31 in 31: The Sickening

A vain attempt by a formerly prolific blogger to review 31 new (to me) horror films in the 31 days of October. We did it last year and it was a gas. Can we do it once more? Let's find out.

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So I decided I'd do it once again. For Old Glory's sake, or something like that. I'll be reviewing one new (to me) horror flick over the next 31 days in this space. I've done a bit of research over the past week or so to see what's interesting out there. I'll be choosing some films from that list and some I will just randomly watch.

It should be a whole heap of fun. Or at least give me something to write about over the month of October.

Join me, won't you*?

*Seem like that should be accompanied with an evil cackle. Right?

31 Days Redux?

Hey kids!

So last year I did this silly blogging experiment/thing. I watched and reviewed 31 new (to me) horror films in the 31 days of October. 31 blog posts in 31 days. It was an ambitious blogging enterprise, but I somehow pulled it off.

Wanna know the full extant of my blogging activity since last October?

Five posts. Five fucking posts. Five mother-fucking posts.

I officially suck...as a blogger.

But I'm thinking of doing it once more this year. For two reasons.

1. I kinda wanna start blogging again. And this might kick-start that effort. Although, apparently, it didn't work for me last year.
2. I really fucking love horror movies. Even bad ones. ESPECIALLY bad ones.

So this is where you come in. If I get at least five yes votes for doing this again this year, I will. But if you are in with me now with your vote, then you had better be with me for the entire month of October. Because I'm not doing this for my health, people.

Cheers!
The Blogger Formerly Known as B.E.Earl

Food/Booze blog is back!

Hey kids,

Going to start posting over at the collaborative Simmer, Sip, Share blog once again at the request of a Twitter buddy. I'm planning on this year being the Summer of BBQ, so I start it out right with a review of a local Texas-syle BBQ joint nearby.

Dixie's Smokehouse Three Rib Combo

Go on and check it out, if you are so inclined. Expect to see the bulk of my blogging being done over there this summer. And maybe some posts from some familiar faces. Ya never know!

Cheers!

Crossroads

photo credit: me

Popped onto Blogger just now only to see that I've only posted one entry all year so far. And that was back on January 1st. It appears that I've temporarily given up on blogging. I'm not officially quitting or taking down this site. Shit...this crap will be here for as long as Blogger/Google allows it to remain here for free. I just don't see myself blogging anytime in the near future. And it doesn't mean that I won't find some crazy blog inspiration from time-to-time in the future. I might. But right now...I just don't see it happening.

But there's good news! You can find me and certain brief updates of my life on a couple of other social media platforms! Huzzah!

Twitter - @VerdantDude
I've been on Twitter for several years and over 6,000 tweets. Big whup. Follow me here for updates on what I'm drinking, what I want to drink and what I'll never drink again. Or something like that. In other words, my tweet cloud has the word bourbon and pretty much nothing else. If you like bourbon and the occasional interesting and/or clever thought, then you should be following me on Twitter.

Instagram - @verdantearl
I've been told that my Instagram feed makes me look like a crazy, food-obsessed, alcoholic cat person. Yup...that seems about right. Food, booze and cats. That's pretty much what you are going to get from my Instagram feed. The occasionally odd pic that doesn't fit into that narrow description. Like the pic I took last week above. First 60+ degree day we had this year so far. So we went to our favorite local restaurant and found that they had tables set up outside. We embraced the outside seating and had a few drinks and some small bites to eat. I looked up and saw the nearly-full moon placed perfectly between those road signs. Snap. So even when one of my pictures doesn't seem to be about food or drink...yeah, it probably does.

But that's all I've got going on via social media right now. I've got a sneaky-ass Facebook account, but I'm not really sharing that with anyone. I just don't use it, nor do I want to start using it. So there.

One

Because he's been doing it all freakin' year and for as long as I can remember, Dave Simmer (Deux) gets my nod for best blog of the century. He's the fucking man.

Do it to it, peoples. 

I wish that I could something similar for for my own little corner of Blogosvania. I mean the doing it all the time part, not the best blog part. That's purely subjective, although I'm nearly always right when it comes to these kind of things.

2013 saw a dramatic downturn in blogging activity for me. A turn of the screw that I'm not entirely jake with. There are certainly things I can do about it in 2014. Writing more would be a good start. In fact, I have started writing more. I began a novel and a few short stories. Nothing to write home about (see what I did there?), but it's a start. I will share more once I'm comfortable with my voice. Could take a while, as I'm currently finding it whiny and inane.

It's nearly 5am here and I'm finding myself longing for more whiskey and cured meats.That might be my tagline for 2014. "More whiskey and cured meats".

What do you think?

Recipes for the Big Fella

A few days ago, our pal the Chef posted a recipe for a spicy lamb stew.  It was one of those recipes that I
knew I had to make immediately. I remarked that it seemed like more of a chili than a stew, so I made some slight changes to the recipe.

• I couldn't find the particular chorizo that I wanted, so I went with a lamb merguez sausage instead. Very mild, but with an incredible taste. 
• Since it "felt" like a chili to me, I couldn't help but add a can of peeled San Marzano tomatoes. 

Besides those small changes, I was pretty faithful to the original. And it came out delicious! The lamb shoulder and sausage offered a much, much different flavor than any chili I have ever made or tasted before. Gia called it her very favorite chili, but she's been known to do that before.

Looking tasty with a dollop of sour cream

By the way, if you aren't reading Chef's blog, well...you fucking should be. Great recipes, great stories, great commenters (if I do say so meeself). You'll be a better soul for having visited, I can assure you.

He mentioned wanting some of my own recipes. So I thought I would go back in the blog logs and post links to all my old recipes. Enjoy or don't at your own risk. Cheers!

• Ropa Vieja (recipe included in link)
• Tasty Sandwiches
• Chili Burgers (chili is going to be a theme here)
• Shaksouka (with a chorizo twist...also an addendum here)
• Gaeng Massaman
• Bucatini Al'Amatriciana (recipe included in link)
• Country Fried Steak and Gravy
• Chickpea and Artichoke Heart Salad
• Lamb Meatballs with Couscous and Feta (recipe included in link)
• Thai Ginger Beef Stir Fry
• Spring Vegetable Pasta Salad
• Chicken Chili with Black-Eyed Peas
• Grilled Eggplant with Tomato and Mint (recipe included in link)
• Corn, Bacon and Potato Chowder
• Dad's Band-Aid Chili (trust me)
• Roast Beef with homemade Red Cabbage Slaw
• Skyline Chili (I wasn't kidding about that theme!)
• Pickled Snap Sugar Peas (recipe included in link)
• Thai Larb/Laab Salad
• Farfalle with Cherry Tomatoes, Basil and Pancetta
• Soupe a l'Oignon Gratinee
• Wasabi Garlic Mashed Potatoes
• Bacon-infused Bourbon (recipe from PDT in NYC)

Phew! I feel like I'm missing some. I KNOW I'm missing some. And I still have a bunch of recipes and food porn that I haven't gotten around to posting just yet. Seems as if I've been posting my food porn pics on Instagram without sharing the recipes over here. Sinner. It'll happen. One of these days.

By the way, I have 46 (now 47) posts that mention bacon. Is that a lot? Nah....

Things

Following Dave's lead, I'm jumping on the "Things You Don't Know About Me" meme thingy. And, as Dave did, I'm making no promises that I'm not repeating anything I've shared here before. Because I've been doing this for around eight years now and I can barely remember what I had for lunch yesterday. So here goes:

1. I seriously considered a career in the military when I was younger. Seems like a total disconnect to the neo-hippie persona that I foster nowadays, especially my disdain of guns. But I was "this close" to signing up for a career in the Navy when I was in High School. Like scary close. My dad was a Navy guy, but not a lifer. I just had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Even did a year of ROTC (Reserve Officer's Training Corps) once I got to college. Backed out right at the point where I was going to have to sign on. I'm sure I made the right choices, but I always wonder were that other path would've led. 
2. All that being said, military funerals really affect me. Went to one last Friday for a gentlemen that I didn't even know served. Turns out he was a WWII vet, although I don't think he ever saw combat. It all ended while he was still in training, I believe. My father had a military funeral as well. He was in the Navy on a carrier during the Korean War, but he never saw any direct combat either. Good. Kinda ensured that I would be here to fill out this silly meme, ya know?
3. School and I didn't mix well. I was an awful student even though I managed to get decent grades. If I just applied myself, it would have been a much more awarding exercise. But I knew it wasn't for me. Several years out of college, a friend got me to help her study for the GMATs, which was the test you needed to take at that time to get into Graduate School for your Master's Degree. I helped her out and wound up taking the test with her. Which led me to take several courses at a local university for my MBA. But I felt like I got nothing out of it, so I never finished my degree. Again, I think I made the right choice, but I still wonder.
4. That disdain for schooling translated in an related inability to teach things to people. It's why I was an awful boss for so many years. I struggled with understanding why my subordinates couldn't just "do the job" without me spending what seemed to be endless time teaching them the job. And when I get frustrated with people for not understanding things that came easily to me, I took it out on them and wound up doing triple the work myself. I probably would be better at it now, but I'm no longer a corporate drone. I hope I would be better at it now.
5. That friend I helped with the GMATs also wanted me to take scuba lessons with her. We had a modest flirtation that never went anywhere, couldn't go anywhere for many reasons. But she knew I had/have this phobia of the ocean, so she signed us up. On the day of the first lesson, I bailed. Just didn't want to do it. So she goes and is "buddied up" with some guy who was there alone as well. They become involved, he ruins her life and then they get married. Yeah, I got the order correct there. She STILL married him after he fucked her over badly. The pattern continues. I don't regret not going on with the scuba lessons myself, but I often wonder how different HER life would have been. But since I have no idea how her life is now, I try not to think about it all that often.
6. I like to think about traveling more than I like the actual experience itself. Don't get me wrong, I like being in interesting places that I've never been before. But the process of getting from point A to point B at any given time is something I've come to despise. So much so that it definitely affects my desire to experience new places and things. Maybe I'm just bitter that personal transporter devices haven't been invented yet. Yup...definitely bitter. 
7. In my heart, I've always wised that I worked with my hands for a living rather than pushing a pencil or tapping on a keyboard. I'm not handy around the house at all, but I occasionally break down and get something done on my own. A ceiling fan installed, a light fixture replaced (kind of the same thing), some minor plumbing. And when I do those things, I feel more pride than anything I've done for my actual job all week long. It's not something I can really change. I've tried some wood-working and metal-working in the past, but I just don't have it in me.
8. There are, however, several things I can do better than anyone else I've ever met. I'll just leave it at that.
9. I have no idea how many things I should come up with for this list.
10. I turned 47 today. But some of you already knew that. :)

Cheers!

Day 31: The Conjuring (2013)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

Edit: This review is going to be old by then, but it's a part of Stacie Ponder's Final Girl Film Club. So...yay!?! Deal with it, kids. 

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I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT! And I'm not talking about making a poopie. I watched and reviewed 31 new (to me) horror flicks in 31 days. Actually, I started watching and reviewing them in the last week of September to give myself a head-start. Needed it too. Phew!

I saved the biggest horror flick of the year for last. James Wan's The Conjuring, rented on Amazon Instant in HD.  Based on the occult investigations of Ed and Lorraine Warren into the haunting of the Perron family by a witch in the early 1970's.

Guys, I just love the 1970's. Everything about the decade. The clothes, the cars, the music (well, Death Before Disco), the sideburns and, of course, all the kooky satanic stuff. Have you noticed that the 1970's had more "based on a true story" demonic possession crap going on than any decade since? Even this film, which was released just this year, takes place in the funky demonic 1970's. One of the biggest reasons why the 1970's rocks my glitter socks off.

Truck-driving man Ron Livingstone (huh?) moves his wife (Lili Taylor) and their five daughters to a run-down old farmhouse in New England. Five fucking daughters!!! Jesus Christ, man! That's a whole lotta estrogen going on right there. Maybe a demonic possession wouldn't be such a bad thing, if you think about it. And wouldn't you know it...that's one of the added perks to this joint that they just got at auction. Ghosts, demons, witches, hidden rooms. Better than a two-car garage or a third bathroom, if you ask me. 

Back In 1976, my family packed up and moved to an old scary house in a new scary town. Seriously, it looked like the Marsten House from 'Salem's Lot. That big old thing had a hidden bookcase passageway, a tower (a fucking tower!) and the scariest cellar ever seen by mankind. You couldn't pay me to go down into that cellar. We were only there for about a year and a half, and I think I went down in that cellar once. Just once. The general upkeep and taxes on the house were enormous and my folks just couldn't afford it. But man, oh man...it was like living in the creepiest haunted house ever right during my formative years. Except that we didn't have one rotten incident of paranormal spookiness. Not a peep or poop. Which is a good thing, I guess.

Because if I had to have dealt with even a fraction of what the family in this film went through in their first two days in their home...well, I'd probably be dead right now. Holy fuck! This is one scary flick, kids. I'm going to leave my review vague on purpose. This is one of those films that you're better off knowing as little as possible going in. But I can say that it brought the horror. Well done all around.

The only thing that is keeping me from giving The Conjuring 5 full pumpkins was the ending. Don't get me wrong, it was fine. But everything that led up to the ending was balls to the wall. Whereas the ending was merely balls to about three feet from the wall. Just didn't seem thorough or final enough. And in the day and age when popular horror flicks get sequels approved before the opening weekend is even over...well, I guess I'm not surprised. But when compared to some classic films like The Exorcist, the climax just left me wanting more. Which we'll get in The Conjuring 2: Annabella Boogaloo*. I'm just spit-balling at a title here.

*Although I would enjoy a full movie on the Annabella doll. Fucking creepy dolls...

Verdant Dude rating: 4 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 30: The Road (2011)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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It's the penultimate day of October 2013, and we are reviewing our 30th film of the month. That's the royal "we". I just love the word "penultimate", it always makes me think of this. OK, in that clip Simon and Hecubus were in the Pit of Ultimate Darkness, but trust me...there was one episode that came from the Pit of Penultimate Darkness. Apparently there was a pit that was just slightly darker than that one. Where were we, the royal "we"? Ah, yes...

The Road is not the film based on the Cormac McCarthy novel that you are all thinking of. Nope, this is an independent horror film out of the Philippines. My very first Filipino horror flick, I believe. The story of the film is told in three parts. In Part I, which takes place in 2008, we see a police officer receive a commendation even though his commander thinks he takes too many chances. A woman approaches him and asks him to look into the 12-year old cold case of her missing daughters. They went missing in 1998, so unless they do math differently in the Philippines the current year should be 2010. Hmm...

Warning: if you plan on watching this on Netflix, as I am doing, you may find yourself too annoyed at the subtitles to even continue on with the film at this point. Despite some of it being in heavily-accented English, there are basically two sets of subtitles going on along the bottom of the screen. Sometimes saying two slightly different things. I'm a subtitle freak, so I actually didn't mind it. But I can see how someone would. Fair warning.

Remaining in present time, the action moves to a teenaged girl who sneaks out at night with her cousin and her cousin's boyfriend. They borrow her aunt's car so that the boy can teach the girls how to drive for their upcoming driving exams. They find an isolated stretch of road, and we all know that nothing bad ever happens on isolated stretches of road. They keep getting passed by a red car that appears to have no driver. Bad supernatural shit happens.

Our police officer from the beginning of the film is a part of the crew investigating what happened. He finds a connection to the missing girls from 12 (or 10) years ago. And the film now moves to 1998 to tell their story as their disappearance occurred on the same isolated stretch of road. Then it winds up in 1988 to tell the first/last part of the tale.

This a dark and brutal film. And more than a little confusing, especially with the language and subtitle issues. The second act, in particular, was difficult to slog through. Seemed...pointless at the time. And long. Only to be sorta explained by the third act. But it was atmospheric and well-made, for the most part. Just feels like they could have tightened things up a little bit as it felt like it ran long. Recommended, but only if you have patience for this kind of thing. Or if you make some kind of promise to review 31 never-before-seen horror films in a month like I did. Ultimately, I found the ending to be rewarding. But I don't think many of you will make it that far.


Verdant Dude rating: 3 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 29: V/H/S/2 (2013)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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I don't get it. I really don't. I was going to begin this review (V/H/S/2 is streaming on Netflix, be tee dubs) with a link to my review of the first V/H/S film from 2012. I know I wrote it. I mean, I just know it. I remember sitting down and telling y'all how much y'all were gonna love it. How much I loved it. Well, most of it. Or half of it. I forget. I know I loved several of the segments while several others were just meh. But I've checked and re-checked...and that review just doesn't exist. Or maybe it's a Halloween mystery disappearance thing. Yeah...maybe some evil force deleted my review and replaced it with a post about my cats, or baseball, or food or bourbon. I'm going with that.

Speaking of bourbon, let me go pour myself a big one before I start this bad boy.

There. Much better.

Like the first film, V/H/S/2 is a horror anthology film. A series of non-related (?) short films captured on grainy VHS film. Each segment is written and directed by a different person, none of whom you've probably heard of besides Eduardo Sánchez of The Blair Witch Project fame. I'm a big fan of horror anthologies. I could point you to my review of the first film in this series as proof, but...let's stop talking about that. Instead, I'll do a mini-review of each segment. One quick paragraph each. Yay!

Tape 49 - This segment frames the entire film from the beginning through the conclusion. Following two private investigators who are searching for a missing college student. They break into his apartment and find a bank of television sets and VHS tapes. They begin to watch the tapes (each subsequent segment), and we are off to the races. A necessary conceit to the nature of horror anthology films, but the final portion of the segment has some genuine scares.

Verdant Dude rating: 2.5 out of 5 pumpkins

Phase I: Clinical Trials - A man is a test subject for an artificial eye implant after losing it in a car accident. Since this is a clinical trial, the doctor has set the artificial eye to record everything. The man begins to witness some paranormal shit almost immediately. It seems that this cyborg technology can enhance a person's senses when it comes to that sixth one. Kind of a cool concept, especially when a like-implanted busty young thing comes to visit him and explain the visions. Boobs.

Verdant Dude rating: 3 out of 5 pumpkins

A Ride in the Park - A man sets out for a ride on his mountain bike through the woods with cameras attached to the bike and his helmet to record the experience. He encounters a woman in distress and a shambling zombie horde. She turns and gets all bitey-bitey with him. Which, in turn, makes him all bitey-bitey. First person zombie action! A real interesting take on supposed zombie behavior. Loved it!

Verdant Dude rating: 4 out of 5 pumpkins

Safe Haven - An Indonesian news crew is investigating a local cult whose leader/Father has allegedly been sleeping with the children of the cult members as a part of its purity rituals. The woman in the news crew is engaged to one of the other members of the crew and pregnant with the child of another. Ruh-row. That baby and the news crew have something to do with fulfilling the cult's ultimate prophecy. Well-done and stylish, with several of the most brutal on-screen deaths I've ever seen filmed. The second half of this segment was bat-shit insane!

Verdant Dude rating: 5 out of 5 pumpkins

Slumber Party Alien Abduction - Filmed from the perspective of some young teenagers playing practical jokes on their older sister and her friends at a weekend sleepover at an isolated lake house. The hi-jinx are interrupted by an attack from some grey-skinned aliens with all the action being recorded by camera attached to the collar of the family terrier. And they are not of the friendly ET variety. Fox Mulder would have a field day with this footage. The truth is out there, but it's a bit more goofy than scary. Easily the weakest (and loudest) of the segments.

Verdant Dude rating: 2 out of 5 pumpkins

Overall, I'd say it was a slight upgrade to the first film. Both had their great and not-so-great segments. For me, the weakest segments in each film had to do with aliens. So let's leave those out of the third film okay directors? So let's see, if my math is correct, we are left with this:

Aggregate Verdant Dude rating: 3.3 out of 5 pumpkins

Update: A second viewing of the first film has made me realize that I kind of hated it. Extremely misogynistic and hateful. Too much with rapey-rapey guys and awful people you would never root for. Same can't be said of the second film. The idiot teens in the alien segment were bad, but not rape bad. So I would say BIG improvement over the first film. 

Day 28: Salvage (2009)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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I'm saving the one good horror flick available for rent on Amazon Instant for Day 31, so I'm back to the freebie (with subscription) offerings on Netflix. As a real low-budget British horror flick, Salvage got some decent reviews back when it first came out in 2009.

The action takes place around Liverpool where a shipping container has washed ashore leaving three dead bodies in it's wake causing speculation and fear within the community. What's in the box? What's in the boxxxxxxx?!? Ahem. A man is taking his 14-year old daughter to his ex-wife's home for the Christmas Holiday. She lives in a soon-to-be-isolated cul-de-sac. Lots of dashes right there for you. The angry young lady walks in on her mother having a shag and stomps off even angrier. Can't say I blame her, but nice body on the mum. I said it.

Soon we see military helicopters and special forces soldiers invade the neighborhood where they shoot a raving foreigner wielding a meat cleaver. Something is most definitely afoot in the cul-de-sac. And the mobile phone signals are all out. The street's residents are thinking terrorist attack or something, but none of it makes sense. What was in the the shipping container? Is it a virus, or maybe some kind of monster? We shall see.

I loved the homes with the connected attics in the film. That right there is some scary shit. Your next-door neighbor could literally kill you in your sleep by sneaking through your attic. Poor security feature.

All in all, a taut little horror film that ran by quickly at just 75 minutes. Great, if not original ending too. And fierce acting job all-around by Neve McIntosh as the mother. Dig,

Verdant Dude rating: 3 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 27: Jug Face (2012)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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Back to the well with Amazon Prime Instant. But only because this is a new release, and because it's named Jug Face. C'mon...that's awesome! I don't even have a clue as to what it's about, and it's awesome. It's so awesome that I'm naming my first-born Jug Face. "C'mon little Juggy, time for dinner!" Jeez...it's a good thing I decided never to have kids a long fucking time ago. Poor, little Jug Face would have gotten his ass kicked in recess every single day.

By the way, Jug Face is in no way associated with Juggalos. Juggalos are much, much more frightening.

Ah, backwoods country America...I love ya! Where young women are unwillingly joined in marriage to the awkward neighbor boy. Where local town-folk pray to the thing in the pit in the middle of the forest. Where personal hygiene is just as important as that high school diploma that you're never gonna get. Wouldn't want to live there, but boy-oh-chef-boyardee are they fun settings for horror flicks.

The young woman in question has been having sex with her brother (backwoods America!) prior to her unwanted betrothal. And remember that pit I was telling you about? Well, this slow-witted dude makes whiskey jugs from clay (backwoods America!) featuring the face of one of the town-folk. And if it's your face on that jug you get sacrificed to the pit-thing. Guess who's face wound up on that whiskey jug? Nothing is going well for this young lady. So she hides her brotherly lust along with the jug.

But the pit-thing must be appeased. Without it's sacrifice, it awakens and it starts a'killing. The slow-witted jug maker apparently makes them in a state of ecstasy, so he has no idea whose face is on the jug or if he even made one. It's quite the conundrum for these simple, pit-fearing folk. And that's when the fun begins.

One big problem I had with the film was the awful special effects that high-lighted the "shunned people". The shadowy light that surrounded them looked like something out of Star Trek. From the 1960's. Yeah, it was bad and unnecessary. Besides that it was okay. I mean, it started off strong. Real strong. Country strong. But it just didn't sustain that strong start over the second and third acts. Interesting concept and well-acted, but ultimately disappointing.

Yet, something has stuck with me with this film. I went back and watched several scenes over again after my first viewing. It really was such a great concept. Maybe I'll like it more on subsequent viewings.


Verdant Dude rating: 2.5 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 26: Sinister (2012)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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I feel a little like Randal from Clerks at this point in the month. Tired of all the crappy offerings at my own video store (aka HBO Go, Netflix and Amazon Prime Instant). "I work in a shitty video store! I wanna go to a good video store so I can get a good movie!" That's how I feel. So I've resorted to possibly paying for my movies for these last five days of the month. Tonight, rented in HD from Amazon Instant, we have last year's Sinister. A film I've heard good things about. Fingers and other body parts crossed...

LOVED the pre-title card scene. Some ghostly Super-8 footage of ghostly shenanigans involving a family of four getting hung from an old tree. Very well done. Flash-forward to the present, we see a new family moving into the home of the murdered family. The new family consisting of a disgraced crime writer with his wife and two kids. Senator Fred Thompson, playing the local sheriff, stops by to be all disapproving Fred Thompson on the writer's ass. The small town doesn't need any further publicity about those old murders. Whatever.

And we find out that his wife has no idea about the home's past. Apparently, he has moved his family in the past to houses a few doors down from other crime scenes. She asks if he has done it again (you would think she would ask BEFORE moving), and he replies that he hasn't. Technically true...they aren't a few houses away from a crime scene. This is most definitely a bad idea.

The writer, a Speaker for the Dead (look it up), has found a box of old Super-8 films in the attic. Murdered families doing murdered family things. A handful of families going back decades. They include the scene we saw before the title-card of the family being hung. And there is something...sinister about them. Too soon? We discover that the writer wants to find out the whereabouts of the missing fifth member of the murdered family. A 10-year old girl named Stephanie. That's what his book is going to be about.

Lots of creepy shit happens. The writer's daughter is an aspiring artist and she begins to draw creepy shit. The writer's son starts experiencing night-terrors right after moving into the house. Night-terrors about creepy shit. That first one is crazy as fuck too! Great scene. And then there are those films. Just filled to the brim with creepy shit. All seemingly normal family stuff at first. Then they turn into the stuff of nightmares straight outta Hell. A man could go insane seeing evil like that.

A half-hour in, it feels a whole lot like an update of The Shining. Alcoholic disgraced writer father, unsuspecting mother, kids with "gifts", an evil house and/or presence. It has all the earmarks. Jack Torrance had his typewriter, this guy has his MacBook Pro with all kinds of film editing tools. Is he going mad, or is there real evil afoot?

The film was genuinely frightening at times. And the mythology behind the story was pretty cool. Things are ramping up here toward the end of the month. Do it to it.

Verdant Dude rating: 3.5 out of 5 pumpkins (honestly this time)

Day 25: House (2007)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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I was getting tired of the offerings on HBO Go, Netflix and Amazon Prime Instant so I decided to see what Crackle had available for streaming. The answer: not much. But I've seen this film available at various times over the years, and I've always assumed it was the comedy/horror from the 1980's featuring William Katt and one of the gang from Cheers. Or maybe that show on FOX with the dickhead doctor. On further inspection, it seems to be a part of the Michael Madsen Does Anything for a Buck Tour^tm. This came out in 2007 and it's the 101st title on his IMDB page. Meaning he's done 100 titles SINCE he did this 6-7 years ago. This guy must have some huge drug habit to feed. Kids...I meant huge kids. Don't hurt me, Mr. Madsen!

My first bit of commentary is with Crackle itself. The movies are uncut, unedited (isn't that the same thing?) and FREE. They also feature a couple of minutes of commercials every 10 minutes or so. Booooring! This will most likely be my last Crackle experience. It's exactly why I hate Hulu Plus. Commercials are the devil!

This movie is gonna be bad. I know it's gonna be bad. And I'm going to hate the commercials. BUT, it's got Michael Madsen chewing up scenery AND the triumphant return of the pairing of Leslie Easterbrook and Bill Mosely from The Devil's Rejects! The cast alone is B-movie gold. I'm in. So let me just go pour myself a huge bourbon and we'll continue.

Two couples arrive by suspicious circumstances at an isolated farmhouse inn run by the creepiest family this side of the aforementioned Fireflys. They obviously come from a world in which "crazy serial killer family" movies don't exist, because there is literally NO WAY that anyone from this dimension would ever spend more than 20 seconds in that house. And the "crazy serial killer family" isn't all that these kids have to worry about. They are also being stalked by a local serial killer/urban legend named The Tin Man who may or may not be a part of the family. Who may or may not be undead of some variety. Who may or may not be part of some satanic cult.

There is A LOT going on in this kooky funhouse of a movie! And one of the commercials that just played was a PSA featuring two parents talking about their daughter that died from meningitis. She became sick on Tuesday and was gone on Wednesday. Holy fuck! Does that really happen? Way scarier than anything this movie could throw at us!

OK, so I really can't recommend this film. I just know you are going to hate it. But, in some sick and twisted way...I kinda loved it. It was a ridiculous smorgasbord of horror film tropes and it didn't really work, but I kinda loved it. Maybe that huge glass of bourbon helped.


Verdant Dude rating: 3.5 out of 5 utterly ridiculous pumpkins

Day 24: Mama (2013)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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Streaming on HBO Go. Got a big ole thumbs up recommendation on this one from a friend of mine. And Guillermo del Toro is involved as Executive Producer. So are actors Jessica Chastain (Zero Dark Thirty) and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau (Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones!!!). I'm stoked!

During the financial crisis of 2008, a man murders his wife and his business partners before escaping with his two young daughters. He crashes their vehicle on an isolated, icy road and they wind up in what appears to be an abandoned Cabin in the Woods^tm. The distraught man plans on killing his girls and then taking his own life (fucking coward!), but he's stopped and killed by some unseen force (Mama!). An unseen force (Mama!) that begins to take care of the young girls in his absence. Roll opening credits. Strong beginning.

After the credits roll, we see that five years have passed and the man's identical twin brother is leading the search for his missing brother and nieces. Some members of the search party finally find the girls in the cabin, but they are more feral beasts at this point than little girls. Some really creepy moments with them as these wild beast-things.

Their psychiatrist reveals his belief that the two girls created some make-believe mother figure (Mama!) to take care of them those five years that they were lost in the cabin. And that it is going to take years of therapy and love for them to finally move on with their young lives. He makes a recommendation to the court that they live with their uncle in rent-free home provided by his institute so that he can continue to study them and monitor their progress.

What is it about creepy kids that makes them so creepy? The younger one, in this case, is especially creepy. Her older sister still retains the ability to speak and remembers life before the cabin, but the younger one is not so lucky. She eats on the floor with her hands and sleeps under the bed and just generally does a bunch of fucked-up creepy kid shit. I was almost more creeped out by her than by Mama, almost. Mama is pretty fucking creepy.

Overall, an extremely solid and satisfying horror flick with some good performances. After you watch it, you may find yourself Googling something called Marfan Syndrome. I did, and I'm not really happy knowing that this is something that exists. Creeeee-P! See the [Rec] franchise for further enlightenment. Let's just say that there is not as much CGI going on with Mama as you would like to believe.

And for those of you fellas just interested in some eye-candy (or you ladies who are into that kind of thing) , Jessica Chastain as a tattooed punk rock hottie is a glory to behold. I'm a fan.

Verdant Dude rating: 4 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 23: Devil (2010)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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Streaming on Netflix Instant.

I actually wrote about the trailer for this movie over three years ago. I promised that I would one day watch it, and here I am. Something something about being late to the game or something. You know the drill. I remember thinking that the trailer (which I haven't seen in 3+ years) was atmospheric and creepy. And thinking that doesn't mean jack squat most times. I mean, they're not going to work hard to make the trailer look crappier than the finished product, right? We've all been burned before. See that scar? That's from all the Star Wars prequels. Sigh...

Back to Devil. A group of seemingly random folks wind up on the same elevator in some tall office building in Philadelphia. It's Philadelphia ya see because the story was written by M. Night Shyamalan, and Mr. Shyamalan is very loyal to his hometown. Honestly, it doesn't really matter what city the building and elevator are in. All that's important is that the group of people aren't just in the elevator together. They're STUCK in the elevator together.


A recovering alcoholic detective is investigating a probable suicide. A jumper from the 35th floor of the building with our group of stranded elevator riders. There's an older woman, a douche-bag salesman, a security guard, a well-dressed younger woman and a mysterious stranger. And  in a classic horror flick twist, one of them isn't what they appear to be.

It looks as if one of our random group of strangers is, in fact, the Devil. Not "a devil" or "devilish" or a "lucky devil", but the real deal. The ultimate boogeyman. The Prince of Lies and/or Darkness. He's a baaaad mutha-fuc...shut yo mouth! That was my attempt at elevator Shaft humor. Get it? At this point there is only one person involved who suspects anything satanic going down. Another security guard who believes he saw something, er, satanic on the elevator video feed. He also did the voice-over during the film. Something he heard from his very religious grandmother. That the Devil will appear after someone commits suicide, fuck around with some folks and all Hell will break loose. Literally.

It's seems the Devil is playing a little morality game with our group of sinners. Everyone is hiding something, everyone is guilty and everyone is lying to themselves about...themselves. The almost-one location film works better as a mystery than I thought it would. All of the pieces fit together in the end, and it was worth the wait. Overall...pretty darn good. I mean EVIL!!!!

"Don't worry. If the Devil is real, then God must be real too."

***SPOILERS in the comments...you have been warned.***


Verdant Dude rating: 3 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 22: The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh (2012)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

Added bonus: This blog post is a part of Final Girl's Film Club. Check our Stacie Ponder's blog for other reviews of this film, and for cutting edge commentary on world politics. Or, ya know, other things.

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Available on both Amazon Prime Instant and Netflix Instant. It's Instantly available, this instant! Go, go, GO!!!

I went into this flick having no freakin' idea what it was about. I was thinking ghosts or demonic possession, but I really had no clue. I did know that Vanessa Redgrave did the voice-over work, so I'm already horny. I said it.

An antiques dealer has inherited an old house from his recently deceased mother. The house is filled with all kinds of creepy and cool artifacts, something an antiques dealer should just adore. But it's the creepy factor that makes him uneasy. He soon discovers that his mother had turned her home into some kind of shrine for some kind of religious cult. And she is trying to reach out to him through some of the creepy items in the house to give him some kind of urgent message. We are off to the fucking races, folks.

I have a hard time disassociating myself with an actor that I've only seen in one other role. Aaron Poole stars in this one, and the only thing I've ever seen him in is the excellent series Copper from BBC America. He played a Confederate spy in that at the end of the American Civil War who conspired to burn down New York City. So I kept on thinking of him as that openly villainous type of character while I was watching this. It was a little distracting, for me. Maybe I just wanted him to die. Oops...

There are all these creepy angel statues all over the house and grounds. And I kept expecting them to all of a sudden open up their creepy statue eyes or something. Guess what happens? Spoiler alert: creepy statue eyes open. You see it coming from a mile away, and it's still creepy. Because creepy statue eyes are fucking creepy. I am hereby banned from using the word "creepy" any more in this review.

I don't know. The film seemed really short and without any kind of important ending or high point, but you can feel free to disagree. It was certainly well-made, but I'm not sure what the point of it really was. I was honestly expecting and hoping for more. As it is, it just left me...wanting. I think I get what really happened, or didn't happen. Didn't happen is the most likely theory, but you can decide that for yourself.

Best way to watch the film is in a dark house with a glass of good whiskey. Because you know the whiskey is gonna be good. The movie...well, I guess that's up to you.

Verdant Dude rating: 2 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 21: Last Kind Words (2012)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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Streaming on Netflix Instant.

There's something about the backwoods of Kentucky, or Tennessee, or West Virginia, or really any place that has backwoods. They creep me the fuck out. I have this theory that there are all kinds of crazy shit that goes on in the backwoods. Like the deepest parts of the ocean, man hasn't fully explored these areas yet. Perfect setting for a horror movie. This one takes place in Kentucky, where a young man and his family have moved to work on a farm.

Brad Dourif plays the man who owns the farm, and if you are familiar with his work than you know that he brings the creep factor up to around eleven. But he's not the main character. That's the shy, abused boy who works the farm with his father and mother. He meets a young woman in the woods who knows a little too much about the hardships he's been through with his abusive father. Oh, and she likes to skinny-dip. Which is nice.

But she's as ghost, which sucks if you're a teenaged boy trying to get your freak on. Ghosts are notoriously hard to get. And fairly insubstantial once you do get them. Pretty much a zero-sum gain. We find out she was the sister of Brad Dourif, and the former childhood crush of the young man's father. I'm counting about four corners in that particular love triangle. Squares and triangles...they don't fit.

I'm getting a little tired of scary movies that aren't scary. This one is definitely not scary. It's atmospheric and kinda well-done, but not scary at all. Ultimately, it really wasn't worth watching.

Verdant Dude rating: 1.5 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 20: Fingerprints (2006)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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Found on Amazon Prime Instant. It had a creepy no-eyes kid on the film poster, and that was enough for me. The film is based on an actual urban legend (or is that an oxymoron?) centered around San Antonio, Texas. The legend goes a little something like this: A school bus filled with children is killed in a collision with a train. Residents claim that if a driver stops their car in neutral on that same set of tracks, the ghosts of the children would push the vehicle to safety. Some even claim to have found tiny fingerprints on the their vehicles after it happened. I dunno. Seems like some pretty freaking benevolent ghosts. How are they going to make a horror movie out of that?

Call me skeptical.

I'm pretty sure they are using comic sans as the font for the opening credits. Looks more like the beginning of "Too Close For Comfort" or some other bad 80's sit-com than a top-notch horror film. Or a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Strike one and we are barely three minutes into the film. Not good.

Melanie is coming back home after a stint at rehab. She appears to have had exactly one bad experience with heroin which necessitated her trip to rehab. I guess one is all you need with heroin. I've got no idea, and I'm not going to find out. But she doesn't appear to be an addict of any kind.

Oh, no way...Geoffrey Lewis is in this as an old bum! Man, I actually met Geoffrey Lewis once back in the early 1980's. My best friend's cousin was his agent or publicist or something, and they both were at some party at my friend's parent's house. No one really knew who he was except me. He was Mike Ryerson from Salem's Lot fer crissakes! I can't believe he's playing bums in movies that look like they were made for basic cable. Strike two.

Melanie keeps on seeing one of the ghost kids from the bus crash legend. And there's a dicky guy with a faux-hawk who is clearly going to be the first one to die. And another guy who is just so dreamy that he only moves in slow-motion whenever Melanie sees him. He's probably a secret bad guy. And a bitchy cheerleader who was incredibly wasted when we get introduced to her, but it doesn't stop her from tormenting Melanie for her drug rehab stint by calling her a...freak. Shut yo mouth! She is going to die second. I may get the order of her and faux-hawk wrong*. Doesn't matter as I plan on drinking heavily through the rest of this crap-fest.

Fun facts: Lou Diamond Phillips was nominated for a Golden Globe for Stand and Deliver. Sally Kirkland won a Golden Globe and was nominated for an Academy Award for her role in Anna. What does this have to do with anything? Not much. Except that they are both in this piece of shit. A veritable case study in what happens on the downswing of so many Hollywood careers. Lesson learned. I think.

Oh...there's an actual killer someplace in this mess. And he or she is dressed up in what appears to be Revolutionary War garb. Or a train conductor. It's difficult to tell...but this bourbon sure tastes good. Might be time for bed.

Strike three. I'm out.

*I wasn't wrong in the order. You're welcome.

Verdant Dude rating: 0 out of 5 pumpkins

Day 19: Howling (2012)

Can a once-prolific blogger who hasn't written 31 posts all year find it in his soul to review 31 previously unseen horror films in 31 days of October? Let's find out...

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Another South Korean horror flick! Yay! I don't know why I've passed this one up so many times when I've seen the title on Netflix Instant. And it stars the always amazing Kang-ho Song (The Host, The Good The Bad The Weird, Thirst)! I really couldn't be more psyched right now. Billed as a hybrid horror movie...something between a werewolf story and a serial killer story. That's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!!

Detective Sang-gil Jo is a cynical loner detective working on a mysterious case of a man who suddenly burned to death in his car. He's assigned a new partner, a young woman just off of her tour as a motorcycle patrol cop. He is none too happy with this situation. I'm sensing a little Lethal Weapon "I'm gettin' too old for this shit" drama coming on. Except the roles are reversed with the older detective being the hot-head.

The coroner on the case finds what appears to be a deep dog bite on the thigh of the burned victim. And traces of a new street drug called Hama in his urine. The detective's new partner doesn't believe that it was suicide, but rather a homicide. This is confirmed by the unit's CSI team. The man was wearing a belt laced with an accelerant with some kind of timer in the buckle. They also find out the he is involved in a prostitution ring, possibly involving minors. And from there, the game is afoot.

There are some shocking scenes of inter-personal violence that probably wouldn't fly with American audiences strewn through the film. The detective beats his teenaged son on the city streets when he finds him playing hooky from school. The new lead detective slaps the young woman detective in the face after it is revealed that she and her partner haven't reported new findings in their case of the burned victim yet. That one was particularly shocking, at least for me. The crap that the male detectives throw her way is truly awful to watch. Just for being an attractive woman in a man's world. It's unsettling to say the least. That's the point, of course. Still...hard to watch.

As for the "werewolf" portion of the movie...well, it wasn't a werewolf. But it was extremely well done and unique in the way that it was handled. The animal was a wolf/dog hybrid, and the attack scenes were truly difficult to watch and extremely realistic, with the animal viciously tearing its victim's throats. I honestly don't know how they were able to film them. Impressive animal actor there.

After sitting through it, I don't think there is any way that you could classify this film as horror, as there were no supernatural elements and the serial killer wasn't a serial killer. More of a revenge mystery type of film. Upsetting at times, heartbreaking at others. It was an extremely well done thriller.

Korean with English subtitles.

Verdant Dude rating: 4 out of 5 pumpkins