Oct 13, 2008

Man vs. Mild

The worst thing that can happen to you when you are bored on a weekend is to get sucked into a stupid show on the Travel Channel or the Discovery Channel. Because on the weekends, they play them in blocks. One after the other. And if you are bored enough, and lazy enough...you just might wind up losing 3 or 4 hours of your life that might have been put to better use. Like taking a nap or trimming your nails.

That happened to me this past weekend with a show on TDC called Survivorman. If you haven't seen the show, the basic premise is that this dude is dropped off in some remote area with only some basic tools in his pack and he has to survive for one week in the wild on his own. No crew, no supplies. And he videotapes his ordeal himself. Sounds exciting, right?

Except that it really isn't. I saw three episodes in a row. He was dropped off in a Georgia swamp filled with gators, the canyon land in Utah patrolled by cougars and the African veldt ruled by lions and black mambas. That does sound pretty exciting!

Except he never saw a gator, or a cougar, or a lion or a black mamba. He spent each week making fire (a bit easier when he had flint), building shelters, searching for water and hunting small animals. The most exciting thing that happened in all three episodes was when he hiked all the way to the bottom of a canyon and found a dry stream bed. No water. He drank from puddles and melting snow all week. Yeah, I know...yawn.

Oh, he ate some gross stuff. Turtles, ants, snakes and squirrels. And he seemed to have only one really decent meal each episode. Yet I kept watching. I was hoping he would have to fight it out with a water buffalo using only his hands and a spoon or something. No such luck.

You know who the true Survivorman was? Me! For making it through three hours of that crap!

19 comments:

Mr. Poopie said...

don't get sucked in during a law and order marathon either. That shit will suck the life out of you and leave you wondering where your weekend went.

Wil said...

Dude! I watched the same fucking episodes at like 2-4 AM Saturday morning. I cannot get that time back, I've been robbed!

The Trailer Of Love

Dr Zibbs said...

*Spoiler Alert* - I heard next week they're going to drop him off at a mall.

pure evyl said...

I got sucked into watching the Cowboys look like a bunch of Jr. High Idiots. I should have watched the Survivorman crap.

B.E. Earl said...

Poopie - Been there, done that, wasted that fucking weekend.

Wil - Yeah, they played them all fucking weekend long. Nothing...NOTHING happened on that fucking show!

Zibbs - I don't think he has the survival chops to survive the average suburban mall. No sir.

Evyl - They did look bad. I could have sworn that when they tied it (by the Cards fucking up!) that they would win in OT. Had no doubt. For about five seconds, that is. Yeesh! I'm an Eagles fan and I had to watch in higlights as they struggled to come back and beat the 'Niners in the 4th qtr. Rough year. Well, we can agree on hating the Giants and 'Skins, right?

Faiqa said...

In ref. to Mr. Poopie's comment, I did get sucked into a L&O Marathon and made the mistake of adding it to my DVR. My *life* is pretty much wasted on that, now. But, I'm pretty sure if anyone you know gets murdered, I could help you solve the crime and lend valuable advice to the prosecution.

B.E. Earl said...

Faiga - We only watch new episodes of SVU now. It has drastically freed up our leisure time.

Jon said...

They should drop him off in a clothes shop with a woman who has just been paid.

Try surviving that.

Man, stereotypes are great.

RW said...

He should try some parts of Brooklyn...

Slyde said...

ive watched it a few times.... its honestly bored me enough that i have managed to avoid it since...

Holly Hall said...

I miss cable.

But who am I kidding. Even if we had it I couldn't watch it because I busy chasing the wee ones.

I do miss it though.

:)

Holly

B.E. Earl said...

Jon - I ain't going there. ;)

RW - or the rough and tumble South Side, eh? :)

Slyde - It's an absolute study in boredom. Yet I watched. For 3 hours. Oy.

Holly (gonna have to get used to calling you that) - as bad as this is, I couldn't live without cable TV.

Heff said...

I've heard of this show, and opted to pass on it.

Michelle J said...

b.e. how is it that i have never even heard of this show??? Here is what i propose:

A week long marathon of "It's always sunny in Philadelphia"...now i would freakin give a week of my life for that show. Like i would not even shower or get dressed. Perhaps i wouldn't eat either. I would just sit there and laugh A LOT!!!

Good idea???

kiki said...

i just went on a holiday to the top end of Aus and i ate turtle with some aboriginals!

tasty as!

although "canyon land in Utah patrolled by cougars" sounds like an awesome porn movie

B.E. Earl said...

Heff - I had never heard of it and I wished I passed on it.

Michelle - this past week's episode was HI-larious!

Kiki - you ate aboriginals?!? ;)

kiki said...

nah man. turtles that we hunted and were cooked by aboriginals.

although i wouldn't really call it "hunting" turtles.

more "looking for where they might be then digging them out and picking them up in your own time" for turtles

jiggs said...

I enjoy survival shows, but this one is the most boring, and probably the most realistic.

B.E. Earl said...

Kiki - yeah, I was just kidding. :)

Jiggs - That's why it makes for terrible tv.