Jul 31, 2008

Major Tom

Ashes to Ashes
Funk to funky
We know Major Tom's a junkie
Strung out on Heaven's high
Hitting an all-time low
Ashes to Ashes - David Bowie (1980)

I watched The Heartbreak Kid last night. The Farrelly Brother's silly remake of the silly Neil Simon penned film from the early 70's. My review: don't bother! It was an utter waste of time for some of the pretty talented people involved with the film.

But I did like the soundtrack. That is one thing the Farrellys do extremely well. This one included a lot of David Bowie tunes, and for that reason alone I can say that I'm glad I watched it. I love me some David Bowie, and I haven't listened to him in a really long time.

Take the above lyric from his song "Ashes to Ashes". It came off of his 1980 album Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps). Certainly not the high point of his career or his creativity, but a pretty good album. Especially this song.

How much fun must he have had writing that song, and that lyric in particular? It just makes me smile for some reason. The album was a "so long" to the 70's and the 60's of sorts. He even brought back Major Tom from Space Oddity for a quick goodbye. No longer the uber-cool space hippie of the late sixties, Major Tom has fallen on hard times. It's sad and whimsical and funny all at the same time.

I think I'm getting old, because all I can think of is "Man, they just don't write songs like that anymore!" Crap!

My mother said "To get things done, you better not mess with Major Tom." - David Bowie

Random Wiki - This one is about the Tauranga Cup. It's a sailing competition in New Zealand for P Class yachts. It's been going on since 1940 with a break in the action for WWII and a polio outbreak in 1948. A woman named Leslie Egnot won it in 1979. You are most welcome. - Earl

Jul 30, 2008

Dr. Fell

I do not like thee, Dr. Fell
The reason why I cannot tell
But this I know, and know full well
I do not like thee, Dr. Fell
Nursery Rhyme

Some things in life just stick with you. I'll always remember the starting lineups for Pittsburgh Pirates and the Baltimore Orioles in the 1979 World Series. I'm a Yankee fan down to the core, but for some reason I remember this World Series just as well as any series the Yanks participated in.

Another thing I will always remember is the nursery rhyme above. I must have seen it in an illustrated book of Mother Goose nursery rhymes when I was a kid, and it stuck. There was such menace to the rhyme, I thought. I pictured a villainous doctor from olden tymes. Someone with a secret agenda. Something sinister.

I finally looked it up and the origin behind the rhyme is more comedic than sinister. A student at Oxford University back in 1680, Tom Brown was on the verge of being expelled. He was tasked by the Dean of the school, a Dr. John Fell*, to translate the Latin epigram "Non amo te, Sabidi, nec possum dicere quare; Hoc tantum posso dicere, non amo te."

His translation was "I don't like you, Sabidius, and I can't say why; all I can say is I don't like you." He then quickly turned it on it's ear and came up with the Dr. Fell rhyme.

Cool story, but I liked it better when it was dangerous!

*For all you Thomas Harris fans out there. I'm not sure if this is why he used this pseudonym, but Dr. Fell was Hannibal Lecter's secret Italian hideout name in "Hannibal". I like to believe that the rhyme is why Harris used it.

Jul 29, 2008

Biscuit Speaks

Over the past few months, our little girl Sammi aka Ebbs aka the Biscuit has been going through a metamorphosis. She spent years as the silent kitty. You would hear her every once in a while, but mostly she was a feline Helen Keller. Mute and blind in one eye.

But I decided a few months ago to make her my pet (get it?) project. I've been attempting to win the little girl over. This process is a slow one that has taken months to reach fruition.

It started with the simple task of picking the Biscuit up and holding her. Sounds simple, eh? But she is a 12 pound ball of claws and fury, and she does NOT LIKE TO BE PICKED UP. But I persevered. I began by picking her up a few times a day for only a few seconds. Then I would gently let her down. I slowly increased the number of times a day I would pick her up and the amount of time that I would hold her. Now I can hold her for almost as long as I want and she is fine.

For some reason, this arduous process also resulted in the Biscuit finding her voice. There is nothing wrong with her voice, she just chose to be silent for many, many years. She does meow differently than most other cats, though. I should get a recording of it, but it goes a little something like this: Step 1 - Biscuit opens her mouth wide. Step 2 - Biscuit makes a short, staccato "Ow" of a meow. Very high-pitched.

That's it.

She's also got a lonely cat warble that she does when she doesn't think anyone is in the house. She never does it in front of us, but I've snuck up on her a few times and seen it in action. Very impressive. I think it's her version of singing in the car or the shower.

My ten-step plan has had only one drawback. Now she won't shut up and she is constantly up my ass! I can't lay down without her yelping to be scratched. I can't work on the computer without her sidled up right next to me on the couch. I've apparently grown a cat tumor. It's attached to me at all times. Yelping for attention.

Good grief!

Jul 28, 2008

What you need, Pt. II

1. Is this an actual commercial for Guinness? You tell me. Brings new meaning to the sharing of bodily fluids.

2. I don't know what's more impressive. The Harry Carey impersonation in this clip, or the fact that it's a pro athlete doing it rather than someone like Will Ferrell. (Well, the fuckers at MLB took the clip down already. Crap! Quick, try it here before it gets shit-canned as well! - Earl)

3. We saw The Dark Knight on Saturday evening, and we both loved it! Unlike our friend Lotus07. We saw it in a small, trashy theater that is pretty close to us in hopes that it wouldn't be packed. Not so lucky. A group of rowdy teens were behind us, and apparently they were bothering Gia and the rest of the "adults" around us. I say "apparently" because I get lost in theaters when watching movies and I rarely notice anything going on off of the big screen. The kids got thrown out at around the 1:30 mark by the manager of the joint. And there was much rejoicing. Yay!

4. Is there any bigger douchebag then Gene Simmons, formerly of KISS? Probably. But is there a bigger douchebag who has a "reality" show in which he gets to flaunt his douchebaggery to the viewing public? Maybe. But is there a bigger douchebag who has his own "reality" show that is currently playing in the background on TV as I type this? Definitely not!

5. Going back to Batman for a moment. If anyone out there enjoyed The Dark Knight then they should seek out and read Alan Moore's The Killing Joke, if you haven't already done so. It explores many of the same themes from the film and is one of the more powerful graphic novels ever written about the relationship between the Joker and the Batman. Arkham Asylum by Grant Morrison is also a fascinating take on the Dark Knight, the Joker and Two-Face. The psyche of Two-Face, in particular, is very revealing. Go read 'em! Heath Ledger supposedly did.

Jul 26, 2008

Weekend stolen meme

OK...didn't receive very many guesses. Shame on you. I've listed the answers below - Earl

Stolen with glee from Hilly, since I've got nothing of my own that's any interesting this weekend.

The rules of the fucking game are as follows:

1. Put your mp3 player or music player on your computer on random.
2. Post the first four lines from the first 20songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song (Skip repeat artists).
3. Post and let everyone you know guess what song AND artist the lines come from.
4. Don’t cheat, or I will come over to your place and steal your Google! Seriously!

I'm gonna leave this up for a few days and add in the correct guesses as they come in. A few are very easy, a few even have the name of the song in the lyrics. A few should be pretty close to impossible.

Let's dance:

1. The ice cream man he's is a hillbilly fan.
Got 78's by Hank Snow.
Walks down the street, shufflin' his feet
to a rhythm that only he knows.
"The Wino and I Know" by Jimmy Buffett - guessed by no one.

2. Noise, noise, noise from down below and it's coming from the basement.
It's underneath the house now and it's rockin' the foundation.
It's a noise we love to make, and for years we have been makin'
while Doctor D watches TV, his house if fucking shakin'.
"Doctor D" by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones - guessed by no one.

3. Hope everything is all right.
Hope everything is alllll right.
What's that floating in the water?
Old Neptune's only daughter.
"Mr. Grieves" by The Pixies - successfully guessed by badgerdaddy.

4. (skip spoken word intro)
Yes, I got more bounce to the fucking bumpin'
And if you wanna know why because I'm mother-fucking truckin'.
I'm in the pocket just like Grady Tate.
I got supplies of beats, so you don't have to wait.
"Professor Booty" by The Beastie Boys - guessed by no one.

5. Oh so long for this night I prayed
That a star would guide you my way.
To share with me this special day,
Where a ribbons in the sky for our love.
"Ribbon in the Sky" by Stevie Wonder - semi-successfully guessed by Artful Kisser.

6. We've lived in bars and danced on tables.
Hotels, streets and ships that sailed.
We swim with sharks,
And fly with aeroplanes in the air.
"Lived in Bars" by Cat Power - guessed by no one.

7. I was blind, I was lame.
I was nothing, til you came.
You said "Babe, make you sing.
Make you feel, like some queen."
"Hook" by PJ Harvey - guessed by no one.

8. Don't say the word, if you don't want it done.
Don't tell me your name, if you don't want it sung.
Don't come any closer, that's good enough.
Don't go away, I can't stand the thought.
"Turn It On" by Sleater-Kinney - guessed by no one.

9. Spotcheck Billy got down on his hands and knees
He said "Hey momma, hey let me check your oil all right?"
She said "No, no honey, not tonight
Comeback Monday, comeback Tuesday, then I might"
"Fat Man in the Bathtub" by Little Feat - successfully guessed by Artful Kisser.

10. He's got a fine tan shirt with an emblem on the chest.
The interstellar girls all like him the best.
Captain of the crew and he knows kung fu,
And he did Joan Collins in 1932.
"William Shatner" by The Scofflaws - guessed by no one.

11. There is something wrong, and there is something right.
When you can take me by hands and I will close my eyes.
When you laid down with me, you took the other side.
When you laid down with me, you never slept that night.
"Fucking Boyfriend" by The Bird and the Bee - guessed by no one.

12. I had visions, I was in them, I was looking into the mirror.
To see a little bit clearer, the rottenness and evil in me.
Fingertips have memories, mine can't forget the curves of your body.
And when i feel a bit naughty, I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes.
(but no one ever does)
"Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger - successfully guessed by Annie, in the comments page of another blog.

13. There are men high up there fishing,
Haven't seen quite enough of the world,
Oh, I ain't seen a sign of my heroes,
And I'm still diving down for pearls.
"Drowned" by The Who - guessed by no one.

14. Well, I dreamed I saw the knights in armor coming,
Saying something about a queen.
There were peasants singing and drummers drumming,
And the archer split the tree.
"After the Gold Rush" by Neil Young - successfully guessed by Annie, in the comments page of another blog.

15. I was at a funeral the day i realized I wanted to spend my life with you.
Sitting down on the steps at the old post office.
The flag was flying at half-mast and i was thinking' bout how
Everyone is dying and maybe it's time to lie.
"PS, You Rock My World" by The Eels - guessed by no one.

16. So a love-struck Romeo, he's sings the streets a serenade.
Laying everybody low, with the love song that he made.
He finds his streetlight, he steps out of the shade.
He says something like "You and me, babe. How 'bout it?"
"Romeo & Juliet" by Dire Straits - semi-successfully guessed by Miss Ann Thrope.

17. If you wanna make the move then you better come in.
It's just the ability to reason that wears so thin.
Living and dying and the stories that are true.
Secrets to a good life is knowing when you're through.
"Time Bomb" by Rancid - successfully guessed by Miss Ann Thrope.

18. How long, how long will I slide.
Separate my side.
I don’t...I don’t believe it’s bad,
Slit my throat, it’s all I ever...
"Otherside" by Red Hot Chili Peppers - successfully guessed by Miss Ann Thrope.

19. I can never forget you - the way you rock the girls.
They move a world and love you - a blast in the underworld.
I stick a knife in my head - thinking bout your eyes.
But now that you been shot dead - Ive got a new surprise.
"100%" by Sonic Youth - successfully guessed by Miss Ann Thrope.

20. All my life I've been searching for somethin'.
Somethin' never comes, never leads to nuthin'.
Nothin' satisfies, but I'm gettin' close .
Closer to the prize at the end of the rope.
"All My Life" by Foo Fighters - successfully guessed by Miss Ann Thrope.

PS - It's a little funny how this came out because a handful of these are some of my favorite songs of all time. And I had to forward past a lot of songs because I was only picking 20 artists and I have a lot of stuff by 4 or 5 artists on my iPod. Jeez, some of those lyrics sound awfully dark and depressing, eh?

Good luck, and I'm gonna go listen to some music. - Earl

Jul 25, 2008

Bears hate Russians

It's true!

A group of about thirty of them are stalking and killing scientists trapped in a remote area of the Russian wilderness.

Looks like Stephen Colbert knows what he's talking about.

Excerpt from the above Wikiality link on Bears:

"Bears are soulless, godless, rampaging killing machines. They are Satan's minions and the TRUE symbol of evil. Once believed to be the work of dragons, Bears (like purple donkeys) enjoy running around the woods molesting and raping innocent people and squids. For years now, ravenous bears have had free reign to use our woods as their personal latrine, protected by their "endangered" status. Now the government is wisely considering ending the grizzlies' special treatment in order to protect our honey jars and Paddington Station. Bears' strong vitality and resilience makes them one of mother nature's nearly unkillable animals. A bear has never been downed by any less than five gunshots. Combinations of high explosives, assault weapons, and trebuchets have been known to only piss the bear off. Why can man-kind put a man on the moon, but not invent a weapon that can take down Big-Yogi over there?"

Jul 24, 2008

Lucas With the Lid Off

This was a favorite song of our friend Slyde...back in the day. He loved that "Lucas with the lid off" shit!

One thing that I found out that was interesting upon re-watching it for the first time in over a dozen years is the director. This guy. Yeah, he's done some stuff.

Oh, and the titular (hehe) Lucas? He's the son of the dude who founded Pottery Barn.

You are most welcome.

View to a Kill

Does anyone out there know who Sherri Shepherd is? She's an actress and comedienne who most recently has been toiling on the Bahbah Wahwah meow-fest, The View. There she is up there pictured with Whoopi, who apparently is also on the show. Can't someone give Whoopi a real job?

I don't know if Shepherd is a regular on the program or if she is just filling in for someone. The View, as a show, is so far below my radar that aliens could have landed on Earth, taken over the show and I would never know anything about it. Unless the aliens said something stupid.

Cue Ms. Shepherd.

I gather that she is some kind of born-again Christian. An evangelist, I believe. This has lead to all kinds of interesting conversation on the program, because not only is she a simple-minded right wing Christian wing-nut (and I'm talking about her, not you)...she is just plain stupid! A quick review of her Wiki page reveals that she doesn't believe in evolution ("Period!"), that she may believe the World is flat (she just never really thinks about it), that Christians were around in Ancient Greece and were fed to the lions ("I don't think anything pre-dated Christians") and finally that Patti LaBelle may not be black. Imagine Patti's surprise.

Her latest bout of stupidity arrives in the package of an interview that he did with a magazine called Precious Times, a magazine for Black Christian women. In the interview she joked (as she claimed Wednesday on the show) that Evangelists like Joyce Meyer could lay their hands on Barbara Walters and "save" her. She didn't really say why Bahbah needed saving, but I'm gonna go ahead and assume that its because she is Jewish. Probably not the best thing to say about your boss, eh? Listen, if it was a joke, it wasn't funny. So there had to be a reason behind what she said. Maybe we'll hear about her reason after she gets shit-canned.

Even better is what she has to say about abortion*.

*Weird that this story broke Wednesday when Britt and Adam discussed abortion on their radio program. I'm writing this before they go on, so I don't know exactly what they covered. Something about a man's position/responsibility about abortion. Go ahead and click on those links and somewhere in there it will direct you to the show. - Earl

Being a Christian woman, she is obviously pro-Life. Her faith tells her that every single life is precious and that life begins at conception. So every sperm is sacred, so to speak. I would argue that the sperm used to make this silly bitch may have been wasted, but that's another topic.

My problem with women like Shepherd is that she IS the argument that many pro-Lifers have with abortion. Back before she was "saved", she was in an abusive relationship and she countered that by leading a very promiscuous lifestyle. She used abortion as a method of birth control. She admits this. Here is what she said in the interview:

"Before I converted to Christianity, I was a Jehovah's Witness. In 1993, my mother was dying from diabetic complications. My sister was heavy into drugs, and we would have to go and get her from crack houses. I was in a very physically abusive relationship. I was sleeping with a lot of guys and had more abortions than I would like to count. I had very low self-esteem and just wanted to die. I felt if someone killed me, it wouldn't even make a difference. But God showed me that it would make a difference."

More abortions that she would like to count. That, my friends, sounds like a lot of abortions. She has stated that she has finally made peace with herself and God because she will one day see all of her babies in Heaven.

What a pile of crap! I'm sure her "babies" will be thrilled to see her.

Besides being the poster-idiot for everyone on the Christian right prior to her redemption/conversion/whatever you call it, she sounds like she is just taking Christianity into her life because she is feeling guilty about her former preferred method of birth control. Listen, I have no problem with anyone embracing any kind of faith. It that is what turns you on, go right ahead. But if you read between the lines here it sounds like she A) doesn't know much about Christianity and it's history and B) maybe should be the last person in the World to ever talk about the evils of abortion.

This women has a public pulpit to discuss her views. That kills me.

So I am using choosing to use my pulpit to state the following:

Sherri Shepherd is an ignorant ass-hat! Thank you.

Jul 23, 2008

It's crap!

I watch a lot of commercial television in the summertime. Strictly for baseball, mon freres. And there are more beer commercials during the average baseball game than beers consumed during the average game by yours truly. That's a lot of commercials.

This...this...this AWFUL commercial seems to be aired more than any other this Summer of Hate:

Oh, how I hate it. I wish I were more poetic. I would write sonnets on it's awfulness. The stupid song. The stupid people. The stupid green bottle. There is nothing to like. So I figured I would share it with you.

Didn't Coca-Cola make a commercial very similar to this back in the day? It just feels familiar in an ohmygodihatedthatwaybackwhen sort of way. I'd like to think if a creepy ballerina walked into my obviously gay bathhouse with a tray of Heineken Light, I would kick her in the twat. "Hey, we may be all hanging out in a gay bathhouse, Sister! And it may be hot, but we aren't nearly hot enough to be drinking that crap!" I would say while stomping her super-skinny ass. That would feel good.

Now I feel a little better.

Jul 22, 2008

House cleaning, and a few requests

Doing a little cleanup on the ole' Bug-Eyed Blog this week. Out with the trash and in with the, well, new trash. Decided that there was a bunch of stuff on my sidebar that were really unnecessary. So I ditched 'em. Here's what went down:


My stat counter - I dunno why I ever had this up in the first place. Vanity? Maybe. But it never really made much sense to me. I mean there is no way the number actually reflected the real people who read this crap. Judging from the people who leave comments, I would think a more accurate number is around 10-15 loyalists. That's just fine with me.

My Excellent Award - I know this blog is far from excellent. I don't even recall who gave it to me, but thanks whoever (whomever?) you are! So let's get rid of that vanity plate. Sensing a theme here?

My Blogger Logo - I honestly don't know why I ever put that up. Who gives a crap if I'm powered by Blogger? Except maybe Blogger. What was I thinking?


Nada. Scratch. Bupkiss. Any ideas?

But there is one thing I would like to do with the old girl. I'd love to have two sidebars. One for my stuff (my profile, archives, etc...) and one for your stuff (Bloglist, recent comments, etc...). Plus I think blogs with two sidebars look kinda nifty. And I'm all about looking nifty. Blogger, of course, doesn't offer a two-sidebar template. But there are plenty of custom templates out there or I can hack the html of my current template using Blogger tricks. But I'm a bit of an e-tard (no...nothing to do with Ecstasy), so that isn't likely.

Any suggestions from the peanut gallery?

It's the first funny thing I saw when I googled GIGO. Source

Jul 21, 2008

Big Fat Movie Review Weekend II

Nope...I didn't see The Dark Knight this weekend. After Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of wedding madness we really weren't into much more than lounging in the AC and watching Yankee games on Saturday and Sunday. And ordering in food.

But I did manage to catch some films at home instead. The benevolent Earl now gives you his brief reviews:

nnnnn - Loved it.
nnnnx - Really Liked it.
nnnxx - Liked it.
nnxxx - Didn't Like it.
nxxxx - Hated it.

nnnnx The Kingdom (2007) - I hadn't heard much about this film except for director Peter Berg's use of the "shaky" cam, but I was pleasantly surprised. I usually can't stand Jamie Foxx or Jennifer Garner, but both were pretty decent in this flick. Jason Bateman and Chris Cooper are always good, though. If you haven't seen it, the film is about a small FBI unit sent to Saudi Arabia to assist in the investigation of a terrorist act against a both Saudis and Americans at an oil companies oversees housing project. Wackiness ensues. Including some pretty impressive action scenes.

nnnnn Superbad (2007) - I saw this one when it first came out on DVD, but I had to watch it again when it showed up on cable. Loved it the first time, loved it the second time. Which is surprising because I thought Jonah Hill's act got a little tiring by the end of the film on my initial viewing. But nope. Fat guys are always funny. Just ask everyone who knows me.

nnnnn Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog (2008) - OK, so technically this isn't a movie. It's a series of three short musical webisodes written and directed by the his Buffyness, Joss Whedon. Neil Patrick Harris as the titular (hehe) villain and Nathan Fillion as his arch-nemesis Captain Hammer. I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed this. Too bad you are reading this on Monday, because it was available for free viewing on the above link until midnight on Sunday. Now you will have to purchase each webisode on iTunes. Suckaz!!! I'm probably gonna do that too...but only because Nathan Fillion is one of my dude crushes. He's pretty!

nnnnx Eastern Promises (2007) - Bloglister Limpy wrote about this one and Viggo Mortensen's penis-slinging battle in a bath house last week. That's why I watched it! Wooo-gah! I love me some David Cronenberg films. This one was no slouch either. Bloody...yes. Violent...yes. Gratuitous penis...hell, yes! But no one does any of that better than my man, DC. But speaking of Viggo Mortensen nekkid, isn't his ass a bit weird? He's got a bit of a tail. That's it! He is no longer one of my dude crushes. I can't deal with the tail!

Oh, and I watched LoTR: The Fellowship of the Ring with Gia on Sunday night. She's a trooper. She usually hates that dwarf/elf/orc shit, but she hung in there. Actually liked it. Now I have to break the news that there are over 6 hours left in the trilogy. Eeeks!

Jul 19, 2008

Katie Holmes' creepy hands

source: Perez Hilton

I try to get all my hard news from Perez Hilton. No wait...I try to NEVER get my hard news from Perez Hilton. I knew it was one of those. But this story is just way to interesting to pass up. Is Scientology transforming Katie Holmes' hands to something out of a horror film?

You decide!

Jul 18, 2008

Friday Auto-Post

I'm hitting a wedding tonight (Thursday) so all you get for Friday is a quickie auto-post. I'm gonna be way too drunk tonight to even see the screen, much less type. Deal with it bitches!

Source: Yahoo

Is it me or is Sarah Jessica Parker looking mighty fine lately? Here she is with some cranky old man at the All-Star Game on Tuesday night.

OK, since she was nice to me (she didn't call the police) maybe I have a special place in my heart for her. I still ain't gonna go see that Sex and the City movie, though. I have some standards.

source: Deadspin

And here is Jason Giambi and his mustache and the bottle of JD that they both love. Ah, it's nice to see Giambi finally become a true Yankee.

Jul 17, 2008


So Downtown Guy inspired me tonight. A little poor boy revolution. Not for anything really impressive. Well, in certain folk's minds. He inspired me to drink a bunch of Pabst Blue Ribbons is all.

I can barely type, but I am sober enough to say....WOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

And enjoy! - Earl

Jul 16, 2008

New All-Star Game Rules

Since everyone looooves my baseball posts, here's another one to brighten your day on this most awful of days (it's one of only two days in the year in which no major sporting events from the NBA, NFL, NHL or MLB take place...the other was Monday. Always the day before and the day after the All-Star Game - Earl).

I thought long and hard about this, well 3 or 4 minutes about this and here is what I would like to see changed about the Mid-Summer Classic:

  1. Stop making it count. It's an exhibition and it's supposed to be fun. It shouldn't really matter who wins as long as its the American League. Just kidding. But to give the home field advantage in the World Series to the league that wins the All-Star Game is just ridiculous. Home field advantage means too much! I don't like the alternating year method that was previously used either, but this is worse. I would suggest giving the home field to the league that has the better winning percentage in interleague play. Those games count. Those games matter. And it would probably still be the American League so it works for me!
  2. If you are selected for the game, but unable to play because of injury...DON'T FUCKING SHOW UP! Your spot was taken, David Oritz. So was yours, Kerry Wood. You too, Alfonso Soriano. Put on some street clothes and buy a ticket for $500 just like everyone else. No one needs to see you in the dugout. Especially you, David Ortiz!
  3. Same thing goes for pitchers who are selected but because they started a game on the Sunday prior to the All-Star Game are ineligible to pitch, or whose managers plead with the All-Star manager not to pitch them. If you don't think you are able to pitch, STAY AT HOME! Give your roster spot to someone else who might actually be willing to help out their league. Listen, it's noble as a grape that Scott Kazmir pitched the 15th inning of the game last night. It really is. But he is a starting pitcher and Terry Francona probably wasn't to get more than another inning out of the guy because of his situation (often hurt and he threw more than 100 pitches* on Sunday). The manager shouldn't be put in that situation. Just stay home and give someone else a chance.
  4. If the game is tied after 12 innings (or whatever arbitrary inning you pick) then each team should pick their 3 best sluggers and give them each 10 swings to hit home runs. They can pick the batting practice pitcher of their choice. Whichever league hits the most home runs after 30 swings wins the game. That would be fun, right? And after all, it should be an exhibition that is supposed to be fun. Right?
  5. Tim McCarver should not be allowed anywhere near the city that the All-Star Game is being played in on the night of the of the game. Not even in air space. God, he's awful!

*I heard an interesting tidbit on Nolan Ryan and the Texas Ranger's future pitching prospects. He is getting rid of all pitch count stats. He wants to train these young minds and arms into going longer into the game. Building up their arm strength and their mental strength. He wants to rely on the catcher and the coaching staff to determine when a starting pitcher has had enough in the game. I'm real interested to see how this pans out. I've been a long-time debater on the subject of pitch counts and whether or not they are necessary. When you see guys like Kerry Wood and Mark Prior and the injuries they have suffered, it seems to make sense. But then there are guys who get hurt without excessive pitch counts. Or guys who never get hurt who ALWAYS have high pitch counts. I dunno. It should be an interesting experiment.

I would love to see a major league pitching staff that has no set roles. Maybe 9 guys who can go three innings every three days. Go out there and throw balls out for three innings. Whether they are the 1st 3, the middle 3 or the last 3. Every three days you throw three innings. I wonder how that would work?

Josh and the Toe

The summer of 1999 saw the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, now just the Rays, sign two of the best prospects ever to cross their board. Both have had the tag "best to ever play the game" attached to them at one point or another, but where they came from and where they wound up are as different as night and day.

The first player was drafted out of high school and given a $4 million signing bonus. He was a tremendous pitcher who often reached the mid-high 90's on the radar guy. He also played the outfield as well as just about any high schooler in the country. And at bat the kid was Babe Ruth. His name was Josh Hamilton, and by now just about all of America knows his story. Incredible prospect who suffered a bad car accident with his parents. While he and they were recovering, he began to hang out in tattoo parlors in some pretty bad neighborhoods. He was introduced to the world of alcohol, cocaine, heroin and finally crack. He wasted away to a skinny 170 pounds and wound up spending 4 years away from the game while enduring several attempts at rehabilitation.

Monday night he became a baseball hero in New York the likes of which having been seen in a long, long time. 28 home runs in the first round...and it seemed as if the night would never end as he hit bomb after bomb after bomb. Tuesday night he was the starting center fielder for the AL in the very last All-Star game ever to be played at Yankee Stadium. He is also the favorite thus far for MVP of the league, setting the pace with 95 RBI so far. His story of faith, recovery and redemption is something right out of Hollywood.

The second player wasn't drafted. He didn't even attend high school as he had dropped out in the 7th grade because he had trouble keeping up with the workload. He grew up in a single-parent household. No mother and a father who worked around the clock. Some people in his town admitted that he was probably "slow". After a scout from the Devil Rays happened upon one of his games...in the middle of a sugar cane field...he was signed to a $30,000 bonus and a minor league contract. The scout saw an 18 year-old kid who hit 95 on the radar gun with a devastating curveball. But that was the least of his talents. He was a switch-hitter who launched pitch after pitch over the outfield walls. A once in a lifetime kind of talent.

His name was Greg "Toe" Nash and his path toward stardom has been sidetracked to a jail cell. At one point in a one-year period he was arrested six times for a variety of offenses. The last was an arrest for statutory rape. The 15 year-old girl later admitted to consensual sex with the budding star and two of his buddies, but the men also stole some items from the girl's house. She made up the story of the rape to explain the robbery. That was the end of his career with Tampa Bay.

The Cincinnati Reds decided to give him a try and signed him to a minor league contract in 2002. He never got to play for him as he was arrested soon after on charges of domestic violence and violation of his parole. He was finally given a five-year sentence which, I believe, he is still serving today. He is due to get out of jail the year he turns 29.

I don't know if any of the myths surrounding the Toe are true. There are some who say that it was all exaggerated. I don't care. I want the myths to be true even if the dream never came true. It's sad to think that we will never know. But the idea of walking into a sugar cane field or a corn field or an inner-city blacktop and finding the real-life Roy Hobbs is irresistible. A boy with a cannon for an arm and lightning in his bat.

Jul 15, 2008

Slyde needs your help

So Slyde made the move from his own Frontpage site to Blogger last night. But he is experiencing some growing pains.

He shut down his old site and then re-directed his Blogger site to that url...but it ain't working right. His new site is not showing up on site feeds.

So go here to read about his issues and see if you can help him out. Thanks! - Earl

UPDATE: Looks like it works fine. Nevermind!

What you need

You know you want it. So here it is. Long post yesterday, so today you get just a few bullets. Ajoojapalooza-style! I kind of like that image there on the left of the bullet and the rose. I may make it my default image for any bullet-themed posts. What's that? You don't really care? Crap!

  1. I'm watching the MLB Home Run Derby on ESPN right now. It's the time of the year when you can root for your favorite slugger to absolutely ruin his swing for the second half of the season. I'm glad no Yankees are participating. I picked Grady Sizemore of the Cleveland Indians to win it all. I figured he would hit a bunch of cheap HRs in the short porch of Yankee Stadium's right field. Boy, was I wrong! Not about him winning...the contest just started. But Sizemore is hitting BOMBS! His last HR in the first round hit the Utz sign in the back of the right field bleachers. I've only seen one other guy hit that sign. Darryl Strawberry. Wow! Update: Nevermind. Josh Hamilton is just destroying the ball tonight. What a great story! He wound up losing to Justin Morneau, but what a show he put on in that first round!
  2. So you've never seen The Big Lebowski? Check out the entire movie in one glance right here. I'm thinking about this for my next tattoo. But I'm gonna have to find an artist who can draw reeeeeaaaaaaal small! Is my obsession with this film starting to get a little freaky? You betcha!
  3. For some reason I've been thinking about The Brady Bunch a lot lately. I've got a long post in mind about the lessons that can be learned by Mike, Carol, Alice and the kids. And the answer is "No". The question is "Do I have a life?" Thank you.
  4. I watched The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford last night. It was long...real long, but I loved it. I thought the performances, the cinematography and the pacing were all pretty special. Gia can't stand him, but I think Brad Pitt is a pretty amazing actor when he isn't being a smug prick. This was one of the films that I thought he was really good in.
  5. So ya know what album I bought on iTunes the other day? Van Halen II. I honestly have no idea what inspired me to do that. I was cleaning the house and I wanted to hear something loud and from my youth. This satisfied both cravings. I love side two which starts with "Light Up the Sky" and ends with "Beautiful Girls". It's as good as anything the band ever did.

Jul 14, 2008


***Long Post Alert***

First, did everyone see the man behind the curtain? OK...now that we've satisfied our narcissistic needs we can move on..

To Violet Blue...my Internet crush. It's okay. Gia knows. She's got a bit of a crush on her too! Nothing wrong with that. If you like your geeks to be sexy and smart or if you like your sexy ladies to be geeky and smart or if you simply prefer your smart women to be geeky and sexy, then Violet Blue is for you. No wait...SHE'S MINE!!! Um, sorry.

For those of you not familiar with the Fabulous Ms. Blue (I don't know her at all, so I won't presume to call her Miss), here's a brief outline. She was born a poor black son of migrant farm workers...um, wait. Strike that. I don't really know much about her background. I believe she grew up homeless for a while. All I do know is that she is one of my favorite bloggers. Has been before I even knew what the term "blog" meant. She's also an author, sex educator and columnist for the San Francisco Chronicle. I've got such a heart-on for her.

To be honest, I only read her blog. I rarely go to her columns at the Chronicle. Not because they aren't well written or sexy (they are), but because of the comments that she gets from so many angry trolls. It just makes me so sick to my stomach. I guess that everyone is entitled to speak their minds. It's a free country, or so they say. And it's not just that these trolls disagree with many of Ms. Blue's comments, that's actually fine with me. It's how they disagree that bothers me. With hatred and bile and misogynistic name-calling. It's really disgusting.

Trolls and trolling have been popular topics here in the blogosphere lately. Check out Avitable's take on it here. It's really something that makes no sense to me. I used to see it on a lot of bulletin boards, but trolls can live anywhere. Especially in the nutrient-rich world of the blogosphere. Sad for us.

But I didn't really intend to talk about trolls today. Sometimes a stray thought can just lead to a couple of paragraphs or pages when you least expect it. No, I wanted to talk about the latest controversy surrounding the lovely Violet Blue. She has been writing about Boing Boing, a website (I hesitate to call it a blog, but I guess it is) that she used to have a healthy relationship with. They loved her. She loved them. It was all good. But then something happened recently. Boing Boing deleted all of their posts that ever mentioned Violet Blue. And they did it without any real explanation.

After some back and forth debate on the topic, mostly in the comments section of the blogs, Boing Boing issued the following statement on the matter:

"Violet behaved in a way that made us reconsider whether we wanted to lend her any credibility or associate with her. It's our blog and so we made an editorial decision, like we do every single day." Source

They went on to say that no one was being censored. That they simply "unpublished" some of their own work for their own reasons.

That's a funny word, isn't it? Unpublished. It's almost like a something you would find in a 60's or 70's piece of dystopian science fiction regarding the systematic erasing of a personality or soul. I don't know. Can you unpublish something? I guess in the realm of the Internets, it's possible. But does anything REALLY go away for good?

There have been all kinds of guesswork as to why Boing Boing has done this. Maybe because Violet Blue famously sued an adult film actress for using the same performance name, and they didn't like that? Maybe because Violet and Xeni Jardin (a co-editor and contributor to Boing Boing) were once an item and have now since broken up.

The controversy over Violet Blue's "unpublished" status at Boing Boing (and it looks like some of the posts mentioning her have been un-unpublished just recently) has caused a few tongues to wag over journalistic ethics and standards. Is this kind of action reasonable for a big-time website like Boing Boing? Or is their explanation sufficient. It's their blog...they can do what they want with it.

Actually Violet has no problems with that last statement. Nor do I. To quote her "Yes, anyone can take down their own posts. But no one has the right to do it and turn it into an act of cruelty, sickeningly “for your own good” while trashing the subject. That’s repulsive." You can read more about what Violet has to say on the subject, including further links and feedback, here. My only problem is that websites like Boing Boing and contributors like Xeni Jardin aspire to be something more than just bloggers. They aspire to be journalists. And you can't have the aspirations without having to be held responsible for your ethics like any other journalist.*

*I've recently "unpublished" a number of my own posts. It had to do with some friends of mine who took issue with some of the things I wrote. I didn't necessarily agree with their assessment of what I wrote, but I never intended to offend anyone...so I took them down. But I've also never aspired to be anything other than what I am. A semi-anonymous blogger with no desire to ever be a journalist.

It feels like one of those grey areas, doesn't it? Like it's something that could be wrong and dangerous, but you aren't really sure. Yet it sits in the back of your mind bothering you while you try to justify their actions because "it's a free world".

I don't know what to make of it all. All I know is people are calling my Internet crush names and I don't like it! Not one bit. I don't hate Boing Boing. I've only read it a few times but I've found it interesting and amusing. I don't hate Xeni Jardin. She looks a little like the white-haired woman from The Matrix, but that's about all I can say about her.

I just don't like anyone calling my girl names.

Jul 12, 2008

RIP Bobby Murcer

Bobby Murcer passed away today after a long battle with a brain tumor.

I know that people think that sports and fans, in particular, are stupid, but Bobby Murcer's death has really affected me.

He is one of my all-time favorite players and broadcasters, and from what everyone says just a great all-time guy. Gia's father played minor league ball with him and the Yankees and he says that Bobby was the best. Best teammate. Best friend. Best all-around guy. The guys would bust on him at first because he was a big-time bonus baby and he couldn't hit worth a lick for his first month or so in pinstripes. Couldn't field either. But Bobby would just shrug and give them an aw-shucks grin and say "just wait". And hit and field he did. For some terrible Yankee teams, for the Giants and the Cubs, and then again for the Yankees to finish off his career. He was such a Yankee at heart that he wore number 7 for the Cubs just so he could honor Mickey Mantle.

I'm gonna miss Bobby Murcer. So will a lot of Yankee fans. So will a lot of other people.

Jul 11, 2008

The Big Reveal

So my six-month experiment with growing out my hair is finally coming to fruition. It's now long enough to put in a top knot a la The Dude. OK, so I'm a bit more grey. OK...A LOT MORE GREY. White even. Fuck you!

Alright, then how about his buddy The Stranger, but more like Wade Garrett from Roadhouse? Does that work? No...crap!

Well, it should be long enough by the end of October to give The Dude his due for my Halloween costume. The goatee (slightly hidden, but very, very white) too! Just a little brown hair dye should do it. And a roach clip. And a white sleeveless jumpsuit with some tools. And Ray-Bans. And sparkly bowling shoes. Dream Sequence Dude abides!

And all yer gonna get of me is my fat hand over my fat face. I'm too pretty to be on the Internets. Deal with it, bitches!

Please remember, as the semi-hidden t-shirt says...Drink Real Beer.

That's good advice!

Gary Oldman and...um, something to ponder

I don't know if I really have a favorite actor. There sure are lots to choose from. I do know that Gary Oldman would most likely be at the very top of that list. He's excellent in just about every role I've ever seen him in. From Jackie Flannery to Lee Harvey Oswald to Drexl Spivey to Stansfield to Sheldon Runyon to Sirus Black to James Gordon and so on. He disappears into these roles. The only problem is the length of time he is on screen in these movies. They are all supporting characters roles.

Sure, Oldman has had some starring turns. Sid Vicious. Ben Chase in Criminal Law. Dracula. Ludwig van Beethoven. All great roles. The most recent being Beethoven in 1994's Immortal Beloved.


Really? Did Hollywood just forget about him or did they just never figure out how to get this incredible actor a featured role that would fully make use of his talents? I'm not really complaining. He brings so much to even his smallest roles. He was even decent in the awful remake of Lost in Space. That's a miracle!

I find it hard to believe that not only has he never won an Oscar for his work...HE'S NEVER EVEN BEEN NOMINATED! NOT ONCE! There may not be a more deserving actor alive who has never been nominated. It's an absolute crime. Maybe it's because he picks such offbeat roles in heavy-handed genre flicks. Probably because of that. But he's done some nice mainstream work as well. To me, some of his best work was in The Contender. That was a film that garnered some decent Oscar buzz for Joan Allen, but none for Oldman. And he was a force of nature in it!

But he keeps on keeping on. He still seems willing to take a featured role every once in a while (like the mediocre Dead Fish), but they are usually small movies. Where's the big-time director of a big-time movie who is ready to give Mr. Oldman the role all of his fans have been waiting for all these years? The role that will get him his naked golden statue.

In the meantime...enjoy this clip of Gary Oldman in Leon.

PS - I'm giving great thought to posting the first ever bug-eyed pic of yours truly. Well, I posted my tattoo before. Hey...it's right over there in the sidebar. No...this one will have a lot more Earl. I just haven't decided on whether or not I'm gonna do it. Hmmm.

Jul 10, 2008

Movie myths

First, is everyone paying attention?

OK...I was reading an article online just a little while ago. I've moved on and I don't feel like going back and finding it so I can provide the link. Deal with it, fuckers. I'll just describe it to you instead.

So this article was about the most historically inaccurate movies that are based upon true events. Movies like Rudy, The Hurricane and Victory. All decent films, by the way. All come equipped with the tagline "based on true events" and all steer wildly clear of what actually happened in those events.

I came away from reading that article with a question. Do we really care? Are we really caring about this? I mean it's not as if the tagline reads "an exact replica of true events that really happened exactly the way we portray them in this very true-to-life film...swear to God!" It's a movie! If it wasn't much, much more interesting than actual life than we wouldn't pay $11.50 to watch it in a dark room with 350 strangers.

I say that, but then I'm guilty of checking every "based on true events" movie out on IMDB and other sites. Checking to see what was real and what was embellished. Then I tell my friends all about the differences while feeling like a superior sonofabitch. That's how I roll.

I just did it tonight. Right before I read that article, I watched a movie called Heavens Falls. It was based on the re-trial of nine black men who were convicted of raping two white women in Scottsboro, Alabama back in 1931. The trial and re-trials may have been the basis for the book "To Kill a Mockingbird" or so I've read. Harper Lee denies this, by the way.

This one seems to stray closer to the truth than most Hollywood true-tales. Maybe because it doesn't need any embellishment. I'm sure there are folks who are still convinced that these men were guilty. Maybe they were. The facts, however, seem to indicate that they weren't. Most of the men were eventually released or pardoned. The ones that were still alive, anyway. That says a lot. Plus one of the women came forward in the second round of trials and admitted that she wasn't raped by any of the men. Ruby Bates apparently spent the rest of her life working with the men's defense teams to set them free.

It's a sad tale of racism and deep-seated ideology. A tale that doesn't need a Hollywood script.

Jul 9, 2008


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Stupid Bullets

Sitting here. Watching the Yankee game. Eating some ice cream. Thinking of stupid stuff. Like this:

J I mentioned the other day how much I love Haagen-Daz ice cream bars, but they aren't my true ice cream love. My true ice cream love is Friendly's Chocolate Marshmallow Ice Cream. The only problem is that Friendly's doesn't make it any more. So I have to settle for Rocky Road. Bleh! I don't want no nutz in my fucking ice cream. So tonight I bought Ben & Jerry's S'mores Ice Cream. Not bad. Just not what I really want. Sigh.

J Bullet points still don't work with this Blogger template. So you get the upper case letter "J" in webdings. Deal with it.

J This is something that really bothers me as a baseball fan. I hate it when announcers call a fair ball that bounces into the stands a "ground rule" double. It's not a ground rule double! It's an automatic double. In every park, a hit that goes out of play (in the stands) after bouncing in fair territory is an automatic double. There are no ground rules for it. It's something that all parks share. A ground rule double would be a ball caught in the ivy at Wrigley or one that somehow goes through the scoreboard at Fenway. THOSE are ground rule doubles. Based on the ground rules of those particular stadiums. What we see every day on the ESPN highlights are automatic doubles. But no one calls them that. I may be the only person who actually cares about this, but get it right people!

J Wow...I'm a tremendous baseball geek, aren't I?

J These guys picked the 10 manliest superheroes. I think they missed out on a few. They meant "manly" as in man-on-man, right?

J Speaking of superheroes, Gia and I watched Ichi the Killer the other night and we both really enjoyed it. It's an over-the-top action/comedy/horror kinda thingy. I thought of the Kill Bill films or Dead Alive right away. It made a lot more sense to me when I found out it was adapted from a Japanese comic-book. Ichi is a severely damaged superhero type. Complete with costume. You gotta love a movie whose title is first shown in a pool of semen. Real semen. Yowza!

J Zombies. I get zombies. I understand them. Their motivation...what makes them scary. I can come up with reasons why they would attack us. The living dead that needs fresh human flesh blah blah blah. That makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense to me are the infected thingies in 28 Days Later... and it's sequel. Ok...so the virus makes them bloodthirsty, right? Why don't they attack each other? I mean zombies might not attack each other because they can tell rotting flesh from live flesh, but the things in these films ARE alive. They just want blood and flesh and brains...so why don't they attack each other? Makes no sense to me. But zombies....zombies I get.

J Yesterday, ajooja pondered whether Maria Sharapova was actually hot or just hot in terms of tennis players. She's not really my type. Too tall and built like a 12 year-old boy up top. But if you are into that kinda thing, I give you this dude's top 10 hot foreign-born female tennis players. You are most welcome.

J If you like your women with a little more meat on them, check out the top 10 Gravure Idol models from Japan. I didn't really know what "Gravure Idol" meant either, but apparently they are bikini models with tremendously (fake?) large boobs. Once again, you are most welcome.

J Let's see...ice cream - check. Baseball - check. Superheroes - check. Zombies - check. Tits - double check! My work here is done. Asta la pasta! - Earl

Jul 8, 2008

You can't hiiiiide...

...your Mayan eyes.

Or so claim some folks who have a hard-on for Mayan prophecy. They say that the world is gonna end sometime in December of 2012. I wonder what the gas prices are gonna be like after that?

The craziest thing about this AOL article is the poll that goes along with it. It asks if you/we think that something apocalyptic will occur on that specific day. 15% of the respondents said "Yes". Now I know that most of us here patrolling these Internets are idiots or we would never stoop to answering these polls seriously, but 15%!?!?

What kinda Mayan dope are these people smoking? Even if only 10% of those folks are serious, that's still 1.5% who believe the world will actually end on that very specific date. That's not just crazy, that's Britney Spears crazy!

PS - Oh, and I thought I was the only one who loved the opening scene from The Way of the Gun. Apparently not.

Jul 7, 2008

Let the bodies hit the floor...

I wish it were edited a little better, but this is hysterical!

I think I'm going to stop posting anything original and just steal shit from the cool kids over at Gorilla Mask. Kind of like they do. It's what their site is all about. Fun stuff from all over the web.

I wonder if anyone who reads this has had any kind of experience with faith healers before. My father's good friend was an uber-Catholic who turned Evangelical when he moved down to South Carolina. He was diagnosed with a serious heart condition that he claims was cured by a faith healer. Hey...whatever floats yer boat, I always say. Especially if you believe it saved your life.

And it's not faith healing, but my aunt and uncle claim to have seen some pretty miraculous shit in Medjugorje in Bosnia-Herzegovina. Something about a silver crucifix transforming to gold or the like. I dunno. They are pretty grounded people too. So who is to say.

I'd settle on seeing someone perform the miracle of lowering gasoline prices. That would work for me.

Jul 5, 2008

I don't really dislike England

But this shit is funny, yo!

America Rules England Sucks - Watch more free videos

Jul 4, 2008

Happy 4th

Here's a little something for you to do whilst celebrating 232 years of claiming we are better than everyone else.

Go ahead. Pull my finger.

Jul 3, 2008

BFF and shit

I love it when folks get us.

Gia and I, is what I mean. I love it when they see us together and they realize how perfectly we compliment each other. Two halves of the same heart.

We were in NYC last night to see a friend perform at a rock club/bar. We were a little early so we hung out at the bar having a beer with the bartender. She was really cool. A musician herself, guitar I believe. The joint was empty at that point so she sat there talking with us.

We talked about music, her newest tattoo, her boyfriend and her step-father who acted in the movie Cruising back in 1980. That last part was weird because Gia's father was in the movie as an extra. No...not in the gay S&M clubs. Part of the movie took place in the meat-packing district (shaddup) and he was working at one of those meat joints back then. You can see him at one point in his white long jacket somewhere in there, apparently. I'm gonna have to see it again to catch his cameo.

Anyway, we maybe had two beers with this woman before our friend was ready to go on. She shook her head at us and smiled as we were getting ready to leave and she said that she could totally tell why we were a couple. She said that she saw us together like she saw herself and her boyfriend. Best friends in love.

She got us.

Jul 2, 2008

Devil, thy name is...


Not the mint ice cream with the dark chocolate as pictured above, but vanilla ice cream with milk chocolate coating. Mmmm!!!

I've always said that I don't have a sweet tooth. I always will choose salty or savory over sweet. But damn if I haven't found myself with a Haagen-Dazs habit in the past few weeks. I'm doing an ice cream bar a day! What's wrong with me? I don't eat one all by myself, though. One of our cats loves them. She sits right next to me and gets her licks in. She doesn't like the chocolate, but the vanilla ice cream makes her nuts!

I generally watch people eat dessert and I don't get it. Wouldn't they rather have some more pasta or an extra burger? Why fill yourself up on the sweets? And the people who specifically DON'T eat something because they are saving room for dessert? What the hell? Live in the now, people! Or don't, frankly. I'll have that last piece of steak that you can't choke down because you want a slice of cheesecake. I'm down with that.

But now...ice cream bars. Let's see how long it lasts.

Jul 1, 2008


If you are anything like me, then your right pinky toe hurts like hell because you slammed it into a stupid box of crap that sits outside of your bathroom. And you have a huge zit on your cheek that no 40+ year old should ever wake up with. Oh, and you love the show MythBusters.

Well, I don't really love it. I like it a lot. I'm not gonna take it to the prom or anything. But I like the idea of a couple of dudes trying to prove or disprove urban legends and myths. Even if those two dudes sometimes annoy the crap outta me. I like the odd facial hair on the dude that wears the beret, but let me just stress the last part of that statement. HE WEARS A BERET!

Sometimes the show takes too long for my ADD lifestyle. Stop going to commercial break and just let me know if it's possible to shoot someone when they are swimming underwater. I might need to know that shit. Like right now, fuckers!

So it was with great joy that I was pointed to the MythBusters Results site by the cool kids over at Gorilla Mask. It lets you know how each one of their devious experiments turns out. And you don't have to sit through a buttload of commercials for EDD. Unless you're into that kinda thing. Sicko!