I'd like to officially put myself on their radar as a candidate.
Mr. Ford, here are a list of my qualifications:
- I'm 42 and you are 66, so you actually could be my father.
- We both share rogue-ish good looks, so (again) you actually could be my father.
- I've secretly been calling you "Dad" for a while now anyway.
- I look good in a fedora, so those weekend father/son fedora getaways wouldn't be a problem.
- I don't have much of an interest in carpentry, but I am willing to learn.
- By "willing to learn", I mean that I can hand you a hammer or fetch you a beer while you build us a porch to hang out on.
- Although I've never been to Jackson Hole, Wyoming where you own a ranch, I have been to the Jackson Hole Diner in Queens and I love the burgers there. Pretty much the same thing, right?
- I probably could have talked you out of making that last Indiana Jones film. But it did add a substantial dollar value to my eventual inheritance so who is to say you made a wrong decision. Certainly not me, Dad.
- I've never been a fan of ridiculously skinny women, so there would be little to no chance that I would fall for "Mom". I can't promise that she won't have naughty feelings about me as I have already mentioned my rogue-ish good looks. But I would never let her play dirty mother/son games with me. Unless you really wanted me to, Dad. I know keeping up with her must be a bit of a chore for you these days.
- I like to fish. I don't know if that means anything, but I'm throwing it out there.
- I promise never to mention Hollywood Homicide. Well, I promise never to mention it again.
So what do you think? If you are interested, please leave a comment down below. Thanks, um, Dad?
*OK...there are probably many, many websites out there worse than Perez Hilton. I just can't stand the guy. And I don't read his stuff normally. This article was referenced on another site I read. Pffftht!
Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I've seen all of your movies, Mr.Ford.