Anyhow, this was right after the film Grosse Pointe Blank came out. There was a quote in it that sounded really familiar, like I had heard it in some other film. I did some research and I found that there was a similar quote in the film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory.
After a night of drinking tequila, I must have started thinking of some absurd similarities between the two films and I jotted them down. It turned into the mess below. I would say enjoy, but it's really not that funny.
Grosse Pointe Wonka
Wonka - Man attempts to find something noble and good in the children of the world by spending some time with a chosen handful of them.
Blank - Man attempts to find something noble and good in himself by spending some time with his childhood sweetheart.
Wonka - Gene Wilder is a gifted, comedic actor who worked in many a film with his friend Richard Pryor.
Blank - John Cusack is a gifted, comedic actor who worked in many a film with his friend Jeremy Piven.
Wonka - Weirdo loner
Blank - Weirdo loner
Wonka - Wilder played him in "Young Frankenstein"
Blank - Cusack played him in "Better Off Dead" - ok that was a reach.
Wonka - Works with wacky assistants (Oompa Loompas) in a job no one would really believe he has.
Blank - Works with a wacky assistant (Marcella) in a job no one actually believes he has. And he tells 'em straight out what he does.
Wonka - All of the Oompa Loompa songs (especially the one after Mike TV gets shrunk…creepy)
Blank - All the greatest 80's songs in one movie (The Clash, The Pogues, Siouxsie and the Banshees, The Specials…very cool)
Wonka - "There's no earthly way of knowing / Which direction we are going / There's no knowing where we're rowing / Or which way the river's flowing / Is it raining? / Is it snowing? / Is a hurricane a-blowing? / Not a speck of light is showing / So the danger must be growing / Are the fires of hell a-glowing? / Is the grisly reaper mowing? / Yes, the danger must be growing / 'Cause the rowers keep on rowing / And they're certainly not showing / Any signs that they are slowing!" - Wonka
Blank - "I'll be comin' around the mountain when I come / I'll be comin' around the mountain when I come / I'll be blowing your fucking head off / I'll be blowing your fucking head off / I'll be whacking your fucking mind out when I come" - Grocer
Wonka - "You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling, which now has to be washed, and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!" - Wonka
Blank - "Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater. Hey Jenny Slater. " - Paul
Cool New Words:
Wonka - "Hsawaknow" is Wonkawash spelled backwards.
Blank - "Shakabuku" is a swift, spiritual kick to the head that alters your reality forever.
Wonka - "What is this, some kind of freak out?" - Violet
Blank - "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?" - Mary Blank to Martin
Vicious Name Calling:
Wonka - "You're an inhuman monster!" - Grandpa Joe to Wonka, although technically he was wrong...it was just a test for Charlie.
Blank - "You're a psychopath!" - Debi to Martin, although technically she was wrong because, as we all know, psychopaths kill for no reason. Martin kills for money. It's a job.
The Quotes That Started it All:
Wonka - "Where, oh where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?" - Wonka
Blank - "Where are all the good men dead, in the heart or in the head?" - Debi
Note - See...told you it was pretty silly - Earl
ya know, i was all ready to make fun of you, but that was actually pretty damn interesting.....
Gasp - a compliment? From you?!?
I hate to say it.. I am too tired to try and get this. i will be back.
Can't fucking believe you left the key quote to the end.
But I am fucked up drunk. Did I mention it's my birthday?
And where am I? This lovely fucking blog.
Mel - S'okay. Come back when your head is clear.
badger - Happy, happy! Yes...I left the quote for last. Building the suspense, you know.
I agree with Slyde.
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