Jun 22, 2012

Nice digs

I want an island.

Oracle Corp. CEO Larry Ellison is buying a Hawaiian Island, Lanai to be precise.  Well, he's buying around 98% of the island. Not sure how that works exactly, but then I'm not a super-duper ka-billionaire. If reports are correct, he's purchasing the island with cash. No need to get into debt to purchase your dream island if you have $600 million or so burning a hole in your pocket, amirite?

Listen, I don't need a 141 square-mile island with nearly 50 miles of lush coastlines in a tropical setting. I want that, but I don't need it.

I'd be perfectly happy with a couple of two three acres someplace where it doesn't snow in the winter and isn't abysmally hot in the summer. Someplace within an hour or so of a decent-sized city in case I crave the nightlife after several months of living like a hermit crab. Someplace with a liquor store nearby that delivers, or at least accessible to a FedEx delivery truck. Someplace where we can sun-bathe in the nude without scaring or impressing the neighbors. Someplace that won't find itself 20 feet underwater when Hurricane Mathilda hits. Someplace that will fill my days with fishing, beach-combing and smiles and my nights with passion, booze and sweet dreams of doing it all over again the next day.

Is that too much to ask?

Enjoy your island, Larry.

Dick!


7 comments:

Mrs. Hall said...

stupid larry.

always getting new islands.

!!!!

Slyde said...

when you wrote "i crave the nightlife", the first thing i thought was "I gotta boogie!"

Heff said...

I have enough trouble trying to keep my 2650 sq ft brick home on 1/4 on land neat and maintained.

NO THANKS.

sybil law said...

Seriously. Can I come live on your island, or should I just buy a neighboring one?

B.E. Earl said...

Holly - Right?!

Slyde - I'm always thinking that you gotta boogie.

Heff - Well, I would need a maintenance staff for the island, of course.

Sybil - Either works for me, just remember that it's clothing optional.

limpy99 said...

This reminds me of that Onion poll way back when "Who Needs A Cock-Punching?"

After the usual Donald trumps et al there was an entry for "Good Old Cock-Punch Needing Larry" Seems fitting here.

marty mankins said...

Not too much to ask at all. Instead of the mansion sized island, you want a townhome sized island. I suport that.