Creepy guys

Seeing Grindhouse this past weekend with Slyde made me reminisce of the good ole days of renting bad films from a cheesy video store.

Slyde and I used to do this way too much around 15 years ago. In fact, I belonged to a schlocky video store that was near our local mall called "Rare and Unusual Videos". Many a night was spent getting some pizza and renting an awful B-movie from this store. They didn't categorize their films by the normal "Drama, Comedy, Adventure, etc..." bullshit. No way. This place had categories like "Women in Prison", "Undead" and "Sex Comedies".

Seriously, are there any other kinds of movies?

Some very funny/sad/weird things happened at this long-gone video store. The funniest is a story that I'll leave Slyde to tell (and he has never been able to tell this story the way it really happened...he chooses to blame me instead, the child that he is), but there are others.

This one time when we were on the hunt for the perfect piece of anime or something, this real sketchy dude walks in wearing a long trench coat. He had greasy hair, thick glasses and he was about 300 pounds. His whole persona screamed "Creep!!!" He immediately made his way for the curtain with the "Adults Only" sign over it (you all remember that room, right?), and we don't see him for about ten minutes.

So Slyde and I are at the checkout counter when this guy comes out of the room empty-handed. He goes right to the dude behind the counter and asks "Do you have films with kids in them?".

The counter dude looks at us, and responds "Well, we have a whole section of children's films over there by the window."

Creepy guy says "No, I mean adult films with kids in them."

At this point, Slyde and I are sick to our stomach. We want to take the pervert out in the back and beat the shit out of him. Just fucking destroy him.

The counter dude was a bit calmer and he said "Yeah, sorry pal...not in my store. Now get out!"

The creepy dude apologize and says "Well, the sign says RARE and UNUSUAL videos, so I thought...."

Counter dude comes back with "Within the law, asshole...within the law."

I still think we should have kicked that guy's ass! Hopefully he's never acted on his impulses. Blech!

On a lighter note, when the store announced they were closing with an "Everything Must Go" sign, this equally creepy dude came in and asked the counter dude how much he wanted for the clock on the wall.

The counter dude is a bit perplexed, and he says "The clock? Sorry, we are just selling all of our videos."

Equally creepy dude gets mad "Well the sign says EVERYTHING must go, so why not the clock?" They argue back and forth for a few minutes before equally creepy guy leaves.

Counter dude looks and us and says "I can't wait for this fucking store to close!"

Well said. But I still kinda miss it.

Must. See. Now!!!

OK. There are a whole lot of movies that I have waited forever to see. Some I've been disappointed in (AI), some exceeded my wildest expectations (The Lord of the Rings trilogy), and some have downright sucked (hello, George Lucas?).

But there is a tri-fecta of films out that are soon to be released that I CANNOT WAIT FOR. Seriously, I feel like Cartman waiting for the Wii to come out. C'mon.....C'MON!!!!

The first one actually hits the theaters today, and if I can convince the woman to go out tonight then I will be seeing it shortly. It's called Shooter, and it's based on a book by Stephen Hunter (film critic for the Washington Post) called Point of Impact.

It's a great read. Pure popcorn, and it reads almost like a screenplay. Not far-fetched considering the author's day job. I can't believe that it's taken as long as it has for it to reach the big screen. Mark Wahlberg may be all wrong for the title character, but I don't care! As long as it successful and they keep making sequels. Hunter has written a bunch more novels since that first one dealing with either the main character (Bob Lee Swagger) or his father (Earl Swagger...nice name, eh?). Great stuff.

The second film shouldn't be a surprise. It's Grindhouse by two of the least "Hollywood" directors in the business. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. They've also enlisted the help of Eli Roth, Edgar Wright and Rob Zombie for some fake trailers for the "double feature".

This one looks like it can't miss. I mean, Rose McGowan has a freakin' rifle/rocket launcher for a prosthetic leg fer crissakes! What trumps that? Nothing, in my book.

Should be fun to see good-guy Kurt Russell play a baddie in the "Deathproof" segment. Or Freddy Rodriguez play a killing machine in the "Planet Terror" segment. Or Rose McGowan with a freakin' rifle/rocket launch..., oh...sorry. Already said that. Great, great stuff!

The last film in my "2 Die 4" trilogy would be Spider-Man 3. A bit weird for me because I wasn't looking forward to the first Spider-Man film at all. But Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire got it right. And they got it even, er, righter (?) in Spider-Man 2. So if things progress this way, then Spider-Man 3 should be the best....film....EVER!!!!!!

Well, maybe the best super-hero movie ever. Notice I didn't say comic-book adaptation ever. Sorry kids...that's got to go to Sin City. Hands down.

Don't even try to argue with me on that last point. Useless, I tell you. Useless.

Ah, Rosie....we love ya!