

hello haha narf said...

slyde has me a little turned on this fine wedensday.

i love this blog.

B.E. Earl said...

Becky - Getting turned on, turning one's stomach...it's a fine line with Slyde.

sybil law said...

I just can't stand Travolta. He bothers me in so many ways.

Bruce said...

Every time I see Travolta all I can think about is "Crazy Scientologist with his own 707. Creepy.

Mrs. Holly Hall said...

WAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

KKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTEE!!

JJJJJJAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKK!!!!

JJJJJAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMEEEESSS!!!

AND

lest we forget

LOCKE!!!

DAMN it feels so very great that lost is back on.

but, enough is enough. i'll be best when we call get off the effing island!

Water Logged Canine said...

So get this...just saw an interview with Travolta. When asked about the 'Royale w/ Cheese' he states, "It was already in the script, and they asked me if I was alright with it. I said sure. Brando made fun of himself after the Godfather plenty of times. I can poke fun at Pulp Fiction."

Brando? Really?

Somebody call the douche police

marty mankins said...

Travolta used to the be the sane one, at least in comparison to the other famous actor Scientologist Tom Cruise.

But this movie has WTF written all over it. Wax on, Wax off and the Royale With Cheese line. So bad.

I think Tarantino is going to reprise his hand cameo role by wringing Travolta's neck for using that line at liberty.

B.E. Earl said...

Sybil - you ain't the only one.

Bruce - right? I mean they let those guys fly airplanes?

Holly - it was a brilliant season opener.

Doggie - yeah, talk about the pot calling the kettle an asshole. Or something like that.

Marty - The wax on/off bit is ridiculous!

Kate said...

I used to like Welcome Back, Kotter. Good times. I probably won't see this movie. LOSt was awesome!!