Feb 28, 2008

Sonic Youth indulgence

More crappy movies over at MovieGrenade for y'all to ignore. Now onto da Music.

Thinking about Gia's obsession with Black Metal again last night which quickly turned into thinking more about the music I like. It's all about me, right?

Then I spent a bunch of time watching old Sonic Youth videos on YouTube. I really wanted to be Lee Ranaldo for a short period of time in the early-mid 90's. Don't know why I picked him when Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon were clearly the "faces" of the band. I was the lead singer the other night when a few friends got together to play "Rock Band" on the ole XBox 360. We were most excellent. Anyway. Now I share with you some of the videos I found last night. Feel free to ignore, if you must. (Note: If you only have time to watch one of them, watch "Dirty Boots" - the second video posted. - MC)

"You're never gonna stop all the teenage leather and booze"



"Teenage Riot" is easily one of my favorite songs from the group from their Daydream Nation LP, and a rally cry for me personally. I was listening to them prior to the release of this album and I had already seen them in concert, but this one really sealed the deal for me. "Hey Joni...put it all behind you."

"Satan got her tongue...now it's undone"



Just in case you were wondering, this is how I looked outside of work in 1990 except, you know, fatter. Nirvana t-shirts, ripped jeans, flannel shirt tied around my waist. I was quite the fashionista. The song is "Dirty Boots" by the way. Ain't love grand?

"Move me, turn me on, Baby-O"



For all their "wall of sound" feedback, Sonic Youth was always capable of creating some real catchy riffs. "Kool Thing" is clear evidence of that. And how cool/kool is it that they got Chuck D to do a drop-in? You don't think that's cool? Fuck you! Goo is such a great album!

"The zoftig chick is mine"



Check out a pre-Scientology Jason Lee skateboarding it up "100%" style in this Spike Jonze directed video. I had a tape player in my old Toyota Tercel back in the day, so I taped Dirty off of my CD player at home to very iffy results. I was too lazy to re-tape it, so I listed to it for about 3 years straight in my car with the volume going in and out for the first half of this song. It's nice to hear it the correct way every now and again.

"Tell me that you wanna bore me"



My favorite thing about this "Bull in the Heather" video is the adorable Kathleen Hanna (of Bikini Kill fame) prancing around, kissing Kim Gordon and just being, well, adorable. Don't ya just wanna bang her? Great licks too!

"You flicked a match into my brain"



"Incinerate" from 2006's Rather Ripped shows that the old fogies can still bring it home like they did back in the day. A bit more polished than the Sonic Youth that I know and love, but still great stuff. That may be as close as we all want to get to Thurston. I saw him on the street once in NYC and he's really tall.

Bullet times!

I posted a picture of a LolCat here originally, but Blogger, in it's infinite wisdom, decided to delete it or maybe I was infringing on someone's domain rights. Who knows. Deal with it, motherfuckers! Pfffft!!!!
  • Remember the days when you could make a video about somebody famous fucking somebody else famous. It seemed like it was just yesterday. Alas, this trend...this fad...this amorphous thing's time has come and gone. It jumped the shark, according to Film Drunk, with this video of that hot chick from The 40 Year Old Virgin showing her utter disdain at having to fuck Seth Rogan. At least she seemed upset about it. Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel really seemed to enjoy fucking Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, respectively. Get real! Who would enjoy fucking those pricks? How typical of Slyde to post these passe videos on his blog. Harumph! That guy is always one fat finger away from the pulse of the Internets.
  • I watched a replay of the debate between Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama late last night and I'm seriously thinking of moving to Canada. Hilary just seems out and out crazy at certain points: Hilary - "I just want to point out that I always get asked the first question in these debates. I don't mind. I'm glad to answer anything. But I think it's curious that it keeps happening. Is it some kind of plot against the plastic-faced evil chick? I dunno. WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING IT? I DON'T MIND, REALLY, BUT ITS BEGINNING TO KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT! BILL WOULD BE REALLY WORRIED IF WE SHARED A BED, BUT THAT SHIP HAS PASSED A LONG TIME AGO AND I'M PRETTY HORNY RIGHT NOW!!! Hmmm...maybe I just need to get laid. Obama, you're a good looking man. Want some of this?" And it got really uncomfortable after that. Canada is looking better all the time.
  • Gia and I have been reading about Scientology a lot lately. Christianity just isn't working for us, and psychiatric assistance just seems barbaric so we thought we would opt for what all the cool kids are doing. Oh, we aren't joining the Cult of Scientology...I just meant that we have been boning up on the subject so that we can make fun of it with the same conviction and intelligence of everybody else on the Internets. My favorite video on the subject is this one, but I warn you that it's really long at 30 minutes. It pokes fun, sure, but it also brings up some pretty serious topics. My God(dess), did Jenna Elfman really say "AIDS is just a state of mind, not a disease?" What a tool!
  • I don't know if there is some kind of official title or not, but I've decided that the Red Panda may be the cutest animal on the planet.
Seriously...I want a rug or a coat made out of this little fucker! He's so damn cute!

Feb 26, 2008

Intervention


Gia and I watched an episode of something called Intervention last night on A&E. I’d heard of it before, but I never really was interested enough to give it a go. I love some types of reality TV. Survivor, The Amazing Race, that kind of thing. But this is a whole different kind of reality TV. Real people (or so they claim) leading real lives and dealing with real problems. Not too much of a fan of that. I’ve got my own problems, thank you very much. But this is the kind of reality TV that Gia loves, so I try to enjoy it with her every now and again. She also likes the Home Shopping channels, but I have to draw the line somewhere.

(Gia Update: OK, Gia just read this and she wants to make it abundantly clear that she hated this show and this woman. She was momentarily fascinated by what a cunt this woman was being, and she wanted to kick her in the twat! But it was a drugged-out, drunk stripper, and what are you gonna do? Notice that she didn't mind me saying how much she loves the Home Shopping channels - Earl)

In this particular episode, an uber-skank of a woman who is addicted to alcohol and crystal meth goes through a bunch of shit before the inevitable intervention from her family and friends. She may be the most awful person that I have ever seen on television. She sits around naked all day (no, it’s not hot) in this shithole of a home paid for by her father. She gets drunk and high early in the day, and then physically assaults her younger sister when she brings her over something to eat. She hangs out in front of the liquor store all day, flirting with guys so that they will buy her booze. Then she heads out to work for the evening at what must be the worst strip club in California. Oh, and she gets her father to drive her to work.

I may be naïve here, but what the hell is crystal meth and why would anyone want to do it? Is it a powder, is it something that you snort, is it something that you inject? Its main attribute seems to be that it makes you fucking insane! They should make junior high kids watch this episode as first strike weapon in the war against drug abuse.

The intervention didn’t work, by the way. That’s another reason why I like Survivor. It always works. Somebody always wins $1 million dollars in the final episode. This trainwreck of a girl winds up skipping out on rehab and her family sends her off to 90 days in jail. Well, actually the authorities did, but they head a lot of help from her family. After her sentence she went about a week before slipping back into the old routine. Very sad.

Got me to thinking about what my episode of Intervention would be like.

My friends and family sitting around a room, confronting me about my masturbation habit.

Awkward!

Dead Sexy Update: Jimmy Kimmel is fucking Ben Affleck. And Harrison Ford approves!

Feb 25, 2008

Oscar Beatdown

***** Lengthy post alert *****

Hey, Kids! It's Oscar time. That magic night annually when I sit down to watch an award show that celebrates a whole bunch of movies that I haven't seen yet. I'll probably get around to seeing a few of them, when its all said and done. Atonement isn't real high on my must-see list, but the rest of the nominated films look pretty interesting. Not actually interesting enough for me to have seen in the theaters, but you know. The one film I can't believe I haven't seen yet is No Country for Old Men, and only because I'm a huge fan of the Coen brothers. Not actually a huge enough fan for me to have seen it in the theaters, but you know.

I'm about a half hour into the show and already I'm horribly bored. What better way to pass the time than to do some live blogging? What better way to pass the time than to share my boredom with you, my readers and only friends? Here goes:

9:00 PM EST - Amy Adams is singing some song from a movie I've never heard of. Isn't Amy Adams an actress? I don't believe I've ever seen her act in anything, but her names sounds familiar. Maybe I'm thinking of Amy Ryan. Or Bryan Adams. There's a reason I don't get to vote for award shows.

9:06 PM EST - Gia is complaining because the Oscars suck. She just stole the remote control from me and is bopping around the channels. She really wishes that we were watching an episode of The West Wing. Me too. It may be a while before I get back to the Oscar show live blogging. Forgive me.

9:15 PM EST - Hey...45 minutes in and they are just about to give out the first acting honors of the night. First we have to sit through an interminable clip of Cuba Gooding Jr's acceptance speech from 1996. Now he does Hanes commercials. Oooh...there's Jennifer Hudson. Nice tits! They haven't announced it yet, but Jarvier Bardem is about to win the Best Supporting Actor award. Yup...there it goes. He's talking in Spanish. Now I'm bored in two languages.

9:24 PM EST - You're kidding me! They are filling time with a pre-taped segment called "Oscars salute to periscopes and binoculars". It's about making fun of what the show would have been like had the Writer's Strike not been settled. C'mon...just announce the fucking awards!

9:27 PM EST - I've got an awful bad case of gas right now. I made chili burgers and wasabi mashed potatoes for dinner tonight. They were great but I'm paying for it now. Or I should say that Gia and the cats are paying for it. Oh yeah, and somebody else who I haven't heard of is singing a song from some movie I've never heard of over on the Oscar telecast. Yawn. Gonna put my head down now.

9:35 PM EST - Sounds like they are about to announce the winner in the Best Supporting Actress category. Hey, Alan Arkin is still alive! Cate Blanchett is nominated for playing Bob Dylan. I always thought that Bob was a bit more butch than that. Holy shit! There is actually somebody named Amy Ryan, and she was nominated for something! I wasn't just making it up. Hmm. Tilda Swinton won it. She's a handsome man.

9:45 PM EST - Jessica Alba just showed up. Not so bored now.

Okay...let's hit the fast forward button, shall we?

9:50 PM - 10:28 PM EST - The Coen brothers won something. Kristen Chenowith is singing something. Need to take a crap. Jonah Hill and Seth Rogan are fucking hysterical! Easy high point of the show thus far. Marion Cotillard (huh?) won something. Jon Stewart is playing Wii tennis with a young lady on a huge TV screen. Gia is a little in lust with Colin Farrell. Hey...she wants to take it out on me. Be right back.

10:44 PM - 11:06PM EST - That didn't take long. She said that she didn't even think of Colin Farrell once. I did. Is that weird? A little sleepy now. I'll try to stay focused. Another song from that movie, um, from before is being performed. I think that's the third one. What the hell is going on here? Scientologist alert: John Travolta is doing something. He looks fucking crazy. That movie that had three songs nominated didn't win. Burn. Cameron Diaz is having trouble pronouncing "cinematography". Hang in there, baby...I had trouble typing it. Now they are showing a bunch of dead people. Not zombies...that would be cool. No, it's the old "In Memoriam" segment. The chance for the entire audience to say stuff like "Wow...Suzanne Pleshette died!" Wait a minute. Wow...Heath Ledger died! (Too soon? - Earl)

11:10 PM - 11:36 PM EST - mdeji3fnnnnnnnnnnn'sdod3, erm! Sorry. Fell asleep during the award for Best Original Score. Tom Hanks has a big head, and I'm not talking about ego. He's got a huge melon! But he looks like one of the only Hollywood stars who hasn't had any work done on his face. Well done, Mr. Hanks! Great acceptance speech from the dude who won for Best Documentary. Harrison Ford looks and sounds too old to be Indiana Jones. When did that happen? A tattooed, freaky stripper just won an Oscar! That rivals the Jonah Hill/Seth Rogan high point earlier. I kinda wanna bang Helen Mirren. Should I genuflect when I say that? Daniel Day-Lewis drank everyone's milkshake.

11:39 PM - 11:47 PM EST - The Coen brothers won for Best Directing. The Dude is smokin' a fat one to celebrate right now. Denzel gets the nod to give out the Best Picture award. No Country for Old Men, but apparently there are awards for 'em. Lots of them. Jon Stewart did a yeoman's job with hosting, and they finished before midnight. Phew!

Well that was more difficult than I ever imagined it. Let's never do this again. Good night.

PS - I didn't want to mention it earlier, but I guess that Owen Wilson's meds have kicked in. He was very serious and no fun at all. Appearing in public like this must have been difficult. Way to show up, pothead!

Feb 21, 2008

The Dude abides...

I wrote a silly post yesterday about hitting rock bottom because I went out to pick up Chinese food in my pajamas. I was feeling a little down about that, but I got turned around on the whole situation by one little comment from Cap'n Marrrrk of no touch monkey! fame.

He stated "That never bothered The Dude."

I might have to get a t-shirt made up with that slogan.

Thanks for making me see the error of my ways, Cap'n! Sweeping in like The Stranger, to make 'er all right a'gin. Much obliged.


I'm heading out tomorrow morning to buy a quart of half & half with a post-dated check.

Feb 19, 2008

Random Memory: Billy Squier


Don't know what made me remember this today, but I got to thinking about Billy Squier for some reason. Not in a gay way. Well, partially in a gay way. I mean, he was the gay one in my mind's eye and not me. Not that there would be anything wrong with that. I've mentioned before that I'm a little gay in some ways. I don't like cock, but I do enjoy Mark Harmon, Nathan Fillion and Dave Grohl. Especially Dave Grohl. One of my friends is going to see Foo Fighters tonight at Madison Square Garden and that's just not fair. I wanna be inside Dave Grohl. Once again, not in a gay way.

What the hell was I talking about?

Oh, right...Billy Squier. If you aren't familiar with him, that's okay. He made some decent music back in the early 8o's. A bunch of songs from his second album "Don't Say No" were staples on rock radio stations for years. His third album "Emotions in Motion" was one of the very few vinyl records that I ever owned. His next album "Signs of Life" was nearly as popular as the previous two, and things were looking up for this rock/pop God.
Then he released the video for "Rock Me Tonight".

It was all downhill from there. That video was so gay that some people believe it actually started the AIDS epidemic in the early 80's. That's not true, by the way. AIDS was created by a secret society of important members of the Conservative Right at a facility on Plum Island to help "spread the word of God", or so they claimed. It backfired on them when they found they could no longer spend the weekends at their favorite glory hole. It must suck to be so repressed.

Sadly, Billy's career never rebounded from that nightmare of a video. His fanbase had largely seen Squier as a guitar hero, and the prancing idiot video on MTV changed all of that. His next few albums tanked and he slid off into rock star obscurity.

Flash forward ten years, and I'm at beach club in the Hamptons (God, how I hate the Hamptons) with some friends. Jagrmeister is promoting something or other with a Celebrity beach volleyball game, and Squier is one of those set to appear along with some Playboy centerfolds and somebody from Menudo, I think. Cool! I had wondered just what happened to that guy.

Fucking guy shows up in a cut-off tank top and a pair of daisy duke cut-off jean shorts!

They were so short that I think his junk was hanging out of the bottom of them, but I can't be sure. I had to look away before I was blinded. Blinded by the gayness of it all.

Some dudes never learn.

Reminds me of the time that Slyde came to Key West on vacation with me and a couple of other friends. Two of the most awesome things ever happened there:
  1. I can't really blame him, but Slyde packed more for a beach vacation than a "hanging out in bars" vacation. He wasn't really made aware of what Key West was all about. One day he dressed himself in a cutoff black tank top (with fringes if I recall correctly) and a pair of short, bright orange shorts. The rest of us looked at each other, not really believing what we were seeing, but also not saying anything out loud. Lest Slyde changed his outfit and ruin our fun. So we head out into town to hit a few bars. On the way, we just couldn't contain ourselves. We just had to tell him how gay he looked. He turns around and says "What? THIS is gay?" with his hands on his hips or something. I don't think the rest of us ever laughed as hard as we did at that question. He hurried back to the hotel and quickly changed into a slightly more hetero look. He still got hit on, a lot, by some of the local talent, but we'll never let him forget that outfit. Priceless!
  2. The four of us guys headed out to a booze cruise one evening. It was a sunset cruise on one of those big catamarans, and it seemed to be filled with mostly German and Scandanavian tourists. We were having a Dabba-do time when this guy comes up to us and joins the conversation. Nice guy, but from the things he was saying (He was a florist, he had a rough week and just drove himself down there to possibly meet someone, he liked cock, etc..) he was obviously gay. At least obvious to me. Who cares? Nice guy, right? Anyway, after a litle while he looked at the four of us and asked "So, are you the four of you couples?" The boys were a bit flummuxed at this. Lots of hemming and hawing until one of them said "Um, I've got to go to the bathroom." To which Slyde and my other friend immediately said "Yeah, us too. We have to go to the bathroom." So they up and left me alone with our new friend who immediately said "you know, I wasn't trying to hit on any of you. None of you are my type." We laughed about the situation and he mentioned that it was a hell of a lot gayer to have all gone to the bathroom together than stay there and talk with him. Awesome! I wonder if they had a good time together in the little boy's room?

PS - Slyde is gonna be so pissed at me. I wonder just how he wil respond. Remember, this is still a fairly anonymous personal blog. If you are going to post a picture of me dressed as a wizard then at least photo-shop my face out of the pic. Thanks!

PS2 - Been adding a lot of new blogs to my blogroll over there on the left. Check 'em out for free now!!!! One of these days I'll roll the "new" links in with the old then it will be a grand ole' party. Huh, what?

PS3 - The latest over at MovieGrenade brings the boredom like never before. Prepare to be underwhelmed.

Feb 17, 2008

Black Metal Dreams

I've always wanted to be a child of the 60's. People who grew up in the 60's always seem so interesting and cool. I've got only the most modest of claims to that title. I was born in the late 60's, but I guess I'm more of a child of the 70's and the 80's. No JFK to look back on with a sense of awe and community service. Nope. I had Reagan.

Gia and I are the same age, but we experienced the 80's in much different ways. She certainly had a lot more sex than I did back then, but that's a whole other story. My musical tastes ran toward the alternative scene, modern rock or new wave ultimately leading to punk and ska. Gia was/is a metal chick. Everything from speed metal to glam rock. She loves that shit! Not me. Guns and Roses was about as metal as I was willing to go. Although I used to love MTV's Headbanger's Ball and that was mostly metal. I liked it for the comedy quotient more than the music. We used to try and guess how many of the videos played during the ball would show one of the metal guys in a straight jacket. That seemed to be a pretty common theme.

Lately, Gia has been getting into Black Metal from Scandinavia. If you don't know what it is, well...you're probably pretty normal. It started as an off-shoot of thrash metal with bands from the UK like Venom, and it is typified by ultra-fast guitars, incomprehensible singing and, um, Satanism. Well, not all of it is satanic, but a lot of it is. The occult, war, suicide and Tolkein are common themes as well. I really don't get it, but it makes her happy. Mostly the absurdity of it all is what does it for her, I think. I hope. ( Note - Gia is not nor has ever been a Nazi, pagan, Satanist, church burner or occultist. Just thought I would clarify. - Earl)

So we spent Saturday afternoon buying a bunch of stuff from iTunes to support her Black Metal habit. We also bought some stuff for me (Patti Smith) and some Led Zeppelin for the both of us. I found this online radio station called Black Metal Radio that we had a yabba-dabba do time with. It was campy fun. Well it was until I started reading the bios of some of the bands. Some hardcore freaks in there, let me tell you. The main dude of Burzum actually killed a guy from another Black Metal band and burned down some churches.

So I'm laying there on the bed looking up everything and anything to do with Black Metal when Syd decided to use the laptop as a pillow. Or maybe he just got curious and wanted to see what all the fuss was about.

He wanted to do some web-surfing, so I steered him towards this blog. I think he enjoyed it. He was purring, so that had to mean something, right?

Then I went back to the Black Metal radio station and we listened to a song by Dimmu Borgir. You can sorta see the demonic cover of one of their album's on the screen if you try hard enough. It's a little harder to see, but Syd is rocking with a couple of his claws out forming the classic headbanger's devil's horns with his big paw. He loved the Black Metal! Although he preferred to call it "Bleck Meh-tal". Something about a Norwegian accent, I don't know.

That knocked the poor guy out. Too much excitement. So he had to rest again. This time by crashing out on top of my legs. It's a little cute when there are small, but Syd is pretty large and my feet fell asleep shortly after this shot was taken. You can spy our girl Sammi by my feet as well. She likes to stick close by as well, especially with all the Black Metal playing on the computers. Scary stuff!

It was during this nap the Syd had his very first Black Metal nightmare. Syd has nightmares all the time. He will jump up from a dead sleep with a mini-growl, run over to one of us, and then bite us either on the hands, feet or head someplace until he actually wakes up. It's kinda funny. He really has no clue where he is for a few seconds. Then he figures it out, stops biting us and he goes to get a few mouthfuls of cat food to settle his stomach. Seriously. He does this all the time.

He woke up from this nightmare, maybe something from a Gorgoroth song, and he bit the nearest thing available. My foot. We know that it was Black Metal that did it because it took him about 30 seconds to fully awake from the nightmare. Satan compelled him. He just sat there with my foot pinned and his fangs sunk into it. I dared not move lest I incur his wrath. So I sat there, taking it, talking him down from his satanic high. He finally let go, stretched and jumped down to get a bite to eat. And that was our Saturday afternoon.

I love the Meh-tal. Love it, love it, love it. Bleck Meh-tal rules! Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!!

PS - Just because all the Canadian kidz are doing it, I made a meez as well. The hair isn't long enough and the beard is way too long, but that's pretty much how I like to dress. Cargo shorts, sandals and a Hawaiian shirt. It's way down there on my sidebar for the curious. Enjoy!

Feb 15, 2008

Mother!

I was turned onto this bit o' weirdness by Gia's brother in-law earlier this week.

There are these Youtube guys/gals who take old music videos and add in their own music and vocals. Most of them are pretty lame, but some are works of art.

This would be one of them:



For those of you not familiar with the Glenn Danzig, he's a little heavy metal/punk rock singer for bands like Samhain (who were big when I was in High School), The Misfits (big when I was in Middle School) and the eponymous Danzig, natch. And I'm saying little because he is short. He was kinda cool when he was punk with The Misfits (named after Marilyn Monroe's last film), and a little less so when fronting Samhain initially and ultimately Danzig. At least to me. I'm more of a punk fan than a metal fan, and The Misfits were pretty influential.

That really has nothing to do with the above video. It's just fun to hear someone make fun of it because it appears that Danzig took it all very seriously.

Speaking of punk bands, one of my favorite bands back in the day was an experimental bunch from NYC called Alice Donut. Got to see them live at CBGB one evening in 1992/1993 and they were awesome. Gotta love a punk band that incorporates trombones and shit into their music. Thought I would include one of their "videos" to offset the massive sucktitude of Danzig up there.

Happy Friday!




We're in the soup now!

Feb 12, 2008

Seven Fucking Random Fucking Things

This endless tagging of memes must end!

I tried to put my foot down with Liz, but then she stomped her feet, and well...I’m a sucker for that kind of shit. Then Diva and Em tagged me with the same crap.

So here goes. Seven random things about myself. I feel like I just did this with the positive things about myself. They were pretty random. I guess I’ll just have to make these even more random (and less sarcastic). Sigh.

Here are the so-called rules:

- Link to the person who tagged you
- Post the rules on your blog.
- Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
- Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
- Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.

Yeah…OK, I’m not gonna do about half that, but here goes in random, sarcastic order:

5 – My ribcage is a little out of alignment where the ribs meet at my breastbone. It’s a bit higher in the left side of my body than the right. This makes for sleeping on my left side (my preferred side to sleep on) a little uncomfortable some nights. I went to the doctor when I was a teenager because I thought something was terribly wrong with me. He looked at me like I had two heads. “There’s nothing wrong with you…that’s just the way your body developed.” Thanks, doc! Big help.
2 – I scored a 1300 on my SAT the one and only time I took it in High School. This probably means nada to you Canadian/British folks, but it is a standardized admissions test for colleges here in the States. I didn’t really know anything about the test when I took it. I didn’t do a prep course. I didn’t take the PSAT. I didn’t know that you were supposed to leave the answers blank on the questions you didn’t know (I still don’t understand how that works). All I did was take 2 sample SATs the night before the test. I scored around 1000 on both of them, so I figured I would score around 1000 on the real thing. Guess I got lucky. Especially on the Math portion where I scored a 710. First course I took in college…Calculus. Wanna know how I did? I was failing abysmally at mid-term, so my professor requested that I drop the course and take it the next semester. SATs don’t mean shit, or at least they didn't mean much in my case.
4 – My beard is extremely grey which leads others to believe that I am quite a bit older than I really am. I’m only 41. Full head of hair. No wrinkles. Fairly youthful appearance on most counts. But I started to turn gray back in my early 20’s. My mother’s father (from whom we inherit our hair genes) had gone pure white by the time he was 40, so it could be worse. My older brother, by six years, has barely a strand of grey on his head, but methinks he dyes it. I’ll never dye it. Hell, I’m just happy to have it, which is more than some 41 year-olds can claim. I like to tell people that if it works for Richard Gere then it can work for me. I also like to alternate between spelling it gray and grey. Makes me feel worldly.
7 – I’ve got kinda shaky hands. Not terribly noticeably until you see me hold up a piece of paper or the like. It’s a genetic thing. My father had it, my grandmother had it, my sister has it. But only one of my sisters. My brother and my other three sisters are Steady Eddies. It doesn’t really bother me, but I do sometimes hide it by not letting myself get into those situations where it will be noticeable. It really hasn’t gotten any worse over the years, which is much better that what my Dad experienced. His hands were so shaky at the end that he couldn’t eat soup without spilling it all over. Used to frustrate the Hell out of him.
1 – I’m a lefty retard. I can’t do the simplest of tasks with my left hand except type. And I’m not even sure how I do that well. Even holding a fork with my left hand seems like it could damage the space/time continuum. I wish I could be ambidextrous. If only for masturbating. That would be glorious. My right hand is getting tired. I mean right now. As I type this. ;)
3 – I have recurring dreams about not completing assignments in either High School or College. One that keeps coming up is not remembering when a certain class is being held or what room it is in. So I keep missing it. When I finally do make it to the class, I’m so behind all the other students that I know I’m going to fail. Also, I can never find my locker or remember the combination on the lock. I hated High School, if you were wondering.
6 – I only seem to be able to breath out of one nostril at any given time. I’ve read that most people are like that. The problem is that at night I only seem to be able to breath from my right nostril, which forces me to sleep on my left side (because of the draining, you see). But if you read item #5 up there, you know that sleeping on my left side is a bit uncomfortable because of the freaky ribcage. It’s a complex situation, and one that is probably more responsible for my erratic sleeping behavior than my Restless Leg Syndrome.

So, not gonna tag anyone with this. And that means I’m not gonna have to go and comment on their blogs. Cool. 3 out of 5 ain’t bad. I hate rules.

And now an announcement. Ahem. I love reading your blogs. Even the memes. You are all very interesting. I, however, am not that interesting. Especially when it comes to filling out memes. So this will be my last meme. At least until I see something that really grabs me. Feel free to keep on keeping on with tagging me, but please don't be offended if I don't embrace the taggage. Thank you very much!

Sobbin' Women

I'm about to admit to something as a man with a staunch record of strict heterosexuality.

I love musicals!

Well, some musicals. I'm a big fan of the old Rodgers and Hammerstein kinda stuff. Oklahoma, South Pacific, Meet Me in St. Louis (not a R&H production), etc... I've never really liked West Side Story. Too much fucking drama in that one. And Baz Luhrmann can suck my balls, but only if he asks me really nice.

Nope. I like me a little camp in my musicals. And there may not be any musical out there with as much camp value as my favorite. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

This one has it all. Here's a brief plot synopsis. In mid-19th century Oregon, a mountain man heads into town to buy some feed, some farm equipment, and...oh yeah...get himself a wife. He actually convinces the lovely Jane Powell to marry him after a courting period of, oh, 3 or 4 hours. He then takes her back to his cabin where she discovers that he lives with six adult brothers, and she has to take care of them all. Not sexually. That would be a different movie. After the boys realize what a goll-durned great thing it is to have a woman around they decide to head into town and kidnap the gals they want. Just like the Romans did to the Sabine women in days of yore. Wackiness ensues.

Wow. Reading that back makes it seem like kidnapping them was not a good thing, huh?

Well, the boys lucked out. Because after being stranded with them in the mountains over the winter, each girl just happened to fall in love with the man who kidnapped them. Phew! See...good things happen to good kidnappers. It all worked out in the end for our mountain men/criminals.

Here's a clip showing the oldest brother (Howard Keel) convincing the boys to kidnap their prey by referencing Plutarch's Life of Romulus. Ah, those wacky Romans!



One more thing: The censors weren't too happy about the line in the song "Lonesome Polecat" where the brothers lament "A man can't sleep when he sleeps with sheep". By not showing any sheep in the same shot as the brothers, the film-makers were able to get away with it. Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!! Genius!

Feb 11, 2008

7 positive things

OK...I've been tagged by this meme a couple of times now. Lives by the Woods started the whole thing and it has spread, viral-style, all over the place. We are supposed to list 7 positive things about our lives. 7 positive things that make us the wonderful beings that we are. So here goes:

  • My sense of direction - I rarely get lost, except for the times that I don't know where I am or where I'm going. Mostly I guide myself by celestial navigation, but that can be difficult at times. Sometimes it's cloudy and I can't see the stars. Oh, and there is a good half of the day when I can't see the stars at all. Then I'm fucked. But usually, if traveling anywhere within a 5-mile radius of my home, I have a terrific sense of direction. Some of the time.
  • My skill at Golden Tee - Video golf games are often the true indicator of one's final stop on the ole' existence train (up there or, you know...). I rule at Golden Tee. Except for that time that I nearly/possibly broke my thumb while attempting a severe right to left fade. Then I had to finish the game lefty. I still ruled, but just slightly less so.
  • My hair - I grow hair at a pretty fast rate, and I think that's a pretty important thing in life. Right now I'm growing it out so I can pull it back into a top knot like the Dude from The Big Lebowski. Far out.
  • My endless knowledge of the trivial - I've often thought that there is a portion of one's brain that is used solely for leading a normal, productive existence. Unfortunately, that part of my brain is filled with crap about movies, music, comic books, Norse mythology and pre-Columbian civilizations. I think it's a positive thing, but those around me are often annoyed. Fuck them!
  • My lower legs - I'm pretty proud of 'em. I've got a pretty shitty outlook on the rest of my body, but my calves rock! Want proof? Just take a peek at my tattoo pic over there to the left. Bam! Try to contain yourselves, ladies (and Slyde)!
  • My regularity - I'm very regular. I crap at least once a day, and I think that is a positive thing. Cleans me out in a great way. Besides the "every day" phenomena, it also usually comes around the same time each day. And usually in the middle of an important phone conversation. Sometimes I hang up and call back, sometimes I bring them into the bathroom with me. It usually smells pretty bad, but I don't think they know that on the other end of the phone. They might be aware of what I'm doing because of the grunting, but I try to cover it by pretending I have Tourette's Syndrome. I think that works well.
  • My dancing skillz - That's right...with a Z! I excel at many different types of dancing. The sprinkler, the Cotton-Eyed Joe, the shopping cart, the lawn mower. It's not just the "white man's overbite" for Earl. I'm the complete package. I even participated at the World Record for dancing to the Macarena while at Yankee Stadium one afternoon. And by participating, I mean I made fun of everyone else who was doing it. The Macarena? Pfft!!! That's dancing for lemmings.
There. 7 positive things about my life. I'm sure there are others like family, friends and blah blah blah, but these are the first 7 things I thought of. I hope this is what Lives By the Woods had in mind. ;)

PS - Gia just reminded me of my cat stomping abilities. I should have included that. What would I do without her?

Feb 8, 2008

On the mend

Psst...watch out for the big guy! He steps on cats!

Thanks for all the kind words. Syd is doing much better today. He slept in the bedroom all day with Sammi, but that's just a normal day in the life of those two. He's still limping, but he's moving around better than he did last night.

I managed to get a "big purr" out of him this morning though. That's a good sign. His "big purr" comes when he is the happiest and it sounds more like a pigeon cooing than a cat. It can be heard in the next county, and it can shake your very soul. The "big purr" is a good thing.

PS - All this kitty drama shouldn't dissuade you from checking out the latest review over at MovieGrenade! This one includes cold, hard personal facts about yours truly. Hot, right?

Feb 6, 2008

Links o' plenty today

Mmmm....meaty!
  • Loving the latest Bug-Eyed Earl strip over at Red Meat. I'm pretty sure I've done the same thing. Art imitating life, or vice versa.
  • Lisa Rinna. Not just ridiculous lips anymore!
  • I'll never think of the Count as just a stupid vampire puppet again. The dude is a fucking machine! I mean he likes to fuck. Ah ah ah!!!
  • I'm sure you've all seen this, but Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon. Lucky guy! I've wanted to tap that yenta's ass forever! Did I spell "yenta" right? Is my Irish-Catholicism showing? Did I really type "tap that ass?"
  • There are some people out there who are even bigger geeks than you people! Well, not Slyde. No way anyone is a bigger geek than that guy.
  • Good Lord! Don Mattingly is married to this? Mug shots are always fun. Except when its your own...except when its your own.
  • This guy showed up on "Lost" again last week. Gia rolls her eyes and groans every time I point him out and say "Hey...Michael Cudlitz". She thinks I'm a freak because I know the name of every obscure actor out there. That's not why I do it. It's only because I love saying Michael Cudlitz. It feels naughty. Try it.
  • I love the Foo Fighters. I kinda wanna be inside Dave Grohl...not in a gay way. OK...maybe in a gay way. What do you get when you combine the Foo Fighters and Wolverine and the X-Men? This trailer for a new cartoon movie. You are most welcome.
  • Hot, sweaty boob action over at MovieGrenade! You didn't think I was going to forget, did you?

Hope your Super Tuesday was Super Duper! - Earl

PS - Blooger's spell chek funcshun isn't working, so please furgive my speling misteaks.

Feb 4, 2008

The Lookout

I've been so used to watching and reviewing bad movies lately that I've almost forgotten what it feels like to enjoy an actual quality film.
Tonight I watched The Lookout.

I thought it was very, very good. Bordering on great. The script, direction and the acting, especially, were all fantastic. This 3rd Rock kid is really some actor. I'd really only seen him in Brick before, but he was great in that one too.

I was also impressed with the performance of Matthew Goode as the primary antagonist. He is going to be starring in Watchmen soon...a film I am particularly interested in...and if this film is any indication, then I'm sure I will be pleased.

Stole that banner from another blog that I now will be actively frequenting. It's everything and anything to do with the upcoming motion picture, and I can't get enough of that crap.

OK. Back to debugging a loan servicing system for one of my clients. Why do they all suck? That would be the servicing systems...not my clients.

Feb 3, 2008

Dead sexy goats!



It's Super Bowl Sunday, and there is much rejoicing. yaaaaaay.

Tom Brady is hoping to win his 4th Super Bowl, maybe get another MVP, maybe impregnate another hottie after the game, maybe help out some goats.

Eli Manning is hoping that he isn't one of those goats.

Here is what I'm hoping for:
  • Plenty of jambalaya. Gia's sister is making it and she is an incredible chef. Gia is not an incredible chef, she's just incredible.
  • A New England win. Sacrilege from someone living in NY, but I've always hated the Giants and I'm not going to start rooting for them now.
  • Peace on Earth, good will toward man.
Sorry...I have to interrupt this wish list for an important announcement. Gia is watching Hated right now, the documentary on the sad life of GG Allin. I just turned to the TV and he was shoving a banana up his ass. Good times! Back to my list:
  • Never having to see GG Allin shove anything up his ass ever again. It's a good bet considering that he is dead, and that I'm not going to watch the rest of this documentary.
  • Tearing Gia away from this documentary for a quickie, but I'm not sure if the imagery in our heads right now will be good for our sex lives.
  • Too late! She sneezed and some blood shot out of her coochie. Damn period messing with out lives! Maybe just a BJ. (Too much information?)
  • Layla is coming over to visit, so I'm hoping that my allergies don't kick in. I took her for a walk the other day and it knocked me out. Short-haired dogs sometimes do that to me.
  • Did I mention copious amounts of jambalaya?

Enjoy the game everyone! And for you Canadians...GO ROUGHRIDERS!!!

PS - Nothing to see over at MovieGrenade, people. Move along.

PPS - Does it make me gay if I wish I were one of those goats that Brady is holding? Woo-gah!!!

Feb 1, 2008

Found


So, so happy that "Lost" is back on the air...even if only for 8 episodes or so.

I've run the gamut of emotions and opinions about the show since it first started. I loved it at first...the interesting characters, the locale, the Sci-Fi plot. Then it started to wear on me. It started to bore me to tears when they wouldn't give us any answers, just more questions. I wanted just a little some-some, anything to get me back to loving the show.

Chris Rock had a great bit on Stevie Wonder that summed up perfectly how I felt about "Lost" at this point. He said that with all the technological advances that mankind has made (space travel, genetic engineering, etc..) why hasn't anyone figured out a way for Stevie Wonder to get a peek. Not his full eyesight back, just a fucking peek. Why can't we get Stevie a mother-fucking peek?

That's all I wanted. A mother-fucking peek!

I didn't want the whole thing explained to me. I didn't want all the answers. But I felt I was owed at least a peek. Me and Stevie.

Then they started giving us a few answers. A couple of peeks into the mystery of the island. I was hooked again. Then last season's finale came and rocked my world. Holy crap...what a great episode.

So it was with pins and needles that I sat anticipating last night's episode, and when it finally came and went I felt that it came through with the goods on so many levels. Hurley episodes are always great, and this one didn't disappoint.

So here we go. For the next 7 weeks or so I will be glued to the tube every Thursday night eagerly awaiting the next clue to the puzzle. They've got me again.

By the way, just who do you think the Oceanic 6 are? We know three of them already, but the other three are still unknown to the viewing audience. Roll your mouse over the last three characters to see my guess. Its not based on any spoilers...just my best guess.

The Oceanic 6
Jack
Kate
Hurley
Locke - I think he was the one in the coffin, but why that neighborhood?
Sayid - No real reason, but it just feels right.

Claire (plus baby) - Because of Charlie's sacrifice.


What do you think?

PS - Nothing new at MovieGrenade! I'm just saying.