Oct 31, 2011


I hope everyone has a wonderful Halloween today. It's the one day of the year when I really wish I were a kid again. My favorite holiday.

I've posted this before, but it's sooo good and creepy and fun that I have to post it again. It's called "Season's Greetings" from creator Michael Dougherty.  It stars little Sam (short for Samhain), a little trick-or-treater who is being stalked by a bad man.  Sam was seen again in Dougherty's Trick 'r Treat, one of my favorite horror flicks of all-time.  Check that one out on Netflix Instant if you haven't already. It's a gas and a half.

Season's Greetings, everyone!!!

Oct 30, 2011

Movie Review: TrollHunter (2010)

Ever since The Blair Witch Project, or The Last Broadcast from the year before if you prefer, horror and found-footage have been a match made in Hell.  Sometimes they are done really well.  Take [Rec], for example. Sometimes they are done really poorly. Take Diary of the Dead, for example.

TrollHunter (or The Troll Hunter) is an example of the former. A whole heap of subtitled Norwegian fun. And who knows more about fun than Norwegians?  They invented Black Metal, fer crissakes!

So there seems to be a bear poaching problem in the wilds of Norway. And some teenage film students are going to find out who is behind it all.  They've got a good lead on a loner hunter driving a Land Rover.  He's the most likely suspect according to some local hunters with proper bear kill licenses.  So they start to follow him around to see if he is, in fact, the perpetrator.

What follows is some good, old-fashioned, mythical fun.  The hunter is actually working for the government.  The TSS, Troll Security Service.  They control the troll populations in the remote forests and mountains of Norway. Sometimes it involves blaming the resulting livestock carnage on rogue bears that they plant at the scenes of destruction. The film actually does a pretty good job of taking seemingly normal, everyday events and blaming them on troll activity.  Bridge down? Troll. Russian backpackers found killed? Troll. Small seismic disturbances? Big troll.

It's not nearly as ridiculous as it sounds.  I know, but really.

The thing is, it's all done very professionally without taking itself too seriously.  Even though that's the general premise of found-footage horror films. They HAVE to take themselves seriously to bring the horror.  But here the filmmakers...well, c'mon...it's trolls! They know how ridiculous that is, so they have a little fun with it. From the first time the hunter yells "TROLL!!! RUN!!!", you know you are in for a good time.  The kids knew it too. Until shit starts to get real.

The trolls themselves look a bit ridiculous, but not too bad considering the nature of the beasts.  And there are several genuine shock/horror moments thrown in for good measure.  The backstory is also handled very well.  About as plausible as you can imagine for a movie that wants the viewer to believe that trolls are real.

I dug it. So will you.

My NetFlix Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Oct 29, 2011

The Shape

Nick Castle
Dick Warlock
George P. Wilbur
Don Shanks
Chris Durand
Brad Loree
Tyler Mane

What do these seven actors have in common?

Thrill me.

Oct 28, 2011

Movie Revew: Blood River (2011)

Another "find" in the Netflix Instant horror vaults.

And another sparse, simple tale of a dysfunctional family and a stranger who wanders into their midst.  This time it's a couple through the Nevada desert to visit her family. She's pregnant with their child, with a child from another man left at home for the trip.

After a night at a roadhouse/motel in the middle of nowhere, they head out only to have a blowout about 50 miles from the motel. And 5 miles from a dead town in the middle of the desert called Blood River. And about a billion miles from somewhere where anyone wants to be. Soon enough they are joined by counter-culture cowboy Joseph.  An ominous man who claims to have run out of gas somewhere down the road.  But he was at the motel the night before, and dead bodies have been left in his trail.

So you see where this is going. Except for suddenly when you don't. It's when this classic serial killer tale turns into something else entirely.

And I got to tell you, I wasn't too thrilled when it did. I was kinda enjoying the tension between the corporate couple with the child on the way and this dangerous drifter. I wanted to see how THAT film was gonna play out. Even if I had seen THAT film many, many times before.

Where the film did head? Well...that kinda bored me, to tell you the truth.

And that's pretty much the last thing that you want from a horror flick several nights before Helloween.


My Netflix Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Oct 27, 2011

Movie Review: The Bleeding House (2011)

First of all, that's a terrible name for a film. Terrible. The literalist in me immediately imagined a house with blood pouring out of the window panes and door jams. After maybe an accident of some sort. A papercut, perhaps. Or a gift-wrapping incident. The Bleeding House? C'mon...

But there I was last night, perusing the horror genre on Netflix Instant, and the cover art for this one jumped out at me.  Very simple. Red, black and white. Kinda creepy.  I almost didn't even need to read the summary of the film to check it out, but I did. And I still went ahead. And I'm glad I did.

Imagine this: You are at home with your highly dysfunctional family in the middle of Nowhere, Ohio. Nighttime in Autumn is rapidly approaching. Suddenly a man knocks on your door dressed in a white linen suit and white fedora.  The kind of outfit you would expect to see in a Tennessee Williams play. Oh, and he's carrying a beat-up old doctor's bag.  You know, the kind of beat-up old doctor's bag that you would expect to see that character from that Tennessee Williams play carry. Oh, and he's being not-so-vaguely religiously creepy.  He's got car trouble down the road, and the mechanic can't come until the morning.  He's asking to be put up for the night.

Do you let him in?

OF COURSE YOU DON'T!!  He's a creepy, religious dude in a white linen suit carrying a beat-up old doctor's bag!  There's about a dozen reasons NOT to let him in the house at that point. 

Guess what Mom and Dad of the dysfunctional family decide to do? Yup. And wacky hijinks ensue. And he goes on to say things like "I cut people" when they ask him what he does for a living. Followed by an explanation that he's a surgeon and some nervous laughter, all around.  But at this point in the evening, I'm gonna start watching my ass around this guy.

It's a very simple film from there on. White Linen Suit, of course, is a bad guy, and he's gonna do bad things.  But there is a twist with this family.  Did I mention that they were dysfunctional? But that word doesn't begin to scratch the surface. And I don't mean that the twist is a great cinematic twist. It's not. You'll know what is going on with the family pretty much right away.  But the way that it plays out is pretty interesting.

It's sparse and simple, but that's the way I like my horror movies sometimes.  The best part of the film is the performance of Patrick Breen as White Linen Suit.  He's both subtle and over-the-top at the same time as the villain. A really great turn by a really great character actor.

It's not a perfect film. Horror rarely achieves that level.  But it was a nice, little movie. And by "nice" I really mean "vicious as all hell".  And that's what I was in the mood for last night.  So take this review with that particular grain of salt.

My Netflix Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Movie Night

Holy shit!

Halloween is just a few short days away! And I haven't even figured out what I'm going as!!!

OK...I'm calm now. Halloween sure isn't the same when you are grown up without any interesting costume parties to go to. And no...I'm not asking for any invites. Thanks, anyway.

But I am excited for one thing these next few days. Horror movies. Lots of 'em.

I've already made sure to record some of the classics like Halloween, Bride of Frankenstein, Night of the Living Dead, etc..  Films I should already have in my library, except that I don't really have a movie library anymore. Those DVDs didn't survive the last move, and who really needs "hard" copies of films in this age of digital streaming?  I can't tell you the last time I popped a DVD or Blu-Ray into the player.  That thing just sits there like a...sitting thing. Yeah.

Well, anyway...I'm sure I'll be supplementing the fare that is playing on AMC and TMC and wherever with some new stuff on NetFlix or Amazon Instant. And I can't wait.

Horror movies. Yeah, that's what I'm in the mood for.


PS - Oh, one more thing. I'm going to be reviewing them as I see them. So expect a bunch of posts in the coming days. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

Oct 26, 2011

Guilty Pleasures Redux

After a long fight against a pre-Winter cold, I'm back. And meaner than ever.

Okay...maybe not.

But I am back, after missing most of the last week or so in the Blogosphere. Sure, a little Twitter here, a little commenting there. But it's not the same. I even had to miss the last episode of Just Talking to the Cornfield on Sunday night because I lost my voice after an ill-advised bout of drinking over the weekend. Well, it was probably the cold night air that did me in, but I think the booze may have had something to do with it as well.

Oh, I'll be reviewing the booze over here shortly.  You are gonna dig it.

The Colonel and I were supposed to discuss some of our guilty pleasure films/books/tv/whatever on that episode.  And we probably still will whenever we find time to record another show. We even share one in common that we were going to use as a discussion point. Notting Hill. Yeah, both of us are hopeless romantics at heart. Especially when the romance involves the world's most famous actress (as played by Julia Roberts...hehe), and an idyllic setting like the one in the film. Cry us a river.

But the ultimate guilty pleasure movie for most men I know is Road House. Patrick Swayze, Sam Elliot, Ben Gazzara. An American rip-off of the classic kung fu films I grew up. Lone warrior wanders into a town that is persecuted by a powerful warlord. Distancing himself, at first, the warrior eventually falls for the town and its people and takes measures to bring down the evil warlord.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.  Happens with me.


So what are some of your guilty pleasures? Movies, books, magazines, trashy talk-shows, soap operas? What?

Hit me.

Oct 21, 2011

It's been too long...

Since I've been down drinking at the bar.

Gia was sick all last week. Passed it on to me this week. But I'm thinking we are going to need to celebrate the end of this seemingly un-ending cold with a sad and wonderful night spent down drinking at the bar.


Down Drinking at the Bar
Loudon Wainwright III

Well, I call you up on the phone: nobody's at home.
Then I do my usual thing: I let the telephone ring and ring and ring.
I'm standing at a phone booth, coping with the ugly truth.

You see, I know where you are... I know where you are.
You're down drinking at the bar.

I can picture you there on that stool, drinking like a drunken fool.
Yeah, you're sitting there on your ass, muttering into your glass.
Paying for your lowlife thrills with wet quarters and soggy one dollar bills.

I know where you are, baby.
You're down drinking at the bar.

Dean Martin's on the jukebox, I bet.
Or maybe it's Tammy Wynette.
The tearjerkers are jerking your tears.
Salt water in your whiskey and your beers.
You've got the Miller High Life bouncing balls.
You've got the Utica Club waterfalls.

I know where you are, oh ho.
You're down at the bar.
You're down at the bar.

Go ahead get drunk, it's alright.
Lost weekend on a Tuesday night.
But I'm going to have to give you the score:
I'm not going to call you up on the telephone no more.
I'm sick and tired of listening to that phone ring 15 times.
I'm sick and tired of getting back my dimes!

Because I know what you are.
You're at sot, that's what you are.
I know what you are.
You're a lush.
You got a big red nose!

I know where you are, baby.
I know where you are...
You're down drinking at the bar.

Oct 19, 2011

These things

Just in case you ever need to take care of me when I have a cold, I'm gonna need a few things:
  • Green tea with honey. It's oh-so-manly.
  • Some broth-based soup of nearly any kind. Chicken tortellini soup sounds about right.
  • NyQuil. Capital N. Small y. Big fucking Q. Original Green Death flavor is just fine.*
  • Sleep.
  • Lots of sleep.
  • Tissues.
  • Quiet. 
  • A good book. Reading "The Collectors" by David Baldacci right now.
  • Pampering.
  • Warmth.
  • My hoodie skull pattern sweatshirt.
  • Plenty of episodes of Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Torchwood or anything else I haven't seen yet that is available on Netflix Instant.
And if you are a cat, you know who you are, please don't wake me up by sitting on my chest and yelling at me. That's very rude.

Actually, that last one applies to non-felines at all. Would hate to find this armless troll sitting on my chest in the morning. Ugh.

*h/t to Denis Leary, of course.

Oct 17, 2011


I love baseball. I really do.

But even I can't get excited about a World Series featuring the Texas Rangers and the St. Louis Cardinals. 

I guess I should have a little more respect and admiration for the Cardinals organization than I do. They've been around forever and they've won more World Series than any team not named the New York Yankees.  So a long and somewhat prosperous history.

They are also managed by a man who is a legend in his own time, Tony LaRussa. Some complain about his complex moves, lineups and pitching changes. But I side with those that say he manages the way he does to maximize the results of his sometimes over-matched teams. I know, I know...don't all managers run games like that? They should. Sometimes it seems like most of them are running the "Managing Major League Baseball for Dummies" playbook.  Word for word. So I kinda dig LaRussa.

And they have the best player on the planet in Albert Pujols. Did you see his home run in the 3rd inning last night? That shit came in around shoulder high and he pummeled it out of the park. FAR out of the park. Amazing hitter, amazing player. So I guess I should be glad about that.

But I'm just not seeing any excitement coming from this series. Especially since it's gonna be on FOX, and I hate the announcing team of Joe Buck and Tim McCarver with the fiery fury of a thousand white-hot suns. They suck the joy out of the game for any viewer. But I'll probably still watch.

And I hope to be entertained.

I'm just not counting on it.

Oct 16, 2011

Just Talking to the Cornfield - New Episode Tonight at 9PM EST

You know the drill.

The Colonel and I will discuss some baseball and some other stuff.  Fascinating lead, right?  Ugh...I suck at this.

Just listen in, okay?

Here's a better writeup from the Colonel in his weekly email reminder.

So if you missed last week show, you missed Earl and the Colonel discuss some possible off-season moves for those playoff teams that were eliminated.    But after another week of playoff games we now opt to get out of aggravation and frustration at the god-awful disastrous crews on TBS and Fox that are announcing the games.    Its been so bad I yearn for Howard Cosell.  
We also take a look forward at the World Series, and hopefully after tonight it was be fully decided who will play (GO CREW!!).   
Finally, last week we tipped our junior high school cards a bit to talk about what movies 'moved' us the most in our younger days.   Now, ugh, Earl would like to discuss what films or TV shows made us..... whimper.   Get out your tampons folks!!   Its what the Cornfield is all about.

See you at the Cornfield!!
Earl and the Colonel

Oct 14, 2011

Buckets of Rain

Bob Dylan wrote it. The lyrics...my God...the lyrics. Redbird did this awesome version of it.


Buckets of Rain
Bob Dylan

Buckets of rain
Buckets of tears
Got all them buckets coming out of my ears
Buckets of moonbeams in my hand
You got all the love honey baby
I can stand.

I been meek
And hard like an oak
I seen pretty people disappear like smoke
Friends will arrive friends will disappear
If you want me honey baby
I'll be here.

I like your smile
And your fingertips
I like the way that you move your hips
I like the cool way you look at me
Everything about you is bringing me

Little red wagon
Little red bike
I ain't no monkey but I know what I like
I like the way you love me strong and slow
I'm taking you with me honey baby
When I go.

Life is sad
Life is a bust
All ya can do is do what you must
You do what you must do and ya do it well
I'll do it for you honey baby
Can't you tell? 

Oct 13, 2011

The Dark Side?

I don't really need an iPhone. Then again, does anyone really "need" one?

Not only that, but I've never really wanted one. They seem shiny and bright and they make lots of cool noises. But I've always been a phone is a phone is a phone kinda guy.  Even when I "upgraded" to a Palm phone about a year ago. It's not really in the same "class" as the iPhone or most of the Android phones, but it does everything I want it to do.

And lately, I've been find it does so much more. I've now got Pandora and Spotify running on it. Didn't even realize that was an option. And there is a iTunes app that I'm considering, although I don't really need it.  The web browser is pretty fast too. Many times, Gia and I have looked things up at the same time on our devices. She, armed with her iPhone and iPad, me armed with my Palm phone. I dunno man...most of the time I find the answer, location, whatever first.

But now, Sprint has the iPhone 4S.  I'm a Sprint loyalist. Not because it's any better than any of the other cell carriers out there. It's probably not.  But because I've had little to no issues with them.  That's been good enough for me for going on a dozen years now.  And it's been a year since my last phone purchase, so my extra discount kicks in.  I can get a new iPhone 4S for as little as $199. 

If I want to.

I'm just having a hard time deciding if I want to.

My current phone isn't only good enough, it's MORE than good enough.  There is a ton of useless crap that I can do with it now that I'm just not interested enough to bother with.  Will an iPhone even be worth it for me?

So, for now, I'll probably pass on the iPhone 4S. I just don't think it's for me.

Besides, I kinda dig being an Apple curmudgeon. "Get off my lawn, you incredibly smart device that everyone else in the world loves!"

Oct 12, 2011


I don't know what's the matter with me, but here I am posting again about a commercial series that I've really been enjoying.  That makes it two weeks in a row. I don't even really watch commercials normally.  But, like I said last week, I've been watching a lot of baseball and I don't change the channels during the breaks. Otherwise it's DVR and fast forward and see ya later.

The ads I've been particularly enjoying lately have been the Allstate commercials with Dean Winter (Oz, 30 Rock, etc...) as the personification of Mayhem. They are very reminscent of another ad campaign from several years ago from Traveler's Insurance where Richard Edson played the personification of Risk. I'm jake with that, though. I dig both actors. And I really don't care at all about Allstate or Traveler's.  I just like the commercials.

Like this one, where Dean Winter personifies Mayhem personifying a raccoon (how meta is that?) living in the attic of a house.  Just tearing shit up.  Hilarious!

Or this one, where he has a bit of fun blocking a driver's side mirror.  Yeah...blind spot Mayhem ensues.

And never again shall I mention TV commercials on this blog.

Until I see the next one that makes me laugh.

Oct 11, 2011

Date Night

Lately, Gia and I have been trying to do a date night at least once a week.  Maybe a movie, maybe dinner, whatever.  This past Friday, our date night landed us at our recent favorite haunt in town. Got to meet the new owners of the joint, and enjoyed some delicious pub food.  I had a fried pickle burger with swiss (as good as it sounds), and my woman had herself some short rib risotto.  It all rocked so very much.

Then we headed down to a little sports pub that we've been frequenting lately to watch some of the MLB playoffs. Sure, the Yankees are out of it.  But that just means I get to root for good baseball instead of my team. Lose some, win some.

As we were leaving, we heard what sounded like some live music coming from the restaurant that we ate at earlier.  So we went to investigate.  Sure enough, every Friday night they clear out one side of the joint around 11ish and a local band takes stage.  The band that night was a reggae/ska/soul group called The Bluebeats. They were...really good. At one point they took a break from the reggae/ska and did what sounded like a Motown number. And the lead singer, a dude by the name of Mike Drance, really pulled it off.

Then they did a great version of Elvis Costello's "I Can't Stand Up for Falling Down".  Well, Sam & Dave originally released it back in 1967.  But I know it from Elvis, so that's that.

Anyway, I looked them up when we got home and I found out that Mike Drance was the co-frontman of my favorite ska band of all-time.  The Scofflaws.  I've written about them here before, a long time ago.  He left the band right around the time that I was getting into them and ska in the early 1990's.  But that's pretty freakin' cool.  Makes me wish I had seen more of them back when he was skankin' along with the rest of the criminals (not really) in that band.

But he's still jammin' out with The Bluebeats, and that's cool enough.

I dig date night.

Here's a little Elvis Costello for ya. Enjoy!

Oct 10, 2011

Columbus Day Tidings

Happy Columbus Day, everyone!

Really?  Did I just wish everyone a Happy Columbus Day? What the hell are we celebrating today anyway? A Monday off from work?

OK...that works for me.

But I also want to give my boy Water Logged Canine a quick shout-out. Congrats on running and finishing the Chicago Marathon yesterday!  26+ miles. That shit is unbelievable!

Oct 9, 2011

Just Talking to the Cornfield - New Episode Tonight 9PM EST

This is gonna be weird.

Here's what the Colonel has to say:

Hey folks,
So lets recap.    Basketball is on strike, Hockey is for Canadians, and Hank Williams Jr., the guy who sings the theme song "Are You Ready For Some Football!!" for the NFL's flagship show Monday Night Football just compared Barack Obama to Adolf Hitler, and got fired.   That leaves one major sport for us to enjoy.     Lucky for you, we do a show devoted to it!!
This week on Just Talking to the Cornfield........

Episode Notes: So it's the playoffs, and a wonderful time indeed. Well, not so much for Earl. The Yankees lost. But the Brewers won, so the Colonel is psyched. Or psycho. Same difference. Join us as we discuss the near future of the Yankees, Braves, Red Sox, Rays, Phillies and Diamondbacks. Because they all just missed out on the next round, ya know. Oh, and for a bonus, we are going to discuss the hottest film scenes of all time. Find out what gave a young Colonel a miniscule boner. I've been waiting six months to type those words. Hehehe.

That's right.   We want to discuss what changes we expect for the teams eliminated in the playoffs.   We already have seen changes in the front offices, and that's just the start.  Which players contracts are up, and which players will be targeted via trade or free agency?? 
And then........ we will be taking a left turn to discuss the hottest movie scenes of all time.   It needs to be done.    Love to hear your thoughts.
See you at the Cornfield!!
Earl and the Colonel


Oct 7, 2011


Rookie sensation Ivan Nova gave up two solo shots in the first inning, and then came out of the game after the second inning with forearm stiffness.


The Yankees load the bases in the 4th with one out, but Russell Martin and then Brett Gardner pop out to end the threat.


Detroit tacked on another run in the 5th off of surprise reliever C.C. Sabathia.


The strike zone was EXTREMELY fluid all night long. I'm pretty fair with the umps, but there were numerous occasions tonight when the Yankees got shit calls on borderline pitches, and I didn't see one time when Detroit was the victim of a bad call. Seriously, it was one of the worst strike zones I've ever seen. I don't mind an ump expanding the zone, but do it for both teams, fer crissakes!


The Yanks claw back with a Cano solo shot in the 5th, but they load the bases in the 7th with just one out. Again. And they only score one run.  On a Mark Teixeira walk.  A-Rod struck out with one out and Nick Swisher followed suit with two outs after the Tex walk.  Way to go, heart of the order.


The Yankees get a mini-thrill in the 8th when Gardner singles with two outs and Captain Jeter sends one to the wall in right field.  But it's easily handled by Detroit.  Inning over.


Last chance for the Yanks in the 9th.  Curtis Granderson and then Robinson Cano each fly out weakly to the outfield.  That leaves it up to Alex Rodriguez. He who struck out with the bases juiced in the 7th with one out.  Guess what happened?  Yeah.


Oct 5, 2011

Let's have a ball and a biscuit, shuggah...

I've been watching a lot of baseball on television lately, what with the playoffs and all.  The games have been on TBS and TNT this week.  And either they or MLB have paid a shitload to have Captain Morgan as a sponsor, because you can't get through one commercial break without seeing at least one ad for their famous spiced rum.

Not that I've minded. Actually, I've been enjoying this new Captain Morgan campaign, but I haven't been able to figure out exactly why.  I drink Captain Morgan rum, but not often.  I used to enjoy it with some Coke or ginger ale, but lately my palate prefers to substitute Jim Beam for it.

Anyway, like I said, I haven't been able to figure out why I liked the new campaign as much as I do.

Then Gia figured it out.

It's the background music.  The White Stripes playing "Ball and Biscuit".  A great throwback tune that reminds you of Jimi Hendrix or something. Is there anything that Jack and Meg can't freaking do? Check it live. And dig.

Oct 4, 2011

Second Verse

You know the drill.

Three things:

1. You kids really lamed out on the Horror Movie Quote Trivia yesterday.  Sure, some of the were pretty tough, but a lot of them were easy.  Take another look and give it the college try.  I hate to see you fail like this.

2.  Talkshoe kinda shit the bed on us for this past week's episode of Just Talking to the Cornfield.  About an hour in, we experienced some technical difficulties for no apparent reason.  But we soldiered on, even though those present in the chat room told us that the audio went dead.  We thought it might have been just an interface issue.  Nope. The recording crapped out at that point, and for the last 45 minutes or so of the show we were left talking to...the Cornfield.  We'll try to do make up for it next week.

3. Posted another recipe over at Simmer, Sip, Share tonight.  A Corn, Bacon and Potato Chowder.  So good it will make you forget how much you hate your significant other. Or yourself.  I'm not your shrink, what do I know?  Sheesh...

Oct 3, 2011

"Maybe we're at war with Norway?"

Hey kids, since it's October and I haven't done one of these in a while I thought it was a good time for...

MOVIE QUOTE TRIVIA - The Horror Film Edition!

That's right. Here are a dozen quotes from horror films and all you have to do is guess the movie title.  Get yer inner demons in line and see how well you do.  There are two bonus quotes (in the title and in the label below), so there are 14 films in all.  I'll update the post during the day with the correct guesses, and fill in the ones you don't get at the end of the day.  Have fun, kids

 1 - "God, I'd give anything for a drink. I'd give my god-damned soul for just a glass of beer." (The Shining - Sybil Law)

 2 - "You'll simply never understand the true nature of sacrifice." The Wicker Man (original)

 3 - "You know what I mean! What, you just get off a spaceship or something? Come on, Colombian gold, man. Hash, the grass, the weed, dig it?" Friday the 13th (original)

 4 - "Oh yes, and this house will be here long, long after you have departed. You'll believe me." Burnt Offerings

 5 - "That's my mother you're pissing on." Dead Alive (Brain Dead)

 6 - "Darling, you can't rape a townie." Black Christmas (original)

 7 - "A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, 'Oi. You can't leave that lyin' there.' And the man says, 'No. It's not a lion. It's a giraffe.'" 28 Days Later

 8 - "I don't have any friends and I like it that way. Being lesbian is just my security." The Faculty

 9 - "When man meets a force he can't destroy, he destroys himself. What a plague you are." 30 Days of Night

10 - "Hey! Hey, Lonnie, get your ass away from there!" Halloween (original) I can't believe no one got this.

11 - "Charlie Brown's an asshole!" Trick 'r Treat

12 -"That old woman scares the piss out of me!" Pumpkinhead

 Remember, they are all HORROR films. Or close enough. Mwah-ha-ha-ha!!!

Title - The Thing (original)
Label - Dog Soldiers