Oct 30, 2009


Had gullah cuisine at a place that was, appropriately enough, called Gullah Cuisine.

Fresh cornbead, gullah-spiced boiled shrimp, tender porkchops smothered in gravy with Hoppin' John and macaroni and cheese.

My soul and my heart may belong to NYC. But my belly belongs to the South!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. The smothered pork chops were sooooo good!

Oct 29, 2009

Naked Fish

So we ate at this joint called Fish last night and I dabbled in some naked fish.

They prepared some red grouper with a little salt, a little pepper, a little butter and a little citrus.  Served with some coconut rice and peas.  Very, very simple.  And very, very delicious!  Enjoyed it with a nice crisp bottle of chenin blanc/viognier blend.

Had some steamed clams in a kaffir lime broth with shallots and parsley to start with alongside a crazy cocktail with bourbon and cider that tasted like Autumn should taste.

I'm getting hungry and thirsty just thinking about it all again.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Poor nekkid fish :(

Oct 28, 2009


A (slightly edited to protect the Gia) text conversation between my friend who smells like a wet dog and I:

Me: Holy crap! We just had an all-you-can-eat BBQ dinner and I tried fatback for the first time. Jim Gaffigan would be proud!
Me: The craziest fucking bacon ever!  Took two years off my life.
WLC: Worth it?
Me: They were gonna be the "shit in my pants" years anyway, so yeah!  Totally worth it.

The fatback in question was served at a local Mt. Pleasant joint called Momma Brown's.  It was just a couple of small pieces, but I ain't kidding about its' effect on my life-span.  Way too much salt and fat to be consumed in large quantities.

This followed an awesome breakfast earlier in the day at The Hominy Grill.  Beef creole over hominy grits with a couple of scrambled eggs and some fresh rye toast.   Mmmm....I love rye toast.  I believe that I've mentioned that before.

Gonna do an oyster roast at Bowen's Island Restaurant either later today or tomorrow.



Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I can feel my heart beating.

Oct 27, 2009

A Fed Gator...

...is a dead gator!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Haven't seen one yet.

Oct 26, 2009

Low Country pictures - vol 1

Gia's nephew in a hammock.  At a restaurant.  On the beach.  AWESOME!!!  He had to switch places with me when our food arrived because he was too low.  But it was perfect for me.

The pier at Folly Beach.  Folly Beach just might be one of the most chill places on Earth.  A cool little surfer village just minutes from downtown Charleston.  I dig.

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. All the funky fish are doing it.

Oct 24, 2009

Gone Fishin'

Or drinkin'.  Ya know.

We landed in Charleston late last night/early this morning as we sat on the plane at LaGuardia longer than the actual flight time.  Sucked!  But we are here and we are very happy.  I already had a wonderful lunch at a great Cuban/American joint overlooking the water and we spent some time on the beach today.  Beautiful warm weather and ocean breezes.  Can't beat it.

I'll be posting some pics most days while I'm here during the coming week, but don't expect anything that might require even the tiniest bit of actual thought.  And I'll be reading your blogs on my feed reader, but I probably won't be stopping by to comment.  Hey...I'm on vacation here!

Cheers, everyone!  And a special WOOHOO to all the kids over at Adam's house tonight for the big party.  I'll make it there one of these years!  Eagerly awaiting photos and stories from the survivors.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I say that, but even I forget to play every once in a while.  Sheesh.

Oct 23, 2009


So here's this story about yet another film version of The Crow. This time helmed by some guy responsible for the Blade movies. That's...um, discouraging.

Someone needs to go maniac psycho...Eric Draven-style on these mutha-fuckas!

(Unless, ya know, they do a good job)


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. "Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children."

Oct 22, 2009

N.F.B. (Stellubnikufesin)

It's Wednesday night as I am writing this and I've got a few things on my mind, so I thought it was good time for the ole bullet game.
  • While the rest of the blogosphere will be invading (!) Florida for the Halloween party to end all Halloween parties, Gia and I will be on our way to Charleston, SC later this week and we'll be staying through the night of demons and witches.  Any suggestions on fun stuff to do in Charleston would be much appreciated.   And by "stuff to do" I mean "places to drink", but you knew that already.
  • My NY Yankees are up 3 games to 1 in the ALCS against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, California.  Phew!  Should have been a sweep, but our manager Joe Girardi was coaching from the "Managing Baseball For Idiots" book during Game 3.  Joe Torre must have accidentally left it in his office on his way out of town.  Game 5 in Anaheim (that's in California!) on Thursday night.  Go Yankees!
  • Speaking of baseball, I'm watching the Dodgers/Phillies game right now and Jayson Werth of the Phillies looks just like the pro wrestler who goes by the name of Edge.  Check it out!

  • This is the second time I have used this title post.  It refers to a song by Anthrax called "N.F.B. (Dallabnikufesin)" from their Attack of the Killer B's compilation back in the early 1990's.  Stands for "nice fucking ballad" as you can see from the backwards title in parenthesis.  And the name of that song referred to an EP they released called Penikufesin, get it?  It's a hysterical take on the silly ballads that most of the "metal" bands at the time were releasing.  You can listen to it here, if you so choose. 
  • Remember the drunk guy buying beer video I posted the other day?  Well one of the geniuses out there in the Interwebs added some old-timey piano music and some grainy effects and turned it into the most awesome silent film ever!
  • Speaking of awesome Youtube remixes, this one about the woman who became disabled from taking the flu shot is gonna send me straight to Hell.  And if you laugh half as hard at it as I did then I will see you there.  I'll be the guy falling down a lot.  That's how Hell works.
That's probably enough.  I'm already feeling bad about that last one, but fuck it!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Now walk it out!

Oct 21, 2009


So I gotta give credit where credit is due. Grudgingly, but I will do it.

Slyde told me about The Guild starring Felicia Day a long, long time ago.  It's a web series about a hilarious group of role-playing video gamers and the hi-jinx that ensue when they finally all meet in real life.

Check out the first episode right here.  It will only take you a few minutes, lazy-bones!

Now I've never played any online role playing games like Worlds of Warcraft, but I still find this stuff to be extremely funny. Because I know people like this.  I'm betting some of you do as well.

If you found that first episode to be amusing (and damn you if you didn't!), then you can watch the rest of the episodes from the first two seasons on either the Guild Youtube channel or on their website.  Season 3 is being first-run on the X-Box and Microsoft's MSN website.  But you can go to Felicia Day's blog and catch up there. She just posted the 8th episode titled "+10 to Bravery" last night.  Another awesome entry in the series.

And while you are at it, her favorite little gnome has been writing and producing his own web series called The Legend of Neil that is pretty damned funny as well!  They just wrapped the second season over there.  And Felicia Day guest-stars in a handful of episodes as the horny fairy who somehow manages to have sex with the main character despite her diminutive size.  Quite a bit different from her role as Codex/Cyd Sherman on The Guild. Check it out!

Now, here is The Guild music video "Do You Want to Date My Avatar?".  Enjoy!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Damn, Felicia Day is sooo cute!

Oct 20, 2009

Trick 'r Treat

I'm a sucker for all things Halloween related. Jack-o'-lanterns, family-sized candy fun packs, women dressed like whores and horror films. Especially horror films.

My latest and greatest favorite is a little direct-to-DVD gem called Trick 'r Treat. How this film was robbed of a theatrical release, I have no idea!  Something to do with the creative team from Superman Returns and the competition from one of the many Saw flicks.  I still don't get it.

It's a horror anthology in the tradition of Tales From the Darkside or Creepshow, but with it's own unique style and gimmick.  I've read reviews from both sides of the afterlife on this one.  Good and bad.  It seems that a lot of horror film folks were a bit disappointed in it.  Thought it was overrated.  I dunno how a film that doesn't even rate a theatrical release could be overrated, but whatevs.

For me, this film worked best as an homage to the EC horror comics of yore.  William Gaines would be proud.  There is nothing particularly terrifying about the film, per se.  But it lives, eats, shits and breathes Halloween.  It feels like Halloween, in a way that so many films that have tried have failed.  One of the amazing things about the film is how beautifully it was shot.  The jack-o'-lanterns, the mist, the eerie wooded paths, the dream quality flashbacks.  It's a beautiful film just to look at.  And so much fun for someone who loves the holiday.

There is a bunch of stuff going on in this sleepy little town on Halloween night.
  • A young couple argue at the end of the evening, but it's really about sex.  She hates Halloween and wants it all to be over, and she wants to take all the decorations down.  But he knows that there are un-written rules against stuff like that on the night of the dead.  Rules that can't be broken without repercussions.  
  • A deranged and widowed principal and his son bond while teaching the local kids that Halloween night is all about respecting the dead. And checking your candy.
  • An introverted young girl is led to an old spooky quarry by her new friends.  The site of a terrible tragedy 30 years earlier in which a bus of "disturbed" children were killed on Halloween day.  Not. A. Good. Idea.
  • A man in black is stalking and killing women during the town's Halloween parade.  And my, what big teeth he has!  The better to suck your blood!
  • A young woman is pressured into losing her virginity by a pack of her girlfriends.  It's supposed to happen at a bonfire party in the woods outside of town that night.  But Little Red Riding Hood wants her first time to be...special.
  • A bitter old man deals with his own past demons while terrorizing the young trick-or-treaters in the neighborhood.  But will he learn his lesson when a real demon of the night comes knocking on his door?  Will he survive?
And then there is Sam.  A mysterious little trick-or-treater with a burlap pumpkin head for a costume.  He ties all the stories together.  In fact, since all the stories occur in the same town on the same night you can see many of the characters from every story in the backgrounds of all the other stories.  It's definitely a fun film to watch more than once.  Just for the stuff in the background.

Sam was actually first introduced to the world back in the late 1990's in an animated short by writer/director Michael Dougherty.  A macabre little piece of business called "Season's Greetings."  Enjoy!  And remember...not everyone is as innocent as they appear.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Smell my feet.

Oct 19, 2009

Final Girl Film Club - Slaughter High

Note: This post is part of the Final Girl Film Club Series.  She picks 'em and we review 'em.

The 1980's were a wonderful time for the slasher flick. Let me qualify that a little bit. The EARLY 1980's were a wonderful time for the slasher flick. By 1986 we were left with rotten tables scraps that often came in the form of turds like Slaughter High.

By this time the formula was fairly standard.  A misunderstood loner is bullied and pranked upon in High School.  Something goes horribly wrong with the prank and the kid winds up in a straight jacket or a burn ward or both.  Damaged kid returns 10 years later to enact his revenge on his tormentors in vile and disgusting ways.  Usually while wearing a silly/scary mask of some sort.

That's Slaughter High to a T.  Except for a few wonderfully awful flourishes.

This particular slasher flick was filmed in the UK.  A country generally not known for slinking to the depths of depraved slasherlishousness.  Yeah, I just made up that word.  Most of the actors were British as well, donning fake American accents.  But they couldn't be bothered to use the same regional accent.  No...that would have made sense.  Instead we have a bunch of kids who attended the same high school who sound as if they came from the deep South, NYC or, yeah...England.

So dialogue classes obviously weren't in the budget, but would it have been too much to ask for basic acting classes?  There are too many examples of awful acting in this film to mention, but if you glance through the IMDB filmographies of most of the folks in this film you will notice that Slaughter High is either the first or last acting job they ever had.  That is no coincidence.

It also wouldn't have killed the makers of this film to learn a little about the country that it was supposed to take place in.  I mean, after they went through the trouble of learning those accents and all.  The film's main storyline takes place at a 10-year High School reunion.  The 8 people invited apparently haven't kept in touch with any of their other classmates because they don't find it odd at all that they were the only ones to show up.  And it isn't odd at all that the reunion is taking place on April 1st.  The anniversary of the ridiculous prank that had to go wrong all those years ago.  Early April really isn't "reunion time" here in the US, if you know what I mean.  We prefer the summer months for basic humiliation like that.

And the odd "rules" of April Fool's Day (the original title of this film) are clearly borne not of this country.  I sat there scratching my head wondering what they meant when they said that they just had to survive until noon because that's when April Fool's Day ended.  I looked it up afterward and found that there is some truth to that in certain countries like the UK.  Not so much here in the US.  It was little things like that that made this film feel like a washed-out bad dream.

Did somebody say...dream?  Dum-dum-daaaaah!

Sorry, back to the glowing review.

There is certain something, um, captivating about the killer in this one.  A certain Marty Rantzen played by a certain Simon Skuddamore.  For my money, Simon Skuddamore is a much cooler name for a serial killer than Marty Rantzen.  And this Skuddamore character had some of his own bugaboos in real life.  That's right, I said "had".  He died of a drug overdose shortly after this film was released.  Sure, it was bad, but c'mon dude!  Anyways, imagine if life imitated art.  Maybe he isn't dead.  Maybe he faked his death and he will take his demented revenge upon the critics of his one and only opus!

Uh oh...I better say something nice about this film.  Quick!

Caroline Munro is, um, attractive!

Not a scene from Slaughter High, but you probably knew that.

I don't really know what else to say about Slaughter High.  I've covered the awful acting and the re-tread plot.  Well there was also the crappy editing, campy dialogue and shitty special effects.  So it basically had it all.  And by "had it all" I mean kill me now.  Slowly.  While wearing a jester's cap.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. All the film club coolies are doing it.

Kitty Alarm Clock

What?  How do you wake up in the morning?

Inside funny about this picture:  That's our girl Sammi right there rubbing her face on my face and, although you can't see it, I'm wearing a "Sam" shirt that Gia bought me last year.  She thought it was cute to get me t-shirts with our cats names on them for me to wear.  Okay, I guess it wasn't that funny.

And yes, as Faiqa noted, I'm Mr. Sensitive Pony Tail Man.  The kitty cat parked on my mug certainly goes a long way toward confirming that.  Sigh.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Getting brave with the pics here, aren't I?

Oct 17, 2009

Ministry of Silly Walks - New Candidate

So I went out this morning to buy me some more beer at the local convenience store, but I was having a little problem with my motor skills.  What's a fall-down drunk to do?

Unfortunately the entire incident was caught on some security cameras.

Seriously, I've watched this about 167 times now and (just like The Exorcist) it keeps getting funnier single time I see it!!!

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Looks like Slyde on a girl-drink bender to me.

Oct 16, 2009

Let's do some good!

Don't you just feel good about yourself when you help out another blogger with one of their causes? I mean, you could laugh at slow kids falling down all day long and that one act of bloggy kindness can go a long towards erasing that bad karma debt.  My name is Earl.  Anyway...

Horror film fetishista and all-around good egg Stacie Ponder (Final Girl) needs our help. And it won't cost you any money, just a few moments of your time.  So just take your index finger out of your nose for a little while and do some good!

*Briefcase Woman is the intellectual property of Final Girl.  Maybe not, but still...

She made a short Horror flick with a pizza theme for a pizza-themed short Horror film contest. "They Won't Stay Fed!" is the name of the little gem, and it is as cute as a button...with zombies!!!

Ya gotta register to vote, but it only takes a few seconds.  Then you can vote up to 15 times a day.  How much fun is that?  She's got just three more days to make the top 10 and then Round 2 begins on 10/19/09.  So go ahead and click on this link to join the party. 

What else are ya gonna do?  Go back to picking your nose?  Sheesh!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I assume pizza tastes better than human flesh, but ya never know.

Oct 15, 2009

Reading Books in the Digital Age

So Gia is a gal who loves her gadgets. Loves her Mac, her iPhone (on her second one), her GPS, her XM Radio, etc... And now she has a new obsession with Amazon's Kindle, a electronic book reading device.  And a little bit more.

She really, really wants a Kindle.  And she reads a lot.  A LOT!  So it wouldn't be a waste of money in that regard.

But here's the thing. I'd buy her one, but I'm pretty convinced that the technology on the latest Kindle is gonna be obsolete sooner rather than later.  I'm not even convinced that it is the best e-reader on the market right now.  Sony has one.  Barnes & Noble's is releasing one with color next week.  And Fujitsu just released a beta-version of their tablet which is retailing in Japan for around a grand.  And all of those have limited or full touch-screen capabilities.  Something the Kindle doesn't have.

Then there is the 700-pound gorilla in the room.  Steve Jobs.  He has hinted at an Apple tablet which could be an e-reader in the past.  And he has deflected.  Saying that Americans don't read books anymore so it would be a waste of time.  A technique he is famous for while working on exactly that kind of technology.

Here is what I want in an e-reader, were I to want an e-reader (I don't):
  • A screen around the size of a paperback.
  • I want the frame to be not much bigger than the screen, so...
  • Touch-screen capabilities would be a must.
  • Wi-fi access with a simple web-browser.
  • No eye-glare, so I could use it in the sunlight.
  • A back-light (or side-light) option so I could read it at night without a lamp.
  • The ability to make notes and bookmark pages.
  • Maybe the ability to send content to another e-reader if I want.

So what to do?  Buy the current Kindle and hope it has more than 6 months of usefulness before something better (way better) comes out?  How about those other e-readers currently on the market?  Do those offer a viable alternative?  Or should we just wait for the Apple "Kindle Killer" e-reader sometime in the near or not-so-near future?

I'm asking you people because you are much more tech-savvy than I.  Or at least that's how you come across on your blogs.  You wouldn't be lying to me now, would you?  Fuckers!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Me?  I like books.  Real fucking books.

Oct 14, 2009

Drive-by body pierce

The Fall TV Season started a few weeks back, and because I thought you might be interested (you won't) I now give you my quick reviews of the shows I am watching this year.  Won't that be fun?  Sheesh...you could at least pretend.

  • The Amazing Race - Brilliant!  Especially this year.  One of the teams has a dude who has Asperger Syndrome.  I'm torn between rooting for him and laughing at/with him.  He's very funny and totally aware of his shortcomings when it comes to the social game.  I want him and his buddy to win this year.  That would be cool. (Un-Cool Update: Well, so much for that.)
  • How I Met Your Mother - A few years in and I wish they could just do a re-boot on this bad boy.  The main character and the gimmick suck!  The big one!  Would it really be too much to ask them to kill off Ted? They could make it funny.  Or try to make it funny.  Ted would probably ruin that too.  Sigh.
  • The Big Bang Theory - Will it jump the shark now that Penny and Leonard are a couple?  Who cares?  As long as they keep giving Sheldon all the best lines then I certainly don't.  And we named one of our cats after Wolowitz, so there.  Pfft!
  • NCIS - It's losing a bit of steam.  I don't think Ziva is a very interesting character and the slapstick humor employed by just about everyone except Mark Harmon is a bit annoying.  But that Mark Harmon sure is dreamy, isn't he?
  • NCIS: Los Angeles - It's only been a few weeks, but I'm not sure if I'm gonna stick with this one.  The main character, played by Chris O'Donnell, is interesting and his backstory seems even more so.  But if they can go an episode without LL Cool J telling someone that he was a Navy Seal it would go a long way toward keeping me as a viewer.  The whole "undercover" aspect is kinda stupid too.  Feh.
  • The New Adventures of Old Christine - What's that?  Earl watches this shit?  Yeah...I do.  It's actually pretty funny, in my opinion.  Richard and New Christine have broken it off so the title is a little mis-leading, but Wanda Sykes and Julia Louis-Dreyfuss continually bring the funny.
  • Survivor: Samoa - I've been less into this show this year so far than just about any other season.  I don't know why.  Maybe because I loathe Russell.  Then again I'm supposed to loathe Russell.  That's his character.  And I don't care if none of the attractive younger women and men get to wear bathing suits, I wanna see a Survivor: Antarctica one of these years.   
  • Community - Gia and I have been enjoying this one so far.  Even Chevy Chase, and there is no way I saw that coming.  I mean the guy hasn't been funny since...damn.  When was the last time Chevy Chase was funny?  Was Reagan in office?
  • The Office - I don't know how they do it, but this show remains consistently funny.  I loved the British version, but it was only a handful of episodes.  Yet the gimmick on this one still works.  Even the Wedding of the Year didn't slow it down too much.  Bravo!
  • Dollhouse - OK, let me be honest.  The whole point of this post was to let you all know how I felt about Dollhouse so far this year.  But I had already done an entire post about it just a few weeks ago.  Still, I wanted to make sure that everyone knows that DOLLHOUSE FUCKING ROCKS THIS YEAR!  Sooooo much better than last year's drek.  And it really all started with the missing episode from last year ("Epitaph One") and now we see where Whedon is going with all this.  It's darker, more demented and it features a lot less Topher.  Some still think there is too much Topher, but I'll take what I can get.  You should be watching Dollhouse.  Yes, even you!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Boob tube...heh heh.  Boob.

Oct 13, 2009

Little shit

I'm not a fan of little dogs.

I love dogs, but little foo foo dogs just drive me insane. It's like they aren't real dogs. More like Mini Me clones of dogs. 

That being said...little Dexter here is pretty cute.

That's Gia's parent's dog.  In a handbag.  Because that's how he fucking rolls!  Hey listen, if you had the choice of being carried around every you went or actually doing it on your own I think you would jump right in that fucking handbag.  It's really the only way to go.

We are watching this little shit, erm, dog this week while Gia's folks are away.  Their 3 cats as well, but Dexter, of course, requires a bit more attention.  The cats pretty much sleep all day and we have to set up their food once a day, but other than that?  They are pretty self-sufficient. 

Our cats have no idea what to make of Dexter.  They are mostly bigger than him so they clearly aren't intimidated.  And he is so self-absorbed (me, me, me) that he doesn't even acknowledge their existence.  So there is no hissing or snipping.  Just a lot of indifference and curious looks.

Odd little creature.

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I feel like half a man when I'm out walking this little dude.  Seriously.

Oct 12, 2009

Comfort food

You know what tastes great after an epic night of drinking?

Sausage gravy and biscuits.  Oh, man...as soon as I saw that it was breakfast special at the diner this morning I knew I didn't have to look any further. You don't get a good low country breakfast like this just any old day here in the Northeast.

So how do you follow that up later on in the day?

A big sauerbraten meal cooked by yours truly.  I prepared the meat on Tuesday, so it had been marinating in my secret pickling blend for most of a week.  Three hours in the oven covered in the marinade, sliced to perfection and served with a ginger snap gravy.  My mother made some mac & cheese and my sister made some brats and sauerkraut.  Everything was delicious.

Now I'm gonna sleep for a week or so.  Woof.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Did I just see a woman in a cart being pulled by a minature horse or am I hallucinating?

Oct 9, 2009


I'm so freakin' stoked for Halloween this year that I can barely contain myself. The only way it could be better is if I were somehow able to squeeze in Adam's Halloween Extravaganza as well, but alas...no. I'll be in Charleston SC that night and the following weekend as well for the actual spooky day.

It's been a brilliant Autumn thus far. Nice and sunny (and windy) during the day, but sweatshirt weather at night. And this year we get damned close to a full moon on Halloween weekend. The actual full moon happens early on the morning of November 2nd, but that's close enough for rock and roll.

So, um, anyone know any cool places to go in Charleston for Halloween?  Hello?

So what are YOU doing for Halloween this year?


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I'd go as a stupid wizard, but apparently I've done that before.

Oct 8, 2009

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Playoff baseball in the Bronx.

I swear to God(dess) that I never thought I would ever post a picture of Derek Jeter on my blog.  I've always been a fan, but he always was the favorite player of 12-year old girls.  While I rooted for real men like Bernie Williams, Paul O'Neill and David Wells.

But I was a little tired of hearing how all the haters were saying that he was too old or the worst-fielding shortstop in the majors before the season started.  So Gia and I decided that we were going to root for Derek Jeter this year.  We always rooted for him, but we were going to root for him like he was our favorite player.

And he delivered.  At 35 he had one of the best offensive seasons of his career while playing outstanding defense at shortstop.  And then he passed Lou Gehrig as the all-time hits leader for the Yankees.  Lou fucking Gehrig!

He ain't done.  Not by a long shot.


UPDATE:  Yankees win the first game 7-2.  Rock and fucking roll!

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. And a quick "fuck you" to Red Sox while I'm at it. Not to their fans (Candy), but just the team.  Okay?

Oct 7, 2009

Just looking...

I don't really have a list, per se.  You know, one of those silly "freebie lists".  Like your special lady friend would allow you a freebie affair with one of the celebrities on your list if you ever ran into them at the local 7-11.

And I'm madly in love with my Gia.

But if any of the above ladies wanna give me a call so we could hang out one night.  Maybe a little wine, a little Scrabble, some harmless tickling.  Well, that would be okay with me.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Hey, she's so in lust with Gael Garcia Bernal that she doesn't even know I'm in the same room with her when he is on the screen. Okay?

Oct 6, 2009

The Ballad of Fluncle Bob*

*Or "The Etymology of a Nickname"

Let me tell you the tale of a dude I knew in college who had the rather unfortunate nickname of Fluncle Bob.  Now Bob wasn't really his name.  I'm changing it to protect the goofy.  And Fluncle is pronounced like Uncle, but with a "fl" in front of it.  Okey-dokey?

Anyway, I don't remember exactly how it started, but a few friends and I spent a great deal of time giving just about everyone we knew nicknames during our Freshman year.  Some of them were easy.  We knew a guy who lost his big toe in a lawn mower accident.  He nickname was short and sweet.  Nine.  Some of them took a bit longer to create. 

Now Bob was a "friend" who lived in the same dorm as the rest of us.  I put it in quotations because he really wasn't a friend.  He was just a dude that hung around us due the randomness of dormitory room selection.  And he was a doofus.  A real fucking clown.  In fact, he looked like a clown.  Red face.  Big nose.  Weird reddish-blond curly hair that looked like a shock wig.  All he needed was a little car and some over-sized shoes.

And Bob wasn't the only Bob in our little group of degenerates.  There was another Bob.  A cool Bob, or at least what passed for cool when we were 18.  Let's put it this way...cool Bob wasn't a goofy clown-looking mother fucker.

So what would we call this first Bob?  "Clown Bob" was kind of mean.  Especially since we wanted something we could actually call him to his face.  So I believe that I came up with Uncle Bob, a lazy bastardization of "Un-cool Bob."  Hey, gimme a break...I was just a kid!  So we began to call him Uncle Bob.  When he asked why, we just told him he looked like an Uncle Bob.  The clownish fuck just shrugged and accepted it.

Then he pissed off one of my friends one night.  I forget who and I forget why.  But my friend began calling him Funcle Bob that night.  Basically just a shortened version of Fucking Uncle Bob.  It was fairly common in that era for the lazy and unimaginative to throw an "F" in front of a word to shorten a phrase.  Think "fugly" for "fucking ugly".  Get it?

So he was Funcle for a while.  But it just didn't roll off the tongue like Uncle Bob did.  And we really needed something to stress how much of a loser he was.  So Funcle became Fluncle.  Short for "Fucking Loser Un-Cool Bob."  I know...it was a stretch.  But it fit like a glove.  Maybe because he looked like a clown and because Fluncle sounded like a clown's name.  A deviant, awful clown's name, but a clown's name nonetheless.

He even asked once how Fluncle came about and one of my friends, in a drunken fit of meanness, said "Because it's a clown name, and you look like a clown, Bob!"  That wasn't very cool.  Then again neither were many of my friends or I.  But Bob just shrugged and accepted it. 

It was all over by then end of our Freshman year though.  You see, Bob was doing some of his fucking loser un-cool shit one night, and one of the other guys in our dorm flipped out on him.  Explained exactly why everyone called him Fluncle.


I'm shocked Bob didn't throw a punch.  He just kind of accepted it, shrugged and moved on.  I don't know if he was really upset by it or if he just didn't care.  I do know that we stopped calling him Fluncle.  Well, at least to his face.

Except for one last time...

Flash forward to a year or two after college graduation.  I was visiting some of my old college friends prior to someone's wedding.  We were out at a local bar the evening before and who happens to be there?  That's right...Fluncle Bob.  Bob hadn't been very lucky since graduating.  He wasn't able to find a white-collar gig anywhere.  Maybe because he looked like a fucking clown.  So he took a job at the local cheese factory.  And I had heard that he lost a thumb in some kind of workplace accident.  I shit you not!  He lost his fucking thumb in a cheese factory!

Anyway, I saw Bob shambling toward me in that awkward way of shambling that he always had.  Knuckles almost scraping the ground.  Well, nine of them at least.  I was gonna just pretend that I didn't see him, but I decided to take the high road.  At first I was gonna shake his hand, but I wasn't sure which hand was missing a thumb.  Because if it was the right one, well...it would be awkward.  For me.  So I just gave him the dude-code howyadoin punch to the shoulder.

Me: "Hey Bob!  How you doin' man?  It's great to see you!"
Bob: "Hey Earl.  You got fat."
Me: "How's the cheese game, Fluncle?"

And I left him standing there, dumb-faced.  Or dumber-faced.  His face was pretty dumb to begin with.  Never saw him again.  Didn't really care if I hurt his feelings or not.  Some folks were just born to made fun of.  Fluncle Bob was one of those dudes.

I sometimes wonder if he lost any more fingers to the cheese gods.  Then I yawn and realize that I don't really care.

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Yeah...I was pretty much the same douche back then as I am now.

Oct 5, 2009

The things you do for Love

Here's the dilemma. One of my favorite meals is homemade chili. And, not bragging here, I make a fucking fantastic chili. But Gia generally doesn't enjoy chili. She will eat the fuck out of mine, because she knows it's the best around (okay...that might be bragging a bit). But if she had her druthers, she would rather pass on chili all together.  A positions I am firmly against, by the way.

But I wanted to make chili this weekend, and I also wanted to make something that Gia was really gonna love. So...


I did it. I concocted a chili that had Gia sobbing for more. Or she would have been sobbing had we not been so full. I'm not sure any of that makes sense. Let's move on.

I decided to go all green and white for this batch of chili.  No red whatsoever.  Tomatillos instead of tomatoes. Green sweet peppers, celery, limes, cilantro and green chilies. White onions, chicken meat and white beans.  Here's how you do it:


2 pounds ground chicken
1 pound chicken sausage - removed from casing
1 pound dried small white beans
1 large can (24 oz) tomatillos - drained and shredded
4 large sweet Italian peppers (light green, looks like a big chili)
4 green chili peppers
2 large white Spanish onions
8 celery stalks
6 limes
1 beer - lager
1 or 2 batches of cilantro - just the leaves...chopped
1.5 tbsp white pepper
1.5 tbsp ground coriander
1 tbsp kosher salt

You can use any kind of chicken meat you want in any combination.  I thought that shredded or pulled chicken would go nicely with this recipe.  Maybe next time.  But I chose ground chicken meat and some chicken sausage out of the casing for this batch.  Also you can use fresh tomatillos if you can find them.  I went to three specialty markets this morning looking for fresh tomatillos and I was shit out of luck.  So I went with the canned variety.  Worked fine.  Also, I love me some cilantro.  So I used an entire bunch in the chili and some more in the rice.  Because cilantro = big fucking win!

  1. Soak the beans either overnight in cold water or do a quick soak per the instructions on the bag.  Cook soaked beans in an appropriate amount of water for an hour and a half or until almost tender.
  2. Dice the onions, celery and peppers and saute in a large stock pot with a little vegetable oil until the onions are translucent.
  3. Add the tomatillos (I ripped them apart by handGrrr!), spices, cilantro, the juice from four (4) of the limes and the beer and heat until a slow boil occurs.  Reduce heat and cover.
  4. Brown the ground chicken and the sausage meat (removed from the casing), drain and add to stock pot with all the vegetables.
  5. Simmer for about an hour and a half on low heat. 
  6. Add the cooked beans to the stock pot and simmer for another half of an hour on low heat.
That's it.  I served it over basmati rice that I prepared with lime zest, salt, white pepper and more fresh cilantro.  Surrounded the bowl with white corn nacho chips and added a generous dollop of sour cream in the center.  Cut the remaining two limes into wedges if anyone wanted more tang.  The resulting dish was tangy, meaty and delicious!  Gia absolutely flipped for it.  So I assume I will be making it again at some point. 

Looking for a photo of it?   Keep waiting.  I'm still waiting for that mind-activated camera.  Sigh.  Here is a picture of a bunch of tomatillos instead.  Because you may have been wondering what the fuck a tomatillo is.

They look like little green tomatos!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day.  Like walking in the rain and the snow, when there's no where to go and you're feeling like a part of you is dying!

Oct 3, 2009

Ocular Implants

There are lots of sci-fi chic inventions that, er, haven't been invented yet, but I sill yearn for. Flying cars, transporters, a mind-activated death ray.  Stuff like that.

But I would settle for a really good camera that took pictures of the world exactly as my eyes see it.  Some kind of implant that would allow me to just focus on something and snap a permanent picture.  You see, I'm camera-feeble.  I know how they work, but I just can't seem to get them to work the way that I want them to work.  Or I run into something that I would love to snap a picture of, but the only thing on me is my cell phone.  And cameras on cell phones are handy, but they don't take very good pictures.

Case in point.

Yesterday we had a beautiful, warm Autumn evening.  We were staying home, as I mentioned on Thursday, and I was watching a random movie or TV show.  I noticed around 10:30PM how warm and bright out it was, so I went outside.  A beautiful full moon instantly greeted me, high in the sky.  I knew that I just had to take a walk.

So I threw on some sandals and took a walk over the the bridge by our home that separates the upper and lower parts of the harbor.  And if you could have seen what I saw...well, I'm not sure there are enough words or the right words to describe the beauty.

There were some big, fluffy clouds racing across the sky, occasionally obscuring the Moon.  But when it was out and shining brightly, the scene over the harbor was amazing.  There were more swans on the water than I have ever seen.  It was like something out of a painting.  And the detail, thanks to the brightly-lit moon, was outstanding.  Everything was so crisp and clear and blue and white and....well, you get the picture.

And I'd love to share that particular scene with you, but technology has let me down again.

I need one of those ocular implanted, mind-activated, impossibly perfect cameras that haven't been invented yet.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Why don't we have flying cars yet?

Oct 2, 2009

Cure JM Day

Kevin of Always Home and Uncool has asked me to post this as part of his effort to raise awareness in the blogosphere of juvenile myositis, a rare autoimmune disease his daughter was diagnosed with on this day seven years ago. The day also happens to be his wife's birthday.  Being the swell guy that I am, I decided to give up one of my precious post days for the cause.  That's how I roll. - Earl


Our pediatrician admitted it early on.

The rash on our 2-year-old daughter's cheeks, joints and legs was something he'd never seen before.

The next doctor wouldn't admit to not knowing.

He rattled off the names of several skins conditions -- none of them seemingly worth his time or bedside manner -- then quickly prescribed antibiotics and showed us the door.

The third doctor admitted she didn't know much.

The biopsy of the chunk of skin she had removed from our daughter's knee showed signs of an "allergic reaction" even though we had ruled out every allergy source -- obvious and otherwise -- that we could.

The fourth doctor had barely closed the door behind her when, looking at the limp blonde cherub in my lap, she admitted she had seen this before. At least one too many times before.

She brought in a gaggle of med students. She pointed out each of the physical symptoms in our daughter:

The rash across her face and temples resembling the silhouette of a butterfly.

The purple-brown spots and smears, called heliotrope, on her eyelids.

The reddish alligator-like skin, known as Gottron papules, covering the knuckles of her hands.

The onset of crippling muscle weakness in her legs and upper body.

She then had an assistant bring in a handful of pages photocopied from an old medical textbook. She handed them to my wife, whose birthday it happened to be that day.

This was her gift -- a diagnosis for her little girl.

That was seven years ago -- Oct. 2, 2002 -- the day our daughter was found to have juvenile dermatomyositis, one of a family of rare autoimmune diseases that can have debilitating and even fatal consequences when not treated quickly and effectively.

Our daughter's first year with the disease consisted of surgical procedures, intravenous infusions, staph infections, pulmonary treatments and worry. Her muscles were too weak for her to walk or swallow solid food for several months. When not in the hospital, she sat on our living room couch, propped up by pillows so she wouldn't tip over, as medicine or nourishment dripped from a bag into her body.

Our daughter, Thing 1, Megan, now age 9, remembers little of that today when she dances or sings or plays soccer. All that remain with her are scars, six to be exact, and the array of pills she takes twice a day to help keep the disease at bay.

What would have happened if it took us more than two months and four doctors before we lucked into someone who could piece all the symptoms together? I don't know.

I do know that the fourth doctor, the one who brought in others to see our daughter's condition so they could easily recognize it if they ever had the misfortune to be presented with it again, was a step toward making sure other parents also never have to find out.

That, too, is my purpose today.

It is also my birthday gift to my wife, My Love, Rhonda, for all you have done these past seven years to make others aware of juvenile myositis diseases and help find a cure for them once and for all.

To read more about children and families affected by juvenile myositis diseases, visit Cure JM Foundation at www.curejm.org.

To make a tax-deductible donation toward JM research, go to www.firstgiving.com/rhondaandkevinmckeever or www.curejm.com/team/donations.htm.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. See?  I'm not really that much of a selfish prick.  Not really.  OK...a little bit.

Oct 1, 2009

Don't even ask

Here is what we have planned for the upcoming weekend:

Nothing. Nada. Bupkis.

We won't be going to the Opera. We won't be attending fancy dress balls in our Sunday best. We won't be hosting an evening of 15th Century French poetry. And we definitely won't be participating in that political round-table discussion that we were invited to. The Obamas are just going to have to look for another couple to replace us.

Nope. We are going to lay around in our pajamas and try to get rid our our colds. Maybe watch some movies or catch up on our TV shows. I'm definitely going to sit down and watch Notre Dame play Washington on Saturday.  Gia will probably read a lot.  And I'll make soup. Or chili. Something hot and warm.  But we aren't doing anything this weekend.

Nothing.  Nada.  Bupkis.

Unless, of course, we do.

It's been a Mad World in the Blogosphere this week.  Strength to all those hurting.

PS -  Tomorrow's post (Friday Oct 2nd) will be a special one for a fellow blogger and the a certain cause that he is championing.  Check, check...check it out!


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Seriously...just leave us alone this weekend.  Unless you wanna, ya know, go out drinking or something.