this past weekend with Slyde
made me reminisce of the good ole days of renting bad films from a cheesy video store.
Slyde and I used to do this way too much around 15 years ago. In fact, I belonged to a schlocky video store that was near our local mall called "Rare and Unusual Videos". Many a night was spent getting some pizza and renting an awful B-movie from this store. They didn't categorize their films by the normal "Drama, Comedy, Adventure, etc
..." bullshit. No way. This place had categories like "Women in Prison
" and "Sex Comedies
Seriously, are there any other kinds of movies?
Some very funny/sad/weird things happened at this long-gone video store. The funniest is a story that I'll leave Slyde to tell (and he has never been able to tell this story the way it really happened...he chooses to blame me instead, the child that he is
), but there are others.
This one time when we were on the hunt for the perfect piece of anime or something, this real sketchy dude walks in wearing a long trench coat. He had greasy hair, thick glasses and he was about 300 pounds. His whole persona screamed "Creep
!!!" He immediately made his way for the curtain with the "Adults Only" sign over it (you all remember that room, right
?), and we don't see him for about ten minutes.
So Slyde and I are at the checkout counter when this guy comes out of the room empty-handed. He goes right to the dude behind the counter and asks "Do you have films with kids in them?".
The counter dude looks at us, and responds "Well, we have a whole section of children's films over there by the window."
Creepy guy says "No, I mean adult films with kids in them."
At this point, Slyde and I are sick to our stomach. We want to take the pervert out in the back and beat the shit out of him. Just fucking destroy him.
The counter dude was a bit calmer and he said "Yeah, sorry pal...not in my store. Now get out!"
The creepy dude apologize and says "Well, the sign says RARE
videos, so I thought...."
Counter dude comes back with "Within the law, asshole...within the law."
I still think we should have kicked that guy's ass! Hopefully he's never acted on his impulses. Blech!
On a lighter note, when the store announced they were closing with an "Everything Must Go
" sign, this equally creepy dude came in and asked the counter dude how much he wanted for the clock on the wall.
The counter dude is a bit perplexed, and he says "The clock? Sorry, we are just selling all of our videos."
Equally creepy dude gets mad "Well the sign says EVERYTHING must go, so why not the clock?" They argue back and forth for a few minutes before equally creepy guy leaves.
Counter dude looks and us and says "I can't wait for this fucking store to close!"
Well said. But I still kinda miss it.