Aug 31, 2008

In fuckin' Bruges

We watched In Bruges a few nights ago and we loved it. I had never actually heard of it before, but we were bored at home and browsing what was available On Demand when we came across it.

It wasn't groundbreaking or anything. But it played its fine line between over the top comedy and pathos pretty damn well. And Colin Farrell is some kind of actor. So is Brendan Gleeson.

There are a couple of laugh out loud moments that are worth the price of renting it alone. Mostly to do with a drug-fueled dwarf actor. Intriguing, eh? Go watch it.

Random Wiki: Ajapa is an ancient form of yoga. It has something to do with meditation and breathing. That's all I got.

Aug 29, 2008

Bad Superman. Bad. Bad!!!

Hot on the heels of this in-depth article from that bastion of journalistic responsibility known as, we here at the Bug-Eyed Blog ponder the same question. Is the world ready for a dark Superman on film? And I'm not talking about ethnicity here. I'm talking about a bad Superman. A Superman who needs a timeout. Maybe a Superman who spends a little too much time at the local playground trying to get a glimpse of some schoolgirl's panties.

I know there are tons of Superman fans around (hello, Avitable!), but I just don't see a really great Superman film out there waiting to be made. Especially a stand-alone Superman film. Maybe something with the entire Justice League would be interesting, but the idea of a solo film featuring the Big Blue Boy Scout just bores the crapola outta me.

As a character, he just doesn't interest me. His powers are too incredible, his weakness (green kryptonite) is too easily exploited. In the Superman film from 1978, Supes battles his arch-nemesis Lex Luthor who uses, gasp, kryptonite to weaken/kill him while his nefarious plot unfolds. In the highly anticipated Superman Returns from 2006 they decided to have, ahem, Lex Luthor use kryptonite to weaken/kill him while his nefarious plot unfolds.

My. God.

Could there be a more boring plot than that?

Unfortunately that is what you are going to get with Superman on film. There isn't anyone who can "fight" him because he has no match in that arena. So they have to use a criminal mastermind and some green rocks. Who else are they going to get? Darkseid, Doomsday, Mongul and Metallo would all look ridiculous on the big screen...too much CGI. Bizarro, Composite Superman and Cyborg Superman would just be Superman fighting himself...a circle jerk. And there aren't enough drugs on Earth to make a film with Mister Mxyzptlk works. Brainiac? Maybe. I've always rooted for Braniac to win in their meetings. And they already used General Zod in the sequel to the first film.* So he is out.

*And just when did Superman gain the power to erase memories with kiss as he did toward the end of Superman II? That's another big problem I have with Superman. His powers come and go basically at the whim of whomever is writing the story. He wasn't even supposed to fucking fly in the original Siegel & Shuster version of the character. Ugh! Don't even get me started on his ability to fly! - Earl

The only Superman I want to see on film is the one who gets his ass kicked by a super pissed-off Batman wearing a power suit using synthetic kryptonite. THAT would make my day! Yeah, I know that makes me a bit of hypocrite since I can't stand kryptonite as a plot device*. I just like seeing Batman kick his pompous ass!

*A plot device that was introduced in 1943 (the same year he "learned" how to fly) as a part of the Superman radio program that was used, basically, to give Bud Collyer (the actor who voiced Supes) some time off. Did I mention previously how his powers seem to come at the whim of whomever was writing the story? Oh yeah, I did. Well it seems his weaknesses came that way too! - Earl

Not So Random Wiki: In deference to those who actually like Superman (hello again, Adam), this sounds like it would actually make a decent film. But it is more of an ensemble thing, even though Supes is at the heart of the story.

Aug 28, 2008

It's time

Disclaimer - This post is mostly for me. I know that no one really cares about my take on college football and Notre Dame, but it was on my mind and I've been trying to blog about exactly that. But I did try some new beers last night, so go here and read about that instead. Or be bored by the post below about the Irish. You have been warned. - Earl

As kids and parents everywhere are getting ready for school to begin all over the country, I can only say that this is usually my favorite time of the year. And it has nothing to do with school. Well, maybe a little. It has to do with college football. And the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.

I say "usually" because, frankly, the Irish aren't very good right now. A tragic 3-win season last year and a soft schedule this year means that things are kinda looking up, but I'm not too optimistic. It's hard being an Irish fan these days. Besides the fact that most of the country hates Notre Dame and it's fans, especially it's alumni. I grew up in New York in an Irish-American Catholic household, so of course I became an ND fan. Try not to hold it against me.

There are some changes I would like to see, however, in the ND football program. The biggest change I would like to see is to have them join the Big 10 Conference. I know, then it wouldn't be the Big 10, right? Wrong! It already has 11 teams so adding one more shouldn't matter. But this needs to happen. Screw the television rights, the fans, the games against Army and Navy, the alumni...screw everyone! I just don't see Notre Dame, as an independent, every making it to the top echelon of college football again.

Why do I think this will help? I'm not sure, but it couldn't hurt. They still will have problems recruiting because of stricter admission policies. But the yearly, consistent quality of the competition will be stronger and that can only make the program stronger. Eventually. The conference can work around the school's lucrative TV contract and make this work. And ND has already joined a conference in basketball (the Big East), so its not like they are holding on to some idealistic image of an Independent college team.

So let's make the move, Notre Dame. It's time.

One more thing. I don't care if he only started playing football a few years ago. I don't care that he was the third-string quarterback his senior year in high school. I don't care that he is a walk-on largely in part to his father's friendship with Charlie Weis. MAKE NATE MONTANA YOUR STARTING QUARTERBACK!!!! Joe Montana's son as QB for the Irish? You fucking kidding me?!? Make it happen. Now!

Random Wiki: The Rising Sun Performance Company is a bunch of actors and such working someplace Off Broadway doing whatever it is they do. But their Wiki includes a picture of a dude (I think it's a dude) trying to tongue kiss a snake. Score!

Aug 27, 2008


I don't think I am going to make this a regular feature like NYC Watchdog's normal Sunday post, but I just wanted to take some time to praise a few blogposts from some of my favorite bloggers in the past week. I guess this idea came up with Teeni's post yesterday about awards given out to bloggers.

So for those of you mentioned, consider yourself hollered at. For those of you who aren't mentioned, I would say maybe next time, but there probably won't be a next time. Don't fret. Your blog is still much, much better than mine.

Mikeb302000 is a blogger who isn't afraid to talk about some of the stuff that bothers a lot of people. Politics and religion. His post about Evolution vs Creationism sparked some lively debate in the comments. No name-calling, just honest debate. That, my friends, is my kind of blog post.

Our favorite insomniac,
Steph, turned me on to Pandora Radio just the other day. I had never heard of it before. Not surprising since it I have my head stuck firmly up my ass most of the time. But I love it! Basically an Internet radio station where you get to program the music. I have it playing in the background all the time now. Thanks, Steph!

Cap'n Marrrk wrote a missive to the year 1600 a few days ago. As far as I know 1600 hasn't written back. Don't you fucking hate that? Fickle bitch!

Evyl blessed our lives with the really sick shit. Before you click on that link think of truth in advertising. OK, continue.

But don't just stop there. Check out every single one of the blogs over there on my blogroll. They are all pure gold. Except for Slyde. Pure bronze.

Random Wiki: The Thistle is a type of racing dingy. I love that word. Dingy, not thistle. That's all I got on this one.

Aug 26, 2008

I despise...

...Sean Hannity.

Of course, I don't know the man. He lives fairly close by, actually. I've even heard that he is a decent tipper. Usually a good barometer for the kind of person you are. I don't even hate his politics. Republican, Democrat, Independent, whatever you are. I really don't care. As long as you are informed and you have a reasonable understanding of the issues, I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt.

No, what I despise Sean Hannity (and many others of his ilk) for is his onscreen persona. The intolerant, blowhard, superior smug sonuvabitch that he plays on his show. He might be that way in real life, but I get the feeling that he (and Limbaugh, Coulter, etc...) play it up for the camera. They are paid to be contrary and to support a narrow ideology, so that is what they do. Part of their job is to be hated by a segment of the audience watching them. And I fucking hate that.

It just helps the uber-impressionable citizens of our nation to grow further apart rather than closer together. It is despicable.

A couple of weeks ago, the news broke of John Edwards and his long-time affair. Politicians all have their heads up their penis, apparently. Hannity first talked about the infidelity as a betrayal of his wife and a core problem with the man himself. That's fine. But someone on the panel mentioned John McCain's affair during his first marriage and Hannity was willing to give McCain a pass because he is a war hero who just came back from 4+ years of torture in a POW camp when he cheated on his wife.


No one can argue that McCain has gone through a tremendous ordeal during his stint in the military. I have no problem with anyone putting him up on a pedestal and calling him a hero. But what the hell does one thing have to do with the other? Yes, McCain can be called a hero and Edwards is a hairdo, but the fact is both men are/were adulterers and if you have a problem with one of them for that reason then you should have a problem with both of them for that reason. No need to make up bullshit excuses for the man. He cheated on his wife. End of story.

Kudos to his partner in crime, the Crypt Keeper, for not letting him get away with it. And if you have seen him recently, that is a pretty flattering picture of Alan Colmes over there. The Keeper, as always, is looking like the Greek God that he is. Never seems to take a bad photo. Photo source: This dude's blog

PS - Long lost newness over at MovieGrenade for you to ignore. Move it bitches!!

Random Wiki: Shoshana Bean, besides having a funny name, is best known for playing Elpheba on the Broadway production of Wicked. And she is sporting some of the nicest cleavage ever to adorn a Wiki page. Nicely done!

Aug 25, 2008

Run, Rabbit. Run.

I really don't know what to say about this short film from Run Wrake. It is awful and it is wonderful at the same time. Picture those reading primers from the 50's or 60's and then imagine that Satan got his cloven hoofs on them. This might be the result. Creepy.

Warning: Very disturbing and long. View at your own risk. - Earl

You can thank the kids at FILMDRUNK for your nightmares this evening.

Random Wiki: Priyasakhi is the very first Indian film translated into Zulu. If the video clip above didn't blow your mind, then I'm sure this nugget of trivia must have.

Aug 23, 2008

Lucky man

I went to NYC the other day to assist Gia in her new endeavor which is signing up new restaurants and bars with the beer/beverage distributor that she represents. Besides the fact that she made a lot of great contacts with some decent leads, we also had a fun time.

One of the gentlemen we met was a fellow from Sydney, Australia. He and his father started a brewing company back home called Lucky Beer and he has been in the States for a while trying to spread their brand abroad. Its a fantastic premium brew and you can read my review of it here, if you so choose. But that is what the Beer Eyed Blog is for. Here we discuss other things.

Like the fact that life must be difficult for this young man in our harsh city. That great Aussie accent and he looked like Colin Farrell a bit. OK, he looked like him a lot! Yeah. Nothing like feeling like half a man when in the same room with that! And he was a really nice guy to boot! Some people are just born lucky.

Another new "friend" we met in the city last week and saw again the other day was a Scottish fellow who tended bar at one of the joints we just happened to fall into. Another nice, great-looking guy with a fun accent. What the hell is going on here?

I'm fascinated by accents, if you can't tell. All kinds. Even regional dialects from the States crack me up. I happen to love Scottish, Irish, British, Welsh, Aussie, etc... accents the most, so meeting those two guys got me to thinking about this last night. I'm convinced that there is one that is far worse than any other I have ever heard.


The Long Island accent.

Truthfully, my accent isn't as harsh as many, many folk on this sprawling suburb of New York City. But I can slip into it real easy when I want to. Sometimes without knowing it. My family used to make fun of my upstate accent when I got back from college and then my college friends would make fun of my LI accent when I returned. It's just something I've always been able to slip in and out of easily.

Like a straight jacket.

Random Wiki: This is kind of interesting because it has ties to LI. The Pagans MC, or motorcycle club, was formed by Lou Dobkins out of Maryland in the late 1950s. They soon grew to dominate the entire East Coast, including LI. I got nothing bad to say about The Pagans. No sir.

Aug 22, 2008

Cat siezures

Note: If you aren't a fan of cats, then feel free to move along - Earl

Our big boy, Syd, is suffering from seizures. Sometimes benign (we think), sometimes worse.

From the time that he was a kitten, Gia said that he has had what we can only refer to as nightmares. He will be sound asleep, wake up with a startled meow, then run over to her and bite down on the closest body part. Its almost funny when it happens, because you can clearly see he has no idea where he is or what he is doing. It lasts for a about 15 seconds before he recovers. Then he goes to get something to eat and forgets all about it.

The first time he did it to me a couple of years ago, I thought it was the craziest thing I had ever seen. That morning I told Gia that Syd did the weirdest thing the night before. She asked "What? Did he wake up from a sound sleep, meow and run up and bite you in the head?" And that's exactly what happened! Happens all the time, she said.

We now believe that these might be seizures of some kind. Only because he has had several larger seizures in the past couple of months. He will be sound asleep when all of a sudden he jumps up, falls down, bangs into shit...totally unaware of his surroundings. After he finally calms down there is then a period of extreme drooling where he just looks like he is out of it. Afterwards he is tired as hell and he just sleeps a lot.

Another symptom of these seizures, if that is what they are, is hallucinations. I would think that was funny, but the other day he was cleaning himself on the couch (thanks!) when all of a sudden he started hissing loudly at "something" on the couch and he backed up and eventually ran away. The only thing on the couch besides him was me, and I wasn't anywhere near where he was hissing at. There was nothing there at all. Maybe he sees dead people.

We had a complete set of blood tests done and they all came back negative, and the vet doesn't want to put him on anti-convulsive medication since the seizures aren't occurring at what they consider to be a frequent basis. The next step, I guess, would be a cat-scan (no pun intended) to see if there is anything wrong with his brain.

I dunno if I want to go there. Because if there is, I'm not sure if they can do anything about it. So we are in a kind of "watch and wait" phase with him right now.

I hope the little guy is okay.

Aug 21, 2008

Cheers & Douches

Note: The more eagle-eyed of you might spy a new blog over there on my sidebar called the Beer Eyed Blog. Just started it yesterday. I've been doing a lot of browsing on other beer sites as part of, ahem, research for Gia's new job as a new market rep for a beer company. Research...yeah, that's the ticket. Anyway, I'm gonna be only discussing beer topics over there so feel free to pop in for a cold one. - Earl

So Jiggs changed his masthead yesterday to include the classic Soviet hammer and sickle. I wanted to wish him good luck and cheers, so I had to look up how to spell "na zdorovje" which, according to every film I've seen with a Russian character drinking, is what they say over in Russia in lieu of "cheers".

But according to this site they really don't say that at all over there. Apparently it's just an incredibly widespread myth. That gets my goat a little, if it is true. It means "to your health", but they just don't use it as a drinking cheer. I'm shocked, I tell you, shocked!

Anywho, here are some of my favorite drinking cheers from around the world sans the cool ethnic punctuation marks (because I don't know how to do that):

Asturian - Gayola. I've never heard of this country or language, but I'm using "gayola" from now on!
Chinese - Yung sing ("drink and win"). Indeed.
Danish - Skaal. I like that.
Hawaiian - Hipahipa. I got the hipahipa shakes!
Italian (formal) - Cin cin. How cin-ful!
Thai - Chook-die. They hate those fucking chooks.
Zulu - Oogy wawa. No explanation necessary.

Another shocking thing I came across yesterday was this photo expose that wondered if Michael Phelps is, indeed, a douche. In case you haven't run into this specific sub-species of homo sapien, here is a very brief rundown on how to spot a douche (also known as a douche bag - Earl).

  1. The Lesser American Douche will likely sport one of the following accessories: a baseball cap cocked to one side, visible Calvin Klein underwear, tight muscle t-shirt, open button-downed dress shirt. The Greater American Douche will somehow find a way to sport all of these items.
  2. Many species of the American Douche shave their chest hair so that they are as smooth as a baby's bottom. It helps show off their glorious pecs and abdominal muscles.
  3. Tribal arm-band tattoos. Sorry, Slyde. They do it to show off their guns rather than getting a tattoo that actually means something to them.
  4. A tanning salon membership.
  5. They shop at Abercrombie & Fitch.

Now there are some exceptions to these rules. Not everyone who shops at A&F are douches. Nor are everyone who sport tribal tats. But if you hit 2 or 3 out of 5 on these rules, then you are probably a douche.


Random Wiki: Walnut Grove is a township in Nebraska, but there is nothing in the Wiki page that mentions it was also the name of town in "Little House on the Prairie". WTF? Someone fix that please.

Aug 20, 2008

Danny Boyle - 7

I watched Sunshine tonight, and I thought it was pretty great. A sci-fi thriller with some intelligence (and soul/Sol) to it. Not going to bore you with a review, but it's got some pretty nifty science, some pretty nifty fiction and a pretty nifty cast. Nifty. It strayed a bit in the third act, but still pretty nifty.

And it got me to thinking about Danny Boyle. I looked him up on IMDB and found out that he has only 7 theater releases as director thus far. He has one coming out later this year and he has done some television and short film work, but as far as feature-length films he only has 7.

And I've really enjoyed six of them. That's amazing to me! Here are his feature films:

Shallow Grave - 1995
Trainspotting - 1996
A Life Less Ordinary - 1997
The Beach - 2000
28 Days Later - 2002
Millions - 2004
Sunshine - 2007

I betcha think The Beach is the one that I didn't like, right? Eh! Wrong. I enjoyed it even though it seems as if I am the only one. No, it was A Life Less Ordinary that rubbed me the wrong way. Must have been in my "hate" Holly Hunter phase. I dunno.

But the fact that I liked/really liked/loved 6 out of 7 of his films blows my mind a little. The only other director who I can think of whose work I enjoyed to that kind of percentage is Stanley Kubrick. I'm not saying Boyle is as good as Kubrick, but he's got my attention.

Oh, and one of the real "finds" in this movie was the acting of Chris Evans. I've been feeling so-so about his acting thus far, including both Fantastic Four films. But I really enjoyed his work in this one. Go figure.

Random Wiki: Joyo Velarde is a Filipino hip-hop and soul singer. Born in the US, trained in Italy she is destined to be an international star. You read it here first. Oh, her debut album doesn't drop until this Fall. Suckaz!

Aug 19, 2008

Holly Hunter

I've got a weird love/hate thing going on with Holly Hunter. Or it has veered from love to hate back to love again over the years. Something like that. Loved her in Broadcast News, but hated her for breaking Albert Brooks' heart. Hated her in The Piano, but loved the fact that I didn't have to her her talk. Loved her again in Home for the Holidays, but hated her when she refused to punch her stupid sister in her stupid twat!

Now I love her again. This time in Saving Grace. And I have Gia to thank for that. She just recently turned me on to it in its second season. Normally I can't stand those preachy "religion is gonna save the wicked sinner" shows, but this one isn't very preachy. I like her "angel" and I really like her dog. And dog spelled another way is ogd, or something like that.

Her character reminds me a little of Denis Leary's character in Rescue Me. The show is pretty similar too. He talks to dead people and lost someone close in 9/11. She talks to an angel and lost someone close in the Oklahoma City bombing. Both drink (or did drink) and fuck around. One is a cop, the other is a firefighter. Strong supporting casts. Very similar.

Last Thursday we went to this cool BBQ joint in NYC and we spoke with one of the managers. He told us one of his more famous customers is Holly Hunter. He said she was tiny and gorgeous in person. I can believe it.

Random Wiki: Ankazomboron, besides being one of the most bad-ass words I have ever typed, is a town in Madagascar. It's also a commune. Bunch of long-haired hippie types. Wait...I have long hair now. Crap!

Aug 18, 2008

The Meat Hierarchy

Over dinner the other night, we started to discuss how much we love meat and how much we love animals.

The two loves that really don't go great together.

Denis Leary used to do a bit about deciding which animals are fine to kill and which animals need to be spared. I remember it was because of people complaining about killing dolphins when fishing for tuna. Why don't we care about the tuna? Fuck them, they taste good! And otters swim on their backs and do cute human things with their hands, so they get to live. Cows? Fuck them! Get on the're a baseball glove! Stuff like that.

My personal meat hierarchy probably looks a little something like this:

  1. Beef - The King of all meat, if you will. Nothing better than a hamburger to make me feel like the apex predator that I am. Steak, oh glorious steak! How I love thee! And yet the cow appears to be such a noble animal. Big, bright eyes. Nice teats! Too bad you taste so good. I almost feel guilty eating you. Almost.
  2. Pork - Ribs, bacon, ham, sausage. Nothing bad about swine. And that curly little tail? So cute I could eat it! Wait...what was that in my hot dog?
  3. Chicken/Turkey - I don't feel guilty at all about my chicken salad sandwich. Not one bit. Probably because I hate birds. What with thinking they are better me and all by flying overhead. Wait! Do chickens and turkeys fly? Who cares...pass the hot wings!
  4. Lamb - Have you ever gone to a petting farm and seen a cute little lamb that looks so innocent that you wanted to take it home and keep it as a pet? Me neither. They taste too good on some pita bread with a little yogurt sauce.
  5. Fish - My last choice when it comes to ordering an entree. Don't get me wrong, I love sushi and fish tacos and ceviche. But when it comes to eating out, it's the last place that I look. Good for you fishies. You get to live longer than the rest of the animals.

In all seriousness, we are thinking about giving up red meat for a little while. Just to see if we can do it. I have a hard time reconciling my love of hamburgers with my love of animals. I don't know if we can do it. Beef is such a big part of our diets that it seems impossible. So we haven't decided to do it yet. Not sure if we will.

Anyone else out there who restrict your diets? Or thinking about it? Just curious.

Random Wiki: An alfet was an ancient cauldron filled with boiling water, into which an accused person was to plunge his arm up to his elbow. If hurt, he was held guilty; if not, acquitted. It was also used for purgation. I'm guessing most people were found guilty.

Aug 17, 2008

Simply the best

I'm not a fan of the Olympics, and I don't really care about swimming.

But Wow!

I watched the past two nights and I believe. Michael Phelps is the most phenomenal athlete I have ever seen.

Way to go! - Earl

Aug 16, 2008

Don't ya just wish...

...that one day someone will actually discover the real Loch Ness Monster, or chupacabra, or Bigfoot? Or maybe somebody will figure out just what the Hell this thing is? A hoax? Probably. More likely a dead dog or raccoon or something.

I want to live in a world where the unknown, the myths, the monsters could possibly exist. It's the sci-fi geek in me, I guess. Aliens, zombies, ghosts...yeah, I wanna see me some of that. As long as it doesn't kill me or anally probe me. I mean, if it asks real nice then maybe, but...

Unfortunately, the weirdest thing I've ever seen falls more in the realm of Animal Planet than the Sci-Fi Channel. But a boy can still dream, eh?

I think I just miss In Search of... with Leonard Nimoy. THAT was a reality show I could live with. And just what the Hell ever happened to the Bermuda Triangle? No one ever talks about that any more. Sigh.

Random Wiki: Charles Atlas was that guy that advertised in the back of comic-books when I was a kid. Dynamic tension was gonna turn me from a 90-pound weakling who got sand kicked in my face to a Greek god walking around Coney Island with a couple of bikini-clad beauties on my shoulders. But some of those ads also said I could buy x-ray specs that would allow me to see through clothing. Bunch of fucking liars!

Aug 15, 2008



Went with Gia to NYC today to help her sell beer.


Discovered a bunch of great bars both far and near.


This job of hers makes her man smile.


If only he were worth her while.


Random Wiki:
Ha-rooom. Ha ha.

Aug 14, 2008

Man vs. Tiger

I have been trying to avoid the Olympics, but I'm a huge sports fan so wherever I turn right now the talk is of Michael Phelps and his amazing run at history in Beijing.

It's the talking head sports pundits that are really driving me crazy. Today the question has been "Where does Phelps now rank as an all-time sports great?" Most of these jackasses are saying things like "he's great, but c''s just swimming" or similar douchebaggery. The name that keeps coming up is Tiger Woods. "He's no Tiger Woods, but he's a nice story" they will say.

Now, I'm not putting Tiger Woods down here. His level of play and his level of dominance is ridiculous. But in terms of pure ATHLETICS? C'mon, man. It's no contest! Phelps is doing some outright impossible things in that weird building halfway around the world. And my Mom can golf.

I'm not a great golfer. Hell, I'm not a good golfer. But I can do some of the things that Tiger can do. I've had 300 yard drives. Not often, but I've hit a couple. I've had birdies and even an eagle once. I've made 40-foot putts that seemed to come out of nowhere. I've holed out from a sand trap from 20 yards out. Of course, never over an entire round of golf or at courses nearly as tough as the ones that Tiger plays. But I've done some of the things that Tiger can do. Better yet, I can certainly aspire to do the things that Tiger can do. Such is golf.

As for Phelps? No way! I'm not a strong swimmer (I tried embedding the video, but Youtube no longer has it and the AOL version starts to play immediately. Stupid AOL version!- Earl), by any means, but I can't even begin to imagine doing what he is doing. My imagination just isn't that great. I can swim, sure. Just like I can golf. But that is where the comparison ends. I'll never have the luck of doing something like hitting a great 5-wood from fairway bunker and putting it 10 feet from the hole in the swimming pool. The correlation just isn't there.

So for all those idiot pundits putting Phelps down, jump into that cool, deep pool* and show me what you got! Go ahead Michael Wilbon or Woody Paige or (ugh) Skip Bayless. Show us that swimming isn't difficult, douchebags!

*I don't know much about nuthin', but why is the pool used for the races in Beijing deeper than most? They say that one of the reasons that all these records are being set is because of the deep and cold pool. But shouldn't Olympic sized swimming pools all be the same size? Makes sense to me, but then again I don't know much about nuthin'.

PS - go check out Avitable's dirty poems, you sickos! - Earl

Random Wiki: I read this entire article on the Population dynamics of fisheries because fishing, and in particular, overfishing is a topic that fascinates me. I didn't really find anything new, and I was a bit offended by all the math there at the end, but all-in-all not a bad Wiki article. Holy crap! I'm such a geek.

Aug 13, 2008

Atuk the Killer!

Have any of you heard of this cursed screenplay that is out there, killing the World's Best Overweight Comic Actors? It's called Atuk, and it's a fish out of water story about an Eskimo man trying to adapt to life in the big city. Sounds hi-larious! (sarcasm alert).

First it killed John Belushi in 1982. Belushi loved the screenplay and had agreed to play the lead character in the film. The screenplay decided otherwise. A sketchy drug overdose later, and the screenplay had started to develop a taste for blood.

Then it killed Sam Kinison in 1992. Kinison actually got as far as filming one scene for the film, but he decided he wanted to live so he quit. The screenplay pointed it's skeletal finger of death at him anyway and killed him in a car accident.

Then John Candy was approached for the role of Atuk in 1994. You can see where this is going. Yup...the screenplay induced a heart attack for the big man in March of that very year. I'm sure it had nothing to do with his immense size and his family's history of heart disease. Nah. It was the killer script.

The last (to date) victim of the Atuk curse was Chris Farley in 1997. He was just about to accept the lead role in the film when the screenplay nudged him into a drug overdose. Just like his hero, Belushi. That, my friends, is how this screenplay prefers it's irony, I tell you.

An additional victim just might be Phil Hartman, who Farley showed the screenplay to (major fail!) for a supporting role. This time the screenplay used Hartman's wife to kill him. That's just cold, man!

Oh, totally un-related but this one is for The Diva. She once tried compiling all the different phrases for vagina. Someone took care of it all for her right here. You are most welcome.

Random Wiki: Grobbendonk is a municipality in the Antwerp region of Belgium. Why they would name it after some monster from a faerie tale is beyond me. I once had a nightmare where a Grobbendonk lived under my bed and taunted me in Flemish. Brrrr. Chills.

Aug 12, 2008

What you need, vol. III - The Conspiracy Edition

Hi, there! It was a long and exciting weekend, yo. We attended a craft beer festival out on the North Fork of Long Island on Saturday, so there was a bit of drinking going on. It was an incredibly gorgeous day, hitting a high of 78 or so where we were. And sunny too. Just perfect for spending the day with other craft beer devotees, drinking great beers and eating barbecue. Watched a couple of cooking demonstrations as well, so all-in-all...good day.

Now you get bullets:

  1. My post yesterday didn't show up on my feed reader until about six hours after I posted it to Blogger. Maybe the content (criticizing the Bush administration) had me flagged for censorship on Google. Maybe it was just the Olympic time delay. Hmm. Conspiracy man wants to know.
  2. Are you one of those people? I'm talking about a person who will take a look at an entire pizza pie and then choose the "best" slice out of the bunch, forsaking the one closest to you? Yeah, I'm one of those people too. You know what this says about us? It says that we care more about the perfect slice of pizza than our loved ones. That we are willing to leave the crap slices just for them. Well, we all have to have our boundaries.
  3. We had a hail storm of gigantic proportions on Monday. I've seen some itty-bitty hail in my days, but living on Long Island I've never seen a full-blown hail attack like the one we had today. The hail stones varied in size from little pearls to extra-large marbles and it came down for about 10 minutes. It was crazy! A tornado watch was also posted, but I'm not sure if one materialized. We have had about 4-5 tornadoes in the past week or so alone in my area. Not an area normally associated with tornadic activity, mind you. Something is fucking with our weather. Conspiracy man wants to know.
  4. Going back to #2 for a second, I just grabbed some Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup ice cream from the freezer...and all the fucking Reese's Peanut Butter Cups are gone! Well most of them. Serves me right for being a pizza dick!
  5. Go over here and play his little game. It amuses me.
  6. I haven't charged my cell phone since Thursday, and it still is showing a full battery. I don't understand the science behind it all, but it seems to be evolving into something new. Kind of like the machines in the Matrix or the Terminator films. When it all goes bad, just remember that the war began right here. Sounds like another possible conspiracy.

Random Wiki: Arakaw Nagazane was a samurai in service to Uesugi Kenshin back in the 1500s. Not only was he a warrior, but he was a body double for his lord. That shit is fucking bad ass! I'm gonna read about samurai and ninjas for the rest of the night. Psyched!

Aug 11, 2008


So I actually did watch a lot more of the Olympics than I wanted to this past weekend. Mostly because Gia is into it, and I'm into her. A squared plus B squared equals me folding like a lawn chair, if ya know what I mean.

We were having dinner last night in front of the boob tube, watching the qualifiers for Women's Gymnastics, trying to figure out how China expects us to believe that these 12-year old girls are actually 16 or older when a truly surreal moment occurred.

Bob Costas had President Bush in studio for an interview.

Lots of rah-rah crap bout Team America and a whole bunch of references to religion and how he would like to see the Chinese government sanction some of the underground Churches in the nation. Ugh. I'm all for freedom of religion, but I'm also for the strict separation of church and state. This guy doesn't seem to see mind crossing the line for the latter argument, at least.

But when Costas asked the Prez about the conflict between Russia and Georgia, he said he expressed his "grave concern about the disproportionate response of Russia and that we strongly condemn the bombing outside of South Ossetia" to Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin and the Russian President.

How does this guy sleep at night? A disproportionate response? But the war he started in Iraq seems reasonable to him. I'm not going to pretend to know all about the current conflict near South Ossetia, but I know that the Georgian government has close ties with the U.S. and that they want to join NATO. Russia claims that they initially sent troops to the disputed area to secure Georgia's retreat and that there were no plans for invasion. I don't know. But Bush continued on about being envoys for peace and stability in the region, and he hoped that Russia would follow suit.

All I do know is that when President Bush uses language like this about another country, an ally supposedly, it sounds a lot like the kettle calling the pot black. I'm sure the impromptu interview was vetted thoroughly, but I would have loved for Costas (a liberal who once called Bush's presidency a tragic failure) to have been a bit tougher on the man.

How many more months until Obama takes office?

The Prez getting down and dirty with Misty May-Treanor. Source: Deadspin

Random Wiki: Alexander Van der Bellen is an Austrian economist, politician and a damn fine looking man. He's also a big fan of Scrooge McDuck comics. Boy, they will let anyone update a Wiki page, won't they?

Aug 9, 2008

Cheat to win*

The Summer Olympics start today. Or they may have started a few days ago with soccer. Who can tell? I, for one, don't really care. Every four years athletes from around the world compete in events in hopes that they won't be implicated in the next doping scandal that comes around. That's what it is to me.


Oooh. Maybe Team USA in Men's Basketball can recapture our honor by beating someone else's team of professionally paid players. Bunch of crap that is. I have to say I hope we fall on our faces on this one. I kinda like that the world has been kicking our ass at basketball for a while now. Serves us right.

Maybe Shawn Johnson can become America's next little sweetheart by winning all-around gold in Women's Gymnastics. Hey, did you know that there is no longer such a thing as a perfect 10 in gymnastics? Uh uh. Now you can strive for a 15...a 16 or even, gasp, a 17! Nothing like taking something simple and making it clunky, eh?

Maybe China will overtake the US for the most gold medals in this year's competition. On second thought, no maybes about it. They will. Even if they have to spike the air to do it. Let's not fool ourselves people. This is THEIR Olympics. Not the world's Olympics. It's better if we all accept it now.

Maybe someone will break the world records for the discus throw and/or the shot put this year. I find it odd that those records were set almost 20 years ago each. Do you think they may have been cheating back then? Ugh! No way! But seriously, since when do track and field records just stop like that? The natural progression of athletics is always faster, better, stronger, more. Seems weird.

Maybe I will actually watch some of the events. Maybe some Women's Beach Volleyball or Women's Synchronized Swimming pairs (just to catch Brazilian twins Bia and Branca Feres).

*Nerdy Title Explanation - The title of this post comes from an incident that occurred when a friend of ours beat Slyde in a game of Magic: The Gathering. We were new to the game and didn't know all the rules. Our friend won by using his Dwarven Warriors to make one of his larger monsters unblockable against poor Slyde who had no way to defend these attacks. I explained on the way home that he shouldn't have been able to do that because the creature his Dwarves were making unblockable were too powerful for the effect to work. He immediately called our friend out on it and a name-calling fight ensued. See...I told you it was a nerdy explanation.

Random Wiki: Thomas of Ireland was an Irish writer. Duh! Not the writer part, but the Irish part. Its right there in his name, after all. Sheesh. From hence forth, all references to me shall be in the form of Earl of Intoxication. Thank you.

Aug 8, 2008

O Hate, O Hate, O Hate

I used to love numbers.

I've been pretty good with them most my life. Lots of high test scores in Math class all the way through High School. Then I got to college and they started to betray me. Calculus. Linear Algebra. Differential Equations. The dreaded Statistics class for Engineers. Then I turned toward a profession that is all about numbers.

Now I hate numbers.

Everything is a number. Social Security numbers, bank account numbers, telephone numbers (Thank God(dess) for address books in cell phones), debit card numbers and tax ID numbers. You want to call a customer service center? What's your reference number? Need to re-register your car? What's your vehicle identification number? C'mon...give me your fucking number!!!

They are everywhere and there is no escaping them.

I'm a number.

YOU are a number. Deal with that.

Happy 08/08/08!!!
(get the post title now?)

Random Wiki: NDRG4 is a human gene. It's a member of the N-myc downregulated gene family which belongs to the alpha/beta hydrolase superfamily. Now I don't know what any of that means, and there are a few in the name of the gen, but it sounds just like another fucking number to me!

Aug 7, 2008

Robert Downey Jr. knows... never go full retard.

Note: Sorry, but the video has an annoying 30-second commercial before the actual film clip from Tropic Thunder. But it's worth the wait. Trust me! - Earl

Holy crap, is this movie gonna piss some people off. Robert Downey Jr. as a white actor in blackface telling Ben Stiller that it's not okay to go full retard? And supposedly Tom Cruise has a hilarious role that plays on every Jewish stereotype in the book. I don't know whether to boycott it or be first in line to buy tickets. That clip up there is hysterical, though. So probably the latter.

Random Wiki:
The Esperson Buildings were once the crown jewels of the Houston skyline. And Houston is the largest city in the US without any formal zoning regulationzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, I think I just bored myself.

Aug 6, 2008

The Blood of Heroes

Thanks for your blog suggestions over the weekend. I've added a few of them to my feed reader, and I'll be checking up on them over the next few days/weeks. I've also been trolling some of your blogrolls to see if I can unearth any gems. I mean, if I like you and you like me and you like them, um...sorry, my math is a bit fuzzy, but I think it must mean that I will like them. Right?

So from one of your sites, I jumped to somebody else's site and they had a link about the Kowloon Walled City that was demolished in the early 1990's. I'd give props to the referrer, but I just can't be bothered with going back to find out who it was. But thanks, whomever you are.

What a fascinating place it was. It was an independent "city" within the city of Hong Kong whose history went back as far as 1,000 years. Toward the end, it was the kind of place that I had thought only existed in post-apocalyptic science-fiction. The city was growing organically. The streets became labyrinths lit by fluorescent lamps as little to no sunlight made it through the dense building structures. Since it was off-limits to the Hong Kong police, it became a den of brothels, casinos, opium dens and illegal dentistry. That last one amuses me for some reason.

Reading about Kowloon Walled City made me immediately think of two films. The first (and lesser of the two) was the Sylvester Stallone actioner Demolition Man. Set in future LA where crime has been eliminated, the film featured a band of rebels led by Denis Leary who lived underground in a "city" much like Kowloon. Lawless, filthy and a way.

The second film it reminded me of was a little gem called The Blood of Heroes (or Salute of the Jugger for you non-Americans). It was set in some future post-Apocalyptic world where people scratch out a living in dog-towns. The only entertainment comes in the form of the game called Jugger. Two teams, two spikes, one dog skull and lots of kicking each other's ass! The film actually inspired the creation of a real game played in areas of Germany, the UK and the USA. I'm assuming with fewer critical injuries.

If you became good enough at the game, you drew the attention of the League. The League played their games in the underground Nine Cities, which is why I associate Kowloon with the film. Great, dark, maze-like cities where citizens sleep in hammocks strung high up on the walls of the corridors. Where aristocracy mingles with the trash for love of the game.

It has a great cast. Rutger Hauer, Joan Chen, Vincent D'Onofrio and Delroy Lindo. It was written and directed by David Webb Peoples, who also co-wrote Blade Runner and Twelve Monkeys. So the guy knows his sci-fi. Come to think of it, the city below in Blade Runner reminds me a bit of Kowloon Walled City as well. He also wrote the screenplay for Unforgiven, one of my favorite movie of all time. So, yeah...I'm a fan.

I don't know how many of you have seen this film, but I highly recommend it. It's sad, brutal, human and beautiful all at the same time. If you are a fan of the Mad Max films, then you may enjoy this one as well.

Random Wiki: NetEase is a Chinese Internet company. I wonder if they censor their own content. Hmmm? Their big claim to fame is a MMORPG called "Fantasy Westward Journey". Slyde probably knows what I'm talking about.

Aug 5, 2008

We are all made of stars

Primordial particles, hyrdrogen molecules, clouds of dust.
Expanding, compacting...we are begun.
It's so dense in here. Gravity crushes us.
We come together in form. Alchemy brings us closer to One.

A star is born.

OK, let's play spot the cameo appearance, shall we? I'll fill in the answers when you guess 'em.

Verne Troyer - guessed by Steph.
Gary Coleman - guessed by badgerdaddy.
Sean Bean - guessed by badgerdaddy.
Ron Jeremy - guessed by badgerdaddy.
Toxic Avenger - guessed by badgerdaddy.
Corey Feldman - guessed by badgerdaddy.
Kato Kaelin - guessed by Water Logged Canine.
Todd Bridges - guessed by Water Logged Canine.
Dave Navaroo - guessed by Water Logged Canine.
JC Chavez - guessed by Water Logged Canine.
Thora Birch - guessed by Water Logged Canine.
Tommy Lee - guessed by Water Logged Canine.

No one guessed:
Leelee Sobieski
Robert Evans
Molly Sims
Dominique Swain or
Angelyne (but I think only LA folk know her)

Random Wiki: Here we have the international rankings for Albania. While it does pretty well in Environmental issues and life expectancy, it's pretty fucking small in all other ways. Damn! This might be the most boring page on the entire site. I'm forced to let you know that Eliza Dushku is of Albanian descent. You are very welcome.

Aug 4, 2008


I was reading this article about how much money the new Batman flick is making in the US. Because it's a little past 1AM and I can't sleep.

I found this little gem of a quote in the article:

"It's a film that is just rewriting the record books every day and redefining our notions of what a blockbuster can be," said Paul Dergarabedian, president of box-office tracker Media By Numbers.

First, I'm pretty sure somebody just made up that last name. Dergarabedian? Really? It's like they aren't even trying.

Second, I'm glad that something is redefining my notion of what a blockbuster can be. Before The Dark Knight, I just assumed it was a film that made a shitload of money. Now I can see that it's, well, um...hey, wait a minute!

Random Wiki: Viscount Amory was a title created for some dude named Derick Heathcoat-Amory back in 1960. I'm pretty sure that is another made up name. Who spells "Derick" with one "r"? Anyway, it was a title, but it has since become extinct since Derick with one R's death in 1981. I think they should have had a round-robin MMA tournament to bestow the title onto some other son of privilege. I'd watch that on pay-per view. A bunch of nancy boys in a slap fight. Cool.

Aug 2, 2008

Weekend Mission

Your weekend mission, should you choose to accept it, is to do the following:

  1. Take a look at the blogs over there on my Bloglist. C' know you wanna do it.
  2. Give me a holler-back about a cool blog that I'm maybe not currently reading. Something new and exciting. Or something old and dull (if you are into that, you freak!). Anything that might pique my interest.

The last time I did this back in January I wound up picking up 4 or 5 really great blogs to read. And I'm way too lazy to actually do the work myself, so...

Shock shock, horror horror, shock shock, horror.

Random Wiki: Markovian Parallax Denigrate. Yeah, I said it. Apparently there were a bunch of articles posted on Usenet back in 1996 that may or may not have been coded messages. Something to do with a Susan Lindauer, maybe. She was charged with espionage in 2004. All I know is that I was really drunk when I wrote that crap back in 1996. I hope no one ever finds out!

Aug 1, 2008

Oh, the times they are a-changin'

random "new shit" image

Today, my blog turns 3! Kinda. I started this blog in August of 2006, but my first ever blog post over at Slyde's blog was back on August 1st of 2005. And there was much rejoicing. Yay!

It's starting to feel a bit stale around here, so I'm instituting some changes on the ole' Bug-Eyed Blog. Deal with it, bitches! I'm not the first in recent days to feel this way. He wrote about it a while ago. So did he. And she posted something about why we blog just the other day. And of course, he weighed in.

I guess it all started for me back in June with the mass deletion of a bunch of old posts that contained any mention of my friends and family in real life. In the middle of that process, I went back and re-read a lot of what I posted and I found that I was writing too much about the day-to-day tediousness that is my life. I was becoming a "mommy blogger" without any kids. Cats, if you will. And I didn't want this blog to be about that. There isn't a more boring topic I can possibly imagine than me.

Note: I'm talking about me here. Not you. Your blog is fine just the way it is. That's why I read it. I like all of your personal stories. I just don't like mine. And "mommy bloggers" are fine. I read and enjoy a few. So relax. - Earl

So I've decided to get a little less personal and a little more random. Every day something (or twelve somethings) pops into my brain from the way-back machine or from some obscure reference that I heard or read about. And invariably, I look it up on the Internet. Because it is there and it is fast. Instant gratification, I always say.

So it will be those things that I'm gonna post about for a while. I actually started a couple of days ago with my post about Dr. Fell. I also started something new yesterday with my Random Wiki page shout out. I may continue that for a while. For all the bad press that it gets, I'm constantly amazed by the amount of information, real or not, on it's pages. It's all part of my new random blog life.

Oh, and if you read between the lines you might find that by getting less personal and more random you may gain even more insight into the wonderfulness that is Earl. Somehow.

One last thing. Here is some meme I got tagged with from Teeni. I'm doing it shotgun association style, so be prepared to be under-whelmed.

I am: an enigma.
I think: I'd like an omelet.
I know: all the lyrics to "Gee, Officer Krupke."
I have: a weird skin tag under my arm.
I wish: that the weird skin tag under my arm was gone.
I hate: that weird skin tag under my arm.
I miss: Bubble Yum.
I fear: Zac Efron.
I hear: about half of what is said to me.
I smell: bacon!
I crave: White Castle burgers?
I search: for Bigfoot.
I wonder: who actually reads this.
I regret: "that I didn't drink every pub dry and sleep with every woman on the planet"*
I love: marshmallow.
I ache: just about all the time.
I am not: Bug-Eyed Earl.
I believe: when I fall in love this time, it'll be forever.
I dance: the Safety Dance.
I sing: from my ballz.
I cry: when Buffy's mother dies. Every. Time.
I fight: the urge to quit this meme now.
I win: at Golden Tee Golf...most times.
I lose: on purpose.
I never: bet on black.
I always: bet on black.
I confuse: stupid people. Easily.
I listen: to the wee folk.
I can usually be found: in your closet or under your bed.
I am scared: of moth balls.
I need: to be serious about at least one of these answers.
I am happy about: Gia. (Awww). There it is - see "I need".
I imagine: a world made of boobs. It's glorious!
I tag: NO ONE!

*Oliver Reed's last words according to his IMDB page.

Random Wiki - Jordan T. Walk is an Independent mayoral hopeful for the town of Tazewell, Virginia. I've never heard of the place, as it only has a population of 4,200 or so. He has been criticized for his policies concerning minorities. He also continually uses the term "negro" for African-Americans. I probably wouldn't vote for this dude.