Hey, Trivia Hipsters!

Two things of note happened today in the ole Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge.

1. Badgerdaddy won his first monthly title ever!
2. Heady with the taste of victory, he will be taking over the hosting duties of the trivia quiz as of tomorrow, May 1st.

OK, I begged and pleaded with him to do it.   I kept forgetting to change topics or create custom topics, so I put an ad in the paper to see if anyone wanted to buy a used quiz cheap.  Badgerdaddy was my only respondant.  The link is gonna be the same as it always was, and Badgerdaddy has promised to supply punch and pie.

So keep on keeping on!

In other news, HOLY SHIT IT'S MAY ALREADY!

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Note: Remember to play the Badgerdaddy Trivia Challenge every day. Don't blame me if it sucks.

Best Headline Ever

I don't care which side of the Arizona Immigration law debacle debate you fall on.

THIS is the best headline for a story ever!

Shakira Coming to Arizona to Investigate Immigration Law

And the world breathed a huge sigh of relief. Maybe she should ask Christina Aguilera to be the Watson to her Sherlock.  I'd watch that movie.

I wonder if she's gonna bring that creepy baby with her.  Yikes.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. These hips don't lie.

John Woo's Happy Place

Back in 2000, Slyde and I were pretty stoked to go see Mission Impossible II went when it hit the theaters. The first movie had been pretty cool and the second one was being directed by John Woo! We were big fans of Hard Boiled and The Killer and the rest of Woo's Hong Kong film portfolio. Sure, he had made several uninspired films in Hollywood already, but surely MI:II was gonna be awesome. Right?

Wrong! It was a great big fucking pile of suck.

But, as we were apt to do at that point in our lives, we turned a negative into a positive and started our own episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Screw everyone else in the theater! We were gonna get our money's worth, dammit!

I think our favorite part was the ending. And not just for the obvious "oh thank God it's finally over" element. And not the pre-ending climax fight/motorcycle duel. That was just ridiculous. No, I'm talking about the last scene right before the credits. Tom Cruise has beaten all the bad guys and given Thandie Newton the antidote to the virus, and they have a moment together at a park somewhere on Sydney harbor, I believe.

We like to call it...John Woo's Happy Place.

That's not the best shot of it, unfortunately. I couldn't find a video clip of it either. But believe me when I say that it was far, far, far more ridiculous than it appears in that screen shot up there. There were tons of balloons, clowns walking by on stilts, midgets on tricycles (or not), jugglers and, of course, doves. See that kid on the far right? He was having a frisbee catch with his friend who was about five feet away from him.  They were almost handing the frisbee to each other, they were so close.  Seriously. It's like John Woo closed his eyes and thought about Heaven and he tried to cram it all into about 200 square feet. It was obviously his Happy Place.

What brought this up after ten long years? Glad you asked. Since Netflix so graciously added all of Joss Whedon's titles to their Instant Streaming catalog, I've been re-watching episodes of Buffy and Angel. I've been especially interested in watching Buffy Seasons 4-7 and Angel Seasons 1-4 in the correct order as outlined by nerdlier nerds than I.

So last night I got to Episode 3 of Season 1 of Angel, and I was surprised and delighted to see that Joss Whedon has his very own Happy Place.

There isn't as much going on in that ridiculously small and shady patch of beach as John Woo's Happy Place, but there is enough to make me, and apparently Joss, very happy. The lifeguard standing there on the left...ready for action. A father and son fishing off the rocks. Some kids digging in the sand. Maybe a barbecue somewhere in the background. No balloons or jugglers, sadly. And none of them were aware of the screaming and fighting and vampires that happened just dozens of feet away on and beneath the pier.  But it's definitely Whedon's Happy Place.

It's an incredibly lazy bit of film-making on both of their parts. Trying to capture a happy and idyllic scene as a way of wrapping up a storyline. Yet it's so cheesy and obvious that I kinda dig it.  So I guess it works on some of us.

Happy, happy...joy, joy!!!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. It's your happy place.

Bullets Over Wednesday

These bullets are presented to you without any commercial interruption thanks to a grant from the Human Fund.

• Remember my issue with Amtrak from last week?  Well, I forwarded them a copy of my blog post and they got back to me today with an apology and a $50 voucher.  Not bad, but I would have preferred a real explanation as to why we couldn't get off the train and stretch our legs while we waited in the dark.  I was hoping for "gremlins did it."
• Speaking of Amtrak, check out this great big bowl of crazy.  Using a grant from the Federal Railroad Commission, they are going to be using a form of bio-fuel on their Heartland Flyer service from Oklahoma City to Fort Worth.  A beef-based bio-fuel that is basically made from rendered cow fat.  And this train is going to run right through the heart of cow country.  Talk about adding insult to injury!
• Had hella fun meeting up with some local, and not-so-local, bloggers over the weekend at The Ginger Man in NYC.  I wound up going to see a friend of mine from Queens afterward, where nothing was stolen whatsoever.  Honestly.
• Grillin' some marinated steaks, asparagus and eggplant tonight for dinner.  That's right...it's grillin' season.  Got a few tasty beers chillin' in the fridge to chase that shit down.  That's right...it's chillin' season.  The two go together soooo nicely, dontchathink?
• Does anyone understand the new-found popularity of Insane Clown Posse?  Is this 1996 all over again?  And doesn anyone really know a Juggalo personally?  I'm scared.
• I'm not kidding, I'm gonna keep on eye on that Stephen Hawking character.  Something's up.
• Gonna leave you with a video by Blues Image.  "Ride Captain Ride" just for shits and giggles.  Or maybe for a reason after all.  You decide. And yeah...that's John Byner at the beginning of the video introducing the band.  Groovy.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. You gonna ride the meat train?

Are You Ready For the Alien Apocalypse?

Because that's gonna happen, or so says noted braniac and human voicebox, Stephen Hawking.  He throws some numbers into his computer brain and the output doesn't look good for humanity. 

“We only have to look at ourselves to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn’t want to meet. I imagine they might exist in massive ships, having used up all the resources from their home planet. Such advanced aliens would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.”

He goes on to suggest that even trying to come into contact with extraterrestrial life could be "a little too risky" for we simple denizens of Earth.  He compares the result of such contact with the results of Christopher Columbus' discovery of the Americas and the subsequent near-genocide of the native peoples here.  Instead of blankets infested with small-pox, we might get some kind of deceptively awful comfort technology infected with nano-pox.  Or cyber-bugs.  Or some other kind of dangerous sci-fi malady.

So no cute and cuddle Ewoks or whatever the fuck race ET belonged to for us.  No way, we get our worst nightmares multiplied by ten-fold.  Or so says the smartest man this side of Johnny Cash.

But maybe there is something else going on here.  You know, I've never been comfortable with Stephen Hawking.  Something about that dude that I've never trusted, and I've never been able to put my finger on it until just this moment.

Think about it.  When the Alien Apocalypse comes, what will be the form of our destroyers?  As we will not be able to understand their native alien (?) tongue, they will have to communicate with us through some kind of complicated artificial means.  They will most likely need some kind of sophisticated machinery to use as a mode of transportation in our gravity dense world.  And they will almost certainly be much, much more intelligent that we are.  Sound familiar?

I'm telling you...this guy is a sleeper agent for the First Invasion.  He and his race don't want us to actively search for extra-terrestrial life.  They want their invasion to be a surprise.  So they came up with this ridiculous ploy out of a Michael Bay film.  Like we were gonna fall for that.

You almost pulled one over our sleepy eyes, Stephen Hawking.  But we are on to you and your plans.  The resistance begins now.  The rest of you have been warned!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Creepy is as creepy does.

Punch what?

I don't know what's wrong with me.

Sometimes I get worked up about the dumbest things. Stuff that doesn't affect my life at all. I know it's unreasonable and, frankly, probably pretty unhealthy. But there are some things that are out of my control. They bother me, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Case in point - the latest Volkswagen advertising campaign.

It's a take on the old "punch buggy" game that we used to play on long family car trips. Whenever you would see a VW Bug (Beetle), you would punch your nearest sibling and yell "punch buggy"! Fun, right?

But now the VW advertising folks have changed it to "punch dubs" and expanded the population of punch targets to Jettas and Golfs and whatever else Volkswagen makes. They can't just do that! Change the game? It's our game, and it should only involve VW Bugs! I don't want to punch my little sister whenever I see a Jetta. I only want to punch her when I see a Beetle, fer crissakes!

Hmm...yeah, I guess I'm over-reacting. But dammit, I get pissed every time I see one of those "punch dubs" commercials!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I need to get over this.

Music Video Fridays: Segue Edition

I was listening to the radio yesterday, yeah radio still exists. And a song came on by The Jesus and Mary Chain, a Scottish alt-band out of Glasgow, that I hadn't heard in freakin' forever! Brought me right back to that time and place and made me happy (happier?) for a few moments.

Here's Head On by The Jesus and Mary Chain:

Head On

The Jesus And Mary Chain | MySpace Music Videos

Head On

by the Jesus and Mary Chain

As soon as I get my head round you
I come around catching sparks off you
I get an electric charge from you
That second hand living it just won't do

And the way I feel tonight
I could die and I wouldn't mind
And there's something going on inside
Makes you want to feel makes you want to try
Makes you want to blow the stars from the sky
I can't stand up I can't cool down
I can't get my head off the ground

As soon as I get my head round you
I come around catching sparks off you
And all I ever got from you
Was all I ever took from you

And the world could die in pain
And I wouldn't feel no shame
And there's nothing holding me to blame
Makes you want to feel makes you want to try
Makes you want to blow the stars from the sky
I'm taking myself to the dirty part of town
Where all my troubles can't be found

That led me to think of The Pixies' cover of that same song. And incredible version, actually. Dig it:

Then that led me to think about covers of songs by the Pixies. There aren't many. Unless you consider Smells Like Teen Spirit to be a Pixies tune. Hehe. But David Bowie, THE David Bowie, covered their song Cactus a few years ago. Here's a live version of that to wind things up here.  Notice

Cactus

written by The Pixies

Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
I put it on when I go lonely
Will you take off your dress and send it to me?
I miss your kissin' and I miss your head
And a letter in your writing doesn't mean you're not dead
Run outside in the desert heat
Make your dress all wet and send it to me
I miss your soup and I miss your bread
And a letter in your writing doesn't mean you're not dead
So spill your breakfast and drip your wine
Just wear that dress when you dine
P I X I E S
Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore
Bloody your hands on a cactus tree
Wipe it on your dress and send it to me
Sitting here wishing on a cement floor
Just wishing that I had just something you wore

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. See what I did there?

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's...

Even if you aren't a baseball fan, this might be one of the sweetest sports plays you will ever see.

Here's the deal, it's from a college baseball game between the Iona Gaels and the Fordham Rams on Tuesday night.  The Rams had the bases loaded and the batter singles to CF.  The center fielder misplays the ball, and the runner from first decides to score.  The throw beats him home and the catcher prepares to tag him out and maybe deal with a collision.

That's when the runner...well, just watch:

Kownacki leaps over the catcher @ Yahoo! Video

The only time I've ever seen anything remotely like that was in a movie.  Major League II when Omar Epps' Willie Mays Hayes leaps over David Keith's Jack Parkman in a similar move to score a decisive run.  Except this one was, ya know, real.

For a baseball fan, that right there is one of the coolest things ever!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. All the superheroes are doing it.

Earl v. Food: Charleston

Got to check off another grub joint that I'd been drooling over since I saw it on Man v. Food on The Travel Channel.

We went to Hominy Grill (starting at 1:40 on the video) back in October for breakfast and it was incredible. I had some eggs and the sausage gravy over biscuits. I have to say that while it was great, it wasn't my favorite breakfast that I've had down there. I had breakfast at a place called Charleston's Cafe (in Mt. Pleasant, actually) that served fried eggs over fried green tomatoes smothered in sausage gravy with grits and biscuits. Holy crap! I need to have that once a week.

But for this trip we went to Bowen's Island Restaurant for the oysters that are shown starting at the 6:20 mark of the video above.  I loved the whole experience, but I was in the minority.  No one else in my party was overly thrilled with the joint.  They are in the process of remodeling and the place is kind of a wreck.  Crappy tables, crappy chairs, didn't look very clean and the band wasn't very good either.  And it's not overly clear what the ordering process is to a newcomer.  You head into one shack to order, another shack to eat (remembering to tell the oyster guy what you had ordered) and back into that first shack to pay once you are finished.  Same thing if you wanted another beer or two while eating dinner.  The joint was packed and there was no way for them to know whether or not we paid, but we did anyway.  I don't get it.

But the oysters were delicious!  I'm not a fan of oysters generally.  Gia loves them raw and I can have a few if they are small, but these steamed oysters were delicious.  They were very similar to steamed mussels in texture and taste.  Very clean, no sand at all in them.  And the whole process of eating them in clusters was unique and fun.  They served them with a watery cocktail sauce, but I just ate them right out of the shell.  They didn't need anything at all to fancy them up, although the rest of the gang thought some lemon or hot sauce would have been nice.  I finished up dinner with the frogmore stew, a batch of peel and eat shrimp with some steamed potatoes, corn and sausage.  Very good, but way too much food.

I would definitely go back, now knowing a little something about the joint.  Maybe bring some of our own lemons, hot sauce and oyster knives.  I would skip all the rest of the food and do all-you-can eat oysters.  A few cold beers to go along with them and I'd be just fine.  Yes, sir.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Good gravy, that's good gravy!

Dear Amtrak

Dear Amtrak,

I'm writing you today to discuss your New York-Savannah service on the Palmetto line that I had the pleasure of experiencing this past Sunday as I was coming home from Charleston.  As with all forms of travel, there were some highs and there were some lows.  The highs included the friendly service, roomy accommodations and a scenic view through some lovely mid-Spring vistas.

The lows, however, were pretty freaking low.

The lowest point occurred after our stop in Washington DC.  Your service switches from diesel to electric at that point, so there is a short break as you switch engines.  Except that our short break lasted about 2 and 1/2 hours.  The first engine they attached to the train made it about 100 yards out of the station before it broke down, and the second one had to be built from scratch or so it seemed.

Now, I normally would have no problem with this kind of delay.  I was choosing to travel via rail.  A mode of transportation that takes 5-6 times as long as flying while costing approximately the same price.  I was doing it of my own free will.  I wanted to travel that way.  It's usually something that I enjoy.

But that 2 1/2 wait turned into something out of a horror film.  Since the engine was broken we had no electricity.  That means no AC, no overhead reading lights and no lights in the bathroom.  There was literally nothing to do in that time period except close your eyes and try to sleep in the stale air of the rail car.  The infrequent announcements apologizing for the delay made no estimates as to when we would be moving again.  Maybe your team could have let us off the train until such time that we were ready to go again.  I don't know.  Anything other than just sitting there in the dark.

And that sleep that I mentioned as the only remaining option?  Wasn't going to happen.  Because there were these two women with young children seated across the aisle from me.  The kids were mostly awesome.  They slept just about the entire way from Charleston to Washington DC.  But since they were getting off at Baltimore their mothers woke them up, thinking they were only 30 minutes away from home.  That 30 minutes turned into 3 hours because of the delay.  And it wasn't a quiet 3 hours, no sir.  These formerly awesome little kids must have saved up all of their energy during their naps because they spent that 3 hours running around, screaming and crying.  It was delightful.

So I don't know if this kind of delay is "normal" for your service.  I've traveled by rail before and this was the first significant delay I've experienced.  But after about an hour in the hot, fetid, dark air of the rail car with two screaming kids, I was convinced that I had done something horribly wrong in a past life. 

You should offer this service as a method of torture to Homeland Security.  I would have given my mother up to get that freaking train moving again.

Sincerely yours,
An Unsatisfied Customer

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Next time....I'm flying.  Probably.

Back from the Low Country

Because you obviously care what I’ve been up to, I’m going to grace you with a quick recap of my past week in Charleston, SC. Make sure that you pay rapt attention to my itinerary. There will be a quiz.

So I decided to travel to Charleston via train. Sure, flying is quicker and easier. But I really hate it. Not the actual flying, mind you. Once the plane is on the runway and 1st in line to depart, I’m fine. It’s everything leading up to that moment that I hate. Getting to the airport, waiting on line at security, waiting to board the plane, and waiting on the runway…especially waiting on the runway. I don’t know if you’ve ever flown out of LaGuardia Airport, but it’s one of those really awful circles of Hell that Dante wrote about. The whole process drives me bananas. B, A, N, A, N, A, S.

Even the measly 2-hour flight down to Chucktown winds up wasting an entire day of travel, or so it seems. So I figured why not travel in comfort on the train even if it takes 12 hours? I was able to get some work done, watch two movies and catch around 3 hours of decent snooze time. Win, win and big fucking win.

Once down in Charleston, we did the usual. Eat, drink and be merry. Went to a Charleston Riverdogs game (they are a NY Yankee minor-league baseball team), lounged by the pool, fried on the beach, searched for the perfect hot dog (found it!) and worked on that life-long vendetta I have against my liver. I think I’m gaining ground on that sucker.

I’m writing this on the train ride back. Business Class is the way to go. Outlets to charge my laptop and phone, steps away from the café car and more than enough room for my large body to stretch out and relax. I don’t have any movies to watch on the way home. Perhaps I should have thought of that. But I did bring one of the books from my Hugo list, if I feel like accomplishing something. Right now, vegging away with my headphones on seems to be the order of the day. But it’s gonna be a long ride, so who knows?

Oooh…I had a little squabble on the ride down with one of the other train passengers. Old crazy lady sitting across the aisle from me. She pretty much annoyed everyone on the train, so I tried leaving my headphones on to drown her out. Then she attempted to fall asleep just when I got a business call. She started yelling at me almost immediately. “Excuse me! I can hear every word you are saying! Some of us are trying to sleep!” Shit like that.

I ignored her even though she was being incredibly rude the entire time I was on the phone. Then I gave it to her. Rude? How about squawking at me while I’m trying to get some work done? I told her if she wanted to sleep she should have arranged for a sleeper car, but since we were in Business Class, I was going to have to occasionally use my phone for fucking business reasons. I got a high-five from the porter who was working our car for that one. She had been annoying him since Philadelphia with her inane requests.

My conversation with her didn’t seem to help. She spent the rest of the ride yelling at the lady behind me who was also working and on the phone. She even tried to get some sympathy from me, claiming that she hadn’t had any sleep the night before. I told her that wasn’t my problem, asked her to never speak to me again and I put my headphones back on. Crazy old bitty.

So what’s been going on with you?

UPDATE - The ride home wasn't nearly as pleasant as the ride out.  More on that another time if I have the energy.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Love the choo-choo...mostly.

Very Quick Hugo Update

I've read a few more novels on my Hugo list over there on the sideboard. Here's the quick down and dirty because I don't feel like typing very much today.  And it's almost cocktail time. :)

The Yiddish Policeman's Union - Eh. I didn't hate it, but it certainly didn't feel like sci-fi to me. It reads more like a pulp detective story. Sure, it was set in an alternate history reality where a Jewish home state was created in Alaska, but it didn't grab me at all. 

Rainbow's End - I liked this one a lot.  Very sci-fi, as opposed to the last book I read, and I was right in the mood for it so I blew threw it.  In it, the world is moving closer to that point of singularity where technology is aiding and, in some cases, controlling human life.  Vinge brings the reader into this world using a man who is recovering from Alzheimer's Disease and adapting to a technological world.  Very cool stuff.

Starship Troopers - Short and brilliant.  Just the way I dig my sci-fi.  Although this one, like The Forever War, read just as much as a war adventure.  Read this by the pool in a few hours yesterday.  Very different and much better than the movie (which I actually liked).  Can't believe it took me this long to read this one.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Reading is sci-fundamental.

Dixie

Spending the week south of the Mason-Dixon line, so I thought this might be appropriate.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. I may miss a day or two this week.

Final Girl Film Club: Spider Baby

Note: This post (er, re-post) is part of Stacie Ponder's Final Girl Film Club.  But it clearly can be enjoyed all on it's very own and all over again. Besides, I'm on vacation, bitches! - Earl
 
...or, The Maddest Story Ever Told

I've had this movie on my Netflix queue for just about forever. Spider Baby is the name and it is a cult classic starring Lon Chaney, Jr. and Sid Haig.  It supposedly was a big influence to a whole host of horror filmmakers including Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) and Rob Zombie (House of 1,000 Corpses).  I've always wanted to see it, but it was always a "very long wait" to get the DVD so I stopped moving it up to one of the top spots on my queue.

But last week Netflix made the film available for instant streaming so Gia and I were able to watch it this weekend*.

*I obviously wrote this a while ago, because it's been available on Instant for quite a while now.  Deal with it, you freaky perfectionists!

Wow.

It truly may be the maddest story ever told.  It's about a family of two sisters and a severely retarded brother who are in the care of the family's, um, caretaker.  At first we the viewers are unaware of what has happened to the parents of the children, but we soon discover that the entire family suffers from a rare disease that cause a social and psychological regression soon after the 14th year.  Eventually, each family member becomes something of a primordial beast with no reason whatsoever.

A couple of distant relatives decide that they want the family fortune so they hire a lawyer (awesomely named Schlocker) to determine if the children can be made wards of the state.  A night of wackiness ensues when they decide that they are going to spend the night with the creepiest family this side of the Borgia's. 

One of the daughters is obsessed with spiders, even acting like one on several muderous occasions.   That's her up top there in the picture.  If you can't tell, badness is about to happen.  You see, neither of the daughters or the caretaker want the general public to know of their "secret".  And their brother Ralphie isn't much more than a simpleton at this stage of his disease, but he has become sexually active.  Yeah.

Inbreeding, rape, murder, incest and cat killing are all part of the joy ride.  It's only that last one that really bothered me, but I heard they taste like rabbit so I guess it is okay.

One of my favorite parts?  The title theme, sung by Lon Chaney, Jr. himself.

It.
Is.
Awesome!!!

The film has fallen into the public domain, so you can all watch if for free in a few places on the Web. Cult Reviews is a good one. Check it out, if you are in the mood from some schlocky horror/comedy fun.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. "This has gone well beyond the boundaries of prudence and good taste."

Mama Swan

I was walking Gia's mother's dog the other day. That's not a euphemism for anything, I was really walking her dog. When I got down to the harbor, I saw that a pair of our local swans had built a nest behind one of our neighbor's boats.

So here is my shaky-cam video to introduce you to the happy couple. Peter Berg ain't got nuthin' on me!

Mother Swan from BE Earl on Vimeo.

Swans mate for life, y'all!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. All the big birds are doing it.

Community

Do you watch Community on NBC on Thursdays?

.gif animation courtesy of Warming Glow

You really should.


(This week's episode is a rerun, but it's still worth watching)

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Alison Brie = hawt.

6 Reasons...

RW threw down the gauntlet yesterday with his 6 Reasons Why We're Cooler Than You. The "We" in this case being the Chicago White Sox and, by extension, their fans. Mostly their fans. A little friendly dirt was thrown my way for being a Yankee fan, Candy's way for being a Red Sox fan, and a little Sybil's way for being from Cincinnati. I mean for being a Reds fan. Sorry about that.

How is one to respond? Easy, by coming up my own 6 Reasons Why We're Cooler Than You! I'll even try to follow his lead and make similar points. If only because I'm lazy.

1. We're Not the Mets. Sure they've won a couple of World Series titles since joining the National League in 1962. Two in almost fifty years.  That's cute.  But for so many baseball fans around the nation, they are still the "Lovable Losers" from their first few years in the league. For some of us, present company included, you can subtract the word "Lovable" from that term. The Yankees are solid, historical, legendary and a brand name that is the very embodiment of pride. Fans all over the world are proud to wear their Yankee hats and Jeter jerseys. The Mets were born out of the embarrassment of the double defection of the Giants and the Dodgers to the West Coast. Even stole a bit from each of their logos to create their own. The back page of the paper is made for news of the latest Yankee victory or acquisition. The inside fold is for the latest foiled injury comeback or Oliver Perez signing. Ewww.

2. Maybe "Bad-Ass" Isn't the Right Term, But "Entitled" Ain't Right Neither!  Sure the Yanks are good, and they've been good for a very long time.  Baseball revenue comes mostly from local sources, and the Yankees are blessed to play in one of the largest markets in the country.  And they spend that revenue on the team.  Hell, they even pay luxury tax as part of MLB's revenue sharing program.  In 2005, they paid out $76 million along with other teams like Boston and the Dodgers and the Mets.  Teams in Tampa Bay, Toronto, Kansas City and Milwaukee each RECEIVED somewhere around $30 million or even more in 2005.  So we are here to help.  Because we're cool like that.  And our bad-ass side includes the likes of Babe Ruth's prodigious eating, cigar-smoking, drinking and womanizing ways, Mickey Mantle's similar destructive path through life, two pitchers on the team swapping wives, children and dogs in the early 70's, Reggie Jackson brawling with teammates and managers alike in his volatile stay in pinstripes, and Bernie Williams playing classical guitar professionally after he retired.  Okay...so that last one sounds a little entitled.  But he's got four rings....what do your guys got?

3. You Can Keep Your Innovation! - Our style is classic.  Pinstripes and dark blue caps going back nearly 100 years.  Names on the uniform?  You can keep 'em for your pathetic little teams.  Our baseball men are giants on the field who need no introduction and no name on the back of their jerseys.  We fans don't need that shit.  It's bad enough that we bother with the silly seventh-inning stretch nonsense that all those minor-league-ish teams feel that they need.  And for the record, it's time to stop with "God Bless America" in the middle of every fucking game.  We finally got rid of that Shrek lookalike that destroyed the song for big home games last year when he allegedly made anti-Semitic comments.  He's gotta know the Yankee fan base.  Quite a few Jews in NY, ya know. What's the Yankees biggest innovation?  Winning!  And it never gets old.

4. OK, I'll Give You Disco Demolition Night.  That was pretty fucking cool.  The White Sox may have been on the cutting edge in July of 1979 when they gave Disco its fitting and angry send-off.   And the Yankees still somewhat celebrate the Disco era during the 5th inning when the grounds crew busts a move to YMCA.  Sure, it was kinda funny the first few times we saw it, but enough already!  But during the height of the Disco era while the city was dealing with blackouts, The Son of Sam, Disco and political upheaval, the boys from the Bronx brought a little peace to New Yorkers.  We fans can fondly look back on 1977 and 1978 and remember something other than Studio 54 or Saturday Night Fever.  Plus punk rock was busting out all over the place at little joints in the Lower East Side.  And punk rock had just as much to do with ending that embarrassing era as anything else.  NY did that.  Yeah.

5.  Casey Stengel.  You take any manager you want, any manager at all, and I'll take Casey Stengel and we'll have a Most Quotable contest.  Your guy is gonna lose.  "They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games." or "Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in," or "I don't know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball." or "The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided."  Yogi Berra certainly learned a thing or two from Casey.  Now, unlike RW, I never met my baseball hero nor was I ever lucky enough to get drunk with the dude.  But all I have to do is read about those exploding scoreboards at Comiskey Park that RW is so fond of and see how Casey felt about them.  In their second visit to Comiskey after the new scoreboard was installted, he and the Yankees waved a bunch of hand-held sparklers after Clete Boyer hit a home run.  Maybe Casey remembered that Bill Veeck, back when he owned the minor-league Milwaukee Brewers in 1944, objected strenuously to hiring the Old Perfessor as manager.  Veeck was in the South Pacific serving with the Marines in WWII at the time, so he didn't have a chance to block the hire.  And so it goes...

6. Yankee Fans.  We have the best, the brightest, the most knowledgeable fans in the game.  And certainly some of the coolest.  So the White Sox have our man in the White House.  Big deal!  They don't got Jack, in my opinion.  As in Jack Nicholson.  Jack is such a die-hard Yankee fan that when Martin Scorcese asked him to don a Red Sox cap during a scene in The Departed, good ole Jack responded with "...all things being equal, I don't want to."  Here is probably the greatest director that Jack has ever had the pleasure to work with, and he tells him to go to Hell rather than wear a Boston cap.  Not only that, but in that particular scene Jack intentionally wore a Yankee cap.  Just because.  Yankee fans are clearly the very fucking best!

Everyone looks great in pinstripes.  See if it ain't so.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. So. Much. Fun!

The Future Sucks

Sunday night before I went to sleep, I read that the shuttle Discovery would be making a launch in the pre-dawn hours of Monday morning. It had been a real long while since I watched a shuttle launch live so I told myself "Self, if you are up for some reason between 5 and 6AM, tune into the NASA website to watch the launch live."

And I did. Still impressive after all these years.

I'm almost positive that the last shuttle launch I watched live was the doomed Challenger mission in 1986. I was a sophomore in college and I was in between classes doing school work with the TV on in the background. Back then they interrupted programming to show shuttle launches live on the major networks. I remember hearing the announcer say "explosion" and I looked up and saw the smoke trails on the television. I sat there in shock as they replayed the event over and over and over again. No one else was around. Maybe they were in class or at lunch, but it remains an eerie and awful memory for me to this day.

Anyway, I also read that the shuttle program is to be scrapped in September of this year. To be replaced by something else, I guess. They haven't figured that out yet. There is a bill in Congress to extend the program, but I don't think it will pass. Maybe they will retire the International Space Station as well at the end of the year. How else are they gonna re-supply/fix it? I dunno.

The future that is our present sucks.

It's been over 40 years now. We should have a space station on the Moon. Manned missions to Mars and beyond. Flying cars. Sexbots. You know the drill. All the stuff we were promised on those episodes of The Jetsons. C'mon...you thought Rosie wore that maid outfit just for cleaning the house?  Puh-leeze!

At this rate, I don't think I will ever see a manned mission to Mars in my lifetime. And that sucks. Because Mars is what's next. But apparently we as a species no longer care about that.  At least our government doesn't.

Horace Greeley would certainly disapprove.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Nice buttons, Rosie.

High Holy Day

No...not talking about Easter. Or Passover.

Yesterday was Opening Day for Major League Baseball. The returning champs, the Yankees, played their arch-rival Boston Red Sox on Sunday night. In honor of the holy day, I will refrain from lashing insults upon their heads. I'll save that for tomorrow.

The game started off gloriously. Newest Yankee Curtis Granderson followed up Jorge Posada's solo shot with his own dinger. His first as a Yankee in his first at-bat as a Yankee. Nice!

I'm writing this after 5 innings of play, so I don't know who is going to win yet.  Yanks are up 5-2 right now.  Fingers crossed.

UPDATE: It's 11:10 PM and the Red Sox lead 8-7 in the bottom of the 8th.  Le sigh.

UPDATE: Good guys lost.  9-7.  Crap.

I'll let the honorable and wise Annie Savoy lead us in prayer...

I believe in the Church of Baseball. I've tried all the major religions, and most of the minor ones. I've worshiped Buddha, Allah, Brahma, Vishnu, Siva, trees, mushrooms, and Isadora Duncan. I know things. For instance, there are 108 beads in a Catholic rosary and there are 108 stitches in a baseball. When I heard that, I gave Jesus a chance. But it just didn't work out between us. The Lord laid too much guilt on me. I prefer metaphysics to theology. You see, there's no guilt in baseball, and it's never boring... which makes it like sex. There's never been a ballplayer slept with me who didn't have the best year of his career. Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle. You see, there's a certain amount of life wisdom I give these boys. I can expand their minds. Sometimes when I've got a ballplayer alone, I'll just read Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman to him, and the guys are so sweet, they always stay and listen. 'Course, a guy'll listen to anything if he thinks it's foreplay. I make them feel confident, and they make me feel safe, and pretty. 'Course, what I give them lasts a lifetime; what they give me lasts 142 games. Sometimes it seems like a bad trade. But bad trades are part of baseball - now who can forget Frank Robinson for Milt Pappas, for God's sake? It's a long season and you gotta trust. I've tried 'em all, I really have, and the only church that truly feeds the soul, day in, day out, is the Church of Baseball.

 Amen, Sister!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Let us pray.

Happy Festival of Ēostre

Happy Festival of Ēostre, y'all.

Celebrate spring-time like a pagan (or the religious denomination of choice)!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. This is a lazy re-post from several years ago.  For those of you who care..

Gun

Or if you prefer the cover by Siouxsie & the Banshees. I know I dig it just as much.

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Watch out for big mama, she’ll set you on fire.

Sleep Tight

This is a giant isopod.  They can grow upwards of 2 1/2 feet in length, it lives in the deep cold waters of the Atlantic and it feeds on the carcasses of dead whales.

But what it really feeds on...is your soul!!!

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Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. It's eyes!!! Good Lord, have you seen it's eyes!!!

Random crap

So I was thinking about specialty blogs. You know, blogs that specifically pick one topic and write and link to crap about that shit.

If you are into celebrity snarky blogs, you might read WWTDD or The Superficial.

If you are into sports snarky blogs, you might read Kissing Suzy Kolber or With Leather.

If you are into technology blogs, you might read Gizmodo or Engadget.

But my favorite topic-specific blog lately has been io9. A sci-fi blog. If you dig, you should dig.

What do you read, in this kind of blog kinda way?

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I don't read your blog.  Well, sometimes I do.  I read some of them.  But honestly, I read some of the stuff that is in my feed reader and I blow through a lot more.  How do you know?  You probably don't.  I may stop by to leave a comment if I do, but more often than not I don't.  I just read it and I move on.  Sometimes.

Like I said, I don't read your blog.  Sometimes.

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I got some decent feedback from my last few recipe blog entries.  I'm thinking of starting a recipe blog.  But a group thing.  Something that 2 or 6 or 20 of us can do together.  What do you think?  If you are into a sharing recipe blog then leave a comment and I'll fucking consider it.  Just kidding....if enough of us want to do it then I will set it up as a blog administrator and I'll invite y'all.  That's right.  I used "y'all".

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This would have made a good bullet post, wouldn't it have?

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The Final Four is this weekend, and I don't give a crap.

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I had a bone-in filet mignon with prawns and a foie-gras butter sauce for dinner tonight.  A couple of Sapphire Gibsons and a glass of wine with an iceberg wedge salad as well.  Daddy is happy!

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You ever just want a simple piece of chocolate.  Me too.

Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. There is a lot of stuff going on.