Oct 3, 2013

Day 3: The Traveler (2010)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...
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Okay, I'm gonna be honest here. I picked this one because it features a late-career Val Kilmer, and because I'm more than a little drunk. This may or may not affect my review of this film. (Psst...it may)

First things first. I watched this on Netflix Instant and realized that I had started watching it several months ago and stopped watching it after 3 minutes. Basically after the opening credits ran. This is not a good sign. Not at all.

VAL KILMER IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!

Sorry...I'm gonna try not to let that happen again. Much.

A stranger walks into a police station and says he's guilty of murder. Stay with me. This is gonna be HI-larious. He looks glorious, by the way. With his big puffy face and his long luxurious locks. It's like I'm looking in a mirror and Val Kilmer is looking back at me.

VAL FUCKING KILMER!!!

Again...sorry. I said I was more than a little drunk.

Wow. I'm thinking this movie cost about $20 to make. It all takes place in and around a prison during a rain storm. Maybe they had to produce the rain. That might cost some extra bucks. Maybe not. I'm not a fucking movie producer.

Holy shit...this crap has almost an hour left in it. And Val Kilmer hasn't really killed anyone yet. That I know about. He sure as shit killed my buzz. Did I mention that I was drinking?

Whatever...what follows is the silliest fucking movie you've ever seen.

EVEN IF VAL FUCKING KILMER WAS IN IT!!!

Verdant Dude rating: 0.5 out of 5 pumpkins

1 comment:

Poppy said...

If you couldn't find its redemption while drunk I'mma take a pass on it. ;)