I wanna relay something I overheard the other day. By itself, it probably isn't very funny. But if you can make yourself hear it the way I heard it, well...magic may occur.
I was at the local bagel shop the other day. I'm there 3 or 4 times a week to pick up some bagels, cream cheese and coffee for Gia and I in the mornings. The counter is usually manned by an assortment of college or high-school aged kids depending on the day of the week. But the joint is owned by a guy who spends most of his time in the back, making the bagels.
This guy looks like a cross between a close friend of mine and Harvey Fierstein. But VERY MUCH like Harvey Fierstein. Very New York, very Jewish...not so much with the gay thing, but other than that he IS Harvey Fierstein. And the kicker is that he sounds EXACTLY like Harvey Fierstein. Once again, not so much with the gay thing, but...
Now for this little exercise to work you are going to need to have Harvey Fierstein's voice in your head. It may be unpleasant for you for a short period of time, but I know you kids are tough enough to endure.
So listen to Harvey's voice on this video below, and listen to the message while you are at it.
OK, got it? That's pretty much what this guy looks like and it almost exactly what he sounds like. Just a great, raspy, Jewish, Brooklyn accent on a dumpy, grey-haired guy. Now use that voice in your head while reading the following conversation between this guy (let's call him Harvey) and one of the kids working for him:
Harvey: What are you doing over there?
Kid: I'm making myself a sandwich for later on.
Harvey: What are you putting on it?
Kid: Just some ham and cheese, why?
Harvey: You are putting mustard on that? Why? You're gonna ruin the sandwich!
Kid: I like mustard.
Harvey: When you put mustard on a sandwich all you taste is the mustard. Try a schmear of mayo, maybe. That's what I like. But it really doesn't need anything at all. You are absolutely killing that sandwich!
Kid (smiling now): But I really, really like mustard.
Harvey: Well then, you go ahead and you enjoy your mustard sandwich!
And then he stormed off to the back room.
If I had seen that played out on the big screen I would have been cracking up! As it was, I had a hard time controlling the giggles until I got back to the car. Especially when I caught the eye of the kid he was yelling at after he stormed off. I think he and I were the only ones to hear the exchange because everybody else was in the middle of doing something or other. I'm sure the kid had fun with it later on with his friends.
Man, I love my local bagel shop!
Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Just a schmear of mayo.