Jun 18, 2008

Time to get serious

I know that I've spoken about some pretty important things in my life over the past week or so. The sudden decision to start writing. The search for meaningful co-existence with my professional life. Family matters concerning religion and politics. A bit more thoughtful than the usual fare here on the Bug-Eyed Blog.

Now it's time to bring up something, well...two things, that are even more important than the life issues discussed in the past few days.

Ellen Barkin and Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos.


They both look delicious, don't they?

Now I know that Ellen Barkin and Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos aren't for everyone. Ellen isn't as young as she used to be and there are plenty of other snacks that folks might like other than those Doritos. Some people might not care for either of them. Those people are fucking idiots.

I dunno what it is about Ellen Barkin that makes me love her so. I hadn't seen her in years until I watched the snoozefest that was Oceans Thirteen last night. A snoozefast except for the scenes that Ellen Barkin lit up with cougar-ish ferocity. She may be in her mid-fifties now, but damn she looks good! I wanted to do naughty things to her last night. Naughty things that involved her naughty and crooked mouth. Mmmm...I love women with crooked smiles, especially older, sexy women with crooked smiles. Reminds me of...well, let's just say someone from my past.

So I took it out on a bag of Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos. Mmmm...they tasted good! I wonder how Ellen Barkin would like them? Maybe she could suck the spicy sweet chili crumbs off of my fingers with her naughty and crooked mouth. I wanted to fuck the shit out of that bag of Doritos. Just bend it over and give it a nasty ride.

Um, you guys know what I mean?

Right?

Anyone?

19 comments:

teeni said...

I just tried those Doritos the other day! My sister in law brought them to a family thing and they were really tasty. Be careful though - they have MSG in them so that you'll get addicted and want them all the time. LOL. I can see why Ellen Barkin would do it for you - she is one hot lady and I can't believe she is older than me. I can only hope to look that good at her age. Heck, if I even just feel like I look that good when I'm her age then I'll be happy to live with that delusion. ;)

RW said...

I would be careful about the salt...

Avitable said...

I loved Ocean's 11 and Ocean's 13. Ocean's 12 was blah, though.

B.E. Earl said...

Teeni - I've been an Ellen Barkin fan since Diner and a Doritos fan since way before that! My favorite variety was original Taco flavor. Not the Taco Bell flavor they came up with 10-12 years ago that was awful, or the current Taco flavor that is merely OK. ORIGINAL Taco flavor. Alas, it is no longer available. Sigh.

RW - On Barkin or the Doritos? ;)

Avi - I liked the first one. Amusing and well-written, I thought. The second one I never made it through. This third one was ok, but it was just too boring for me. It didn't have any of the charm of the first one. I thought.

Paige Stanton said...

Yeow! She has some pretty nice ta-tas. Ocean's Thirteen wasn't a snoozefest, but I think only b/c I LOVE MATT DAMON! I'd like to do bad things to him...

B.E. Earl said...

Paige - Remember, she was married to Ron Perlman the gazillionaire, so you know she only had the very best plastic surgeons.

lotus07 said...

As for the Doritos.....yuch...i will pass on the processed food. Everytime I am at a railroad crossing and a fright / tanker train is holding me up, I watch the tanker cars go rolling by and think..."That is how they get the McDonald's 'Special Sauce' gets to Mickey-D's and the Dorito flavoring to the chip making factory......shudder...I will just make some salted popcorn instead.

lotus07 said...

...but Ellen Barkin...ow yea baby...I am all that and Bag of Chips.....don't what that woman has, but if you could bottle it, I would buy a case for every woman I know.

Slyde said...

my god, i am eating spicy sweet chili doritos right now!

I first spied that little purple bag about 3 weeks ago at my local 7-11, and have been in love with them ever since....!

my favorite (or you might say, fabu), type of doritos ever!

And i have wanted to bang Ellen Barkin since Sea of Love...

Tequila Mockingbird said...

ellens naughty bits sure have me "barkin" up her tree.

yeah i know, lame!

B.E. Earl said...

Lotus - the preservatives in the processed food I eat is keeping me alive, I think. And the Barkin is nice, no? ;)

Slyde - They are my new favorite Doritos, but Utz chips are still better. And whassamatta? You didn't like her in The Big Easy, Buckaroo Banzai, Tender Mercies, Eddie & the Cruisers, Diner or the dozen or so other movies she was in before Sea of Love? Actually, I really dug her as a bad girl with a knife in Johnny Handsome. Rowr!

Tequila - Not bad...not great, but not bad.

RW said...

Yes.

Melsie14 said...

Wow! She looks amazing for her age!! I'm half her age and I sure as hell don't look that good!! lol

As for the Dorito's, I haven't tried them yet (actually haven't seen them either). But I have a feeling they won't be for me.... I'm a little too picky!

white rabbit said...

If we are getting - um - a touch overexcited maybe retain Doritos packet, fill it with iced water and dip the old feller in it for a while. Problem solved! :D

Works for me............

B.E. Earl said...

Melsie - have I told you how much I love the nickname Melsie? Anyway, she is certainly hawt, but those Doritos might be just as hawt. Yum!

WR - So filling an empty Doritos pack with ice water and dipping your feller in actually works for you? How did the experimentation phase go? Did it not work with warm water or a potato chip bag. Just curious. ;)

white rabbit said...

Okay Earl - I lied,,,

elizabeth said...

I so worry about you my friend... just don't try the curry ones...still can't get that out of my head... *shiver*

bobgirrl said...

Isn't she like 107???

B.E. Earl said...

Liz - Mmmm...Tandoori Doritos!

bobgirrl - I'm a sucker for the elderly. ;)