Jul 23, 2008

It's crap!

I watch a lot of commercial television in the summertime. Strictly for baseball, mon freres. And there are more beer commercials during the average baseball game than beers consumed during the average game by yours truly. That's a lot of commercials.

This...this...this AWFUL commercial seems to be aired more than any other this Summer of Hate:


Oh, how I hate it. I wish I were more poetic. I would write sonnets on it's awfulness. The stupid song. The stupid people. The stupid green bottle. There is nothing to like. So I figured I would share it with you.

Didn't Coca-Cola make a commercial very similar to this back in the day? It just feels familiar in an ohmygodihatedthatwaybackwhen sort of way. I'd like to think if a creepy ballerina walked into my obviously gay bathhouse with a tray of Heineken Light, I would kick her in the twat. "Hey, we may be all hanging out in a gay bathhouse, Sister! And it may be hot, but we aren't nearly hot enough to be drinking that crap!" I would say while stomping her super-skinny ass. That would feel good.

Now I feel a little better.

12 comments:

Avitable said...

Are you anti-Heineken, or Heineken Light?

ajooja said...

Almost every baseball fan I know has a commercial they hate. They show that one here too but it hasn't bothered me too much yet.

The local ones here are brutal. Those are the ones that usually get me.

limpy99 said...

Lately when that commerical comes on I picture that bathhouse scene degenerating into a naked knife fight.

I blame Viggo Mortenson and his tail.

B.E. Earl said...

Avitable - I'm pro-Heineken and slightly anti-Heineken Light. It's not awful, just not really good enough to bear the Heineken name. I'm mostly just against the commercial itself.

ajooja - I get in a bad mood every time I hear the intro to that song/commercial. Ugh.

Limpy - I blame Viggo and his tail for a lot of crazy shit.

Slyde said...

i cant see the video here, but my guess from your description is that its kinda like that old "i'd like to buy the world a coke" commercial from the 70's..

p.s. when i just wrote coke, at first i wrote cock. Freudian slip? maybe it is, and MAYBE IT IS!!!!

B.E. Earl said...

Slyde - Yeah, it's random ethnic person walking across borders and cultural divisions to hand the next random ethnic person an ice-cold Heinie Light. Pretty sure Coke (Cock?) did that already.

RW said...

Pretty lame feel-good aren't we all weewry noice peepul? If a lady dressed in traditional Indian garb walked into a c&w bar in real life....?

Ah dunno dude.

pure evyl said...

I hate that fucking commercial and the insipid song stays with a person for days. Now it will haunt me until at least next Thursday. Thanks.

teeni said...

I had never seen or heard this one before because I don't watch much television but I can see that this one would easily get on my nerves. It's annoying and reminds me of the Smurf theme song.

B.E. Earl said...

RW - I think that women in the dress walking through the snowy woods to the dude in the cabin was just askin' to be abducted. Just sayin'

Evyl - Just spreadin' the love. Like the commercial says.

Teeni - It invades my soul!

white rabbit said...

Yup. Pretty half-witted. Probably made for an IQ of 85 target audience.

B.E. Earl said...

WR - I wouldn't mind it so much, but it is played in between every half inning of every Yankee games. Now I suck at math, but that adds up to about a billion viewings I have gone through in the past month alone! ;)