Dec 2, 2009

Catullus 16

I'm gonna tell you right off the bat...I'm not sure about the veracity of this story.  But it's been going around the Interwebs the past few days and either it is too ridiculous or too funny NOT to be relayed.

So there was this Roman Poet from the 1st Century BC named Gaius Valerius Catullus, see?  And there was another poet who lived in the same era named Marcus Furius Bibaculus, right?  And this second guy had an affair with the first guy's boyfriend, okay?  Yeah, the were all a bunch of catty gay Roman poets in togas.

And this affair led to a poetic feud that puts the Ice Cube/Eazy E or the 50 Cent/Ja Rule feuds to shame.  Even the Biggie/Tupac feud, and those guys wound up shot to death!

Catullus, in his infamous Catullus 16 poem, raked both Furius and his friend Aurelius over the poetic coals.  In the most explicit of ways.  So explicit, in fact, that a full English translation of the poem wasn't published openly until late in the last century.  

Now I don't know a lick of Latin, but the Wikipedia translates the poem thusly:

Original Latin
1 Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo,
2 Aureli pathice et cinaede Furi,
3 qui me ex versiculis meis putastis,
4 quod sunt molliculi, parum pudicum.
5 Nam castum esse decet pium poetam
6 ipsum, versiculos nihil necessest(necesse est);
7 qui tum denique habent salem ac leporem,
8 si sunt molliculi ac parum pudici
9 et quod pruriat incitare possunt,
10 non dico pueris, sed his pilosis
11 qui duros nequeunt movere lumbos.
12 Vos, quod milia multa basiorum
13 legistis, male me marem putatis?
14 Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.

English Translation*
1 I will sodomize you and face-fuck you,
2 Cock-sucker Aurelius and catamite Furius,
3 You who think, because my verses
4 Are delicate, that I am a sissy.
5 For it's right for the devoted poet to be chaste
6 Himself, but it's not necessary for his verses to be so.
7 Verses which then have taste and charm,
8 If they are delicate and sexy,
9 And can incite an itch,
10 And I don't mean in boys, but in those hairy old men
11 Who can't get their flaccid dicks up.
12 You, because you have read of my thousand kisses,
13 You think I'm a sissy?
14 I will bugger you and face-fuck you.

I don't know about you, but I would think twice about pissing off any of these 1st Century BC gay Roman toga-wearing poets. 


*I threw some of these phrases into a Latin/English translator and, well...let's just say that some of the English Translations shown here are a bit of a reach.  Fun and obscene, but a bit of a reach.

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I will bugger and face-fuck you.


2abes said...

Whats the gay Roman information posts. First Caligula now gay poets society. Are you taking some kind of world history class? Earl, have you ever been in a Turkish prison? You ever seen a grown man naked? You like movies about gladiators?....

Avitable said...

If the Internet says it's true, it's true!

Mrs. Hall said...

Also, lest we forget, enjoys movies where men, um, had oral sex . . .

Anonymous said...

Gays in togas...the fiercest of them all.

hello haha narf said...

remind me never to anger a gay 1st century roman!
(in my head this is totally true. as adam said, the internet said so!)

Slyde said...

guys, lets be patient....

All these posts are just Earl's way of finally, ever so slowly, coming out to us all...

good for him!

Verdant Earl said...

2abes - I'm trying to understand a little something about Slyde's social group.

Avitable - I believe everything I read. And write.

Holly - never forget.

Hilly - Truly. They will not be denied.

Becky - you would totally love hanging with the 1st Century gay poets, wouldn't you?

Slyde - Keep waiting. Just your wishing it won't make it so.

Water Logged Canine said...

I don't see an issue here. Sometimes you just gotta sodomize and face-fuck. And if it's a man on the receiving end? So be it. I know my prison rules.

Verdant Earl said...

Doggie - What happens in the catacombs, stays in the catacombs.

Bruce Johnson said...

This could start a trend. Instead of breaking of with your current Fu@k-buddy by texting them......write something really, really nasty and then translate it into Latin and text it to them. Even the most vulgar put-down sounds so much more sophisticated in Latin.

(I sort of chuckle at the concept here, since they didn't have an internet or photo-copiers back in B.C....I have to assume that this dude probably stood on the street corner and recited this at the top of his longs, over, and over.)

Callie said...

Goodness - we have a wealth of knowledge available at our fingertips, and what do we do with it?

Translate ancient gansta rap.

Technology is truly a wonderful thing . . .

Callie said...

Pardon me - ancient GAY gansta rap.

Hmmm . . . maybe there's a market in today's society . . . .

white rabbit said...

Distinctly testy methinks.

How unlike the home life of our own dear Queen (so to speak) as people used to say...

wv: bumarlat - somewhat over doing the anal theme :-O

Verdant Earl said...

Bruce - the dude standing on a corner shouting out his poem over and over again gave me a chuckle as well. :)

Callie - West Siiiiide!!!

Wabbit - A queen by any other name...

sybil law said...

That was definitely delicate and sexy!

limpy99 said...

This poem doesn't even rhyme. And the iambic pentameter is waaaay off. And don't even get me started on Aurelius's broach! And those sandals! Jesus Christ!

PS the word verification for this came up as "unhed", which seems fitting given the subject matter.

kiki said...

can a sissy not face-fuck someone?

Michelle said...

Sorry I am laughing at Slydes comment!!!

Is it true???

:O) Happy Hump Day!

Verdant Earl said...

Sybil - delicate and sexy. Just like me. Except for the delicate part.

Limpy - Sometimes I read your comments in my head like it was Stewie from your avatar saying it. It generally makes me laugh. I'm not very deep, ya see.

Kiki - I guess anyone can abstain, but what's the fun in that?

Michelle - He wishes!