Humanoids from the Deep (1980)

Netflix has been adding some interesting titles to their stable of Instant choices. Well, interesting to me. More importantly, interesting to the inner-child that still lives within me. An inner-child that is constantly feeding on me, like a conjoined parasitic twin. Eww.

What does all this have to do with Humanoids from the Deep?  Well, because Humanoids from the Deep was basically a perfect movie for a young 13 year-old Earl.  It was loaded with the three things that I valued over everything else at that age.

1. Monsters.
2. Bad acting/special effects/makeup/etc...
3. Female full frontal nudity.

That last one was particularly important. Ahem.

And as an added bonus, it made good use of the word "humanoid". A word that I'm particularly fond of. A humanoid is "something that has an appearance resembling a human being", according to the Wiki Gods. And it's a term that has fallen out of favor with the scientific community in the 21st century. Fuck those guys! I say we should bring back humanoid in a big way.  Maybe "Talk Like a Humanoid Day" or something.  I'm still working on my plan.  Where was I?

Oh yeah, Humanoids from the Deep. So there is this sleepy little drinking village with a fishing problem named Noyo in Northern California.  Seems that most of the population of the town make their money off of the salmon industry.  They pronounce it 'SAL-mon', although I don't know anyone who really says it that way. Then again, I don't live anywhere near the Pacific Northwest. They also seem to have some issue with the local Native American population who also depend on the SAL-mon runs for their livelihood.  But the Native Americans, of course, also care about the environment.  Something that a local cannery company, brilliantly called CanCo, could give two hoots about.  They want production and they want it fast. By any nefarious means possible.

But something is going on in the waters off of Noyo. Something...dum dum duh....sinister! People are dying or going missing.  Dogs are being ripped apart. Seaweed is being filmed by underwater cameras. OK, that last one isn't very sinister.  Except that there are creepy claws moving the seaweed aside. A claw that may or may not belong to a humanoid of some sort.  Most excellent.

A local scientist has arrived in town from CanCo to investigate what is happening in the water. She seems helpful and concerned, but she also seems to know a lot more about what is going on than she is offering up.  But as the attacks begin to ramp up, she if finally forced to fess up about the humanoids.

Seems that CanCo had been experimenting with genetically modifying the local SAL-mon population by using the ominous-sounding DNA-5 treatment.  DNA-5 is a super growth hormone, apparently. It doesn't really make the SAL-mon any bigger, but it accelerates the aging process. So baby SAL-mon become adult SAL-mon in a matter of days or weeks instead of however long it usually takes. Then a batch of the SAL-mon escape the hatchery into the wild. No big deal, right? Wrong. Seems an existing prehistoric fish called the coelacanth is also living in those waters. And they love to eat them some SAL-mon.  And adding the genetically-enhanced fish to the diet has mutated them. Forcing them through several evolutionary changes all in a short period of time. Into...humanoids!

That, my friends, is the kind of science that you CANNOT argue with.

Oh, and one more thing about these humanoids.  They are horny as fuck.  Seems that they need, I mean NEED, to procreate with human females to further advance their evolutionary agenda.  They decide the best way to do that is to get all rape-y with the town's lovely young ladies.  And I do mean lovely.  This brings about the full frontal nudity I mentioned earlier.  The film caught some slack for the graphic, violent and sexual nature of some of the scenes. Women's groups were especially upset with the film's director. A woman who they thought should have known better. Not really fair of them because most of those scenes were added after she had been fired by B-movie legend Roger Corman. To all that, my 13-year old inner-child says "whatever, dudes!" But that kid is a dick, so take it with a grain of salt. I will say that it's only a movie and a pretty poor one to boot. Exploitation flicks need lovin' too. Ahem.

All of this leads to one of the most ridiculous climaxes in motion picture history when the humanoids invade the town in force during the annual SAL-mon festival. They kill and rape with stunning aplomb. Especially considering the slow-moving, shambling wrecks that they are.  Let's just say that being named Miss SAL-mon does not end up well for one young lady.

So is it a good film? C'mon. But is it a good bad film? Absolutely.  If you go into it with the right attitude, it can even be a great bad film.

Next up: War of the Gargantuas (1968) - A film actually mentioned by Brad Pitt during the last Oscars telecast. How weird was that?

A Man For All Seasons

All the hullabaloo surrounding the Royal Wedding that is going on right now, for some reason made me think of Robert Zimmerman's awesome A Man For All Seasons from 1966 starring Paul Scofield as Sir Thomas More. If you aren't familiar with the film or the story it tells, you can read a little bit about Sir Thomas More here.  Or you can just enjoy the trailer for the film below. 

As much as make fun of myself for the low-grade crap that I'm constantly watching, I do have a secret high-brow side that I rarely let anyone see. With that in mind, I have to say that A Man For All Seasons is probably in my top 5 movies of all-time. There isn't anything about it that I don't love. And historical dramas often bore me to tears. Not this one though. Maybe it's because of the subject matter of this particular film.  King Henry VIII and his mechanisms of pushing England toward Reformation.  It's fascinating stuff, in my opinion.

Speaking of Hank, I think Robert Shaw's depiction of him in this film is the best ever.  Athletic and quick to anger or joy is something that was often written about Henry VIII.  So the traditional depiction of the fat oaf with the greasy turkey leg has always bothered me.  Shaw's Henry was dangerous, smart and larger than life.  And that's how I always pictured the man.

Repo Man

I'm watching Repo Man for the first time in something like forever right now. I forgot how much I loved this movie when it first came out. Maybe it was the year it came out, 1984. I graduated from High School that year and it's punk-rock listening protagonist was kinda familiar to me. Otto was a disenfranchised young guy living in the Reagan era of uber-blandness. Even the food and drink were labeled "food" and "drink". I felt a bond.

It may have been Harry Dean Stanton's best role as well. At least to those of us who love this film. Dry, funny and tough in ways that he rarely was either before or afterwards.

It also features bit roles by Angelique Pettyjohn as one of the Repo Wives and Jimmy Buffett (yeah...that Jimmy Buffett) as one of the Additional Blond Agents at the end of the film. What's that you say? You don't know who Angelique Pettyjohn is? Well maybe this will give you a hint:


That's right. She was Shahna, the green-haired vixen who fought/loved Capt. Kirk in the classic Star Trek episode "The Gamesters of Triskelion". Ahhh...that metallic bikini. I'll never forget it.

Anyway, it's a really great movie. Funny and weird and topical in an sci-fi kinda way. It feels a little dated, but really not too much so. I think if you liked it back in the day you would still enjoy it today. And if you've never seen it...give it a chance one rainy evening. You may find a new favorite.

I still use a bunch of the quotes from it to this day. Here are some of my favorites:

• "What happened to your old lady?" - Otto, "Oh, shit I forgot all about her. She'll take the bus. She's a rock!" - Bud
• "You know kid, usually when somebody pulls shit like that my first reaction is, uh, I wanna punch his fuckin' lights out. But you know something? YOU'RE ALL RIGHT!!!" - Bud
• "You find one in every car. You'll see." - Miller
• "Fuck you, Archie. Just for that you're not in the gang anymore." - Duke
• "Look at 'em, ordinary fucking people, I hate 'em." - Bud
• "What about our relationship?" - Leila, "What?" - Otto, "Our relationship?" - Leila, "Fuck that." - Otto
• " I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees." - Bud
• "Repo man's got all night. EVERY NIGHT!" - Bud

PS - Well, my template doesn't seem to like to show bullet points. I'm too tired to try to fix it. Maybe tomorrow. Sigh.