Oct 13, 2014

13 of 31: Hatchet III (2013)

A vain attempt by a formerly prolific blogger to review 31 new (to me) horror films in the 31 days of October. We did it last year and it was a gas. Can we do it once more? Let's find out.

Platform: Netflix on Roku
Starring: Danielle Harris, Kane Hodder

I'm nearly embarrassed to admit this, but I've seen the first two Hatchet films and I really loved them. Guys, I've told you several times now how much I love good bad movies. And these Hatchet films are right up that particular disturbed alley. A fairly straight-forward, tongue-in-cheek ripoff of the Friday the 13th franchise, starring everyone's favorite Jason, Kane Hodder. He plays Victor Crowley, the bayou bogeyman with the titular (hehe) hatchet.

This film takes place immediately following the events of the second film. With Marybeth (Harris) blowing Victor Crowley's head off with a shotgun. AFTER she chops it all to hell with the titular (hehe) hatchet. That should be one dead bogeyman, if you ask me. I mean, not much left to the imagination there. Unless that entire ending was a dream or an alternate reality or something. I'm genuinely intrigued as to how they decided to engage a third film.

As it turns out, he survives that. Only to be punched through the shotgun hole in the brain and cut in half with a large chainsaw by our blood-soaked heroine. She then grabs his scalp and heads off to the local police station. As one does. But it doesn't matter. Missing a head, cut in half...that don't bother Victor Crowley none. He's going to come back and kill and kill and kill once more. Practice makes perfect.

I've got a soft spot in my heart for the Hatchet franchise. They are a none-too-sly wink and nod at all the ridiculous slasher franchises of my youth. Michael Myers, Jason, Freddie...all of them are ridiculous and all of them are incredibly fun. These films honor that heritage, and even add to it if you are so inclined to check your brain at the door. They are unabashedly gory, ridiculously plotted, over-the-top, but extremely faithful and loving to the genre that they represent. And all the incredible horror cameos! So much fun.

I hold Hatchet III and the entire franchise in the highest regard. Seriously.

Verdant Dude Rating: 3.5 out of 5 pumpkin ales.

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