Nov 14, 2008


I know that a bunch of you out there have cats.

Cats are wonderful pets and they can be an absolute joy to have around the house. We take pictures of our cats, cuddle with them, groom them and give them just as much love as they give us. Cats are great!

Except that they may be plotting to kill us all!

Click here to see the full extent of their deviousness.
Courtesy of Matthew Inman*

*Who clearly deserves all of the credit for this lame excuse for a post. This is just as lazy as posting a YouTube video that someone else created. I had nothing to do with the creativity behind the images...I'm just linking to them. How fucking lazy is that? Well, maybe his site will get a few more hits because of my "borrowing" of his work. That's how the Internet works. Right? I just don't know how I am going to sleep tonight. - Earl

Update: I don't now if I'm being paranoid, but one of the cats is sitting on the back of the couch watching me type this post out. And, and, and...I think he just winked at me!


Kaye Waller said...

Our cat is a serial killer, whose thirst for blood intensified over the summer. She started with toy mice, went to baby frogs, then birds, then rabbits, and then to other cats. She won't even look at her toy mice anymore. I worry that we may be next. Or the little boy next door...

Mrs. Hall said...


ok, well, in terms of way to die, death by cat is at least interesting and not all that embarrassing.

I use to have a nissan sentra (84) that didn't have air conditioning. And when I would drive in the summer I would have to leave the windows down constantly. And when I would drive in the country I would like incense sticks while I was driving. Now, if i was driving at 55 mph, sometimes I couldn't properly get the liter to light and one time I almost crashed the car trying to light a stick.

Mr. Hall (only a boyfriend at the time) said, "What the HELL! Do you realize that you could die trying to light incense? That would be so embarrassing for me to tell people. 'uh yeah, my girlfriend died because she was trying to light incense in her car.' Babe, what the hell?"

I married him anyway.

so there, that's a story about death and love.

ok enough wine for me.



Verdant Earl said...

Steph - I took the quiz on that page and there is an 87% chance that our cats are plotting to kill me. Sounds like your percentage might be a wee bit higher. Yikes.

Holly - You did a whole little thing right there in my comments section. Very nice. ;)

Aunt Robin said...

Quick! Bring home a puppy. They won't stand a chance.

Michelle said...

No cats for me EVER!!

They freak me out a little!!

They always stare at me!!

I can't sleep!! HELP!

Anonymous said...

Wassup Earl?

In my family, we're fighting back.

Viva La Revolución!

Dr Zibbs said...

I'm so allergic to cats that with some of them, my throat closes up. I'm just putting that out there so nobody buys me one as a gift.

Slyde said...

and yet, you always hated all of my cats....

especially BoBo...

Faiqa said...

Allergic to cats. Plus I find them very pretentious and elitest, and I don't like that kind of competition.

Verdant Earl said...

Robin - Don't think the kitties would be too keen on a dog. Plus, Syd is 25 pounds. He could kick a puppy's ass!

Michelle - I woke up this morning to Syd staring at me from about 2 inches away. It was a little disconcerting.

WLC - All we need is a dog with huge balls, eh? :)

Zibbs - Funny thing is that I always used to be allergic to cat, but my body changed somewhere along the lines. Now it is certain dogs that really kill me.

Slyde - Well, Bobo was a troublemaker. And he talked like Christopher Walken.

Faiqa - There the Republicans go again (I know you were a Repub), talking smack about elitism and how bad it is. ;)

pure evyl said...

That is why it is wise to grow an insane amount of body hair. Cat's fear the furball.

Heff said...

Heff is NOT a fan of cats at all.

P.S. - The cat IS plotting to kill you.

RW said...

I'm not a cat guy. But I am taking the MINI in this weekend to get the snow tires put on.

How's that for enlightened dissonance?

Verdant Earl said...

Evyl - Hmmm...I'll have to work on that body hair thing.

Heff - You don't enjoy the pussy? ;)

RW - Thanks for sharing! The wonderful think about LI is that we never have to put snow tires on the MINI. We just wait a little while and the snow will melt. Knock on formica.

Kevin McKeever said...

This is why I have a dog.

Anonymous said...

So then, you've *met* my cat?


Anonymous said...

Oh, that was cute and certainly explains some of their behaviors. LOL. Our female cat winks at us a lot with a knowing look on her face. It's like she is hinting at some evil plan for us. Yikes.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Do your cats love puppies?

- Jennifer

Verdant Earl said...

Uncool - dogs are too dopey to plot anything. :)

Hilly - Met your cat? Hell, I've been secretly training it in the art of ninjutsu.

Teeni - The wink means your death is right around the corner.

Jenn - Heya! They haven't met many because they are inside cats, and we aren't foolish enough to bring a canine inside. I would fear for its life. :)

Anonymous said...

And a father with a heavy foot.


Brown said...

There's this cat that lives in the neighborhood in which I walk my dog and when we pass by, he comes out from under a car and acts tough by hissing and throwing a few punches in the air. Apparently he is preparing for combat with his owners, but foolishly doing so with a Doberman. I'm tempted to give my pup a little more leash next time. You know, to help the cat train and all.

marty mankins said...

Our 3 older cats try to smother us in the night.... or make us trip while they are walking under our legs while we walk down a flight of stairs.