As I mentioned in my previous post (for all three of you reading this), I had a major cold that knocked me silly for a good portion of the last month.
It lasted about a week at first, and then I gave it to Gia. I guess I wasn't quite over it because I still wasn't sleeping through the night. I would sleep for about an hour and a half at first, wake up soaking wet as my fever broke or something, then sleep on and off in 20 minute increments for the next few hours.
It really sucked!
And then, just like that old cat of legend, the cold came back. Probably caught it on the rebound from Gia. Even worse this time. Sore throat, stuffed head, all that shit! And still no sleep for the weary.
Well, all that finally changed last Wednesday night. I went to bed with the same feeling of dread that I had the previous three weeks. Ready to wake up in an hour or so and then toss and turn for the next 7 hours.
But it was bliss. I woke up in exactly the same position I was in the night before. I looked over to my nightstand and I saw that I had a full bottle of water there which said to me that I never woke up and had a drink - which had been part of my pattern. So I lay there wondering if I made it 5 or maybe even 6 hours without waking when I looked at my alarm clock.
8 hours! 8 hours of pure heaven! I almost couldn't believe it. I literally jumped out of bed in exultation. It was the best I had felt in almost a month.
I was beginning to think that I was never going to have a normal night of sleep again in my life. Now I've had my share of sleep problems (Restless leg syndrome), but they usually affected me going to sleep...not staying asleep. This was a first for me. But it looks like the darkest days are over.
So, knock on wood, things have been great since then. I'm catching up on my z's like you wouldn't believe. Eight great hours a night. Afternoon naps this past weekend. I feel like a new man.
So for all of you suffering with sleep disorders out there (Slyde, Kat, etc...), I felt your pain. But I never want to feel it again.
I treasure my sleep too much!
May 7, 2007
May 1, 2007
May Day re-post (hah!)
Taking a look at the calendar this morning, I saw that we are done with April and I say good riddance! I had a cold that kicked my ass for about half of the month, and the other half wasn't that great either.
But it is now May, May 1st in fact. And May 1st brings to mind all the wonderful pagan rituals celebrated in the film The Wicker Man. Not the crappy remake. The glorious original.
And that brings us to the following hunk-o-junk that I posted on Slyde's site last February. Feel free to enjoy it's nutty goodness once again. Or to dance naked around the May pole. Whichever you prefer. - Earl
Hey kids! Have you ever watched a film and decided that you didn't really like and/or understand it at first only to decide at a later time that you actually did like it and that it has gotten under your skin a bit? This happens to me an awful lot. It happened just recently with a so-called classic horror film called The Wicker Man from 1973. As you know, both Slyde and I are big fans of the horror genre, but neither of us had ever seen this classic until I had the chance to purchase the DVD sometime last week.
Let me give you a brief set-up to the movie. In modern day (early 70's) Scotland, a policeman (Edward Woodward) from the mainland is lured to a small island in the Hebrides to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. He encounters a strange group of villagers who act as if they had never seen the girl before. He also encounters the islander's strange religious and sexual practices which is disconcerting to him as he is a devout (and quite repressed) Christian. Suspecting that the girl has been sacrificed or is about to be sacrificed as part of some neo-pagan ritual, he stays on the island in an effort to save the young lass. I'll not go any further in case any of you haven't seen this gem, but let's just say things start to go awry for our young, repressed hero.
I'm not quite sure why I gave it a thumbs-down after my first viewing. It surely wasn't what I expected. There were horror elements to be sure, but I certainly wouldn't classify it solely as a horror film. The first half of the film played out almost as a musical, if you can believe that. There were songs sung in pubs, in fields, around the maypole, and even one extraordinarily strange seduction sung by the landlord's daughter to the policeman while in different rooms! It also didn't go a long way towards explaining some of the strange imagery on the island, but I guess at that point I had already semi-given up on the film.
That next day, however, I found that it HAD gotten under my skin a little. I began to research a little of the background of the film and it started to fascinate me even more. You see, this film was the brainchild of writer Anthony Shaffer, director Robin Hardy and star Christopher Lee. In fact, Lee was not paid a dime for his acting in this film although he continues to call it his favorite film that he had ever worked in. This project was very close to his heart and he wanted to see it completed. Had he accepted his normal fee the film may never have gotten off the ground. Mr. Shaffer had wanted to do a smart, contemporary British horror film which then turned into a morality play, and partly made that weird left turn into musical/drama. The studio which had made the film (British Lion, I believe) was sold soon after shooting had completed and the new head of the studio, Michael Deeley, was not quite sold on the film. In fact, after an early viewing of the film with Shaffer and Lee, he asked them what they thought of it. They believed that it was one of the finest things that either of them had worked on. He replied that it was quite possibly the worst film he had ever seen.
Well, if the head of your studio believes that about your film it ain't gonna be easy to get them to distribute it. They tried to convince Roger Corman to distribute it in the US, but his offer was too low for the studio to accept. It soon found another distributor, but without the clout that Corman could bring to the table the film shot quickly to obscurity even though it drew rave reviews. However, it soon began to rise in the underground as a cult classic. Theaters were playing the film at midnight showings to sold-out audiences. With the advent of VHS (and DVD later on) the legend of the film has continued to grow. There are fanzines, websites and festivals dedicated to the film. One disappointing note is that the original negative to the film has been lost to history. It is believed that it was accidentally included in some garbage that was used for landfill in England's M3 motorway. Mr. Lee deduces that was a direct result of the dislike that Mr. Deeley had for the film!
So, with new information in hand I decided to watch the film a second time and damn if I didn't love it this time around! Even the weird musical scenes were a delight to watch. And the conflict between the repressed Christian ideology of Woodward and the neo-pagan joy of the villagers was especially juicy to behold. Britt Ekland (dubbed by Annie Ross to portray a Scottish accent), Ingrid Pitt (strangely, the producers kept her Polish accent) and Diane Cilento were all beautiful and quite magnetic on the screen. But it was the thoroughly delightful Christopher Lee as Lord Summerisle that stole the show. He was funny, thoughtful, smart and not at all outwardly evil as the ringleader of the neo-pagans. A very different Lee than the one I had grown up on when he was doing all those Hammer horror films. He didn't look so awful in a dress towards the end of the film either. I guess you have to see the film to understand that last bit.
Now this classic is being remade for 2006 release with Nicolas Cage as the police officer. They've also switched locales from an island off Scotland to an island off the Puget Sound in Washington (or somewhere in Maine...I've seen both written). Now, I hate to bash a movie before it is released, but I am of the opinion that they should have left this one alone. If they had to remake it I would have preferred that the producers keep the Scottish flavor as the influence of the Celtic pagan rituals will be hard to maintain in an American version. And Nicolas Cage? Ugh!
Anyway, as I stated in the opening sentence, I like when a film gets under my skin a bit. This one had me researching Celtic pagan rituals which is not so easy since the history is murky at best. You see there was no written documentation of these rituals, so what remains today sometimes feels like a bad game of telephone...but played over a couple of thousand years instead of whispered around the room at a party. The maypole, the fire dance, John Barleycorn and the wicker man itself all are a part of early pagan practices although any specifics are hard to come by. This film left me wanting more, and I think that is one of the marks of a truly great piece of art.
But it is now May, May 1st in fact. And May 1st brings to mind all the wonderful pagan rituals celebrated in the film The Wicker Man. Not the crappy remake. The glorious original.
And that brings us to the following hunk-o-junk that I posted on Slyde's site last February. Feel free to enjoy it's nutty goodness once again. Or to dance naked around the May pole. Whichever you prefer. - Earl
Wicked Smaht
By B.E. Earl
02/05/2006 8:54 AM EST
By B.E. Earl
02/05/2006 8:54 AM EST
Hey kids! Have you ever watched a film and decided that you didn't really like and/or understand it at first only to decide at a later time that you actually did like it and that it has gotten under your skin a bit? This happens to me an awful lot. It happened just recently with a so-called classic horror film called The Wicker Man from 1973. As you know, both Slyde and I are big fans of the horror genre, but neither of us had ever seen this classic until I had the chance to purchase the DVD sometime last week.
Let me give you a brief set-up to the movie. In modern day (early 70's) Scotland, a policeman (Edward Woodward) from the mainland is lured to a small island in the Hebrides to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. He encounters a strange group of villagers who act as if they had never seen the girl before. He also encounters the islander's strange religious and sexual practices which is disconcerting to him as he is a devout (and quite repressed) Christian. Suspecting that the girl has been sacrificed or is about to be sacrificed as part of some neo-pagan ritual, he stays on the island in an effort to save the young lass. I'll not go any further in case any of you haven't seen this gem, but let's just say things start to go awry for our young, repressed hero.
I'm not quite sure why I gave it a thumbs-down after my first viewing. It surely wasn't what I expected. There were horror elements to be sure, but I certainly wouldn't classify it solely as a horror film. The first half of the film played out almost as a musical, if you can believe that. There were songs sung in pubs, in fields, around the maypole, and even one extraordinarily strange seduction sung by the landlord's daughter to the policeman while in different rooms! It also didn't go a long way towards explaining some of the strange imagery on the island, but I guess at that point I had already semi-given up on the film.
That next day, however, I found that it HAD gotten under my skin a little. I began to research a little of the background of the film and it started to fascinate me even more. You see, this film was the brainchild of writer Anthony Shaffer, director Robin Hardy and star Christopher Lee. In fact, Lee was not paid a dime for his acting in this film although he continues to call it his favorite film that he had ever worked in. This project was very close to his heart and he wanted to see it completed. Had he accepted his normal fee the film may never have gotten off the ground. Mr. Shaffer had wanted to do a smart, contemporary British horror film which then turned into a morality play, and partly made that weird left turn into musical/drama. The studio which had made the film (British Lion, I believe) was sold soon after shooting had completed and the new head of the studio, Michael Deeley, was not quite sold on the film. In fact, after an early viewing of the film with Shaffer and Lee, he asked them what they thought of it. They believed that it was one of the finest things that either of them had worked on. He replied that it was quite possibly the worst film he had ever seen.
Well, if the head of your studio believes that about your film it ain't gonna be easy to get them to distribute it. They tried to convince Roger Corman to distribute it in the US, but his offer was too low for the studio to accept. It soon found another distributor, but without the clout that Corman could bring to the table the film shot quickly to obscurity even though it drew rave reviews. However, it soon began to rise in the underground as a cult classic. Theaters were playing the film at midnight showings to sold-out audiences. With the advent of VHS (and DVD later on) the legend of the film has continued to grow. There are fanzines, websites and festivals dedicated to the film. One disappointing note is that the original negative to the film has been lost to history. It is believed that it was accidentally included in some garbage that was used for landfill in England's M3 motorway. Mr. Lee deduces that was a direct result of the dislike that Mr. Deeley had for the film!
So, with new information in hand I decided to watch the film a second time and damn if I didn't love it this time around! Even the weird musical scenes were a delight to watch. And the conflict between the repressed Christian ideology of Woodward and the neo-pagan joy of the villagers was especially juicy to behold. Britt Ekland (dubbed by Annie Ross to portray a Scottish accent), Ingrid Pitt (strangely, the producers kept her Polish accent) and Diane Cilento were all beautiful and quite magnetic on the screen. But it was the thoroughly delightful Christopher Lee as Lord Summerisle that stole the show. He was funny, thoughtful, smart and not at all outwardly evil as the ringleader of the neo-pagans. A very different Lee than the one I had grown up on when he was doing all those Hammer horror films. He didn't look so awful in a dress towards the end of the film either. I guess you have to see the film to understand that last bit.
Now this classic is being remade for 2006 release with Nicolas Cage as the police officer. They've also switched locales from an island off Scotland to an island off the Puget Sound in Washington (or somewhere in Maine...I've seen both written). Now, I hate to bash a movie before it is released, but I am of the opinion that they should have left this one alone. If they had to remake it I would have preferred that the producers keep the Scottish flavor as the influence of the Celtic pagan rituals will be hard to maintain in an American version. And Nicolas Cage? Ugh!
Anyway, as I stated in the opening sentence, I like when a film gets under my skin a bit. This one had me researching Celtic pagan rituals which is not so easy since the history is murky at best. You see there was no written documentation of these rituals, so what remains today sometimes feels like a bad game of telephone...but played over a couple of thousand years instead of whispered around the room at a party. The maypole, the fire dance, John Barleycorn and the wicker man itself all are a part of early pagan practices although any specifics are hard to come by. This film left me wanting more, and I think that is one of the marks of a truly great piece of art.
Apr 25, 2007
Goddammit!!!
Missed it again.
The "it" I'm referring to is a sing-a-long to the musical episode ("Once More With Feeling") of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
This is the second time in the past year that they have played it at our local artsy-fartsy theater and it is the second time that I found out about it on the night it played...AFTER IT PLAYED!
Now, honestly, I don't know if I would have actually sang along. It's a great episode, and it was really well done with a bunch of actors who, for the most part, can't sing. But singing along? I can say that I would have enjoyed watching everyone else. And Slyde was really looking forward to it as well. Don't pretend that you weren't!
Anyway, it looks like a fun night out. They have rounds of Buffy-oke (Buffy-themed karaoke), Buffy trivia and other games before the showing of the episode. During the episode, the crowd is asked to participate much in the same way they would during a Rocky Horror show.
I found the Buffy Sing-a-long website and you can check it out here, if you so desire. Now that I know what I'm looking for, I promise not to miss it next time it comes to town. Or I can just check out one of their monthly NYC shows at the IFC Center.
DO NOT MAKE FUN OF ME!!!
The "it" I'm referring to is a sing-a-long to the musical episode ("Once More With Feeling") of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
This is the second time in the past year that they have played it at our local artsy-fartsy theater and it is the second time that I found out about it on the night it played...AFTER IT PLAYED!
Now, honestly, I don't know if I would have actually sang along. It's a great episode, and it was really well done with a bunch of actors who, for the most part, can't sing. But singing along? I can say that I would have enjoyed watching everyone else. And Slyde was really looking forward to it as well. Don't pretend that you weren't!
Anyway, it looks like a fun night out. They have rounds of Buffy-oke (Buffy-themed karaoke), Buffy trivia and other games before the showing of the episode. During the episode, the crowd is asked to participate much in the same way they would during a Rocky Horror show.
I found the Buffy Sing-a-long website and you can check it out here, if you so desire. Now that I know what I'm looking for, I promise not to miss it next time it comes to town. Or I can just check out one of their monthly NYC shows at the IFC Center.
DO NOT MAKE FUN OF ME!!!
Apr 24, 2007
Syd on the crapper
Here is the elusive Syd on the downstairs terlit looking absolutely magnificent.Feel free to ignore the plungers and cleaning products strewn about. We were having some septic tank issues and Syd felt like he needed to be part of the healing process.
Actually, this is part of Syd's daily routine. After Gia comes out of the shower, Syd likes to jump up on the toilet and licks her ass while she is drying herself off. Then Gia fills up a pint glass with ice-cold water and Syd sits on the shitter and laps it up.
Syd is a strange animal.
Apr 22, 2007
Rob Corddry has good taste
Rob Corddry (The Daily Show, The Winner) is one smart cookie.
In an interview in The New York Times Magazine today, he is asked to name his "desert island disks".
You've all played this game, right? It goes like this: What albums (usually 5 or so) would you want to have with you if you were stuck on a deserted island. That's assuming you have an unlimited power supply. And an iPod. Or a CD player. Or a turntable/stereo. You get the idea.
Anyway, you are supposed to list the five albums that you can't live without.
Mr. Corddry listed Boys and Girls in America by The Hold Steady as one of his choices.
If it's good enough for Rob and I, then it should be good enough for you. Give it a listen, OK folks?
PS - Actually not sure it would make my "desert island five" or not. I mean, it's pretty new and I'm still in the process of becoming a fan, but it's a lot of fun.
In an interview in The New York Times Magazine today, he is asked to name his "desert island disks".
You've all played this game, right? It goes like this: What albums (usually 5 or so) would you want to have with you if you were stuck on a deserted island. That's assuming you have an unlimited power supply. And an iPod. Or a CD player. Or a turntable/stereo. You get the idea.
Anyway, you are supposed to list the five albums that you can't live without.
Mr. Corddry listed Boys and Girls in America by The Hold Steady as one of his choices.
If it's good enough for Rob and I, then it should be good enough for you. Give it a listen, OK folks?
PS - Actually not sure it would make my "desert island five" or not. I mean, it's pretty new and I'm still in the process of becoming a fan, but it's a lot of fun.
Apr 18, 2007
Baby, you can drive my car...
I love me some Fox shows!
Prison Break and 24 are some of my favorite wastes of time (wastes of times?) out there. They are some of the most adrenaline-fueled, high-action pieces of brain candy that are currently on network television.
Problem is, Prison Break is done for the year. Fox has this fucked-up schedule. It started sometime last August and ended just a few weeks ago. What, oh what, is going to waste my 8-9 PM hours on Monday nights now?
Drive is the name of the show, my friends...and it's really, really good.
It's a ridiculous premise, of course. A bunch of drivers, some voluntary...some not, are on an underground, illegal cross-country auto race for a prize of $32 million. Most are in teams of two, even if they didn't start out that way. There are daily elimination points and penalties incurred for finishing last at other stops. It's sort of The Amazing Race Gone Wild!
What I really love about the show is the cast. It's sure to satisfy us fans of the Whedon-verse (Buffy, Angel, Serenity, etc...), at least until his next project comes along.
First off is Nathan Fillion (Buffy, Firefly, Serenity) as Alex Tully. A landscaper whose wife is kidnapped by some secret intruder. He is told to join the race, and win it, if he ever wants to see his wife alive again. He's no ordinary landscaper, though. He's got a past. A past that lends itself to succeeding in this particular endeavor.
Fillion shows his star chops once again in this role. As great as he was in Serenity and Firefly, he has the chance to soar here again. Plus, Gia thinks I might be a little gay for him. Just a little.
Oh, and his wife is played by Amy Acker, she of Angel fame.
Next we have his partner in crime, Corinna Wiles, played by Kristen Lehman. OK, she has never acted in any of Joss Whedon's projects, but she did play the Invisigoth on an episode of the X-Files. That should count for something with us sci-fi geeks, right? Plus, she's a hottie.
Rounding out the Whedon trio of players is Richard Brooks (Firefly), who plays the police officer looking for both Alex Tully and his wife. Not a big part, but worth mentioning.
Anyway, it's a lot of fun and a complete waste of time.
Exactly how I like my television programs. Much better than watching the latest coverage of the massacre at Virginia Tech.
Much better.
Prison Break and 24 are some of my favorite wastes of time (wastes of times?) out there. They are some of the most adrenaline-fueled, high-action pieces of brain candy that are currently on network television.
Problem is, Prison Break is done for the year. Fox has this fucked-up schedule. It started sometime last August and ended just a few weeks ago. What, oh what, is going to waste my 8-9 PM hours on Monday nights now?
Drive is the name of the show, my friends...and it's really, really good.
It's a ridiculous premise, of course. A bunch of drivers, some voluntary...some not, are on an underground, illegal cross-country auto race for a prize of $32 million. Most are in teams of two, even if they didn't start out that way. There are daily elimination points and penalties incurred for finishing last at other stops. It's sort of The Amazing Race Gone Wild!
What I really love about the show is the cast. It's sure to satisfy us fans of the Whedon-verse (Buffy, Angel, Serenity, etc...), at least until his next project comes along.
First off is Nathan Fillion (Buffy, Firefly, Serenity) as Alex Tully. A landscaper whose wife is kidnapped by some secret intruder. He is told to join the race, and win it, if he ever wants to see his wife alive again. He's no ordinary landscaper, though. He's got a past. A past that lends itself to succeeding in this particular endeavor.
Fillion shows his star chops once again in this role. As great as he was in Serenity and Firefly, he has the chance to soar here again. Plus, Gia thinks I might be a little gay for him. Just a little.
Oh, and his wife is played by Amy Acker, she of Angel fame.
Next we have his partner in crime, Corinna Wiles, played by Kristen Lehman. OK, she has never acted in any of Joss Whedon's projects, but she did play the Invisigoth on an episode of the X-Files. That should count for something with us sci-fi geeks, right? Plus, she's a hottie.
Rounding out the Whedon trio of players is Richard Brooks (Firefly), who plays the police officer looking for both Alex Tully and his wife. Not a big part, but worth mentioning.
Anyway, it's a lot of fun and a complete waste of time.
Exactly how I like my television programs. Much better than watching the latest coverage of the massacre at Virginia Tech.
Much better.
Apr 13, 2007
Creepy guys
Seeing Grindhouse this past weekend with Slyde made me reminisce of the good ole days of renting bad films from a cheesy video store.
Slyde and I used to do this way too much around 15 years ago. In fact, I belonged to a schlocky video store that was near our local mall called "Rare and Unusual Videos". Many a night was spent getting some pizza and renting an awful B-movie from this store. They didn't categorize their films by the normal "Drama, Comedy, Adventure, etc..." bullshit. No way. This place had categories like "Women in Prison", "Undead" and "Sex Comedies".
Seriously, are there any other kinds of movies?
Some very funny/sad/weird things happened at this long-gone video store. The funniest is a story that I'll leave Slyde to tell (and he has never been able to tell this story the way it really happened...he chooses to blame me instead, the child that he is), but there are others.
This one time when we were on the hunt for the perfect piece of anime or something, this real sketchy dude walks in wearing a long trench coat. He had greasy hair, thick glasses and he was about 300 pounds. His whole persona screamed "Creep!!!" He immediately made his way for the curtain with the "Adults Only" sign over it (you all remember that room, right?), and we don't see him for about ten minutes.
So Slyde and I are at the checkout counter when this guy comes out of the room empty-handed. He goes right to the dude behind the counter and asks "Do you have films with kids in them?".
The counter dude looks at us, and responds "Well, we have a whole section of children's films over there by the window."
Creepy guy says "No, I mean adult films with kids in them."
At this point, Slyde and I are sick to our stomach. We want to take the pervert out in the back and beat the shit out of him. Just fucking destroy him.
The counter dude was a bit calmer and he said "Yeah, sorry pal...not in my store. Now get out!"
The creepy dude apologize and says "Well, the sign says RARE and UNUSUAL videos, so I thought...."
Counter dude comes back with "Within the law, asshole...within the law."
I still think we should have kicked that guy's ass! Hopefully he's never acted on his impulses. Blech!
On a lighter note, when the store announced they were closing with an "Everything Must Go" sign, this equally creepy dude came in and asked the counter dude how much he wanted for the clock on the wall.
The counter dude is a bit perplexed, and he says "The clock? Sorry, we are just selling all of our videos."
Equally creepy dude gets mad "Well the sign says EVERYTHING must go, so why not the clock?" They argue back and forth for a few minutes before equally creepy guy leaves.
Counter dude looks and us and says "I can't wait for this fucking store to close!"
Well said. But I still kinda miss it.
Slyde and I used to do this way too much around 15 years ago. In fact, I belonged to a schlocky video store that was near our local mall called "Rare and Unusual Videos". Many a night was spent getting some pizza and renting an awful B-movie from this store. They didn't categorize their films by the normal "Drama, Comedy, Adventure, etc..." bullshit. No way. This place had categories like "Women in Prison", "Undead" and "Sex Comedies".
Seriously, are there any other kinds of movies?
Some very funny/sad/weird things happened at this long-gone video store. The funniest is a story that I'll leave Slyde to tell (and he has never been able to tell this story the way it really happened...he chooses to blame me instead, the child that he is), but there are others.
This one time when we were on the hunt for the perfect piece of anime or something, this real sketchy dude walks in wearing a long trench coat. He had greasy hair, thick glasses and he was about 300 pounds. His whole persona screamed "Creep!!!" He immediately made his way for the curtain with the "Adults Only" sign over it (you all remember that room, right?), and we don't see him for about ten minutes.
So Slyde and I are at the checkout counter when this guy comes out of the room empty-handed. He goes right to the dude behind the counter and asks "Do you have films with kids in them?".
The counter dude looks at us, and responds "Well, we have a whole section of children's films over there by the window."
Creepy guy says "No, I mean adult films with kids in them."
At this point, Slyde and I are sick to our stomach. We want to take the pervert out in the back and beat the shit out of him. Just fucking destroy him.
The counter dude was a bit calmer and he said "Yeah, sorry pal...not in my store. Now get out!"
The creepy dude apologize and says "Well, the sign says RARE and UNUSUAL videos, so I thought...."
Counter dude comes back with "Within the law, asshole...within the law."
I still think we should have kicked that guy's ass! Hopefully he's never acted on his impulses. Blech!
On a lighter note, when the store announced they were closing with an "Everything Must Go" sign, this equally creepy dude came in and asked the counter dude how much he wanted for the clock on the wall.
The counter dude is a bit perplexed, and he says "The clock? Sorry, we are just selling all of our videos."
Equally creepy dude gets mad "Well the sign says EVERYTHING must go, so why not the clock?" They argue back and forth for a few minutes before equally creepy guy leaves.
Counter dude looks and us and says "I can't wait for this fucking store to close!"
Well said. But I still kinda miss it.
Apr 10, 2007
Brooooooooce!!!!
Hey kids! I was having a crazy good time last week, so I didn't get a chance to post. But I'm going to make it up to you with three, yes three consecutive posts this week. Can ya just taste the excitement?
Our first post this week is about one of the best concerts I have ever been lucky enough to attend. Last Thursday, Gia and I went to go see the latest in the Music for Youth concert series at Carnegie Hall. This time it was celebrating the music of Bruce Springsteen. Da Boss.
I've never been a huge fan, but Gia...well, let's just say she's a true fan. There are stories, believe me, stories from her past about Mr. Springsteen that are truly something. Let's just leave it at that. We had awesome tickets as well. Just about center in a private box with six other folks. Hi-back comfy, velvet seats. Aaargh! I don't think I can ever see a show in a regular seat again!
Great lineup of stars showed up to pay tribute with their rendering of a Springsteen classic. The lineup included the Bacon Brothers (with an uber-skinny Kevin Bacon. Dude, eat a sandwich!), Elysian Fields (who acted as the house band for many of the solo stars), Josh Ritter, Marah (Gia's favorite band...she and I were sooo excited), The Holmes Brothers w/ Young People's Chorus, Robin Holcomb, Jersey Guys featuring Bobby Valli, North Mississippi All-Stars, Uri Cane, Juliana Hatfield, Low Stars, Badly Drawn Boy, Joseph Arthur, Jesse Malin & Ronnie Spector, and M. Ward.
But the highlights of the show, for me and many, many others in attendance, were as follows:
Our first post this week is about one of the best concerts I have ever been lucky enough to attend. Last Thursday, Gia and I went to go see the latest in the Music for Youth concert series at Carnegie Hall. This time it was celebrating the music of Bruce Springsteen. Da Boss.
I've never been a huge fan, but Gia...well, let's just say she's a true fan. There are stories, believe me, stories from her past about Mr. Springsteen that are truly something. Let's just leave it at that. We had awesome tickets as well. Just about center in a private box with six other folks. Hi-back comfy, velvet seats. Aaargh! I don't think I can ever see a show in a regular seat again!
Great lineup of stars showed up to pay tribute with their rendering of a Springsteen classic. The lineup included the Bacon Brothers (with an uber-skinny Kevin Bacon. Dude, eat a sandwich!), Elysian Fields (who acted as the house band for many of the solo stars), Josh Ritter, Marah (Gia's favorite band...she and I were sooo excited), The Holmes Brothers w/ Young People's Chorus, Robin Holcomb, Jersey Guys featuring Bobby Valli, North Mississippi All-Stars, Uri Cane, Juliana Hatfield, Low Stars, Badly Drawn Boy, Joseph Arthur, Jesse Malin & Ronnie Spector, and M. Ward.
But the highlights of the show, for me and many, many others in attendance, were as follows:
- Steve Earle "Nebraska" - He walks solo onto the stage, looks around and says "Nice joint." Perfect! Great way to start the show. With my favorite song off of my favorite album of the same name.
- Patti Smith "Because the Night" - the first surprise guest of the night, and it gave me goosebumps. I've never seen this legend in concert before and she rocked the house. She even spit on the stage halfway through the song. A clear sign that this rebel still won't act like a lady, even though her deceased husband asked her to if she ever got voted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Just amazing!
- Pete Yorn "Dancing in the Dark" - He came out talking about the first time he ever heard Bruce, back in the 80's. He was watching MTV and this dude in a white t-shirt and jeans was dancing around to the "feel-good" hit of the summer. Even pulled up a young Courtney Cox on stage. And he thought "What the hell is this?" Because when you listen to the lyrics, it's really a pretty dark song. And that's how he played it.
- Odetta "57 Channels and Nothing On" - I don't know much about this wonderful woman, but she was escorted onto the stage in a wheelchair and she did a funny, beautiful, spoken verse version of this song. It brought the house down.
- The Hold Steady "Atlantic City" - Another surprise guest, and no one was happier than Gia and I. We are huge fans! I really wanted to hear them do "Rosalita" (and we'll get to that later on), but I love this song as well. And they did a kick-ass version of it. Not at all like the Bruce version. Folks all around us were scrambling for their programs to find out just who they were. Too bad they weren't actually on the program, but we tried to inform as many people as possible. This, my friends, is one damn fine rock and roll band.
But let's get to the clear highlight of the show. Midway through the night, someone in the next box over poked me and said that he just spotted Bruce himself. He was in a private box around 10 doors down from us. We all just knew that he was going to play. I mean, he had to!
And he didn't disappoint. After The Hold Steady rocked the house, he came out and played two acoustic versions of his songs. "Promised Land" and "Rosalita". Towards the end of the latter, he stopped and started talking to the audience. He talked about everything that had happened to our hero from the song until the present day. He and Rosie got married, lived pretty much happily ever after (despite what the tabloids said), the hero became a big star with his band then he got happy and broke up the band, then he started singing happy songs...and nobody like that, so he got the band back together he wrote some sad songs...and everybody liked him again, he put on a few pounds, touched up his hair, and wound up in the greatest city on Earth at the greatest concert hall where all sorts of folks showed up to celebrate his music.
It was awesome!
Then he invited all the artists who performed already to join him on stage for a raucous version of "Rosalita" once again. He asked for volunteers to sing verses, and damn if Craig Finn from The Hold Steady didn't start things off. So I kinda got my wish. That dude is a maniac on stage! He was joined by Badly Drawn Boy, Jesse Malin and Steve Earle. It was a sprawling, crazy time...and a great way to end the show.
I have to say that I am now a fan of Bruce Springsteen. Thanks, Gia!
Apr 1, 2007
Back from The Back Room
Had another one of those crazy weekends, but that's neither here nor there. I'll do a full post about it on Tuesday (with pictures to boot!).
The hi-light of the craziness was the discovery of a new bar in old NYC on Friday night. We went to this "new" speakeasy down on the Lower East Side called The Back Room. It's co-owned by such big shots as Tim Robbins and Mark Messier, but there were no bigger shots there that night than my crew. Okay, I promise never to use the phrase "my crew" ever again.
We arrived just after 8PM, having had a few before we got there. Once we found our way down the non-marked alleyway, complete with a gate that I think they paid extra for to make it super-creaky, we headed into a beautiful 2-level lounge. There is also a secret door into a hidden back room, but it's not open to the public (have to be in-the-know, if you catch my drift). Must finagle my way in there one day. I'll get Gia on it!
The drinks are served in teacups to preserve the "prohibition era" feel of the joint. If you want a bottled beer, they wrap it in a paper bag for you. Neat.
We had some great drinks (duh) while we were there. One was a kind of margarita with brown sugar, cinnamon and cider in it. I chatted up the bartender, and he offered to make me one of his special cocktails (quiet, Slyde) that wasn't on the drink menu. It was a bit of Hendrick's Gin with some muddled mint, lemon and cucumber. It was awesome!
Anyway, headed to Opening Day at Yankee Stadium tomorrow. Can't wait! That and the finals of the NCAA basketball tourney in the evening should make for a pretty drunken Monday.
Then...rehab. It's about time...phew!
Here is a photo of the upper level of The Back Room. The arrow points towards the entrance to the "hidden back room". Of course, the arrow isn't really on the wall like that. It's just on the picture. Otherwise it wouldn't be very hidden. C'mon people, think!
Mar 29, 2007
I just realized...
...that when I changed the template of my blog I lost the site counter that I was using.
Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.
Most of the hits were probably from me refreshing the page anyway.
Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.
Most of the hits were probably from me refreshing the page anyway.
Mar 28, 2007
Fucking tagged again
This time by Anna. Ugh, here goes
3 Things That Scare Me: People who like David Hasselhoff, sharks (they're killers, people!), Disco.
3 People Who Make Me Laugh: Sarah Silverman, Eddie Izzard, Gia (all the time...all the time).
3 Things I Love: Watching the scenery at The Green Parrot Bar in Key West, that first cup of coffee in the morning, a really, really, really good movie. (Gia, of course, as well)
3 Things I Hate: People who double-park or drive the wrong way in a one-way parking lot...basically people who act like they own the road, Guinness poured into a chilled glass (wtf is that, people?), mushrooms and their ilk.
3 Things I Don't Understand: the war in Iraq, mushrooms and their ilk, homophobia.
3 Things I'm Doing Right Now: avoiding work, filling out this fucking meme, listening to The Hold Steady.
3 Things I Want To Do Before I Die: bungee jump (seriously), take an Alaskan cruise, lounge in an eternity pool.
3 Things I Can Do: juggle...I mean, not well but I can juggle, predict meaningless things (like songs played on the radio, or home runs by singles hitters...nothing on a grand scale, but I do "shine" a little bit), tell you the exact issue number of any important comic book in my collection and many more that I wish I owned.
3 Things I Can't Do: Tell someone right away that they are annoying me (it usually takes multiple occurrences), whistle through my fingers, spell "parallel" without spell-check (and it still doesn't look right).
3 Things I Think You Should Listen To: your parents (for the most part), your significant other (for the most part), your heart. Awwwww.
3 Things You Should Never Listen To: Bad advice (duh!), Nickelback, Mets fans.
3 Things I'd Like To Learn: as many different languages as possible, guitar (but I'm afraid that my fingers don't work that way), self-discipline.
3 Shows I Watched As A Kid: The Kids from C.A.P.E.R. (I dare anyone to remember this show), Happy Days, WKRP in Cincinnati.
3 Bloggers I've tagged: No one of importance. Let the madness end now, people.
EDIT - Apparently, the proper name for the pool I was looking for was an infinity pool, not an eternity pool. Do a google image search on "infinity pool" and you will see some of the greatest acheivements in mankind. Seriously!
3 Things That Scare Me: People who like David Hasselhoff, sharks (they're killers, people!), Disco.
3 People Who Make Me Laugh: Sarah Silverman, Eddie Izzard, Gia (all the time...all the time).
3 Things I Love: Watching the scenery at The Green Parrot Bar in Key West, that first cup of coffee in the morning, a really, really, really good movie. (Gia, of course, as well)
3 Things I Hate: People who double-park or drive the wrong way in a one-way parking lot...basically people who act like they own the road, Guinness poured into a chilled glass (wtf is that, people?), mushrooms and their ilk.
3 Things I Don't Understand: the war in Iraq, mushrooms and their ilk, homophobia.
3 Things I'm Doing Right Now: avoiding work, filling out this fucking meme, listening to The Hold Steady.
3 Things I Want To Do Before I Die: bungee jump (seriously), take an Alaskan cruise, lounge in an eternity pool.
3 Things I Can Do: juggle...I mean, not well but I can juggle, predict meaningless things (like songs played on the radio, or home runs by singles hitters...nothing on a grand scale, but I do "shine" a little bit), tell you the exact issue number of any important comic book in my collection and many more that I wish I owned.
3 Things I Can't Do: Tell someone right away that they are annoying me (it usually takes multiple occurrences), whistle through my fingers, spell "parallel" without spell-check (and it still doesn't look right).
3 Things I Think You Should Listen To: your parents (for the most part), your significant other (for the most part), your heart. Awwwww.
3 Things You Should Never Listen To: Bad advice (duh!), Nickelback, Mets fans.
3 Things I'd Like To Learn: as many different languages as possible, guitar (but I'm afraid that my fingers don't work that way), self-discipline.
3 Shows I Watched As A Kid: The Kids from C.A.P.E.R. (I dare anyone to remember this show), Happy Days, WKRP in Cincinnati.
3 Bloggers I've tagged: No one of importance. Let the madness end now, people.
EDIT - Apparently, the proper name for the pool I was looking for was an infinity pool, not an eternity pool. Do a google image search on "infinity pool" and you will see some of the greatest acheivements in mankind. Seriously!
Mar 23, 2007
Must. See. Now!!!
OK. There are a whole lot of movies that I have waited forever to see. Some I've been disappointed in (AI), some exceeded my wildest expectations (The Lord of the Rings trilogy), and some have downright sucked (hello, George Lucas?).
Ah, Rosie....we love ya!
But there is a tri-fecta of films out that are soon to be released that I CANNOT WAIT FOR. Seriously, I feel like Cartman waiting for the Wii to come out. C'mon.....C'MON!!!!
The first one actually hits the theaters today, and if I can convince the woman to go out tonight then I will be seeing it shortly. It's called Shooter, and it's based on a book by Stephen Hunter (film critic for the Washington Post) called Point of Impact.
It's a great read. Pure popcorn, and it reads almost like a screenplay. Not far-fetched considering the author's day job. I can't believe that it's taken as long as it has for it to reach the big screen. Mark Wahlberg may be all wrong for the title character, but I don't care! As long as it successful and they keep making sequels. Hunter has written a bunch more novels since that first one dealing with either the main character (Bob Lee Swagger) or his father (Earl Swagger...nice name, eh?). Great stuff.
The second film shouldn't be a surprise. It's Grindhouse by two of the least "Hollywood" directors in the business. Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. They've also enlisted the help of Eli Roth, Edgar Wright and Rob Zombie for some fake trailers for the "double feature".
This one looks like it can't miss. I mean, Rose McGowan has a freakin' rifle/rocket launcher for a prosthetic leg fer crissakes! What trumps that? Nothing, in my book.
Should be fun to see good-guy Kurt Russell play a baddie in the "Deathproof" segment. Or Freddy Rodriguez play a killing machine in the "Planet Terror" segment. Or Rose McGowan with a freakin' rifle/rocket launch..., oh...sorry. Already said that. Great, great stuff!
The last film in my "2 Die 4" trilogy would be Spider-Man 3. A bit weird for me because I wasn't looking forward to the first Spider-Man film at all. But Sam Raimi and Tobey Maguire got it right. And they got it even, er, righter (?) in Spider-Man 2. So if things progress this way, then Spider-Man 3 should be the best....film....EVER!!!!!!
Well, maybe the best super-hero movie ever. Notice I didn't say comic-book adaptation ever. Sorry kids...that's got to go to Sin City. Hands down.
Don't even try to argue with me on that last point. Useless, I tell you. Useless.
Ah, Rosie....we love ya!
Mar 17, 2007
Odin, Oden, Odin, Oden
Watching the NCAA tournament, especially the first couple of rounds, is one of my favorite thinigs. Evah! Well that and a nice mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich. When the mutton is sliced nice and lean, and the tomatoes...they're so nice and perky, but no...
Sooo...one of the fabulous freshmen playing in the tournament this year is named Greg Oden and he plays for Ohio State. He's great, but really...who cares about that?
What I dig is his name. Oden. Sounds like Odin, the one-eyed god-king of the ancient Norse. Also the name of a really terrible hair-metal band from the 80's. That's what I like about him.
If you ever saw the film The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years, the band Odin was featured prominently. They were an up and coming LA band with their lead singer Randy O. They never made it as (Thank God!) hair-metal soon went the way of the dodo.
But there was this great scene in the film with the old owner of some club in LA announcing the band with the chant:
"Odin....Odin....Odin....Odin"
But it was like an old Catskills emcee from the 50's announcing them. Or Ed Sullivan. No emotion, no charge, no grrrrrrr-metal stuff. Just "Odin....Odin....Odin....Odin". Hysterical!
Anyway, everytime they mention Greg Oden on the tube, Gia and I start chanting "Oden....Oden....Oden....Oden". Then we laugh. Gia just went in the bedroom to take a nap, and I can hear her chanting it from the living room.
We're so stooopid.
Sooo...one of the fabulous freshmen playing in the tournament this year is named Greg Oden and he plays for Ohio State. He's great, but really...who cares about that?
What I dig is his name. Oden. Sounds like Odin, the one-eyed god-king of the ancient Norse. Also the name of a really terrible hair-metal band from the 80's. That's what I like about him.
If you ever saw the film The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years, the band Odin was featured prominently. They were an up and coming LA band with their lead singer Randy O. They never made it as (Thank God!) hair-metal soon went the way of the dodo.
But there was this great scene in the film with the old owner of some club in LA announcing the band with the chant:
"Odin....Odin....Odin....Odin"
But it was like an old Catskills emcee from the 50's announcing them. Or Ed Sullivan. No emotion, no charge, no grrrrrrr-metal stuff. Just "Odin....Odin....Odin....Odin". Hysterical!
Anyway, everytime they mention Greg Oden on the tube, Gia and I start chanting "Oden....Oden....Oden....Oden". Then we laugh. Gia just went in the bedroom to take a nap, and I can hear her chanting it from the living room.
We're so stooopid.
Mar 13, 2007
St. Patrick's Day
Ah...the most wonderful time of the year!
The weather is warming up. The NCAA tournament is right around the corner. The Yankees will soon be playing home games in the Bronx. And, oh yeah...the Guinness is flowing.
Well it was this past Sunday, at least. Our town had their 79th annual St. Patrick's Day Parade this past weekend and it was a beeee-yoootiful day! They always hold it the Sunday before the actual day.
Having not learned my lesson from the previous week, I attempted to drink all the Guinness that my liver could withstand. Did a pretty good job of it too!
We had a dinner party over Gia's sister's house the night before the parade. Very nice. Mellow. Low-key night at home, right? Wrong!
We wound up drinking massive quantities of wine and beer before calling it a night. It was a blast. I had promised, however, to buy bagels and cream cheese for breakfast at a friend's house for the pre-parade party. I was supposed to be there by 10AM. Shouldn't have been a problem.
Except that I woke up at 9AM and forgot to turn my clock ahead an hour for Daylight Savings Time. STUPID DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!
OK. No big deal. I called and let them know I was going to be late. Then I kissed G goodbye (blech...morning breath. Mine, not hers!), and headed out the door to the bagel place. It was halfway there that I discovered that I was still a little drunk from last night.
What's an Irish boy supposed to do on parade day when it's a little after 10AM and I'm already drunk? That's right...continue drinking.
Didn't help matters that a buddy of mine brought a flask of Irish Whiskey with him to the parade. Many, many black beers and nips of whiskey later and this drunk was feeling pretty good. Damn good, in fact.
Lots of foolishness followed. Nothing embarrassing, really. I mean, I didn't piss on any carpets or anything. Just lots of foolish fun.
Which is all we can really ask for on such a glorious day. Hope you all have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day this coming weekend. Slainte!
Update - check out the yummy goodness in the picture on the sidebar. I took that pic on what shall now be referred to as "carpet pissing" day in my household. We were at a bar called The Dublin House in NYC and this was our first round there. It looked so good I had to take a pic. Enjoy!
The weather is warming up. The NCAA tournament is right around the corner. The Yankees will soon be playing home games in the Bronx. And, oh yeah...the Guinness is flowing.
Well it was this past Sunday, at least. Our town had their 79th annual St. Patrick's Day Parade this past weekend and it was a beeee-yoootiful day! They always hold it the Sunday before the actual day.
Having not learned my lesson from the previous week, I attempted to drink all the Guinness that my liver could withstand. Did a pretty good job of it too!
We had a dinner party over Gia's sister's house the night before the parade. Very nice. Mellow. Low-key night at home, right? Wrong!
We wound up drinking massive quantities of wine and beer before calling it a night. It was a blast. I had promised, however, to buy bagels and cream cheese for breakfast at a friend's house for the pre-parade party. I was supposed to be there by 10AM. Shouldn't have been a problem.
Except that I woke up at 9AM and forgot to turn my clock ahead an hour for Daylight Savings Time. STUPID DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME!
OK. No big deal. I called and let them know I was going to be late. Then I kissed G goodbye (blech...morning breath. Mine, not hers!), and headed out the door to the bagel place. It was halfway there that I discovered that I was still a little drunk from last night.
What's an Irish boy supposed to do on parade day when it's a little after 10AM and I'm already drunk? That's right...continue drinking.
Didn't help matters that a buddy of mine brought a flask of Irish Whiskey with him to the parade. Many, many black beers and nips of whiskey later and this drunk was feeling pretty good. Damn good, in fact.
Lots of foolishness followed. Nothing embarrassing, really. I mean, I didn't piss on any carpets or anything. Just lots of foolish fun.
Which is all we can really ask for on such a glorious day. Hope you all have a wonderful St. Patrick's Day this coming weekend. Slainte!
Update - check out the yummy goodness in the picture on the sidebar. I took that pic on what shall now be referred to as "carpet pissing" day in my household. We were at a bar called The Dublin House in NYC and this was our first round there. It looked so good I had to take a pic. Enjoy!
Mar 8, 2007
Pissers and Shitters
OK...just to state it right here and right now so that I don't hum and haw about it later on:
I peed on the carpet in the corner of our hotel room over the weekend.
My God! I still can't believe it. Even when I see it written out on the screen right there. I peed in the corner of our hotel room on the carpet. Lemme 'splain.
So on Saturday, I had a "guys day out" planned with some of my friends. We went into the city and did our version of a pub crawl. Hit a bunch of great bars. Had some decent food. Walked around alot. It was great fun.
Now Gia had a few days off and wanted to come in as well, but there were no ladies allowed on our "guys day out". Not my rules, but those were the rules. So we got ourselves a hotel room (a beautiful one-bedroom suite with a separate living area complete with a sofa-bed) for the next few days with the intention that we would pretend to be city folk. Gia asked my sister to join her in the city on Saturday and they would do their thing, while the guys did our thing. Great plan!
Well, I get back to the hotel sometime after midnight. We had been drinking since around 2:30 in the afternoon. Drinking hard at times! So you could imagine my state.
The girls weren't back yet, but I got a call saying that they were on their way. Once they arrived, the three of us headed back out to a local Irish pub a few blocks away. More good stuff flowed as Gia told me HER embarrassing story of the evening.
You see, her tummy wasn't doing too well, and she, er, well, she kinda sharted before dinner. Undergarments had to be thrown away, and the clean-up effort took about a half-hour. They were nowhere near our hotel and they had a dinner reservation just around the corner from where they were.
She was mortified, but somehow she made it through the night. Did I ever mention that this was the first time she was hanging out with one of my sisters for the evening? Niiiiiiice!
Anyway we head back to the hotel. I set up the sofa-bed for my sister and we all headed to sleep.
The next part of the story is something out of The Twilight Zone.
I had, apparently, shed all my clothes before hopping into bed because the next thing I became aware of was coming to consciousness while I was standing in the corner of our bedroom. Naked. Peeing on the carpet. WTF?
I immediately stop, and hop into bed hoping that Gia hasn't noticed. She has. She is wide awake and saying stuff like "You just peed in the corner? WTF?". I try to distract her with warm snuggling and utter gibberish, but she is having none of it. She keeps repeating "You just peed in the corner." Nothing like stating the obvious, huh?
I soon pass out once again, and I'm gone. For like 5 straight hours.
When I finally wake up, I have this strange recollection of a dream that I had last night. I had dreamed that I peed on the carpet in the corner of the room. Weird. I looked under the blanket. Naked...check. No urine stains...check. I peer into the corner of the room and there is no tell-tale wet stain...double check (but the carpet was dark, so maybe...). Phew! I HAD dreamed it. Weird dream.
Then I turn over and see Gia staring at me. Her first words were "You peed on the carpet last night." FUCK!!!!!
I gotta tell you there is no explanation in the world for this. I have been much drunker, MUCH DRUNKER, in the past than I was this particular evening...and I have always managed to make it to the bathroom. Sure, I've puked in some odd places, but peeing? This is crazy! And as Slyde keeps reminding me...I'm 40!!!! No excuses can be made.
What's weird is that everyone we have told this story, almost to a person, has laughed and said "Oh yeah, my boyfriend/husband/brother/whatever has done that when he was wasted!"
Really? It's like an epidemic or something. I do remember my older brother doing that when we were younger and sharing a room. Middle of the night. Gets up. Pees on the rug. But he was wasted and like 19 at the time.
But not me...I've always been pretty particular about where I pee.
Let's hope this doesn't start a trend.
PS - Do you like how I added Gia's embarrassing tale in the middle of mine to lessen the impact? Also, I thought real hard about posting this, but it was way too funny. And this blog is mostly anonymous. Only Gia and Slyde from my real life read it, and they already knew about it...so WTF.
I peed on the carpet in the corner of our hotel room over the weekend.
My God! I still can't believe it. Even when I see it written out on the screen right there. I peed in the corner of our hotel room on the carpet. Lemme 'splain.
So on Saturday, I had a "guys day out" planned with some of my friends. We went into the city and did our version of a pub crawl. Hit a bunch of great bars. Had some decent food. Walked around alot. It was great fun.
Now Gia had a few days off and wanted to come in as well, but there were no ladies allowed on our "guys day out". Not my rules, but those were the rules. So we got ourselves a hotel room (a beautiful one-bedroom suite with a separate living area complete with a sofa-bed) for the next few days with the intention that we would pretend to be city folk. Gia asked my sister to join her in the city on Saturday and they would do their thing, while the guys did our thing. Great plan!
Well, I get back to the hotel sometime after midnight. We had been drinking since around 2:30 in the afternoon. Drinking hard at times! So you could imagine my state.
The girls weren't back yet, but I got a call saying that they were on their way. Once they arrived, the three of us headed back out to a local Irish pub a few blocks away. More good stuff flowed as Gia told me HER embarrassing story of the evening.
You see, her tummy wasn't doing too well, and she, er, well, she kinda sharted before dinner. Undergarments had to be thrown away, and the clean-up effort took about a half-hour. They were nowhere near our hotel and they had a dinner reservation just around the corner from where they were.
She was mortified, but somehow she made it through the night. Did I ever mention that this was the first time she was hanging out with one of my sisters for the evening? Niiiiiiice!
Anyway we head back to the hotel. I set up the sofa-bed for my sister and we all headed to sleep.
The next part of the story is something out of The Twilight Zone.
I had, apparently, shed all my clothes before hopping into bed because the next thing I became aware of was coming to consciousness while I was standing in the corner of our bedroom. Naked. Peeing on the carpet. WTF?
I immediately stop, and hop into bed hoping that Gia hasn't noticed. She has. She is wide awake and saying stuff like "You just peed in the corner? WTF?". I try to distract her with warm snuggling and utter gibberish, but she is having none of it. She keeps repeating "You just peed in the corner." Nothing like stating the obvious, huh?
I soon pass out once again, and I'm gone. For like 5 straight hours.
When I finally wake up, I have this strange recollection of a dream that I had last night. I had dreamed that I peed on the carpet in the corner of the room. Weird. I looked under the blanket. Naked...check. No urine stains...check. I peer into the corner of the room and there is no tell-tale wet stain...double check (but the carpet was dark, so maybe...). Phew! I HAD dreamed it. Weird dream.
Then I turn over and see Gia staring at me. Her first words were "You peed on the carpet last night." FUCK!!!!!
I gotta tell you there is no explanation in the world for this. I have been much drunker, MUCH DRUNKER, in the past than I was this particular evening...and I have always managed to make it to the bathroom. Sure, I've puked in some odd places, but peeing? This is crazy! And as Slyde keeps reminding me...I'm 40!!!! No excuses can be made.
What's weird is that everyone we have told this story, almost to a person, has laughed and said "Oh yeah, my boyfriend/husband/brother/whatever has done that when he was wasted!"
Really? It's like an epidemic or something. I do remember my older brother doing that when we were younger and sharing a room. Middle of the night. Gets up. Pees on the rug. But he was wasted and like 19 at the time.
But not me...I've always been pretty particular about where I pee.
Let's hope this doesn't start a trend.
PS - Do you like how I added Gia's embarrassing tale in the middle of mine to lessen the impact? Also, I thought real hard about posting this, but it was way too funny. And this blog is mostly anonymous. Only Gia and Slyde from my real life read it, and they already knew about it...so WTF.
Mar 7, 2007
Went away...
...for a few days with the woman.
Wanted to go away somewhere fun, but we love NYC so much (the restuarants, the bars) that we decided to just get a hotel room for a few days and hit a bunch of new places.
Good times were had. Wonderfully awful things happened.
I'll fill y'all in as soon as I recover.
Wanted to go away somewhere fun, but we love NYC so much (the restuarants, the bars) that we decided to just get a hotel room for a few days and hit a bunch of new places.
Good times were had. Wonderfully awful things happened.
I'll fill y'all in as soon as I recover.
Mar 2, 2007
For Kitty
Because it was requested by Kat, here is a recipe that I stole (that's right) from the NY Times a few weeks ago. It was yummy! Much more like a savory bread pudding than a soup, but equally delicous.
1 baguette, cut into 1/2-inch slices (around 30 slices)
9 tablespoons butter, softened
9 ounces Emmental cheese, finely grated
8 medium yellow onions, finely sliced
1 tablespoon kosher/sea salt
1 cup tomato puree
1. Toast the baguette slices and coat each with butter after they have cooled. Then spread a generous layer of the Emmental cheese over them. Use all but about 1/2 cup or more of the cheese.
2. In a large saucepan, melt the remaining butter (or 4 tablespoons) and saute the onions until they are very soft and golden.
3. In a casserole dish (at least 5 quarts. I used a Dutch oven), arrange a layer of 1/3 of the bread slices. Spread 1/3 of the onions over them, followed by 1/3 of the tomato puree. Repeat for two more layers. Sprinkle the remaining grated cheese on top. To avoid boiling over, dish must not be more than 2/3 full.
4. In a saucepan, bring 1 1/2 quarts water to boil. Add the salt. Very slowly, pour the salted water into the casserole, near the edge, so that the liquid rises to the top layer of cheese without covering it. You may need more or less water.
5. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put the casserole on the stove and simmer, uncovered for 30 minutes. Then transfer to hot oven and bake uncovered for 1 hour. The soup is ready when the surface is crusty, golden cake and the inside is unctuous (nice word!) and so well blended that it is difficult to discern onion from cheese. Each person is served some of the baked crust and some of the inside, which should be thick but not completely without liquid. Serves 6.
PS - Betcha y'all didn't know that I had mad kitchen skillz. OK, I promise never to type "skillz" again.
Soupe a l'Oignon Gratinee
1 baguette, cut into 1/2-inch slices (around 30 slices)
9 tablespoons butter, softened
9 ounces Emmental cheese, finely grated
8 medium yellow onions, finely sliced
1 tablespoon kosher/sea salt
1 cup tomato puree
1. Toast the baguette slices and coat each with butter after they have cooled. Then spread a generous layer of the Emmental cheese over them. Use all but about 1/2 cup or more of the cheese.
2. In a large saucepan, melt the remaining butter (or 4 tablespoons) and saute the onions until they are very soft and golden.
3. In a casserole dish (at least 5 quarts. I used a Dutch oven), arrange a layer of 1/3 of the bread slices. Spread 1/3 of the onions over them, followed by 1/3 of the tomato puree. Repeat for two more layers. Sprinkle the remaining grated cheese on top. To avoid boiling over, dish must not be more than 2/3 full.
4. In a saucepan, bring 1 1/2 quarts water to boil. Add the salt. Very slowly, pour the salted water into the casserole, near the edge, so that the liquid rises to the top layer of cheese without covering it. You may need more or less water.
5. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Put the casserole on the stove and simmer, uncovered for 30 minutes. Then transfer to hot oven and bake uncovered for 1 hour. The soup is ready when the surface is crusty, golden cake and the inside is unctuous (nice word!) and so well blended that it is difficult to discern onion from cheese. Each person is served some of the baked crust and some of the inside, which should be thick but not completely without liquid. Serves 6.
PS - Betcha y'all didn't know that I had mad kitchen skillz. OK, I promise never to type "skillz" again.
Feb 28, 2007
Far Out
Had soooo much fun last night.
A local artsy-type cinema in my town had a Big Lebowski party for no real reason than to get a bunch of us fans drunk and screaming and laughing at the film on the big screen.
$15 cover charge gave us admission along with a one-year subscription to Pulse magazine (whatever that is) and all-you-can-drink White Russians! Awesome! We even had a pre-party at a friends house where we drank...you guessed it...White Russians!
There is a drinking game that is played to this movie where you try to drink a White Russian every time the Dude drinks one. It's not easy, my friends. I've tried it. Whew!
Anyway, it was a blast. I was never one for the midnight Rocky Horror experience, but seeing one of my favorite films with 150 or so other fans was a hoot and a half. I laughed more last night than I did in any previous viewing of the film, and I've seen it a lot!
They plan on doing things like this more often. Last month they had a sing-along to the musical episode from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I missed it. And if you know anything about me or my obsession with all things Buffy, then you know I was crushed. I, sadly, didn't find out about it until the night it played. Late that night. Dammit!!
Back to last night. Fun, fun, fun. Can't wait to see what they do next month.
PS - any comments about my love for all things Buffy will not sit well with me. You are warned.
Feb 26, 2007
Praising Silverman!
OK, so I kept my promise and didn't really watch the Oscars. Well...most of it. I was visiting with Gia at the restaurant and they had it on the TV, so you could say that I did see some of it. The Will Ferrell/Jack Black/John C. Reilly song number was pretty funny. Especially when Ferrell deferred to Mark Wahlberg, admitting he could kick Will's ass...that was funny!
But not nearly as funny as the 2007 Film Independent's Spirit Awards, which also aired over the weekend. And the reason it was so funny was the host...the lovely and talented Sarah Silverman.
But not nearly as funny as the 2007 Film Independent's Spirit Awards, which also aired over the weekend. And the reason it was so funny was the host...the lovely and talented Sarah Silverman.
OK, that may not be the best pic of her. I search for pictures on the Internet pretty much the same way I search for parking spots at the shopping mall. First one I see...I grab it!
Anyway, she was hysterical and the show was fantastic. It was witty, irreverent and exactly what the Oscars should be. They had stars like Minnie Driver and Rosario Dawson singing tribute songs about Best Film nominees to the beat of 70's pop classics. I couldn't find any youtube links for them, but they are great.
And the whole show will be replayed a number of times on IFC this week, so catch it just to see Sarah Silverman doing a joke about fucking her favorite cheese. It's well worth it.
My God! Jimmy Kimmel???????
Anyway, she was hysterical and the show was fantastic. It was witty, irreverent and exactly what the Oscars should be. They had stars like Minnie Driver and Rosario Dawson singing tribute songs about Best Film nominees to the beat of 70's pop classics. I couldn't find any youtube links for them, but they are great.
And the whole show will be replayed a number of times on IFC this week, so catch it just to see Sarah Silverman doing a joke about fucking her favorite cheese. It's well worth it.
My God! Jimmy Kimmel???????
Feb 22, 2007
Oscar bzzzzzzz
Sorry...must have fallen asleep when typing the title. Meant to say "Oscar buzzzzzzzzzz"
Damn! Keep falling asleep. Probably because I'm more bored than ever with the "spectacle" of the Oscars.
I actually have seen two of the films that are nominated for Best Picture this year. That's almost a record for me. I have seen The Departed, which I loved, and Little Miss Sunshine, which I thought was a nice little film that doesn't belong in this category. It was fun, but c'mon folks. Not the stuff of greatness.
I would like to see both Babel and Letters from Iwo Jima. I've tried to see Babel with Gia, but she is not-so-secretly in love with Gael Garcia Bernal so she wants to see it alone. Hell, I just wanna be around afterwards so she can take the passion she feels out on me.
I'm not proud.
And I think that Clint Eastwood is a fantastic director and Ken Watanabe is a very good actor, so Letters from Iwo Jima seems interesting. Especially seeing it from the Japanese point of view. Very few American movies deviate from the "God Bless the USA" attitude that pervades Hollywood. Way to go, Clint (you tough guy, you)!
As for The Queen, well the most praise that I have heard about it comes from my mother. So it's not way up there on my "must-see" list, if you know what I mean.
As for the rest of the major awards I have one thing to say. Yawn!
Leo, Ryan, the Fresh Prince and that slack-eyed monster going against a legend of the business in Peter O'Toole. Wow! Actually, I feel bad for the "slack-eyed" comment now. That wasn't nice. Forest Whitaker is actually a pretty great actor. So are Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Gosling, for that matter. But Will Smith? Again? C'mon!
And the women? Aren't Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet nominated just about every year? And Penelope Cruz has about as much soul as my CD collection.
None that is.
So who cares about those awards.
I'm more interested in Jackie Earle Haley winning Best Supporting Actor and Martin Scorsese winning Best Director. That would be something. I especially love how everyone is treating Scorsese this year. We all feel soooo bad for him, having never won an Oscar. Boo-fucking-hoo! C'mon folks, his life isn't so bad. We should all be so deprived. That being said...I'm still rooting for him. He made After Hours, after all!
No, I haven't seen Jackie Earle Haley in Little Children, but that won't stop me from rooting for him. I've you can't place the name of the actor it's because he hasn't worked in years. He was the pock-mark-faced, long-haired teen of The Bad News Bears and Breaking Away. Two great movies from the 70's. I just think it's awesome that Kelly Leak is nominated for a huge award!
So, I probably won't watch the festivities come Sunday. Hell...it might be until Tuesday or Wednesday before I actually find out who the winners are. But I'm out there rooting for ya, Jackie Earle! Kick ass, Moocher!
Damn! Keep falling asleep. Probably because I'm more bored than ever with the "spectacle" of the Oscars.
I actually have seen two of the films that are nominated for Best Picture this year. That's almost a record for me. I have seen The Departed, which I loved, and Little Miss Sunshine, which I thought was a nice little film that doesn't belong in this category. It was fun, but c'mon folks. Not the stuff of greatness.
I would like to see both Babel and Letters from Iwo Jima. I've tried to see Babel with Gia, but she is not-so-secretly in love with Gael Garcia Bernal so she wants to see it alone. Hell, I just wanna be around afterwards so she can take the passion she feels out on me.
I'm not proud.
And I think that Clint Eastwood is a fantastic director and Ken Watanabe is a very good actor, so Letters from Iwo Jima seems interesting. Especially seeing it from the Japanese point of view. Very few American movies deviate from the "God Bless the USA" attitude that pervades Hollywood. Way to go, Clint (you tough guy, you)!
As for The Queen, well the most praise that I have heard about it comes from my mother. So it's not way up there on my "must-see" list, if you know what I mean.
As for the rest of the major awards I have one thing to say. Yawn!
Leo, Ryan, the Fresh Prince and that slack-eyed monster going against a legend of the business in Peter O'Toole. Wow! Actually, I feel bad for the "slack-eyed" comment now. That wasn't nice. Forest Whitaker is actually a pretty great actor. So are Leonardo DiCaprio and Ryan Gosling, for that matter. But Will Smith? Again? C'mon!
And the women? Aren't Judi Dench, Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep and Kate Winslet nominated just about every year? And Penelope Cruz has about as much soul as my CD collection.
None that is.
So who cares about those awards.
I'm more interested in Jackie Earle Haley winning Best Supporting Actor and Martin Scorsese winning Best Director. That would be something. I especially love how everyone is treating Scorsese this year. We all feel soooo bad for him, having never won an Oscar. Boo-fucking-hoo! C'mon folks, his life isn't so bad. We should all be so deprived. That being said...I'm still rooting for him. He made After Hours, after all!
No, I haven't seen Jackie Earle Haley in Little Children, but that won't stop me from rooting for him. I've you can't place the name of the actor it's because he hasn't worked in years. He was the pock-mark-faced, long-haired teen of The Bad News Bears and Breaking Away. Two great movies from the 70's. I just think it's awesome that Kelly Leak is nominated for a huge award!
So, I probably won't watch the festivities come Sunday. Hell...it might be until Tuesday or Wednesday before I actually find out who the winners are. But I'm out there rooting for ya, Jackie Earle! Kick ass, Moocher!
Feb 20, 2007
Flat Tuesday
Don't you hate it when you are looking forward to something in the worst way...and it turns out to be shit.
Had a so-so Fat Tuesday celebration last night. That makes me sad.
Gia and I went to one of our favorite restaurants fairly close to where we live. They were having a Mardi Gras celebration, so we figured it was as good a place to go as anywhere. Drink specials, New Orleans-stlye menu and a live band playing some jazz and the blues to get us in the mood.
Unfortunately, they underestimated the draw of folks going out on a Tuesday night in the middle of February for a night of booze, eats and music because they had only one waitress working and no bus-folks. So everything took a reaaaaallllllyyyyy lonnnnnnnng time.
Not faulting our server. She was great and did what she could. But the food seems like it was prepared in a rush and it wasn't up to their standards. The band was good, though. Gia even knew a couple of the guys from days gone by. Cool.
Here's what we had:
Some Abita Purple Haze beer while we waited for our table. Very yummy and it fit with the theme of the night, so okay...good start.
Once we sat, I ordered a Cyclone (which is a fruity New Orleans type of drink that I've never heard of) and G had a cajun martini, or her version of it at least. Then we ordered some appetizers. Oysters for the girl and a toasted barley and onion soup for yours truly. Too bad that we had to wait over half an hour to try them. Once they arrived, my soup was okay but Gia's oysters were a bit offish. So so sad.
Then we had a mini Craw Boil for an intermezzo. Whole crawfish, potatoes and andoulle sausage in a spicy broth. Except that the broth was kinda tasteless which kinda ruins the whole Craw Boil thing. Who ever heard of a bland crawfish boil?
Finally our dinners arrived. Catfish with creamed collared greens and sweet potato beignets for Gia, and a shrimp and mussel etouffe for myself. Mine was pretty yummy, although the mussels were a bit weird in an etouffe for my tastes. Gia's dish was pretty bland....so that sucked.
Anyway, we gave the dinner a C, C-minus on a whole. Actually the band helped bring it up by half a grade, so there was some saving grace.
Now we know to punch our weight with this place and stick to going there on regular nights. Special menu nights apparently throw them out of whack.
One highlight of the night was the owner of the joint who got up and sang a few songs with the band. She brought some game and could really belt out a Bonnie Raitt song.
It's just too bad she didn't think ahead to bring another server to work with her instead.
Had a so-so Fat Tuesday celebration last night. That makes me sad.
Gia and I went to one of our favorite restaurants fairly close to where we live. They were having a Mardi Gras celebration, so we figured it was as good a place to go as anywhere. Drink specials, New Orleans-stlye menu and a live band playing some jazz and the blues to get us in the mood.
Unfortunately, they underestimated the draw of folks going out on a Tuesday night in the middle of February for a night of booze, eats and music because they had only one waitress working and no bus-folks. So everything took a reaaaaallllllyyyyy lonnnnnnnng time.
Not faulting our server. She was great and did what she could. But the food seems like it was prepared in a rush and it wasn't up to their standards. The band was good, though. Gia even knew a couple of the guys from days gone by. Cool.
Here's what we had:
Some Abita Purple Haze beer while we waited for our table. Very yummy and it fit with the theme of the night, so okay...good start.
Once we sat, I ordered a Cyclone (which is a fruity New Orleans type of drink that I've never heard of) and G had a cajun martini, or her version of it at least. Then we ordered some appetizers. Oysters for the girl and a toasted barley and onion soup for yours truly. Too bad that we had to wait over half an hour to try them. Once they arrived, my soup was okay but Gia's oysters were a bit offish. So so sad.
Then we had a mini Craw Boil for an intermezzo. Whole crawfish, potatoes and andoulle sausage in a spicy broth. Except that the broth was kinda tasteless which kinda ruins the whole Craw Boil thing. Who ever heard of a bland crawfish boil?
Finally our dinners arrived. Catfish with creamed collared greens and sweet potato beignets for Gia, and a shrimp and mussel etouffe for myself. Mine was pretty yummy, although the mussels were a bit weird in an etouffe for my tastes. Gia's dish was pretty bland....so that sucked.
Anyway, we gave the dinner a C, C-minus on a whole. Actually the band helped bring it up by half a grade, so there was some saving grace.
Now we know to punch our weight with this place and stick to going there on regular nights. Special menu nights apparently throw them out of whack.
One highlight of the night was the owner of the joint who got up and sang a few songs with the band. She brought some game and could really belt out a Bonnie Raitt song.
It's just too bad she didn't think ahead to bring another server to work with her instead.
Feb 19, 2007
The Big Fella
Try as I may, I just can't seem to take a good picture of Syd. He's sorta like the elusive Yeti in that there are many reports of his existence, but not alot of tangible photo evidence.
This one was taken with him perched on my chest. The fact that I was able to maneuver around all 25 pounds of him and actually take a picture is astounding to me. I swear that he was looking right at me the milli-second before I took this shot. Swear to goddess!
Here is another one of the big boy. Once again, hard to see and the flash went off in his eyes so he looks downright crazy. One of these days the perfect shot will emerge.
Feb 12, 2007
A Million Chimps
I've never really been much of a music snob. I like all kinds of stuff, and I think that is pretty well reflected on what I've put on my iPod. A little country, a little hard-core, some ska, some pop stuff, a bit 'o the blues...lots of genres.
I don't really know everything about any one artist or kind of music like some people do. As much of a Parrothead that I am, my buddy can destroy me in a game of Jimmy Buffett song/album trivia. And I'm pretty well versed in most of the punk bands that were popular in the early-mid 90's, but an expert by no means.
I guess I like to think of myself as eclectic when it comes to music.
That being said, my sister took a look at what I have been listening to recently on my iPod and she said something to the effect that a million chimps banging away on a million iPods with all the songs in the world at their disposal would never come up with the playlist of stuff that I listen to.
You decide. Here are the last ten songs off a random playlist from my collection:
1. Lived in Bars - Cat Power
2. Midnight on the Murder Mile - Carter USM
3. Cowboy Coffee - The Mighty, Mighty BossTones
4. Ruby Soho - Rancid
5. Across 110th Street - Bobby Womack
6. Overkill (acoustic) - Colin Hay
7. Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
8. Asleep at the Bar - Easy Big Fella
9. Oh! You Pretty Things - David Bowie
10. Bella's Birthday Cake - Five for Fighting
Nothing really weird or obscure on that list. OK, Carter USM (the Unstoppable Sex Machine) was a band I was into back in the early 90's and Easy Big Fella is a band that I only have heard on a Ska compilation album about drinking.
But the rest of the stuff is pretty mainstream.
What are you listening to?
I don't really know everything about any one artist or kind of music like some people do. As much of a Parrothead that I am, my buddy can destroy me in a game of Jimmy Buffett song/album trivia. And I'm pretty well versed in most of the punk bands that were popular in the early-mid 90's, but an expert by no means.
I guess I like to think of myself as eclectic when it comes to music.
That being said, my sister took a look at what I have been listening to recently on my iPod and she said something to the effect that a million chimps banging away on a million iPods with all the songs in the world at their disposal would never come up with the playlist of stuff that I listen to.
You decide. Here are the last ten songs off a random playlist from my collection:
1. Lived in Bars - Cat Power
2. Midnight on the Murder Mile - Carter USM
3. Cowboy Coffee - The Mighty, Mighty BossTones
4. Ruby Soho - Rancid
5. Across 110th Street - Bobby Womack
6. Overkill (acoustic) - Colin Hay
7. Flagpole Sitta - Harvey Danger
8. Asleep at the Bar - Easy Big Fella
9. Oh! You Pretty Things - David Bowie
10. Bella's Birthday Cake - Five for Fighting
Nothing really weird or obscure on that list. OK, Carter USM (the Unstoppable Sex Machine) was a band I was into back in the early 90's and Easy Big Fella is a band that I only have heard on a Ska compilation album about drinking.
But the rest of the stuff is pretty mainstream.
What are you listening to?
Feb 7, 2007
"Now what?"
I've got a few "guilty pleasure" films that I watch over and over again. They are not great films, in fact they aren't even good films. They are bad films that I just love for one reason or the other.
Road House is definitely one of them. Terrible movie, yet I watch it every time it is on. Best of the Best is another. Can't get enough of that one.
But my biggest guilty pleasure movie of all time is probably Deep Rising starring Treat Williams and Famke Janssen. But not only them. There are also some hired guns played by Wes Studi, Jason Flemyng, Cliff Curtis and Djimon Honsou. Some of my favorite character actors!
The plot is nonsense. A bunch of mercenaries headed by Studi are hired to do a wreck job on the world's largest ocean liner. They hire a boat captained by Williams to do the job, but before they arrive at their destination the liner is taken out by large sea creatures (some offshoot of the Archaea Ottoia).
Wackiness ensues.
My favorite and most bittersweet part of the movie? It's the shirt that Treat Williams is wearing during most of the film.
You see, I had the same shirt many years ago and it was my favorite piece of clothing of all time! It was a blue and green tartan button down shirt (the pic above is in black and white, but trust me) made by Eddie Bauer some years ago.
I wore the hell out of that shirt. It was sooooo comfy! It was that shirt you own that you wear right away as soon as you've washed it. Went with everything that you owned. Warm enough (with layers) to wear in the winter and light enough to wear on a cool summer night.
And I really did wear it out. I remember the last time I wore it. It was on vacation in North Carolina at a beach house. It had basically fallen apart from so much wearing and washing that I was forced to cut the sleeves off and wear it that way.
I wore it pretty much the entire week on vacation after which I think I gave it a Viking funeral. Or I threw it on a bonfire at the request of my entire family. Something like that.
Anyway...I miss my favorite shirt. I'm watching "Deep Rising" right now and remembering all the good times I had in that shirt. Sigh.
Jan 31, 2007
An old favorite
Dunno what made me think of this today, but it is one of my favorite jokes. I've never seen it written out before, and there is a certain level of "acting it out" that may be missed, but here goes:
On the 30th anniversary of their wedding day, Ralph comes home early from work to find a surprised Sue doing some house work.
Sue asks "Ralph, what are you doing home so early?"
Ralph replies "It's our 30th anniversary, baby. Now run up stairs and get ready. A limo will be here to pick us up in a half-hour for our night on the town. We are going to the city where we are going to have a wonderful dinner at your favorite restaurant. Then we are going to go out dancing just like we did at our wedding. Then I've booked the Honeymoon Suite at the nicest hotel in the city where we are going to do it all night long...just like we did 30 years ago."
Sue can't believe her ears. This is exactly what she wanted for an anniversary gift. She runs to their room to pack and change for the big night.
The night goes just as planned. Wonderful limo ride into the city. Extravagent meal with Champagne. Hours of dancing until they were two sweaty rags!
After dancing, Ralph says "OK, ready hon? Back to the hotel and we are going to do it ALL NIGHT LONG. Just like we did 30 years ago."
Sue can't be happier. This is a dream come true.
In the hotel room. Ralph starts to undress. Clothes are strewn everywhere. Eyeglasses are thrown onto the nightstand. Then he says "Lemme take a quick shower, babe. You get undressed and get into the bed, and when I come out...all night long. Just like we did 30 years ago."
He jumps in the shower while Sue gets undressed and jumps into bed. She is so excited. All night long. "Wow" she thinks. "We haven't done that in 30 years...I can't wait."
Then she gets worried. "Wow" she thinks "We haven't done that in 30 years...I don't know if I'm in that kind of shape anymore."
So she starts to limber up. She's stretching and doing mild calisthenics right there on the bed. A couple of jumping jacks, some squat thrusts. You know...just to get the blood going.
Then she lays on her back and takes her left leg and stretches it over her left shoulder until it is almost parallel to her body. Just stretching an inch or two more, her left foot suddenly gets stuck in the headboard behind her.
Damn...she's stuck. And she's got no leverage to pull her foot out from between the slats. She lays there for a minute thinking of what to do when she decides to take her right leg and swing it up so that she can push off the headboard with it.
So she swings her right leg over her right shoulder and wham! Her right foot also gets stuck in the headboard.
It's at this moment that the shower ends and Ralph walks out of the bathroom. He looks at his wife on the bed and says:
"Honey. What the hell are you doing? Comb your hair and put your teeth back in. You look like an asshole!"
On the 30th anniversary of their wedding day, Ralph comes home early from work to find a surprised Sue doing some house work.
Sue asks "Ralph, what are you doing home so early?"
Ralph replies "It's our 30th anniversary, baby. Now run up stairs and get ready. A limo will be here to pick us up in a half-hour for our night on the town. We are going to the city where we are going to have a wonderful dinner at your favorite restaurant. Then we are going to go out dancing just like we did at our wedding. Then I've booked the Honeymoon Suite at the nicest hotel in the city where we are going to do it all night long...just like we did 30 years ago."
Sue can't believe her ears. This is exactly what she wanted for an anniversary gift. She runs to their room to pack and change for the big night.
The night goes just as planned. Wonderful limo ride into the city. Extravagent meal with Champagne. Hours of dancing until they were two sweaty rags!
After dancing, Ralph says "OK, ready hon? Back to the hotel and we are going to do it ALL NIGHT LONG. Just like we did 30 years ago."
Sue can't be happier. This is a dream come true.
In the hotel room. Ralph starts to undress. Clothes are strewn everywhere. Eyeglasses are thrown onto the nightstand. Then he says "Lemme take a quick shower, babe. You get undressed and get into the bed, and when I come out...all night long. Just like we did 30 years ago."
He jumps in the shower while Sue gets undressed and jumps into bed. She is so excited. All night long. "Wow" she thinks. "We haven't done that in 30 years...I can't wait."
Then she gets worried. "Wow" she thinks "We haven't done that in 30 years...I don't know if I'm in that kind of shape anymore."
So she starts to limber up. She's stretching and doing mild calisthenics right there on the bed. A couple of jumping jacks, some squat thrusts. You know...just to get the blood going.
Then she lays on her back and takes her left leg and stretches it over her left shoulder until it is almost parallel to her body. Just stretching an inch or two more, her left foot suddenly gets stuck in the headboard behind her.
Damn...she's stuck. And she's got no leverage to pull her foot out from between the slats. She lays there for a minute thinking of what to do when she decides to take her right leg and swing it up so that she can push off the headboard with it.
So she swings her right leg over her right shoulder and wham! Her right foot also gets stuck in the headboard.
It's at this moment that the shower ends and Ralph walks out of the bathroom. He looks at his wife on the bed and says:
"Honey. What the hell are you doing? Comb your hair and put your teeth back in. You look like an asshole!"
Jan 27, 2007
I HATE...
...the idiots at Best Buy.
Went down there yesterday to get XM Radio installed in Gia's car. We made the appointment over a week ago and specified that we were installing it in a 2006 MiniCooper.
Guy told us it would take about an hour.
So I pick up her car and get to the Best Buy about 15 minutes prior to my appointment. The dude in installations seemed pretty competent at this point. Filled out some forms, dropped off my keys and I was ready to do some shopping and grab a bite to eat. Just a little something to take up the hour, ya know.
I get a call on my cell from Eric (the installation dude) about an hour later. I'm thinking "Great...all done. That was a piece of cake!"
That's when he asked me where I put the keys to the Cooper.
I'm a little flabbergasted, so I respond "What? You haven't even started yet?"
He says he can't start until he finds the keys. I tell him that I put them right on the counter next to the XM box that the radio came in. I hear him rumbling around and then the tell-tale jingle of keys.
"Oh...I must have put them in the box after you left. OK, give me about an hour and I'll have it done for you."
Great. Now I get to spend another hour at the mall shopping for things I don't really need and/or want.
I somehow manage to wander around the mall without killing myself or anyone else for the hour and then I head over to Best Buy.
I walk in the installation bay and "Eric" tells me that I have a problem. Fuck!
He tells me that one of the FM converter cables that he needed wasn't in stock. You see with the BMW/Coopers there is a round jack that is needed as opposed to the square jack that he had in stock. I'm really not sure exactly what he was talking about, but it sounded like he had the wrong equipment.
I'm failing to see how this is MY problem at this point and I tell him just that. "Well, Eric...just hop into one of your Geek Squad vehicles out front and get me the part YOU should have already had in stock from one of your other stores. There. MY Problem solved."
He gives me about 4 or 5 reasons why he can't do that, but I'm not really listening. I'm just picturing him lying in a coffin right now.
After he has given me all my options, none of which were choking him to death, WE decide that I have to go to one of the other stores and pick up the part in question and bring it back to HIM so HE can finish the installation.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
But what am I going to do...so I do it.
I will say that he must have recognized the murderous look in my eyes when I got back, because he did finish up the installation in about 5 minutes.
Still. It took about 3 and 1/2 hours for a job that should have been done in about 45 minutes. I fucking hate Best Buy!
Went down there yesterday to get XM Radio installed in Gia's car. We made the appointment over a week ago and specified that we were installing it in a 2006 MiniCooper.
Guy told us it would take about an hour.
So I pick up her car and get to the Best Buy about 15 minutes prior to my appointment. The dude in installations seemed pretty competent at this point. Filled out some forms, dropped off my keys and I was ready to do some shopping and grab a bite to eat. Just a little something to take up the hour, ya know.
I get a call on my cell from Eric (the installation dude) about an hour later. I'm thinking "Great...all done. That was a piece of cake!"
That's when he asked me where I put the keys to the Cooper.
I'm a little flabbergasted, so I respond "What? You haven't even started yet?"
He says he can't start until he finds the keys. I tell him that I put them right on the counter next to the XM box that the radio came in. I hear him rumbling around and then the tell-tale jingle of keys.
"Oh...I must have put them in the box after you left. OK, give me about an hour and I'll have it done for you."
Great. Now I get to spend another hour at the mall shopping for things I don't really need and/or want.
I somehow manage to wander around the mall without killing myself or anyone else for the hour and then I head over to Best Buy.
I walk in the installation bay and "Eric" tells me that I have a problem. Fuck!
He tells me that one of the FM converter cables that he needed wasn't in stock. You see with the BMW/Coopers there is a round jack that is needed as opposed to the square jack that he had in stock. I'm really not sure exactly what he was talking about, but it sounded like he had the wrong equipment.
I'm failing to see how this is MY problem at this point and I tell him just that. "Well, Eric...just hop into one of your Geek Squad vehicles out front and get me the part YOU should have already had in stock from one of your other stores. There. MY Problem solved."
He gives me about 4 or 5 reasons why he can't do that, but I'm not really listening. I'm just picturing him lying in a coffin right now.
After he has given me all my options, none of which were choking him to death, WE decide that I have to go to one of the other stores and pick up the part in question and bring it back to HIM so HE can finish the installation.
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
But what am I going to do...so I do it.
I will say that he must have recognized the murderous look in my eyes when I got back, because he did finish up the installation in about 5 minutes.
Still. It took about 3 and 1/2 hours for a job that should have been done in about 45 minutes. I fucking hate Best Buy!
Jan 22, 2007
Am I bleeding?
Because I just got tagged. By Kat.
Really not a fan of these thingies, but what the hey...here goes:
A- Available or single? Um, how do I answer this since they mean the same thing. I am neither Available nor Single. Methinks there is something wrong with the question. C'mon people...think about it.
B- Best Friend? I've never really believed in the concept of a "Best Friend". I'm lucky enough to be blessed with many, many great friends so let's leave it at that.
C- Cake or Pie? Neither...no sweet tooth. How about potato chips?
D- Drink of Choice? Depends on the occassion. Arizona Green Tea is yummy for those daytime hours, and I drink an awful lot of water. Beer - Guinness. Whiskey - Red Breast Irish Whiskey. Wine - any Amarone (red) or Gewurztaminer (white). Tequila - the good stuff. Cocktail - a variation on the Vesper. Hendrick's Gin with Lillet Blanc and an orange peel. James Bond used a lemon peel and added vodka to his in Casino Royale. But he's a girly man.
E- Essential Item? Baseball cap.
F- Favorite Color? Green or NY Yankee pinstripe Blue.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms, I guess. If they are sour. I like-a the sour.
H- Hometown? Yeah, like I would tell you.
I- Indulgence? Good Whiskey and bad porn.
J- January or February? Ugh...neither.
K- Kids? Nope.
L- Life is incomplete without? Baseball and Gia.
M- Marriage Date? We'll get back to you. Probably sometime in the spring of 2008 (or Autumn).
N- Number of Siblings? 5. 4 Sisters and 1 Brother.
O- Oranges or apples? Apples, I hate peeling oranges.
P- Phobias/Fears? Swimming in the ocean. Rats.
Q- Favorite Quote? "In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead!" - Dwight Shrute (Ok..ok. It's not really my favorite quote, because I don't have one. It was just something I cut and pasted from IMDB. I just thought it was funny. Sorry.)
R- Reason to Smile? Syd and Sammi. Two of the most awesome cats on the planet.
S- Season? Autumn, or Spring...or maybe Summer. Yeah. One of those.
T- Tag three people - let's not and pretend we did.
Um...was it supposed to end with "T"?
Really not a fan of these thingies, but what the hey...here goes:
A- Available or single? Um, how do I answer this since they mean the same thing. I am neither Available nor Single. Methinks there is something wrong with the question. C'mon people...think about it.
B- Best Friend? I've never really believed in the concept of a "Best Friend". I'm lucky enough to be blessed with many, many great friends so let's leave it at that.
C- Cake or Pie? Neither...no sweet tooth. How about potato chips?
D- Drink of Choice? Depends on the occassion. Arizona Green Tea is yummy for those daytime hours, and I drink an awful lot of water. Beer - Guinness. Whiskey - Red Breast Irish Whiskey. Wine - any Amarone (red) or Gewurztaminer (white). Tequila - the good stuff. Cocktail - a variation on the Vesper. Hendrick's Gin with Lillet Blanc and an orange peel. James Bond used a lemon peel and added vodka to his in Casino Royale. But he's a girly man.
E- Essential Item? Baseball cap.
F- Favorite Color? Green or NY Yankee pinstripe Blue.
G- Gummi Bears or Worms? Worms, I guess. If they are sour. I like-a the sour.
H- Hometown? Yeah, like I would tell you.
I- Indulgence? Good Whiskey and bad porn.
J- January or February? Ugh...neither.
K- Kids? Nope.
L- Life is incomplete without? Baseball and Gia.
M- Marriage Date? We'll get back to you. Probably sometime in the spring of 2008 (or Autumn).
N- Number of Siblings? 5. 4 Sisters and 1 Brother.
O- Oranges or apples? Apples, I hate peeling oranges.
P- Phobias/Fears? Swimming in the ocean. Rats.
Q- Favorite Quote? "In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me and I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion, you're dead!" - Dwight Shrute (Ok..ok. It's not really my favorite quote, because I don't have one. It was just something I cut and pasted from IMDB. I just thought it was funny. Sorry.)
R- Reason to Smile? Syd and Sammi. Two of the most awesome cats on the planet.
S- Season? Autumn, or Spring...or maybe Summer. Yeah. One of those.
T- Tag three people - let's not and pretend we did.
Um...was it supposed to end with "T"?
Jan 17, 2007
Out with the old...
...and in with the new. Blogger, that is.
Seems to have gone on without a hitch.
Thinking about mucking around with my template as well. Picking a new format, moving things about...that kind of thing.
Can anyone speak from experience? Is this sort of silly playing around worthwhile, or will I be spending most of my time getting pissed at the process? Hmmm?
Any advice would be much appreciated as I am still a relative newbie at this shit.
Tomorrow: (drumroll please) NEW POSTS!!! LOTS TO TALK ABOUT!!! MORE CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!
Seems to have gone on without a hitch.
Thinking about mucking around with my template as well. Picking a new format, moving things about...that kind of thing.
Can anyone speak from experience? Is this sort of silly playing around worthwhile, or will I be spending most of my time getting pissed at the process? Hmmm?
Any advice would be much appreciated as I am still a relative newbie at this shit.
Tomorrow: (drumroll please) NEW POSTS!!! LOTS TO TALK ABOUT!!! MORE CAPITAL LETTERS AND EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!
Jan 15, 2007
Golden Globe Alert!
I hate the Golden Globes with a passion. Here is my post from last year explaining why:
False Golden Idols
By B.E. Earl
01/19/2006 8:28 PM EST
Hey kids! As you may have figured out, I'm a bit of a film fan. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I like to watch the annual award shows to see who takes down the big prizes each year. I was a little bored the other night watching the Golden Globe Awards when I decided to find out who/what the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is. If you are not familiar with the group, the HFPA is the organization that determines the nominees for each award category and subsequently votes on the winners for the Golden Globes. But who are they? I mean it never made much sense to me. Are they Hollywood press reporting in foreign countries about the entertainment industry? Are they foreign press working in Hollywood? Who are these people that the media focuses so much weight on around award season? Surely it must be an astoundingly large number of critics and reporters from around the world weighing in on the best that Hollywood has to offer. Hundreds if not thousands of dedicated men and women working tirelessly to hand out awards that are the pre-cursor to the big daddy of all entertainment awards, the Oscars. Right? Wrong!
The HFPA is a non-profit organization of somewhere around 90 international journalists based in Hollywood whose purpose is to disseminate information about film and television to a world-wide audience. 90 JOURNALISTS! Are you kidding me? These 90 men and women are the only voices and votes for an award as seemingly important as the Golden Globes? Now don't get me wrong. The HFPA does some fine work. In 2005 they donated $1 million to various arts and cultural programs around the world in an effort to further the advance of the film and television. They also donated $250 thousand to the Red Cross. That's very nice.
Where do they get the funding for their charitable work, as well as the funding needed to run the non-profit organization, you may ask. Well, they receive a sizable licensing fee from the networks to run their annual event...the Golden Globe Awards. They also receive licensing fees from various cable networks for allowing them to report from the red carpet. Hm-mm. So let me get this straight. The HFPA (all 90 of them) collect licensing fees from an award show that they run in an effort to award excellence in a field that is already swimming with too many awards. And they give out those awards in the award show that they sponsor, which in turn provides them with the revenue that they need to keep handing out awards the following year? Holy self-sustaining strokefest, Batman! And I thought I used to get confused with The Terminator and all it's time-line questions. Wait...how was John Connor born if he needed to send his own father back in time to be with his mother in the first place, and, and...system failure!
This is bogus, my friends. It's just another session of mutual masturbation that the media machine that is Hollywood has fashioned out of thin air. It made me sick to read about this, and if I ever see another weepy, blathering idiot of a winner (like Felicity Huffman this year) crying about how this is the greatest night of their lives I may actually vomit on my television screen. "You really, really like me...all 90 of you! You really, really like me!" Actually, it's possible that only 25 of the members liked you, honey. Or whatever number of voters that is needed to beat out whomever came in second place. What a piece of crap award this is!
Once again, I applaud the charitable work that the HFPA does. But they could easily raise that much and more by just asking all the nominees for a little some-some in an effort to elevate their public relations profile. You telling me that Harrison Ford can't come up with a good chunk of the million donated last year all by himself? And let us not kid ourselves. Most of the money isn't going to help poverty and starvation in Africa, or to help relief efforts in India. No, most of the money is handed out in the form of financial grants to cultural institutions to help further their own causes. There is some good stuff in there, but most of it isn't of the do-or-die type of relief.
You can find out more about the HFPA on their website www.HFPA.org, that is if you can stomach it. Me...I'm done with this award show in the future. I always thought that some of the choices were a bit odd (C'mon...have you seen Geena Davis in "Commander in Chief"), but I always thought there was some kind of integrity about the awards themselves. I don't know what goes into the voting for the Academy Awards, and I'm sure it ain't perfect. I just don't know if I have the heart to do any research on that right now. Sigh.
Oh, and if you were wondering why we placed a picture of the stunning Scarlett Johansson (decked out in stunning scarlet, thank you very much) at the top of this article, it wasn't so that we could make some blatantly obvious double entendre about the Golden Globes and her outfit. I just think she's got some nice hoo-has.
False Golden Idols
By B.E. Earl
01/19/2006 8:28 PM EST
Hey kids! As you may have figured out, I'm a bit of a film fan. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I like to watch the annual award shows to see who takes down the big prizes each year. I was a little bored the other night watching the Golden Globe Awards when I decided to find out who/what the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is. If you are not familiar with the group, the HFPA is the organization that determines the nominees for each award category and subsequently votes on the winners for the Golden Globes. But who are they? I mean it never made much sense to me. Are they Hollywood press reporting in foreign countries about the entertainment industry? Are they foreign press working in Hollywood? Who are these people that the media focuses so much weight on around award season? Surely it must be an astoundingly large number of critics and reporters from around the world weighing in on the best that Hollywood has to offer. Hundreds if not thousands of dedicated men and women working tirelessly to hand out awards that are the pre-cursor to the big daddy of all entertainment awards, the Oscars. Right? Wrong!
The HFPA is a non-profit organization of somewhere around 90 international journalists based in Hollywood whose purpose is to disseminate information about film and television to a world-wide audience. 90 JOURNALISTS! Are you kidding me? These 90 men and women are the only voices and votes for an award as seemingly important as the Golden Globes? Now don't get me wrong. The HFPA does some fine work. In 2005 they donated $1 million to various arts and cultural programs around the world in an effort to further the advance of the film and television. They also donated $250 thousand to the Red Cross. That's very nice.
Where do they get the funding for their charitable work, as well as the funding needed to run the non-profit organization, you may ask. Well, they receive a sizable licensing fee from the networks to run their annual event...the Golden Globe Awards. They also receive licensing fees from various cable networks for allowing them to report from the red carpet. Hm-mm. So let me get this straight. The HFPA (all 90 of them) collect licensing fees from an award show that they run in an effort to award excellence in a field that is already swimming with too many awards. And they give out those awards in the award show that they sponsor, which in turn provides them with the revenue that they need to keep handing out awards the following year? Holy self-sustaining strokefest, Batman! And I thought I used to get confused with The Terminator and all it's time-line questions. Wait...how was John Connor born if he needed to send his own father back in time to be with his mother in the first place, and, and...system failure!
This is bogus, my friends. It's just another session of mutual masturbation that the media machine that is Hollywood has fashioned out of thin air. It made me sick to read about this, and if I ever see another weepy, blathering idiot of a winner (like Felicity Huffman this year) crying about how this is the greatest night of their lives I may actually vomit on my television screen. "You really, really like me...all 90 of you! You really, really like me!" Actually, it's possible that only 25 of the members liked you, honey. Or whatever number of voters that is needed to beat out whomever came in second place. What a piece of crap award this is!
Once again, I applaud the charitable work that the HFPA does. But they could easily raise that much and more by just asking all the nominees for a little some-some in an effort to elevate their public relations profile. You telling me that Harrison Ford can't come up with a good chunk of the million donated last year all by himself? And let us not kid ourselves. Most of the money isn't going to help poverty and starvation in Africa, or to help relief efforts in India. No, most of the money is handed out in the form of financial grants to cultural institutions to help further their own causes. There is some good stuff in there, but most of it isn't of the do-or-die type of relief.
You can find out more about the HFPA on their website www.HFPA.org, that is if you can stomach it. Me...I'm done with this award show in the future. I always thought that some of the choices were a bit odd (C'mon...have you seen Geena Davis in "Commander in Chief"), but I always thought there was some kind of integrity about the awards themselves. I don't know what goes into the voting for the Academy Awards, and I'm sure it ain't perfect. I just don't know if I have the heart to do any research on that right now. Sigh.
Oh, and if you were wondering why we placed a picture of the stunning Scarlett Johansson (decked out in stunning scarlet, thank you very much) at the top of this article, it wasn't so that we could make some blatantly obvious double entendre about the Golden Globes and her outfit. I just think she's got some nice hoo-has.
Jan 10, 2007
Scrabble-fest
OK...so after work today, I called Gia to let her know that I was coming over in a half-hour or so to go out to dinner. As I hung up I started thinking about Scrabble and how much I would love to play it tonight. Some kind of World Championship Scrabble match was on ESPN2 earlier, and I guess it created an itch.
So I began thinking about places I could stop off to by the game since I don't have it and I was pretty sure that Gia didn't have it. K-Mart was on the way...hmmm. Toys 'R Us was a bit too far...lemme think. That's when the phone rang.
It was Gia.
This is exactly what she said: "Hey...I was thinking. Do you have Scrabble? I could really be into just staying in tonight with some take-out Chinese and a nice game of Scrabble."
Can you believe that shit? And she didn't even see the stupid Scrabble show on TV earlier!
We may actually be the same person somehow divided into two. That's how in-tune with each other we have been lately. A bit sickening, eh?
She won (by the way). 233-228. Yeah, we both suck at it...but we were watching TV at the same time, so we weren't at our best.
Jan 8, 2007
Still adapting...
...to life with an iPod.
But I heard three great songs, in a row, on the radio the other day and somehow remembered all of them so I could purchase them on iTunes. They were:
1. Get Myself Arrested - Gomez
2. Beercan - Beck
3. Perpetual Blues Machine - Keb' Mo'
You may wonder, as I wondered, what glorious radio station would play 3 wildly eclectic songs like this in a row.
Well, my friends, it was one of NYC's local public radio stations out of Fordham University WFUV-FM. It's 90.7 on my radio dial, but they also stream on the internet. It is really the one and only place that I go to in my search to hear new music.
Public radio is not dead! It just needs a little help from all of us, so support your local sheriff...and public radio station.
Jan 3, 2007
Dec 20, 2006
Six weird things
Normally I don't do these things, but Lizzie was feeling kinda invisible so...
Here is my entry into this weird "six weird things" about yourself game that is all the rage with the kids these days.
- I have a real difficult time spelling "weird". Well not just "weird", but any word that contains the letters "e" and "i" next to one another. I know there was some real simple grade school rhyme that most of us learned at the tender age of 7 or so which works like 99.2% of the time, but it is still a bit lost on my. Never looks right until I spell check it. Wierd, huh?
- My middle toe on my left foot is the longest on said foot. It is a constant source of ridicule by some and disgust by a choice few. I try to wear sandals or flip-flops as often as possible to rub it (the middle toe) in their faces. Hah!
- I have an irrational fear of the water. As in "swimming in it". Not pools or hot tubs, mind you. Those I dig. I'm talking about oceans, bays or lakes. Anything that has any kind of life living below the surface. I don't like that. Not one bit.
- I bite my fingernails. But only two of them. The middle finger on my left hand and the ring finger on right hand. Seems arbitrary, right? Well I used to bite all ten (and sometimes my toenails when I was younger and more, ya know, flexible), but quite a few years ago I decided to restrict my nail-biting to just those two digits. Now all of my fury and anger is directed to those two nails alone. I call them my "bad fingers".
- I love anyone with any kind of harmless physical abnormality. Nothing that is going to affect their everyday life, but just the little things that make my life more enjoyable. Big, bulbous nose...love it. A bit cross-eyed? You made my day! Big birthmark or pencil eraser-sized nubbin somewhere on your head...I can't stop staring. I love combinations too. Give me a cross-eyed, big-nosed, nubbin-sportin' sales clerk while I am doing my Christmas shopping and I will be smiling for the rest of the day.
I tag...um, NO ONE with this thing. Maybe the madness will stop here. Just maybe.
Edit - I guess I have a hard time counting to six as well. Only five weird things up there. Oh well.
Here is my entry into this weird "six weird things" about yourself game that is all the rage with the kids these days.
- I have a real difficult time spelling "weird". Well not just "weird", but any word that contains the letters "e" and "i" next to one another. I know there was some real simple grade school rhyme that most of us learned at the tender age of 7 or so which works like 99.2% of the time, but it is still a bit lost on my. Never looks right until I spell check it. Wierd, huh?
- My middle toe on my left foot is the longest on said foot. It is a constant source of ridicule by some and disgust by a choice few. I try to wear sandals or flip-flops as often as possible to rub it (the middle toe) in their faces. Hah!
- I have an irrational fear of the water. As in "swimming in it". Not pools or hot tubs, mind you. Those I dig. I'm talking about oceans, bays or lakes. Anything that has any kind of life living below the surface. I don't like that. Not one bit.
- I bite my fingernails. But only two of them. The middle finger on my left hand and the ring finger on right hand. Seems arbitrary, right? Well I used to bite all ten (and sometimes my toenails when I was younger and more, ya know, flexible), but quite a few years ago I decided to restrict my nail-biting to just those two digits. Now all of my fury and anger is directed to those two nails alone. I call them my "bad fingers".
- I love anyone with any kind of harmless physical abnormality. Nothing that is going to affect their everyday life, but just the little things that make my life more enjoyable. Big, bulbous nose...love it. A bit cross-eyed? You made my day! Big birthmark or pencil eraser-sized nubbin somewhere on your head...I can't stop staring. I love combinations too. Give me a cross-eyed, big-nosed, nubbin-sportin' sales clerk while I am doing my Christmas shopping and I will be smiling for the rest of the day.
I tag...um, NO ONE with this thing. Maybe the madness will stop here. Just maybe.
Edit - I guess I have a hard time counting to six as well. Only five weird things up there. Oh well.
Dec 17, 2006
Signs, signs, everywhere the signs
One of the recurring themes of my trip to Key West this year was running into funny signs. Now you have to remember that I took these with my crappy camera on my cell phone, so hopefully you will be able to read them all.
Hippies beware....you must use the side door at the Green Parrot!
We passed by this warning every day. It was on the gate behind a gay nightclub just off of Duval Street. I laughed every time I saw it. When I was drunk I would act out the poor victim getting caught in the gate with a really effeminate "Aaaaagggghhh".
Here is a sign outside of a bathroom that had the original "Men's Room" sign missing. Stick figures rule!
There is a serious chicken problem in Key West. This little buggers are everywhere and the roosters don't just crow at sunrise, my friends...it happens all day and all fucking night. Some of the locals are taking action.
And no matter where you go, bad spelling and grammar is just plain funny!
Hippies beware....you must use the side door at the Green Parrot!
We passed by this warning every day. It was on the gate behind a gay nightclub just off of Duval Street. I laughed every time I saw it. When I was drunk I would act out the poor victim getting caught in the gate with a really effeminate "Aaaaagggghhh".
Here is a sign outside of a bathroom that had the original "Men's Room" sign missing. Stick figures rule!
There is a serious chicken problem in Key West. This little buggers are everywhere and the roosters don't just crow at sunrise, my friends...it happens all day and all fucking night. Some of the locals are taking action.
And no matter where you go, bad spelling and grammar is just plain funny!
Dec 7, 2006
Still wasted...
...but checking my e-mail, so I figure I would post something old from my last trip to Key West. So without further ado:
Tales Of The Black Sock (originally posted on www.slydesblog.com)
By B.E. Earl
12/16/2005 7:51 PM EST
Hey kids! It’s Earl again with some non-movie related silliness for your reading entertainment. I took my usual early December vacation last week to do some additional damage to my liver, and this year’s hot spot was Key West, Florida. I’ve been to Key West a number of times of the past dozen years or so, and its’ always one of my favorite places to be. Great weather, great restaurants and bars, friendly locals and there is sure to be some kind of weirdness going on whenever I’m there. I’ve seen Jimmy Buffett perform on the street, I’ve seen drag queens galore, I’ve seen manatees up close and personal, but nothing…nothing prepared me for what I saw this past week at Fantasy Fest.
Let me give you a little background on Fantasy Fest in Key West. Fantasy Fest is their off-kilter version of something like Mardi Gras in New Orleans or Carnivale in Rio. It’s a chance for many, many people to come down and unwind in the warm sun and warmer nightlife of Key West and dance to their own tune, so to speak. Mind you, Key West is more than a little friendly to those with an alternative lifestyle, so you can imagine what happens when the city throws a party and asks everyone to REALLY let loose.
I’ve never been to Fantasy Fest before. I love Key West, but I prefer it during the down times when the streets aren’t clogged with tourists and there is no need for reservations at Louie’s Backyard. It’s just how I like/liked New Orleans. Great town, but I would never go during Mardi Gras. I like to actually be able to get into the bars and restaurants rather than shuffling along the sidewalks with all the other sweaty drunks. I had not planned on going to Fantasy Fest this year either, however, Mother Nature pointed her magic wand and made Fantasy Fest come to me.
You see, it was supposed to be the week before Halloween like it is scheduled every year. Costume parties, parades, Pimps & Ho’s parties, leather fetish nights, toga galas, the works. It happens every year culminating with the fat lady singing on the Sunday prior to Halloween. Hurricane Wilma begged to differ. While the hurricane hit the little island four days before the Fest was supposed to start, the city was a few feet underwater and there was no way it could support the influx of Fest-ers. When I read that city officials were planning on re-scheduling the OddFest, I knew that it would be during my trip down there. I mean I just KNEW it! I viewed this scheduling change with equal part dread and fascination. What we saw down there also turned out to be equal parts dread and fascination.
The official website for Fantasy Fest warns that nudity is illegal in the city of Key West and that all revelers were encouraged to remain clothed at all times. Apparently body paint is ok for the ladies as long as your privates remain private. The first night of Fantasy Fest, this seemed to be the case. As the days wore on, however, all bets were off. On Day 2 we saw a woman of 45 or so pedaling down the street on her bike wearing nothing but a smile. The cops didn’t seem to mind, and oh yeah…it was still 11:30 in the morning! Lady Godiva was getting the party started early.
I’ve never been to a nudist colony or beach before, but I had heard horror stories of flabby old men and women, most of whom you would prefer to see wearing quite a few layers of clothes. This describes the majority of those that chose to be naked during Fantasy Fest. Whoops…there goes grandma and grandpa, and…ouch…she’s actually wearing more than him. How does he keep that black sock on? Yeah…you read it. One black sock. That scene played itself over and over again during our time at Fantasy Fest.
Oh sure. There were some attractive folks who decided on going au natural, but they were few and far between. There was one woman we kept running into who was mostly nude and very attractive and she seemed content with just standing around while everyone under the moon posed for pictures with her. To that young lady I say well done. Most of them, however, liked going to the gym as much as they disliked wearing clothing. Don’t get me wrong. I had a pisser down there! These people had no hang-ups whatsoever and they all looked like they were having a wonderful time. I often wondered how they purchased drinks since none of them had any place to put money, but they all seemed to be appropriately liquored up so maybe folks were just giving up booze. I dunno.
So if you are ever thinking of attending Fantasy Fest, let me plant this little thought in your head. Go down to the local supermarket sometime during the day when all the retirees are out shopping for kitty litter and prune juice and picture all of them wandering the streets of Key West wearing g-strings and the aforementioned black sock. If you are able to keep your lunch down, then take a trip and keep your sense of humor because a sense of humor is all that you need to keep you going. Oh…and one black sock of course.
Tales Of The Black Sock (originally posted on www.slydesblog.com)
By B.E. Earl
12/16/2005 7:51 PM EST
Hey kids! It’s Earl again with some non-movie related silliness for your reading entertainment. I took my usual early December vacation last week to do some additional damage to my liver, and this year’s hot spot was Key West, Florida. I’ve been to Key West a number of times of the past dozen years or so, and its’ always one of my favorite places to be. Great weather, great restaurants and bars, friendly locals and there is sure to be some kind of weirdness going on whenever I’m there. I’ve seen Jimmy Buffett perform on the street, I’ve seen drag queens galore, I’ve seen manatees up close and personal, but nothing…nothing prepared me for what I saw this past week at Fantasy Fest.
Let me give you a little background on Fantasy Fest in Key West. Fantasy Fest is their off-kilter version of something like Mardi Gras in New Orleans or Carnivale in Rio. It’s a chance for many, many people to come down and unwind in the warm sun and warmer nightlife of Key West and dance to their own tune, so to speak. Mind you, Key West is more than a little friendly to those with an alternative lifestyle, so you can imagine what happens when the city throws a party and asks everyone to REALLY let loose.
I’ve never been to Fantasy Fest before. I love Key West, but I prefer it during the down times when the streets aren’t clogged with tourists and there is no need for reservations at Louie’s Backyard. It’s just how I like/liked New Orleans. Great town, but I would never go during Mardi Gras. I like to actually be able to get into the bars and restaurants rather than shuffling along the sidewalks with all the other sweaty drunks. I had not planned on going to Fantasy Fest this year either, however, Mother Nature pointed her magic wand and made Fantasy Fest come to me.
You see, it was supposed to be the week before Halloween like it is scheduled every year. Costume parties, parades, Pimps & Ho’s parties, leather fetish nights, toga galas, the works. It happens every year culminating with the fat lady singing on the Sunday prior to Halloween. Hurricane Wilma begged to differ. While the hurricane hit the little island four days before the Fest was supposed to start, the city was a few feet underwater and there was no way it could support the influx of Fest-ers. When I read that city officials were planning on re-scheduling the OddFest, I knew that it would be during my trip down there. I mean I just KNEW it! I viewed this scheduling change with equal part dread and fascination. What we saw down there also turned out to be equal parts dread and fascination.
The official website for Fantasy Fest warns that nudity is illegal in the city of Key West and that all revelers were encouraged to remain clothed at all times. Apparently body paint is ok for the ladies as long as your privates remain private. The first night of Fantasy Fest, this seemed to be the case. As the days wore on, however, all bets were off. On Day 2 we saw a woman of 45 or so pedaling down the street on her bike wearing nothing but a smile. The cops didn’t seem to mind, and oh yeah…it was still 11:30 in the morning! Lady Godiva was getting the party started early.
I’ve never been to a nudist colony or beach before, but I had heard horror stories of flabby old men and women, most of whom you would prefer to see wearing quite a few layers of clothes. This describes the majority of those that chose to be naked during Fantasy Fest. Whoops…there goes grandma and grandpa, and…ouch…she’s actually wearing more than him. How does he keep that black sock on? Yeah…you read it. One black sock. That scene played itself over and over again during our time at Fantasy Fest.
Oh sure. There were some attractive folks who decided on going au natural, but they were few and far between. There was one woman we kept running into who was mostly nude and very attractive and she seemed content with just standing around while everyone under the moon posed for pictures with her. To that young lady I say well done. Most of them, however, liked going to the gym as much as they disliked wearing clothing. Don’t get me wrong. I had a pisser down there! These people had no hang-ups whatsoever and they all looked like they were having a wonderful time. I often wondered how they purchased drinks since none of them had any place to put money, but they all seemed to be appropriately liquored up so maybe folks were just giving up booze. I dunno.
So if you are ever thinking of attending Fantasy Fest, let me plant this little thought in your head. Go down to the local supermarket sometime during the day when all the retirees are out shopping for kitty litter and prune juice and picture all of them wandering the streets of Key West wearing g-strings and the aforementioned black sock. If you are able to keep your lunch down, then take a trip and keep your sense of humor because a sense of humor is all that you need to keep you going. Oh…and one black sock of course.
Nov 30, 2006
Wasting Away Again....
I'm off tomorrow morning for my vacation. If you need me, I'll be here. Check out the webcam daily to watch me in action. I'm the chubby dude with the scruffy beard, ripped cargo shorts and tattered Titleist baseball cap. Er, wait...that could describe most of the locals there.
Anyway, it's the greatest bar in the world. Just a few feet away from Mile Marker Zero on US1. It is the first (or last) bar on that famed roadway. Been around since 1890 or so in one form or another.
The jukebox is the stuff of legends, as are the bartenders. The same crew has been there forever, well, at least since I started partying there in 1994.
The live music is fantastic for such a dive bar as well. Really great blues, rock and funk bands play here all the time. I'm looking forward to seeing the Eric Culberson Blues Band, Harper, Corey Harris and Sleepy LaBeef while I'm down there.
I'm also updating my links section to include the Green Parrot Bar Blog. I really just can't say enough about this place. And the house that we are renting is on the next blog.
Danger, Will Robinson....Danger.
I'll catch y'all when I get back. Maybe I'll post a few pics while I'm down there, ya never know. Ta ta!
Nov 28, 2006
I give the Thanks now....
Just a few things I am thankful for this season.
- Sliding Glass Doors - This deserved to be mentioned twice. Because every once in a while a loved one will drunkenly walk right into one because they don't see it. Maybe it will happen on your birthday. Maybe, just maybe, it will be the funniest thing you will ever see in your life. God, I love sliding glass doors!
- Jeff Bridges - Because he should have won an Academy Award for The Big Lebowski. His work in the bathtub with the "nice marmot" was priceless. The Dude abides.
- December in Key West - Yeah, I know I'm repeating things....whatever. Slyde keeps talking about his three week vacation this coming December. Yeah, but is he gonna spend it drinking in cool bars in a semi-tropical setting? Don't think so! HA!
- Blogging - when I'm supposed to be working. Fuck!
- All of my nieces and nephews - One of them drew me a birthday card this past weekend with gas coming out of ass with this little birthday message: "Happy Birthday, Uncle Farty Lumpy!" Yeah...that's special. Don't even ask me where Farty Lumpy comes from. It had nothing to do with me...initially.
- Guinness - I know I could probably live without it, but who the hell would want to?
- The 12 Bars of Christmas - It's this amazing annual Holiday party that we throw. We visit 12 bars in our little town in one night. A half hour and at least one drink at each place. Plus, we sing the 12 Days of Christmas at each bar. But we only go up to the bar number that we are at. Get it? So at the fifth bar we start with "On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me...." and so on. We start out with maybe 20-25 revelers, but by the 8th or 9th bar we usually grow to twice that number. Just from people that are out and think what we are doing is cool. Even though it's not. Actually, it's kinda gay.
Nov 26, 2006
Odds and Sods
A couple of things on a lazy Sunday:
- I'm a little distraught at the loss to USC by my beloved Irish. I'm trying not to take it out on random sales clerks or waitresses, but it's hard. Fuckin' Trojans!
- Thanksgiving was awesome. I made two different kinds of mashed potatoes to bring to the family dinner. Sour cream and chive mashed spuds with roasted garlic and wasabi. And red-skinned mashed spuds with olive oil, roasted garlic, lemon zest and fresh parsley. The latter got the higher marks, but both were consumed whole-heartedly. Yum!
- One week until my Key West vacation. You all need to be jealous right now. It's always the best time. Ever.
- Gia walked into a sliding glass door last weekend. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. (FYI - no girlfriends were hurt in the making of this post)
- I'm a little distraught at the loss to USC by my beloved Irish. I'm trying not to take it out on random sales clerks or waitresses, but it's hard. Fuckin' Trojans!
- Thanksgiving was awesome. I made two different kinds of mashed potatoes to bring to the family dinner. Sour cream and chive mashed spuds with roasted garlic and wasabi. And red-skinned mashed spuds with olive oil, roasted garlic, lemon zest and fresh parsley. The latter got the higher marks, but both were consumed whole-heartedly. Yum!
- One week until my Key West vacation. You all need to be jealous right now. It's always the best time. Ever.
- Gia walked into a sliding glass door last weekend. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. (FYI - no girlfriends were hurt in the making of this post)
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