7 of 31: I, Frankenstein (2014)

A vain attempt by a formerly prolific blogger to review 31 new (to me) horror films in the 31 days of October. We did it last year and it was a gas. Can we do it once more? Let's find out.

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Platform: EpixHD* on Roku
Starring: Aaron Eckhart...who really should know better.

Again, this one goes against all my better judgment. When I first began seeing trailers for this film last year, I immediately began shaking my head. Felt as if the film was going to give Frankenstein's monster the Van Helsing or Underworld treatment. In fact, this film is based on graphic novel written by Kevin Grevioux. A great fucking name, but he was one of the co-creators of the Underworld franchise. A sin for which he shall not be forgiven.

The Frankenstein mythology here is intertwined with those of demons, angels and gargoyles. Because stitching together the parts of a dead man and bringing him back to life just isn't interesting enough. After a quick prologue which summarizes the monster's creation, we find him being attacked by a variety of demons. He kills one of them, but soon falls to their superior numbers. He is saved by some nearby gargoyles who have never seen a "human" kill a demon before. These CGI gargoyles revert to human-like form after they dispose of the demons. They bring the monster back to their queen, who explains about the un-ending and brutal war between mankind and Satan's demon horde. The gargoyles were placed on Earth by the Archangel Michael to defend humanity. Basically they are an order of angels. I don't know why we don't just call them angels. Because they're clearly angels.

I'm already exhausted, and it's only been 10 minutes.

The queen gives the monster a name (Adam) and weapons to fight against the demons that are pursuing him. He declines sanctuary with the gargoyles and heads out on his own to do battle with the demons. He discovers during this time that he doesn't age like humans. A final curse from Victor Frankenstein. Over 200 years pass and he finds himself in today's world, still doing battle with his outer demons. Yeah, I had that outer demons pun in mind almost immediately when I started watching the film. Couldn't wait to use it. Shut up!

The demon prince who has been pursuing Adam has has also been posing as a human businessman who is funding a scientist who is looking to replicate Victor Frankenstein's work. Even if she believes that the old stories are nothing more than myths. All a part of his super-evil plan to re-animate thousands of human corpses with the souls of demons that have been "descended" in their war with the gargoyles. In the film, when demons are defeated they descend to Hell. When gargoyles are defeated, they ascend to heaven. Up and down. Good and bad. Black and white. Jack and Coke. You get the drill.

Basically, Adam is torn between fighting for the humans who have always shunned him or walking away from the battle. It's really not that much of an internal battle. He was always going to do the right thing. Because he's the city's White Knight. Or am I confusing Aaron Eckhart movies now? Whatever. His motivations really don't matter. It's just a silly, fun ride. Lots of action, lots of fighting, lots of special effects. A horror film only by the subject matter, it's really more of a fantasy/action joint. So don't plan on being frightened. Unless Bill Nighy scares you. He scares me. Ugh.

Perfectly fine if you are looking to check your brain at the door for an hour and a half.

Verdant Dude Rating: 2.5 out of 5 pumpkin ales.

*You can sign up for a free 14-day trial of Epix on their website, even if your cable provider doesn't include Epix as a channel. This is the second time I've done a free trial, using different email addresses. The last time my 14-day trial period lasted for about a year. Yup.