Oct 3, 2013

Day 3: The Traveler (2010)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

Okay, I'm gonna be honest here. I picked this one because it features a late-career Val Kilmer, and because I'm more than a little drunk. This may or may not affect my review of this film. (Psst...it may)

First things first. I watched this on Netflix Instant and realized that I had started watching it several months ago and stopped watching it after 3 minutes. Basically after the opening credits ran. This is not a good sign. Not at all.


Sorry...I'm gonna try not to let that happen again. Much.

A stranger walks into a police station and says he's guilty of murder. Stay with me. This is gonna be HI-larious. He looks glorious, by the way. With his big puffy face and his long luxurious locks. It's like I'm looking in a mirror and Val Kilmer is looking back at me.


Again...sorry. I said I was more than a little drunk.

Wow. I'm thinking this movie cost about $20 to make. It all takes place in and around a prison during a rain storm. Maybe they had to produce the rain. That might cost some extra bucks. Maybe not. I'm not a fucking movie producer.

Holy shit...this crap has almost an hour left in it. And Val Kilmer hasn't really killed anyone yet. That I know about. He sure as shit killed my buzz. Did I mention that I was drinking?

Whatever...what follows is the silliest fucking movie you've ever seen.


Verdant Dude rating: 0.5 out of 5 pumpkins

1 comment:

Poppy said...

If you couldn't find its redemption while drunk I'mma take a pass on it. ;)