I've been thinking about that a lot lately.
In the past month or so the topic of my career, or lack thereof, has come up time and time again. And when I say it's come up, I mean that it's briefly mentioned and then I change the subject. Because that's how I deal with things that frustrate me. I internalize it.
I was very unhappy in the corporate world. I used to work crazy hours. 70+ hours a week wasn't unheard of. Saturdays. Sundays. I was telling a funny story the other day about how I would occasionally sleep at my desk on a Friday night because I had to be at work early that Saturday. Turns out it wasn't such a funny story.
Six years ago I was offered a job in Florida that I really didn't want to take. When I turned it down, I was told that it was either that or the road. I chose the road. They still needed me so I worked from home for another year or so. And I got used to it.
After a little break I began to consult for a small company that a friend of mine started. I wasn't making much, certainly not as much as I made when I was corporate. But I was happy. Sorta. I still didn't enjoy what I did on a daily/weekly basis, but it was a living. I had to simplify my life a bit, but that was fine.
It's been five years now and things haven't changed. I haven't grown. I need to move on. But its hard. Its damn hard. But I still need to do it. I need to move on. I need to do it for myself. I'm just not sure how to go about it. I'm not sure what I'm qualified to do. I'm not sure what I want to do.
I just want to be happy at work. And besides a short time as I transitioned from the office to the home office, I haven't been. Happy at home. Happy with my family. Happy with my friends. Happy with my Gia.
Just never at work.
Is anyone? I don't know if anyone in my life is happy with their work life. Why is it so hard?
Sorry. Just feelin' a little down about my life tonight.