Jan 31, 2007

An old favorite

Dunno what made me think of this today, but it is one of my favorite jokes. I've never seen it written out before, and there is a certain level of "acting it out" that may be missed, but here goes:

On the 30th anniversary of their wedding day, Ralph comes home early from work to find a surprised Sue doing some house work.

Sue asks "Ralph, what are you doing home so early?"

Ralph replies "It's our 30th anniversary, baby. Now run up stairs and get ready. A limo will be here to pick us up in a half-hour for our night on the town. We are going to the city where we are going to have a wonderful dinner at your favorite restaurant. Then we are going to go out dancing just like we did at our wedding. Then I've booked the Honeymoon Suite at the nicest hotel in the city where we are going to do it all night long...just like we did 30 years ago."

Sue can't believe her ears. This is exactly what she wanted for an anniversary gift. She runs to their room to pack and change for the big night.

The night goes just as planned. Wonderful limo ride into the city. Extravagent meal with Champagne. Hours of dancing until they were two sweaty rags!

After dancing, Ralph says "OK, ready hon? Back to the hotel and we are going to do it ALL NIGHT LONG. Just like we did 30 years ago."

Sue can't be happier. This is a dream come true.

In the hotel room. Ralph starts to undress. Clothes are strewn everywhere. Eyeglasses are thrown onto the nightstand. Then he says "Lemme take a quick shower, babe. You get undressed and get into the bed, and when I come out...all night long. Just like we did 30 years ago."

He jumps in the shower while Sue gets undressed and jumps into bed. She is so excited. All night long. "Wow" she thinks. "We haven't done that in 30 years...I can't wait."

Then she gets worried. "Wow" she thinks "We haven't done that in 30 years...I don't know if I'm in that kind of shape anymore."

So she starts to limber up. She's stretching and doing mild calisthenics right there on the bed. A couple of jumping jacks, some squat thrusts. You know...just to get the blood going.

Then she lays on her back and takes her left leg and stretches it over her left shoulder until it is almost parallel to her body. Just stretching an inch or two more, her left foot suddenly gets stuck in the headboard behind her.

Damn...she's stuck. And she's got no leverage to pull her foot out from between the slats. She lays there for a minute thinking of what to do when she decides to take her right leg and swing it up so that she can push off the headboard with it.

So she swings her right leg over her right shoulder and wham! Her right foot also gets stuck in the headboard.

It's at this moment that the shower ends and Ralph walks out of the bathroom. He looks at his wife on the bed and says:

"Honey. What the hell are you doing? Comb your hair and put your teeth back in. You look like an asshole!"


Kat said...

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
That's a riot!

Verdant Earl said...

It was awfully quiet in here.

I thought you folks might have disliked it.

madge said...

That's funny!