Sep 24, 2008

Amityville MST3K

So last night we were watching Amityville II: The Possession on Monster HD. Don't judge us! Anyway, neither of us had seen it in over 20 years, and the decades haven't been good to this one. Let me tell you. Or have they?

Prior to the most drawn out demonic possession ever filmed (I'm only guessing here), there was a scene in the basement of the house that had us cracking up and making up our own dialogue. The eldest son is alone in the house and he had gone to the cellar to get a gun because he heard some noises that could have been an intruder.

All of a sudden he hears whispering voices from behind some hidden panel in the cellar. He yells out "Who's there? I can hear you!". That's the point when we started our own MST3K-ish dialogue, imagining what the mysterious voices in the cellar were really talking about:

Satan: You idiots! He can hear us.
Beelzebub: It wasn't me, it was Azazel!
Azazel: NOT! Satan, he's always blaming me!
Satan: Enough with the squabbling! I've had it with you two!
Mephistopheles: I WANT TO POSSESS HIS SOUL!!!
Satan: Shhh...inside voices, Mephistopheles. Inside voices.
Mephistopheles: I WANT TO POSSESS HIS SOUL!!!
Satan: (to himself) I can't believe I'm stuck in here with these guys.
Azazel: Satan! Beelzebub is touching me!
Satan: (slaps his forehead) Crap!

The movie just got better and better from there. Spousal abuse, child abuse, and incest. Yes...the creepiest incest scene ever filmed (I'm only guessing here). The brother visits his sister in her bedroom one night. He asks her to play the model/photographer game, and that's fine. I mean, who hasn't played that game with his sister every once in a while. But then he asks her to take off her nightgown. Her response? "OK, but only for a minute!"

You can imagine where the evening goes from there.

You're imagining it...aren't you? Sickos!


Anonymous said...

Ah, LOL! I loved MST3K - what a great show! It used to crack me up all the time. I forget a lot of this movie but maybe I should go back and watch it again. I love going back and re-watching old movies like that. So many things to make fun of! Oh, and hey - that's the same actress that was in Last American Virgin, isn't it?

Verdant Earl said...

Teeni - Weird...Gia said the same think about the actress being in The Last American Version. I asked if she meant Better Off Dead, and she said yeah...that's the movie she was thinking of. Turns out she WAS in Last American Virgin as well. A bunch of smarties, you are. ;)

Anonymous said...

Oh hell yeah I am. I remember this one, LOL.

The Trailer Of Love

jiggs said...


Avitable said...

I miss Mike Nelson.

Mrs. Hall said...

Wow. Did you actually reference Mystery Science theater 3000?

I tip my hat to you Mr. Earl.

And dear God...i second the eeewwww!!!

Mrs. Hall

Verdant Earl said...

Wil - I guess it might have been scary in '82, but now... :)

Jiggs - exactly.

Avitable - I wonder if he misses us?

Mrs. Hall - I accept said hat tip. ;)

Heff said...

I'll have to put this one on my list !

Slyde said...

god, how i miss MST3k....

speaking of amityville 2, its been so long since i saw those movies.

im trying to remember... is that the one that ended where they found a well going into Hell in their basement? it was either 2 or 3...

Bruce Johnson said...

Horror films....I never could figure out why people like these, unless some folks get an orgasimic rush from the release of adrenilin or something. The only one I ever liked was "The Shinning" and that was because of Kubrick. (and Jack Nickelson)

Anonymous said...

Oh I wasn't talking about the scariness, I was talking about the chub factor. "Their love was forbidden..."

The Trailer Of Love

limpy99 said...

"You can imagine where the evening goes from there."

Straight to Hell, I'm guessing.

I'll just show myself out, thanks.

Verdant Earl said...

Heff - if only for the bro/sis scene, right?

Slyde - I think the kid found it in 2, but they got really into it in 3.

Lotus - The Shining was great...better than the book, in my opinion. But not nearly the camp/thrills of something like this. Horror rules!

Wil - gotcha!

Limpy - Nicely done!

Anonymous said...

Hey kids!

It's your favorite dirty uncle. Remember...It's not incest if the devil has your cock.

pure evyl said...

Hey you're the one that posted it don't blame me for imagining it.

Verdant Earl said...

WLC - nice logic. Sick, but nice.

Evyl - I can't be held responsible for what I post. The Devil made me do it. ;)

FourLeafClover said...

Ah - MST3K... I used to watch alot back in the day.

Dr Zibbs said...

That chick was so hot in the movie.