Note: I don't have kids, I don't plan on having kids and I have never, ever wanted kids at any point in my life. They are perfectly lovely animals. Like mako sharks or porcupines or those tiny fish in the Amazon that swim up your pee-hole to lay eggs. Perfectly lovely. I just don't wanna cuddle with any of them, ya know what I mean? This level of disdain I have allows me to say awful things about kids. Maybe your kids. Hey, I know you love them. I get it (I really don't). They are just not my particular brand of tequila. So...you have been warned. - Earl
Kids today are a bunch of fucking pussies.
And you know what? It really isn't their fault. It's probably YOUR fault. Or OUR fault, as a society. As I belong to the non-breeding portion of society, I'm gonna go ahead and defer the blame to you, if that's all right. Makes me sleep easier at night.
But man oh man, kids today bug the crap out of me.
I was heading to the post office last week along a typical stretch of suburban road. Grid-like streets criss-crossing each other at specific intervals. All-way stop signs at each intersection. Pretty standard for many neighborhoods on Long Island. And I got behind a school bus letting dropping kids home from some nearby elementary school.
This fucking school bus stopped at every fucking driveway on this road to drop these mewling pussified kids off to their mothers or fathers or grandparents waiting for them at the side of the road. EVERY FUCKING DRIVEWAY! What the hell happened to bus stops? When I was growing up, we had a bus stop that was about 4 blocks away. Kids from all over the neighborhood gathered at that spot on that corner for the bus to pick us up. We didn't get fucking door-to-door service. What the hell is that all about?I even saw two mothers chatting in one driveway a bit past where the bus was letting some little bastard off, and the one mother pointed at the bus, said her quick goodbyes and literally ran to her own driveway just steps away. So she could be there when her brat got dropped off 100 feet from where she was just standing 10 seconds ago. I couldn't believe my eyes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah...I can sense you shaking your fucking heads out there (I really can). "But Earl, it's a different world now. Dangers around every corner. Pedophiles. Drugs. Slyde." I've heard it all and I don't fucking believe it. That shit was around when we grew up too. That's why we traveled in packs. Like hyenas. Fine...you want to be there when your kid gets dropped off at school, then do it. Just fucking do it at a bus stop that is a little further away then the end of your fucking driveway.
I think this is about control. It's just one more way to control every little facet of your demon spawn's miserable little lives. I think it's about YOU, not THEM. That's why I don't blame the little fuck-wads themselves. I blame you. Maybe that's unfair. Maybe I'm talking out of my ass. Maybe my point of view is skewed.
All I know is that you are making little Sammy or Belinda into a goddamn pussy. AND you are fucking up my trip to the post office!
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Note: Remember to play the Badgerdaddy Trivia Challenge every day. But I'm sure your kids are just wonderful.
