Happy Halloween

It's getting scary out there, boys and girls.

courtesy of zombiemccain.com

courtesy of frighteningprospect.com

And a more serious Happy Halloween wish to Avitable and all the kids going to his party this weekend. Sounds like a lot of hard work on Adam's part and a lot of fun for all the attendees. Have a scary good time!

Risky Business

I'm sure you've seen the new commercial for Guitar Hero World Tour by now. If you haven't, here...take a look:

It stars Alex Rodriguez (Madonna was hot back in the 80's), Tony Hawk (so was Skate-TV), Michael Phelps (is there a less charismatic pitchman than him?) and Kobe Bryant channeling Tom Cruise (without the tighty-whities, thank you very much) lip-syncing to Bob Seger.

Besides the fact that it turns into Clay Aiken's fantasy there at the end with all of them rolling around in their undies and button-downed Oxford shirts, did anyone else notice something funny about this ad? Hmmm?

Why do they have Tony Hawk wearing a helmet? A-Rod doesn't have a baseball bat or glove. Michael Phelps isn't wearing a swim cap and goggles. And Kobe isn't dressed as a rapist. Ahem.

But the makers of this commercial decide to put Tony Hawk in a helmet just so the audience knows that he is a skateboarder. I dunno. He's fairly popular. Did they think audiences weren't going to recognize him? So they go ahead and make him look like one of those retards who run around the playground hurting themselves. So much so that their parents make them wear a helmet at all times.

Way to go, Corky!

ELECTION STUFF: You absolutely have to go here and read all about Victoria Jackson's opinions on Barack Obama and the upcoming election. You may remember her from SNL or that X-Files episode she was in or from her stand-up in the 80's/90's. On the front page of her website she says that she doesn't want a political label. That's good. Because her arguments against Obama have nothing to do with politics and everything to do with religion. She goes as far as to claim that Obama "bears traits that resemble the anti- Christ and I'm scared to death that un- educated people will ignorantly vote him into office." Looks like she is still doing stand-up comedy to me! - Earl

Crazy like a FOX

BREAKING NEWS: FOX News has a conservative, Right-wing agenda!

Shocking, isn't it? The opposite can be said of MSNBC. They perpetuate a liberal, Left-wing agenda. CNN? They seem to be the moderate of the big three, at least to me. Seems fair.

I still like my news on the non-partisan tip, but when I'm looking for infotainment, I head over to Olbermann, Matthews and Maddow for some fun conservative bashing. Just as, I assume, certain conservatives do with O'Reilly, Hannity and the rest of the merry men and women over at FOX. None of it is un-biased, but who really cares? As long as everyone recognizes that.

But I just don't see how the kids over at FOX can continue to perpetuate the outright lie that they are fair and balanced! They most certainly DO have an agenda, and that is exactly what keeps their base tuning in day after day. Listen, I have no problem with FOX and the content they run. While I don't think it is as rampant as some (especially the McCain campaign) say, there has been a bit of Left-wing media bias and the Right deserves a voice. That voice is FOX News. And I'm fine with that. I'm not going to watch, but I am fine with it.

You never hear the on-air personalities over on MSNBC crowing about how fair and impartial they are. Even in the face of constant accusations coming from the Right and the McCain campaign. They know what they are and they know who their audience is. But over on FOX, you almost can't get through a segment without their on-air talent railing against the injustices of the Left-wing media elite and patting themselves on the back for presenting the fair and balanced take on politics. It's like a mission statement for the whole company.

"Push our agenda, but don't acknowledge it! In fact, denounce it with indignation."

This mantra is pounded into the viewer's brains day after day to the point where their base actually believes it. That is the problem I have with it all. I watch MSNBC with glee and I know that they are pushing an agenda. I get it. A lot of folks I know, including some family members of mine, watch FOX and refuse to admit that they are doing likewise. It's incredible. Their mission statement is working! And it is oh-so insidious. MSNBC admits with a wink and a chuckle their agenda, but FOX refuses to do the same with righteous indignation.

And whenever I see arguments on the political front between the two sides of the political fence, that is what you usually get from each side. A wink and a chuckle from the Left and righteous indignation from the Right. Makes you wonder how much of each of our political beliefs are shaped by the heads of each of these organizations.

Yesterday, an Obama spokesmen named Bill Burton called out FOX for it's political agenda and was invited onto Megyn Kelly's show to get beat on, I guess. She, once again, tows the company line by pounding Burton and denouncing his accusations of such an agenda. Notice her righteousness. I think she actually believes her own crap.

I wanna dive into that poll that she mentions about FOX being the least biased news organization. Was it a poll of FOX viewers? Hmm.

Oh, and that study from the Center For Media of Public Affairs that she mentioned...the one that said that Obama's portrayals on the news have been 65% positive versus 36% for McCain. That is true...to an extant. That study was from August 23rd to September 30th*. Not since the end of the primaries as Kelly stated. Oh, and the same study showed that those numbers on FOX alone were 28% positive for Obama versus 38% for McCain and 49% for Palin. Oh, and the high positives for Obama were a turnaround from his extremely low numbers from their last study released on July 23rd. His numbers in that study were 72% NEGATIVE at that point versus 57% negative for McCain. You can check it all out yourself on their website.

*The study in question used ABC World News Tonight, CBS Evening News, NBC Nightly News and the first half hour of FOX Special Report. CNN and MSNBC were not included in the study.

Anyone can pick out the details from a study that supports their arguments while ignoring the rest of the facts. But a fair and balanced reporter may have mentioned the facts from the entire study rather than just the ones that supported her argument. That's what a political operative with an agenda does. Not a fair and balanced news person. Hmm.

No agenda there. Nope.

PS - Once again, I'm fine with the fact that they have an agenda. The Right needs a voice in the media just as much as anyone. I'm just tired of them denying it and being righteous about it, is all. - Earl

UPDATE - Much props to Sheppard Smith of FOX News for calling out Joe the Plumber in an interview yesterday and calling his views "frightening". I was feeling bad for the guy after the last debate due to the extreme focus by the media on him. But hearing him speak every day is convincing me that he is a boob. He admits that he doesn't know what he is talking about and yet he is given a voice by the McCain campaign. Good job on calling him out on his ignorance FOX!!!

Kevin Smith Makes a Movie

"It all goes back to something my grandmother told me when I was a kid. 'Holden,' she said 'the big bucks are in dick and fart jokes.' She was a churchgoer." - Chasing Amy

I don't see how you could have missed it, but a guess a few people may not know that Kevin Smith is releasing his newest film Zack and Miri Make a Porno later on this week. The ads are all over the fucking place. Even the censored ads that no longer suggest the titular duo are on the receiving end of some nice oral. That's right. I said "titular".


I've definitely got a love/hate relationship with Kevin Smith. I loved Clerks. I hated Clerks II. I loved Mallrats. I hated Jersey Girl. I both loved and hated Chasing Amy almost at the same time. That was hard to do. I loved Dogma and hated parts (loved parts) of Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. I hate him and his fucking ego during the commentary tracks on his DVDs and I love him in his "Evening With..." series and whenever he is on a radio program like Opie and Anthony.

It's a complicated relationship. I think Kevin would agree.

Now he is wading in the cool waters of the Judd Apatow repertoire company with his latest flick starring Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks. Oh, he throws a Jason Mewes and a Jeff Anderson in there for good measure. Just to let you know that it is indeed a Kevin Smith flick. But let's not kid ourselves. He wants the Judd Apatow audience and money that Seth Rogan brings to the table. Nothing wrong with that. But isn't it a few years too late for that? I've got a Seth Rogan hangover and I need a fucking break.

Anyway, it seems to me that Smith came up with the least imaginative name for the flick that he could have possibly dreamed up. I get the sarcasm and the references to those wonderful (groan) sex comedies of the 70's. But couldn't he have come up with a title that wasn't going to make soccer moms faint at the possibility of explaining to their kids what a porno is? I certainly don't give a damn, and I think the word "porno" is just fine. But why not just name it something else?

Like The Amateurs or The Moguls*, or something.

Oh.

*For those of you who haven't heard of it, The Amateurs aka The Moguls is a Jeff Bridges film from a few years ago about a group of small-town folk who decide to make an amateur porno using only their friends and filmed locally in their town. It's a feel-good comedy with a lot of heart. Sound familiar?

One more "Halloween" post

OK...maybe not the last one.

Here are some deleted scenes from Halloween. Looks like Michael Myers wasn't such a bad guy after all.

Michael Myers Is Way Cooler in 'Halloween's' Deleted Scenes -- powered by Cracked.com

Long Live Rock

Had a fun weekend with Gia and my family. I made sauerbraten (it rocked) for our family Oktoberfest/birthday celebration and my world famous macaroni and cheese for the kids. My mac and cheese should be its own food group it is so good! Lots of other German style dishes from the rest of the family and a bunch of great beers. Nice get together.

I was a little buzzed on the way home. Relax...Gia drove. Now we usually listen to talk radio in the car. Opie & Anthony re-runs, Ron & Fez stuff or whatever they are playing on Air America (lefty, liberal radio). But we felt like hearing some music, and since I was the navigator and a bit buzzed I was picking whatever I felt I could sing to best.

The ride home was rainy and crazy windy, so Gia had to pay close attention to the road. But at one point while I was singing along with The Who, she looked at me and said the nicest words anyone has ever said to me.

"You know...I never noticed it before. but when you sing you sound a lot like Roger Daltrey. You know, back when he could actually sing."

Now THAT is a compliment, in my book. What a woman I have.

The night HE came home.

"I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the "devil's" eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil." - Dr. Loomis

Now that I've finished the exhausting horror film series, I guess I should come clean with my favorite all-time horror film. It was in there as the top film in my maniac series. I'm talking about Halloween, of course.

John Carpenter is easily one of my favorite directors, and what he did with this movie for the rest of the horror genre still echoes loudly today. No blood, no gore, no cursing and only the briefest of boobie shots in two scenes. That's it. The film is so conservative by today's standards that it can be shown almost whole on network television. Just a couple of quick edits and it's network safe. Remarkable!

I just don't know if it's possible to do it any better. This, my friends, is a perfect horror film.

Check out the original trailer.

Amazing how much of the movie they actually show in that clip. Have a great weekend!

Creature Feature

This is it. The conclusion of our week-long journey into the cinematic night. Thank the forces of evil for that!

Here we go!

10/20/08 - Top 5 Werewolf Films - Do this tail make my ass look big?
10/21/08 - Top 5 Vampire Films - They want to suck your blood.
10/22/08 - Top 5 Maniac Films - Serial killers and madmen.
10/23/08 - Top 5 "Other Side" Films - Ghosts, demons and satanism. Oh my!
10/24/08 - Top 5 Monster/Other Films - A potpourri of mixed goodies.

Earl's Top Five Monster/Other Films

This will be our "catch all" category of horror films. No vampires, wolfmen, ghosts, maniacs or demons here. Just everything else. You might think that this would be the hardest category to pare down to five. But I did it in like three minutes, frankly. Which means I probably missed something truly obvious. Fuck it if you can't take a joke. Oh, and in case you missed it, Slyde was nice enough to give us the best zombie films here. Thanks, Slyde!

One sidenote: I left out Jaws from this category on purpose. While it probably is the most defining scary film I have ever seen, I still just don't think it belongs in this category. Feel free to disagree.

5. Phantasm (1979) - I really don't know where the fuck to categorize this one, to tell you the truth. That's why it's here, I guess. A mausoleum, dwarves running around in dark robes, a metallic sphere with jagged blades, the Tall Man and portals to another world. I didn't know what the hell was going on the first time I saw it. I still don't. But I know that it scared the crap outta me. And Reggie the ice cream man has always been a hero of mine. All his flavors are guaranteed to satisfy!

4. Hellraiser (1987) - Let me just say for the record here, I hate these movies! All of them. I don't think they are written/made particularly well at all. Yet this first one has been known to keep me up nights. Pinhead and company are just downright creepy! I'd imagine I would like it a bit better if I were into the whole pleasure/pain thing, but since I'm not I found it to be absolutely repulsive. And scary. That's the only reason I'm including it here. Frankly, I wish I could un-make this one or just go back to a time and place before I ever heard of it. Yuck!

3. The Bride of Frankenstein (1935) - One of those rare instances in cinema where the sequel actually outshines its predecessor. James Whale did a, um, well...whale of a job with this one. Elsa Lanchester as the Bride and Ernest Thesiger as the creepy Dr. Pretorius particularly sparkle in this one. Universal Studios owned the monster movie trademark in the 30's and 40's, and many (including me) think this is the best of the bunch. "We belong dead." Yeah...you do.

2. Alien (1979) - The second film in the series was pure action. Cowboys vs. Indians if you will. The third was David Fincher's attempt at making an artsy horror/action film with a message. The fourth tried to be a lot of things and failed at most of them. But the first in the series was pure horror, my friends. Tom Skerritt hunting the creature in the darkness (while the creature hunted him), the inevitable demise of one crew member after the other and the most memorable movie monster introduction of all-time are clear hi-lights of the film. Sure, the monster is a bit disappointing when we finally see "all" of it as it is launched out of the shuttle at the end. But the pacing, lighting and heart-pounding tension of it all makes it one of the best horror films ever made.

1. The Thing (1982) - John Carpenter's remake of this film is one of my favorite films ever. Horror or otherwise. But since we are talking about horror here, I'm giving it a slight edge over Alien as the best monster movie I have ever seen. It works almost exactly the same as Alien, actually. A group of isolated people fighting off an almost unstoppable monster intent on destroying everything it encounters. There were political/economic messages a plenty in Alien, but The Thing didn't need any of that. Just a big scary monster that could look and talk exactly like your best friend. Borrowing a bit of the paranoia that made Invasion of the Body Snatchers so scary, this one took it to the next level. And Master of Horror Carpenter brought it all together with a chilling score and award-winning creature effects from Rob Bottin. This is a perfect horror film.

Honorable mention: 28 Days Later (2002) (not a zombie film, by the way), Freaks (1932), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956), Frankenstein (1931), and The Birds (1963).

What did I miss this time?

The Devil made me do it!

This has been both more fun and a lot more work than I originally anticipated. Phew! Where were we again? Oh, that's right!

10/20/08 - Top 5 Werewolf Films - Do this tail make my ass look big?
10/21/08 - Top 5 Vampire Films - They want to suck your blood.
10/22/08 - Top 5 Maniac Films - Serial killers and madmen.
10/23/08 - Top 5 "Other Side" Films - Ghosts, demons and satanism. Oh my!
10/24/08 - Top 5 Monster/Other Films - A potpourri of mixed goodies.

Earl's Top Five "Other Side" Films

I know this is gonna be a tough one for me. So many great films to choose from in this category and few absolute iconic choices in there as well. First, let's define "other side" films as any that deal in the paranormal (ghosts, witches, etc...), or with demonic possession or any kind of deviltry. How do I pare that down to just five, you might ask. Not an easy task.

I think horror films, more so than any other genre, lend themselves to repetitive viewings. So I want my scary movies to be almost as scary on the fourth viewing as they were on the first viewing. This leaves out neo-classics like The Sixth Sense and The Others...films with a twist. The Sixth Sense is a fantastically scary film. The first time you watch it. And then the last act occurs and you realize it wasn't all that scary after all. So I'm leaving it out. So I'll try to cover all my bases here and include some ghost stories, some demonic stories and the like. Let's see how it all pans out.

5. Poltergeist (1982) - Written by Steven Spielberg and directed by Tobe Hooper, this one had blockbuster written all over it. And it doesn't disappoint. While a lot of it was light-hearted and goofy, when things got bad they REALLY got bad. A kid is sucked into the TV, a killer clown doll, maggoty meat and faces getting ripped off. This is one scary ghost story. Serves those mother-fuckers right for desecrating holy ground like that. I still get a chill whenever the slutty teen aged daughter comes home to all hell breaking loose. Her reaction ("WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?") is priceless and chilling. Also creepy to watch now since both she and the actress who played the young girl died tragically soon after the film was released. Crazy.

4. The Exorcism of Emily Rose (2005) - Most of the scary films that I have seen in my life come from a time when I was much younger and much more prone to getting frightened. This film scared the piss out of me just last year. Actually, Gia and I are gonna watch it again tonight. She has never seen it. I can't wait! The absolute star turn handed in by Jennifer Carpenter as the possessed girl is nothing short of amazing. The filmmakers were able to bypass a good deal of planned CGI simply because she was able to contort herself into those creepy positions all by herself. She supposedly even freaked out the crew of the film with her talents. I liked the courtroom drama premise as well. This is one scary flick!

3. The Exorcist (1973) - I hemmed and hawed about including this one, but eventually I just had to remember how much the commercials for it scared the crap out of me when I was a kid. The music, the scenery and that green pea soup. Wow! I don't know if a tale of demonic possession can get any scarier than this. And great acting all around from Ellen Burstyn, Jason Miller, Linda Blair and Max von Sydow. I've only seen it twice in my life and I'm not looking forward to seeing it again any time soon. It's THAT scary!

2. The Omen (1976) - The 70's were a glorious time for satanic horror films, weren't they? It's the tale of an American diplomat who slowly finds out that his son may be the living incarnation of the Anti-Christ. That's gotta be hard on a dad. As was shown in The Exorcist, it's scary as hell when kids are shown to be in danger of spiritual forces. But when it's the kid himself who is the agent of evil...well, that just takes it to another level. The final scene of the film at the funeral has the creepy kid break the third wall and stare with evil intent directly at the audience. That's just fucking wrong, man!

1. The Shining (1980) - This adaptation of Stephen King's novel works on just so many levels. It's a ghost story, a cabin fever/man with an ax story and a possession story all wrapped up in one tidy 146 minute film. The casting of Jack and Wendy Torrance was beyond brilliant and Jack's descent into madness is portrayed perfectly by auteur Stanley Kubrick. The film is actually much better than the excellent novel, in my opinion. Whereas King often takes things too far with his work, Kubrick found a more subtle form of madness. Nicholson hamming it up through the 2nd and 3rd acts helped a lot as well. "Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. Gonna bash 'em right the fuck in! ha ha ha!" Indeed.

Honorable mention: The Wicker Man (1973), The Haunting (1963), The Blair Witch Project (1999), Burnt Offerings (1976), Season of the Witch aka Hungry Wives (1972). That last one was written and directed by George Romero as well. That cat made some absolute classics back in his day!

Did I miss any? Hmmm?

They're quite mad, you know

This post was delayed by bacon-infused bourbon, Cheech Marin and my first dance with the green fairy last night in NYC. That will all make sense at some point in the future when I decide to post about it.

Onward with our Monster Movie Week.

10/20/08 - Top 5 Werewolf Films - Do this tail make my ass look big?
10/21/08 - Top 5 Vampire Films - They want to suck your blood.
10/22/08 - Top 5 Maniac Films - Serial killers and madmen.
10/23/08 - Top 5 "Other Side" Films - Ghosts, demons and satanism. Oh my!
10/24/08 - Top 5 Monster/Other Films - A potpourri of mixed goodies.

Earl's Top Five Maniac Films

Now I'm gonna piss off certain people here (Slyde) by leaving off one of the most iconic slasher films in history. Psycho. I know...I know. But I've seen Psycho about a half a dozen times and I never thought it was very scary. I'm also leaving out films like The Silence of the Lambs, as I consider those more thriller/drama vehicles even though they often feature horrific madmen. So you can take my list with a grain of salt, I guess.

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984) - The acting was pretty wooden, even with the big-screen debut of Johnny Depp. But the premise, the bogeyman and the dream sequences that killed were just done so well by Wes Craven. It inspired a slew of sequels and some crossovers, but the original is still a damned scary ride.

4. Silent Night, Bloody Night (1974) - Here's an obscure one for you. A man inherits a mansion in a small town. He later finds out that the mansion was formerly an insane asylum while investigating some crimes from the town's past. There is one really long sepia-tinged flashback that shows the inmates killing the staff and escaping the hospital. I won't tell you the big twist, but it was pretty freaking creepy!

3. Malevolence (2004) - Another obscure (for some) one for ya. Slyde and I saw this one in the theaters a few years back with some local interest as the film was shot on location here on Long Island. It was classic throwback to the slasher films of yore, but without the bad acting, gratuitous nudity or cheesy dialogue. Just a straight-up scary flick about a killing spree. Check it out.

2. Friday the 13th (1980) - I almost left this one of the list with Psycho. I think I was influenced by the many sequels and the build-up of Jason as the indestructible killing machine. But this first flick was different. Jason was just a side note and there were tons of scary, bloody and innovative on-screen deaths. The "cha cha cha cha" soundtrack got under your skin as well. Plus I always enjoy it when Kevin Bacon gets murdered on-screen.

1. Halloween (1978) - Along with Freddy Krueger and Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers has become the iconic symbol of movie madmen thanks to this delicious offering from John Carpenter. I even liked most of the sequels. The score was just ridiculously easy and scary (it's the ring tone on my cell phone). As easy and scary as the plot. Madman kills sister, goes to insane asylum, escapes years later and returns home to kill again. They mucked it up a bit later on by adding unnecessary back story (druids?), but the original film didn't need it. It was perfect as it was. Still is.

UPDATE: Adam gave me one that I probably should have included here. The Devil's Rejects by Rob Zombie. The sequel to House of 1000 Corpses was toned down and smartened up. Instead of trying to create a new sub-genre he went back to the basics and made a film that turned into a scary, scary ride. I'd put this ahead of both Nightmare on Elm Street and Silent Night, Bloody Night on my list.

Is your favorite up there?

Once bitten, twice shy

I've decided that this is gonna be Monster Movie Week on the old Bug-Eyed Blog. Yesterday's post on werewolf films got me thinking about horror films, in general, and I have convinced myself that they fall into one of five categories, which I will write about this week. I'm skipping zombie films because 2 out of 5 of them would be called Dawn of the Dead and another would be Night of the Living Dead (too much Romero love), but I'll give Slyde this opportunity to do a post on that subject.

10/20/08 - Top 5 Werewolf Films - Do this tail make my ass look big?
10/21/08 - Top 5 Vampire Films - They want to suck your blood.
10/22/08 - Top 5 Maniac Films - Serial killers and madmen.
10/23/08 - Top 5 "Other Side" Films - Ghosts, demons and satanism. Oh my!
10/24/08 - Top 5 Monster/Other Films - A potpourri of mixed goodies.

Earl's Top Five Vampire Films

This one was a bit harder to trim down to just five than my werewolf movie list. There just has been so many great vampire movies. I have omitted some of the more recent CGI-inspired films like Underworld, Blade, Van Helsing and even Night Watch/Day Watch (which were great, by the way). Why? Just because. I don't know...I never really felt like I was watching a "vampire" movie in those instances. And it's my list, so there!

5. From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) - This was a tough one to include. The depiction of the vampires absolutely sucked in this film! Robert Rodriguez has a penchant for going a bit too far with some things and he certainly did it here making the vampires look just plain ridiculous. But it had Clooney and Tarantino chewing up the scenery and it had Salma Hayek doing a booty dance with a big snake. The premise alone makes the choice a worthy one. I also liked how you couldn't even tell it was a vampire flick until almost halfway through the film. I really could have picked any of the films down below in the "Honorable Mention" category here, but this one was just so much damned fun! Not really scary, but lots of fun.

4. Dracula (1931) - This was another one that was tough for me to include due to it's overall camp value. It certainly hasn't stood the test of time as well as some other horror films from that time period. But it is so iconic, so important to the genre that it really had to be included. Bela Lugosi hams it up admirably and Tod Browning lights the Count in eerie, almost hypnotic ways. It's an absolute must-see for fans of vampire films.

3. Vampires (1998) - There is so much that is so wrong with this entry from John Carpenter. James Woods acts as if he is pissed his agent signed him up for this one all the way through it. Daniel Baldwin is just awful. And the budget was extremely low even by Carpenter's standards. But I loved sinking my teeth into (see what I did there?) this tale of truly evil vampires and the connection to the Catholic church. The vampires themselves were frightening and blood-thirsty, reversing a trend that Anne Rice had perpetuated with her novels. And I'm a blatant John Carpenter sycophant. The man can do almost no wrong in my book.

2. Martin (1977) - Is it sacrilegious to pick this film as my favorite all-time George Romero flick? Some would believe so. But I love this film! If you haven't heard of it, it is the story of a young man who believes he is actually 80+ years old and a vampire. He even drinks blood. He is sent to live with his uncle or cousin (I forget), who will try to save him. It's a great character study of a man who believes he is a vampire and acts out on those beliefs by drugging women and slicing their wrists to feast on their blood. The cuts between color and black and white work wonderfully to depict dichotomy of the real and fantasy worlds of Martin. It's not your traditional vampire flick, but it is a really good one.

1. Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauns (1922) - The first (kinda) and still the best. F.W. Murnau and Max Schreck brought this version of Bram Stoker's "Dracula" tale to frightening light. The names were changed due to copyright reasons, but it is basically the same story as the version filmed by Browining 9 years later. Schreck was just so creepy in the titular role that it is hard to believe that he is only onscreen for about 10 minutes. Vampires on film went from Schreck's gruesome portrayal to Lugosi's more charming persona for quite a while. But nowadays filmmakers are returning to Murnau's original vision. About time I say. What is so scary about a vampire in a tuxedo anyway?

Honorable Mention: Innocent Blood, Near Dark, Lifeforce, Fright Night, Salem's Lot (TV), The Lost Boys, 30 Days of Night.

Did I miss a favorite of yours?

And his hair was perfect!

"Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolfsbane blooms and the Autumn moon is bright." - The Wolf Man (1941)

Continuing our October Horror theme (that began with zombies), it's time to turn our evil mind's eye towards a particularly unique cinematic monster. A bogeyman born of celluloid and bred in Hollywood.

The werewolf.


Sure, there had been plenty of examples of werewolves, lycanthropes, loup-garous and shape shifters killing with vicious abandon in literature as far back as the Middle Ages and before. But the mythos surrounding the werewolf, more than any other iconic monster that haunts our dreams, has largely been created on the silver screen. Wolfsbane, silver bullets, the full moon, the spread of the contagion by wolf-bite...these have all been perpetuated by the cinema.

But what is it that really makes a good werewolf film, you might ask. I would say that my favorite werewolf films all have the same thing in common. They were scary as hell! Man versus our own inner demons that are usually held in check by our better angels. Demons with sharp claws and teeth. Demons that hide amongst us during the daylight hours, just waiting to prey on us as the full moon rises.

I watched the third film of the Ginger Snaps trilogy over the weekend, which is what led me to post about the subject today. I love these films! While not as aesthetically scary (due to sub-par special effects or a decent monster) as some of their contemporary cousins, I like how they work as character studies and as a metaphor for adolescence. In some ways these films are among the darkest of their genre due to the strained relationship of the two sisters and their fight to cling to their humanity.

Got me to thinking about other werewolf movies and which ones where my favorites. I was saddened to find that there are really not that many great werewolf films out there. The Golden Age of werewolf films was probably the late 30's (Werewolf of London) to The Wolf Man in 1941 and it's various sequels during the next 10 years. Those films, while original, haven't really stood the test of time. The Silver Age began in 1981 with the release of An American Werewolf in London and The Howling. Two superb horror films. The Modern Age was kicked off in 2000 with Ginger Snaps and two years later with Dog Soldiers.

Sadly, there hasn't been a lot to offer in the genre between these high points. A great werewolf film is out there, just waiting to be made. Especially with the advances of special effects and movie magic. CGI, however, should play a more limited role. The werewolves we have seen in Underworld and it's ilk have just been lame, in my opinion. They need to get back to scary makeup and scary storytelling for the next great werewolf film. Let's hope someone out there is intent on making it.

Were-Earl's Top Five Werewolf Films*

5. Bad Moon (1996) - A thoroughly underrated horror film, in my opinion. Focused a bit too much on the dog as the protagonist for my liking , but it has several truly frightening scenes including the opening attack and the showdown in the boy's room toward the finale. The on-screen transformation kinda sucks, but we see more of the actual werewolf in this film than just about any other that I can think of off-hand, and surprisingly it doesn't lessen the impact. And the end result is a scary offering.

4. The Howling (1981) - Unlike An American Werewolf in London, I don't think this one has stood the test of time nearly as well. It's still scary, bloody and extremely well-done. But the camp value, possibly heightened by a slew of inferior sequels, is just a bit too high. Still, the hopelessness and the feeling of being trapped by monsters in a remote setting makes this one a can't miss entry. Even with Dee Wallace's transformation into the "cuddly" werewolf at the end of the film. What the hell was that all about?

3. The Ginger Snaps trilogy (2000-2004) - I could just include the original film here, but all three have their moments that make the trilogy worth recommending as a whole. The second and third films were filmed successively with the third being a prequel, taking place over 200 years before the events of the first two films. The last one didn't really bring anything new to the genre, but our heroes are trapped in the woods at a military fort while being stalked by an entire pack of werewolves. The isolation and the hopelessness of the situation alone is enough to make this a worthy entry.

2. Dog Solders (2002) - I mentioned this one earlier. Neil Marshall accomplished exactly what any true fan of werewolf films dreamed of in this outstanding horror movie. Sure there were some plot elements that were a bit hokey, but the acing, pacing, direction and the isolated situation blended together perfectly to make one hell of a scary werewolf film. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and do so immediately.

1. An American Werewolf in London (1981) - 27 years later and still the best! John Landis gave us what is to this day the best and scariest transformation scene ever filmed. Thanks to the incomparable talents of Rick Baker. While it had it's fair share of humor, it was still extremely frightening, bloody and iconic. And the contrast in setting from the moors early on in the film to London for the second and third acts was wonderful. Absolutely brilliant in just about every way.

What do you think? Did I miss any?

*Since the Golden Age werewolf films are now only marginally frightening, I have omitted them from the discussion. - Earl

Yee-haw!

So it was only a little while ago that I re-discovered one of my very first loves. Taco Doritos. They aren't the same as the ones I had when I was a kid, but they'll do in a pinch. And honestly, I'm not sure I want to live in a world without Taco Doritos again.

Well, as much as I love Doritos, I am a much, much bigger fan of potato chips. And Utz brand chips are easily my favorite. Salt & Vinegar, the Crab Chip, even the plain old regular Utz chips. Love 'em! Love 'em all!

But I've been missing something for the past 3 or 4 years. A longing, perhaps. Then yesterday I saw them at the local supermarket. Utz Carolina Style Bar-B-Q Potato Chips! Imagine a subtle blend of the best BBQ chip with the best Salt & Vinegar chip. That's what this potato chip is. Absolutely delicious.


Sorry Taco Doritos...daddy's got a new bitch!

Campaign Update
Nothing big here, just a funny picture from the end of the debate last night. McCain initially headed the wrong way around the table then did an about face while making a face. The result was this...


Which, of course, led somebody out there somewhere to do this...


Hmmm...that last pic was supposed to be an animated gif file. Check it out here.

Hat tip to a dude who smells like a wet dog for this one! - Earl

Dennis Quaid is here!

And he is a good sport. This skit from the Ellen DeGeneres Show cracks me up.

PS - It's early and I don't feel like talking about the debate tonight yet. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe not. - Earl

Is it just me?

Or does the current DirectTV ad (below) that spoofs the film Poltergeist just seem wrong. Most of us know that Heather O'Rourke, the little girl in the film, died rather suddenly and tragically just six years after the film was made. Using her image to sell a product 20 years after he death just seems a bit callous and cold to me.

Here...take a few seconds to watch the video:

Does Craig T. Nelson really need the money that much that he was fine with signing off on a commercial making fun of a ghost film starring his dead co-star? I know Coach has been off the air for a while and Blades of Glory was just plain embarrassing, but this just feels wrong on so many levels. Or is the creepiest part of these commercials the CGI that makes the stars like Nelson look like they did over 25 years ago?

So far the stable of ads from DirectTV have run the gamut from slightly funny to desperately over-reaching. Now they have included offensive and stupid. Good job, kids!

You know where this is headed

Chicago public officials have revealed plans for a gay-friendly high school to open up sometime in the year 2010. Personally, I think all high schools should practice tolerance which is how I define "gay-friendly", but that's another story.

I'm not so sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, gay students are subjected to tremendous pressure and ostracism from the mainstream all over the country. However, I don't know if the answer to the problem is to isolate it. Like I said up there, I think all schools should be tolerant of all students. To specifically have a school focus on one segment of the student body is a bit odd. I don't know. Then again, I don't know how it feels to be gay in a predominantly straight world. Especially at that age.

One thing I do predict, however, is that someone in the McCain campaign (and I'm not saying anyone at or near the top of the campaign, just somebody somewhere in there) will put together "education", "Chicago" and "gay" and somehow pin this on Obama. You just watch. It's gonna happen.

What do you kids think? Is this a good idea?

Other Campaign News
Obama is now being hit with affair rumors. Regardless of what some people think, rumors of an affair at this point of the election could be crippling to either candidate. Although nothing really came of the allegations that McCain cheated on his wife back in 1992. Maybe because he already had cheated on his first wife without any repercussions. With his current wife, Cindy.

And yesterday, John McCain took his most aggressive steps to distance himself from the Bush Administration. It's early and I can't find text from his Virginia rally online yet so I'm only para-phrasing here. But he stated that the country can't spend the next four years like we spent the last eight, just waiting for our luck to change. That the explosion of government spending in the failed policies of the past eight years have crippled our economy. I guess he's not going to ask President Bush to campaign for him in the next three weeks, eh? If he had been this "maverick-y" a bit earlier on then it could have weakened Obama's campaign of change somewhat. I think it's a smart move on his part, but maybe a little too little, a little too late.

Hey, we heard from Sarah Palin's future son in-law Levi Johnson over the weekend. He answered questions about his relationship with Bristol and his relationship with the McCain campaign. I admit that I was one of the kids that thought he was being pressured to marry the girl because of how miserable he looked on television. But none of us really know him or his feelings at all. This was a good start. And he said when asked about Obama that he doesn't really know anything about him and he seems like a good guy, but that he is still rooting for McCain to win. Good for him for stepping out of the Palin's shadow for a moment.

Finally, in the same stump speech I mentioned earlier John McCain said he would veto any bill that came before him that contained any "pork barrel" spending. Hmm. Didn't he and Obama just vote "Yes" on a that $700 Billion bailout that had around $150 Billion of "pork" added to it? So as Senator, he is okay with it but as President he would be against it? Hmm.

Man vs. Mild

The worst thing that can happen to you when you are bored on a weekend is to get sucked into a stupid show on the Travel Channel or the Discovery Channel. Because on the weekends, they play them in blocks. One after the other. And if you are bored enough, and lazy enough...you just might wind up losing 3 or 4 hours of your life that might have been put to better use. Like taking a nap or trimming your nails.

That happened to me this past weekend with a show on TDC called Survivorman. If you haven't seen the show, the basic premise is that this dude is dropped off in some remote area with only some basic tools in his pack and he has to survive for one week in the wild on his own. No crew, no supplies. And he videotapes his ordeal himself. Sounds exciting, right?

Except that it really isn't. I saw three episodes in a row. He was dropped off in a Georgia swamp filled with gators, the canyon land in Utah patrolled by cougars and the African veldt ruled by lions and black mambas. That does sound pretty exciting!

Except he never saw a gator, or a cougar, or a lion or a black mamba. He spent each week making fire (a bit easier when he had flint), building shelters, searching for water and hunting small animals. The most exciting thing that happened in all three episodes was when he hiked all the way to the bottom of a canyon and found a dry stream bed. No water. He drank from puddles and melting snow all week. Yeah, I know...yawn.

Oh, he ate some gross stuff. Turtles, ants, snakes and squirrels. And he seemed to have only one really decent meal each episode. Yet I kept watching. I was hoping he would have to fight it out with a water buffalo using only his hands and a spoon or something. No such luck.

You know who the true Survivorman was? Me! For making it through three hours of that crap!

Corky and friends

Is it odd that I think Corky is the normal one in the video? Have a nice weekend! - Earl

Celebrity Alert: We ran into this guy in NYC last night. He was walking his dog. That is all.

Freakshow

Note: I was positive that I had written about this before, but I just went through my archives and Slyde's archives and it doesn't appear that I have. First, a little back story.

On the Opie and Anthony Show yesterday, the kids were talking about bachelor parties and strippers. And Anthony mentioned that he has yet to see a stripper at a bachelor party that was a knockout. Some were okay looking, but he had never seen a really, really attractive woman at a bachelor party. Something about those women being the bottom of the rung on the stripper ladder.

It got us talking about bachelor parties and strip clubs on our way into the city yesterday. I've been to a bunch of both, and I think I have to agree with Anthony. I've never seen a really "WOW" stripper at a bachelor party. They are always kinda skanky.

As for strip clubs...I can take 'em or leave 'em to be honest. Something about the pack mentality of men when they get together around naked or mostly naked women is a bit unsettling. I haven't been to one in over three years now, and I don't really miss them. Don't get me wrong. I love naked women. LOVE naked women. Just the idea of paying a naked lady to rub up and down you for a $20 lap dance leaves me...um, wanting more, I guess.

But I've had friends who were really into them at times, so I've been a guy and followed along. I've even initiated a couple of trips to the strip clubs on occasion, but usually as a goof.

So about 4 years ago, I was in Atlanta visiting a friend who had just moved there. We had drinks with a couple of women that he worked with and they wanted to know if we were going to hit any of the strip clubs Atlanta is famous for while I was in town. They were so nice, they even recommended one. A place called the Clermont Lounge not to far away from my buddy's condo.

So after a full night of lubrication, we headed to the Clermont. We should have known something was different about the place as we had to wait on line to get in. They were charging a low $5 cover charge on a Saturday night and most of the line was young women. I began to suspect that maybe the ladies were having a bit of fun with us. That maybe this was a Chippendale's style male strip club.

I'm glad to say that when we got in that it was most definitely not male strippers up on the stage. But what was up on the stage was equally as disturbing...at first. The strippers ranged in age anywhere from 20 to maybe 60. That's right! And none of them possessed what you would call "ideal" stripper bodies. All of them were a bit heavy, or old, or too skinny or just not very attractive. There was even a woman in a french maid outfit stripping that had to have been at least 60! And there she was...stripping right in front of us. I was floored.

I began to look around. There was a dance floor with a bunch of young woman and a few guys dancing to tunes spun by a DJ. And the crowd around the stage was either cracking up (the women) or horrified (the men). This place was definitely unique!

The most famous dancer at the Clermont is a large older black woman with a blond wig (or blond dye-job) named Blondie. Her schtick is to have you give her $5 and she will crush an empty can of beer between her two massive boobs. She's also very protective of the other dancers and won't hesitate to give you a slap-down if you get fresh.

My friend started to freak out at this point. He asked that we leave and go to a real strip club. But I was having an awesome time at this freak show. Cheap can beer and crazy semi-naked people...what more do you need?

But I decided to be a brother and leave this fabulous, decrepit place in favor of The Cheetah Club or something like that. I didn't wanna leave, but my friend really hated it. What are you gonna do? Afterwards, he started thinking about it and he said he was just freaked out a bit and he would love to go back again some day. As a goof.

Flash-forward about a year and I'm once again in Atlanta, this time with another friend who has never been there. My Atlanta buddy and I plan on taking the new guy to the Clermont just to see his reaction. It went pretty much like we planned. He was horrified at first, amused right afterwards and we all wound up having a great time that evening.

And I actually got to hang out with Blondie for a little while. She was the best! She crushed my empty Milller can between her boobs (I didn't keep it), and she hung out talking with us for about 20 minutes in between her sets. She was an absolute pisser. One of the girls onstage was a recovering drug addict and she absolutely looked like it. Blondie takes a couple of bucks out of her roll and gives them to me and asks me to go give them to her. She said this was the girl's first night on stage there and she wanted her to do well because she really needed something positive in her life at that time. What a weird, wonderfully freakish thing do do. And kind of touching, if you ask me.

The infamous Blondie
And that was the last time I was ever in a strip club. For me, nothing can touch the Clermont Lounge for a good time, a freaky time, a truly odd time. And that is so much more fun than having a Russian stripper grinding on my knee. Chlamydia doesn't wash out of your blue jeans that easily, ya know!

Bob who?

Almost two years ago to the day, Gia and I ran into a celebrity while carousing in NYC. His name is Bob Balaban, and if you don't recognize the name you will probably recognize the face when you click on that link.

It was an exciting encounter. I basically said "Hey...Bob Balaban!", and he replied with "Hiya!" or something. I was moved. Really. It changed me.

So last night I escorted Gia to the city once more as we stopped at a couple of potential new customers for her job. Then we had a few drinks and went to dinner. Nice night out.

Now we never run into celebrities when we go to the city. NEVER. Hence my post about Bob Balaban two years ago. Oh, I saw Johnny Knoxville a few months back and we had lunch right next to Eric Bogosian once, but never a Lindsay Lohan or a Brad Pitt or a {insert celebrity you care about here}. It just doesn't happen to us. Maybe we just aren't aware of celebrities around us, I dunno. Maybe we just don't hang where the celebrities hang. Maybe we just aren't that cool.

Nah...that can't be it.

Anyway, guess which celebrity we did see yesterday when we went to the Manhattan?

That's right. Bob Balaban.

I'm looking forward to October of 2010 when we see him again.

Bob, you hang tough until then brother.

Derek Reese

Edit - Rather than an in-depth analysis of the bullshit slung at tonight's Presidential Debate, I give you in-depth analysis of Brian Austin Green. You are most welcome! - Earl

If anyone had told me 15 years ago that Brian Austin Green would star in one of my favorite TV shows AND that he would play my favorite character on the show, well...I probably would have had an aneurysm.

He and his character in Beverly Hills, 90210 typified the worst of the worst of the 1990's, in my opinion. The guy was a joke. Yet he continued to work fairly steadily in television and film once that evil show was finally fucking cancelled. Stuff that I never watched, but he continued to get work.

Then he showed up on the fifth episode of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles as the time traveling uncle of John Connor and the brother of Kyle Reese. At first, I hated the choice. As I stated, he was everything that I hated about the Melrose Place era of American television.

But he has won me over.

The past two episodes, in particular, he has done an outstanding job projecting a damaged, war-ravaged individual dealing with an awful lot in his life. Since the show has gone backwards on the Cameron character (I'm beginning to wonder if Summer Glau has the chops to play this role the way it should be played), Derek Reese has become my favorite character on the show. And I'm beginning to forget that he is Brian Fucking Austin Fucking Green, to tell you the truth.

And I would never have predicted that to happen. Not even if had one of them there fancy time travel machines.

When Zombies Attack

"When there is no more room in Hell, the Dead shall walk the Earth."

That was the tagline to George Romero's Dawn of the Dead, and an apt starting point to tackle an important psychological question that has haunted humanity for eons.

Where would you go and what would you do when the Zombies attack?

I watched the remake (ha!) of Day of the Dead over the weekend. You could read my review of it here, if you are bored enough or if you are into that kind of thing. I was telling Gia about how truly awful it was when she stated that she never understood why anyone wouldn't want to hang out forever in a shopping mall when the Zombie apocalypse finally arrived. I calmly explained that they didn't WANT to leave the mall in Dawn of the Dead, but circumstances begged to differ. Besides, I'm not so sure that a shopping mall would provide the kind of long-term security needed when facing an evil horde of Zombies.

That led to the above mentioned question. Where would I go and what would I do when the Zombies* attack? That's a tough one. So many possibilities and so many bad choices.

*Just to be clear. We are talking Zombies here. The Undead. Not regular people infected by a virus or anything. But the walking dead. They are slow and they are determined. Their hunger cannot be quenched. The only way to stop them is to destroy their brain somehow. A bullet or a machete seems to be the best way to accomplish that. From my research, anyway.

A prison would probably be a good idea. At first. Fortifications beyond anything in a large apartment building, casino or supermarket. But the lack of natural resources would be a huge downfall. Sure, they probably have enough canned and dry goods stored in the kitchen to last a while, but you would be eating prison food for the rest of your life. That's just fucking bleak!

And we've all seen that the local pub probably isn't a good idea. While they do have entertainment, beer and tasty snacks, the local pub probably doesn't have the necessary security features to keep the Zombies out. And pub darts don't make very good weapons, I'm afraid.

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks suggests that one of those off-shore drilling platforms would make the most sense. You would be isolated from just about any kind of Zombie attack imaginable. While they can't swim, they can walk underwater since they don't need oxygen to survive. But even if they reached your platform, Zombies are notoriously bad at climbing. You would have plenty of food as fish populations would increase once humanity stopped over harvesting them. And plenty of energy from the oil rig. You would just need a little technical know how. Sounds a bit daunting, if you ask me.

I dunno. That kind of existence sounds almost as bleak as the prison scenario. Frankly, I'm not sure that there is any answer that is ideal. A deserted island, a houseboat, a military bunker, a desert outpost...these are all good ideas. And they all have their drawbacks. So I put the question to you, dear readers.

Where would you go and what would you do when the Zombies attack?


Clicky the picky to make it go biggah! - Earl

EDIT - Some great suggestions, especially the castle idea. That got me to thinking. The White House would be perfect! Great fortifications. Unlimited food stores. Comfortable living. Underground bunker complexes. This place has it all. Unfortunately it has allowed an evil, soulless Zombie through it's doors many, many times over the past 8 years. Gotta work on that. - Earl

I've changed my mind...

...about Saturday Night Live this year. I think.

They hit it out of the park this weekend with a surprisingly comic Anne Hathaway as guest host.

This clip, in particular, cracked me up! Someone, maybe me, is going to Hell.

But it wasn't just that hilarious skit. Most of them worked this week. The opening VP debate, the Nancy Pelosi/Barney Frank news conference, Weekend Update (too bad that Poehler and Meyers are now just finding their voice), the Mary Poppins VD skit, Mark Wahlberg Talks to Animals (that one really made me laugh)...all were terrific!

This was the way it used to be. Well done SNL!

Nothing to see here

Go here and read this. Follow the link to the Rolling Stone article.

EDIT - Here is the direct link to the Rolling Stone article for those of you who haven't been able to get to Cap'n Marrrk's blog. - Earl



Thanks, Cap'n Marrrk
I stole the pic from him as well

The Veep Debate

I watched it.

Feh.

I thought Joe Biden was a straight-shooter who only marginally did better than Sarah Palin when it came to actually answering the fucking question from the moderator. And that's the thing that really bothers me about these debates. The moderators really need to make them answer the fucking questions, but this is what we get. Anyway...

Listen, no one is gonna have their minds changed on this election by the VP debate. The people in the McCain camp are only gonna look at the positives from Palin and move on. The folks in the Obama camp are gonna do the same with Biden. Neither VP candidate made any colossal blunders, nor did they bring any monumental revelations of truth. They both towed the line. And they did it well.

My own scorecared shows that Biden was more specific in his answers and really geared everything towards distinguishing he and Obama from the current administration and showing that they will be agents of change. I thought Palin stayed in her comfort zone (taxes and energy) and that her non-answers will be picked apart by smarter people than myself in the coming days. I thought Biden was boring at first, but came around viciously and triumphantly toward the end. I thought Palin stood her ground even when she clearly didn't have a leg to stand on. That showed a bit of character even if it didn't show any real substance. She shouldn't get any points for not being the Palin from the Katie Couric interviews though. I know that many were expecting that she would repeat her train wreck previous performances. That she showed she was a professional politician shouldn't garner her any positives. It's the least we can expect for someone who aims at the second most powerful position in the nation.

I thought Joe Biden won. Bottom line.

But it really doesn't matter. It doesn't matter who I thought won or who you thought won. I'm just glad that this circus is over and we can focus once again on the kids at the top of the ticket.

(Note - I wanted to smack my head against the wall every time Palin got "folksy" or winked at me. When did folksy become a pre-requisite for leadership? - Earl)

PS - I just watched the debate for the second time tonight (I can't sleep), and I'm leaning towards being less gracious towards Palin. How dare she call out the main stream media for censoring/editing her comments? She has remained virtually locked up to the media since she was picked for the VP spot a month ago. And she is gonna complain about it? FUCK. HER. I guarantee that we are only going to hear public comments and stump speeches from her in the next month. No interviews (unless they are with FOX) and no real question and answer sessions with the press. She can't handle that and she let everyone know tonight that she can't. Once again...FUCK HER! Feh.

I love this guy

I don't know which is worse. The ignorant racism or the bad spelling.

You decide.

Hopefully this guy isn't what would be considered the average representation of the Republican base in Florida.

I'm giving Florida the benefit of the doubt here.

Wet Hot Bullet Action

"Bullets kill, man!"

= So it appears that we, the royal "we", might be stuck in a abnormal cosmic bubble of space-time that is void of matter. That's right bitches, when I want my science news I go straight to the source. USA Today. In all seriousness, I have been feeling a little foggy lately. I knew something wasn't right with the space/time continuum (two "u"'s in a row? Really?).

= Remember my post from a few months ago in which I called Spike Lee a racist douchebag? Yeah, he's still that guy. Now we can add hypocrite to the list. Fuck him.

= So have you seen Sarah Palin play the flute yet? Howabout her performance in the swimsuit competition? Has it really fucking come down to this? My. God. Feel free to make any obscene comments you wish about her blowing on the flute in that first clip. Go ahead, you know you wanna.

= Speaking of Sarah Palin, this painting hanging up in at the Old Town Ale House in Chicago finally puts to rest her position on the current administration. She's pro-Bush. (Credits to a certain Water Logged Canine for that particular joke - Earl)

= Do you love midgets as much as I do? Then you are gonna have a blast perusing this site's list of the 22 Most Sensational Midgets Ever. The only problem I have with the list...how come Bushwick Bill only made it to #19? That man is a fucking genius!

Reminder: Watch the VP debate tonight. However it turns out, it is bound to be entertaining.

I solved the financial crisis

For a day, at least.

How did I do it? I didn't watch any cable news or read any newspapers or browse any political/news websites.

Okay, so "solved" is a bit of a stretch. "Ignored" might be the proper term. It's just all so fucking complicated.

Cliff Maegden and the Preservation Hall Jazz Band would agree.

Complicated Life
written by Ray Davies of the Kinks

Well I woke this morning with a pain in my neck,
A pain in my heart and a pain in my chest,
I went to the good doctor and the good doctor said,
You gotta slow down your life or you're gonna be dead,
Cut out the struggle and strife,
It only complicates your life.

Well I cut down women I cut out booze,
I stopped ironing my shirts, cleaning my shoes,
I stopped going to work, reading the news,
I'm sitting twiddling my thumbs cos I got nothing to do,
Minimal exercise,
To help uncomplicate my life,
Gotta stand and face it life is so complicated,
Ladi dah di dahdah, ladi dah di dah dah,
Got to get away from the complicated life son,
Life is overrated, life is complicated,
Must alleviate this, complicated life.

Like old Mother Hubbard
I got nothin' in the cupboard,
Got no dinner and I got no supper,
Holes in my shoes I got holes in my socks,
I can't go to work cos I can't get a job,
The bills are rising sky high,
It's such a complicated life,
Gotta stand and face it,
Life is so complicated.

PS- This makes three times now that I've posted this video. Fuck it. - Earl