Aug 1, 2007

Things I hate...

...and they all have to do with going to the movies.

1. Commercials that air before the previews. I fucking hate commercials at the movies! I pay my $10 bucks or so and now I have to sit through fucking commercials! They even do commercials of movie trailers before the coming attractions sometmes. If I were Emperor of the World, I would cease and desist all commercials at the theater!

2. The idiots who work behind the concession stand. Why does it take 5 minutes for these high school kids to take my $15 and give me a large popcorn and a large bottle of water? If I were Emperor of the World I would kill these fucking idiots!

3. Paying $15 to get annoyed by the idiots at the concession stand. I think the actual cost of a large popcorn and a large soda is somewhere in the neighborhood of 50 cents or so. How is it possible that the theater owners can mark it up by 2000%. I'm not exactly sure on the validity of my math there, but it's marked up a fucking lot. My math skillz deteriorate when I'm pissed, yo! But what can you do. Gotta have your popcorn at the movies. It's like crack to a, er, um, crack-head or something. If I were Emperor of the World there would be free food for the masses! At least cheap food for the masses...when they are at the movies, ok?

4. The fact that they won't let me watch my movies in the theater while dressed only in my undies. Well, I don't really hate that, but it is my preferred costume while catching a flick at home. If I were Emperor of the World I would have "Clothing Optional" theaters as well as the normal, uptight ones. Sheesh!


Seals said...

We always sneak candy into movies, but it's pretty impossible to get by with anything else at our local theaters.

Previews aren't so bad, unless there are more than three or four, but the commercials suck.

I'm always up for "clothing optional." That would be great. :)

badgerdaddy said...

Last time I was at the cinema, I gave a bloke a right bollocking for the sign which said 'only drinks bought here may be consumed in the theatre.' I asked if they could get me tap water, and they could not; what if I was seriously dehydrated? Buy a bottle, at a ridiculous price. I pointed out I run dustances, and sometimes need a drink with electrolytes and other good shit in, which they don't sell, and I'm allergic to caffeine.

He shut up after that, so I left it by saying I was going to write to the area manager to tell him he's a cock. Which reminds me, I haven't done that yet.

Verdant Earl said...

ajooja - this one theater near me has a Starbucks literally attached to it, and the ticket dude gave me shit about bringing my iced coffee into the theater with me. Fuckin' A!

badger - you go get 'em!

Slyde said...

word to all:

if you ever go to the movies with earl, lightly sprinkle salt onto his popcorn.. he loves it!

Mermaid Melanie said...

The clothing optional theatres are in a bad part of town, and I am not sure you want to wear just your undies there. ew...

I wonder what kind of corn they are using that costs them so much, they have to mark it up to the cost of my freakin DSL line per month. yea. corn at the movies is an absolute must!!!

Grump said...

when we take the kids to the pictures we make pop corn at home and bag it up in brown paper bags and buy soft drink at the discount supermarket. Here we don't seem to have a problem getting it all past the ticket sales desk and once you are in you are in so to speak, nobody gives a damn. I also hate ads at movies but there again I never eat while watching a movie and I sit there until the last credit is rolled. Call me old fashioned but I see the whole experience as a piece of magic.

Verdant Earl said...

slyde - just not the avalanche of salt that you pour onto your popcorn, dude. (PS - and he always tries the popcorn trick with me)

mel - yeah, I know. Clothing optional could become a, er, sticky situation. Best leave the knickers on.

grump - I like staying until the end of the credits too, but I have to have me some popcorn!

elizabeth said...

Yep. I sneak candy in too. That's what purses are for. (Get a man bad, dude)

Verdant Earl said...

No man bag for me.

Well, not unless it's D&G!

i am the diva said...

in the next Emperor of the World Election, i'm voting for you.

i'm always breakin the law by bringing a big old-lady purse and jamming it with snacks. They are legally not allowed to search you, so have at er.

One time i forgot my old-lady purse and had to jam a package of twizzlers down the back of my pants before entering the theatre. When we got in, i pulled them out with a flourish and asked: "Does anyone want some ASS TWIZZLERS!?!?