Dec 17, 2008

Common misconceptions

I saw this the other day on GorillaMask and it just tickled me for some reason.

It's a Wiki list of common misconceptions. The greatest thing about it? It's on Wikipedia, so who the hell knows if they are true or not. Isn't the internets a wonderful place to live?

Here are some of my favorites:
  1. Apparently, the folks in the time of Christopher Columbus didn't really believe that the Earth was flat. I mean, some of them probably did. The silly folk, if you know what I mean. But it looks as if the scholarly people of the time believed in the idea of a spherical Earth. My 4th grade teacher is in for a fucking beating.
  2. Searing meat doesn't seal in the flavor. I was always suspicious of that one. Seems that you sear the meat to add flavor via the Maillard reaction. Yeah.
  3. So if I go to get a hooker, right. Um, and I ask him or her (don't judge me!) if they are a cop, right. Um, and they say "no", right. They can still arrest me, because they don't have to reveal themselves to avoid entrapment. Good thing I stay away from those, um, situations. Eh?
  4. "There is no dark side of the moon, really. Matter of fact, it's all dark."
  5. Shaving doesn't cause your hair to grow in thicker and more coarse. It's just the jagged end of the hair follicle that makes it seem like it is more coarse when it grows back in. Shaving your balls, however, can be a sad and dangerous way to pass a lonely Saturday night.
  6. Lemmings don't participate in mass suicides during migration by jumping off cliffs. This fallacy was largely made up by the soulless folks at Disney and the documentary film White Wilderness. Another reason to hate that freakin' rat.
  7. The Sahara isn't the largest desert in the world. It's the largest HOT desert in the world. Huh? I thought all deserts were boiling pits of Hell. Not so. Antarctica is actually the world's largest desert. It is a body of land that doesn't have liquid water available for plants and animals to use to live. That is sufficient to classify it as a desert. My whole world is crashing down around me!
  8. The Immaculate Conception doesn't refer to the conception of Jesus by the Virgin Mary, but rather it refers to the conception of Mary herself as she was was born without the stain of original sin. I'm not sure I really understand that, but it certainly tells me that I wasn't paying attention in Religious Education classes very well.
  9. Thomas Crapper didn't invent the flushable toilet. Yeah, I thought someone was pulling my leg on that one. I'm sure it was just a made-up name, er...wait! Holy shit! There really was a Thomas Crapper who was a plumber! And, and, and....HE INVENTED SOMETHING CALLED A BALLCOCK!!! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!
That's it. I was gonna try to find a 10th item just to round out the list and make it look pretty. But I'd rather end it with BALLCOCK. Just for shits and giggles.


Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. It's a common misconception that only the cool kids are doing it. So you should try it too. See what I did there? ;)


Mrs. Hall said...

ballcock is an excellent way to end any post Mr. Earl.

nice ;)

Mrs. Stepford Wife

well, maybe i'm just overtired. but that sort of struck me wrong. blah. ok SLEEP for the misses!

Bella@That damn expat said...

I love stuff like that!

I don't know if you've ever read it, but I'm guessing you might like The Book of General Ignorance.

Unknown said...

The best part for me was what you said about Wikipedia. I often refer to it as an unquestionable source of the Truth.

Verdant Earl said...

Holly - I was just kidding, ya know. ;)

Expat - I'll check it out.

MikeB - I use it way more often than I really should.

Dr Zibbs said...

I've heard about that Crapper thing.

Mrs. Hall said...

blah. yeah, um. this whole faux single mom stuff has made me a bit punchy.

wait. life circumstances are what they are. it's all about attitude!



I feel better now!!


Avitable said...

Catherine the Great didn't really die from having sex with a horse.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

With this new information, my life is now complete.

Slyde said...

if you could, you would end EVERY post with ballcock...

Heff said...

Damn, if only someone would market that with the title "Thomas Crapper's BallCock", it would probably outsell ALL other brands.

I once had to repair my toilet, and laughed my ass off when I purchased "Corky the Ball Flapper".

"When you need a quality job in the bathroom, trust Corky the Ball Flapper".

Verdant Earl said...

Zibbs - what thing? Oh, a BALLCOCK?!?

Holly - you did your own little thing there, didn't you? Right in my comment section. :)

Avitable - That one I'm very sad about.

Candy - you are most welcome.

Slyde - damn skippy!

Verdant Earl said...

Heff - wasn't Corky the ball flapp..oh, nevermind. I was gonna go with a Corky/retard joke there, but it wasn't working. Ballcock!

mr zig said...

best post ever! hehe - can't wait to tell people how dumb they are when i bring up all these topics at christmas dinner! woooo ballcock!

Bruce Johnson said...

I am still vague on this whole Immaculate Conception thing. What does it mean that Mary was born without sin? She never sinned in her life. Her parents didn't sin before having them.

This all sounds like more mumbo-jumbo from the Catholic church to make religion sound more confussing than it really is. They are saying, "just trust us, your pea brain can't understand this, Mary could walk on water too, but she didn't want to...."

What B.S. I bet Mary was 'doing' John the their sins canceled one another out...that is my theory.

New York City's Watchdog said...

#8 you listed is why I got an F in Religion in the 5th grade.

If I had only had Wikipedia then...

Mrs. Hall said...

Earl: I know that saying up there is from some movie. I've been trying to figure it out since you first wrote it.

ug. I can hear Vince Vaugn in my head as I read the line, but I can't friggin remember the movie.

Old school?

This is what I am seeing in my head. Also, one of my favorite movies of all time.

it's buggin me!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for letting us know about that entrapment thing. Looks like I have to change some of my dealings...erm, nevermind.


Verdant Earl said...

Zig - ballcock, indeed.

Bruce - yeah, it all sounds pretty fishy to me.

Dawg - you too, eh? Thankfully I went to a secular school so my Religious Ed classes weren't graded. Phew!

Holly - which line? I'm confused. The quote in #4 is from the Pink Floyd album "Dark Side of the Moon". Do you mean the line in my header?

Hilly - A wink is as good as a nudge. I getcha. ;)

Michelle said...

Yes b.e. wonderful useful information to invade my brain!! It's like i don't have enough useful info in there to begin with!! Now you just added to the mayhem! For that i thank you MR!!!

I am off to read the site now!!!


Michelle said...

Surprised you didn't include this one in your post b.e.!!!!!

In spite of reports of successful non-surgical techniques for penis enlargement, there is no known scientific study that has demonstrated the efficacy of such techniques, other than surgery.

Very surprised!!!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Lemmings!! Have you ever played the video game Lemmings!! IT ROCKS!

Great Post!

- Jennifer

Verdant Earl said...

Michelle - I didn't include it because I've never looked into it. Haven't had to, if you know what I mean. ;)

Jenn - I remember that game. It is even included on the Lemmings Wiki page. Good times!

marty mankins said...

*in Beavis mode* he he... BALLCOCK

Great post. Golillamask is a great site and one that I get lots of laughs out of. is another one with a similar slant.

justsomethoughts... said...

i, then, am a VERY big fan of the maillard reaction.
and, if floyd said theres a dark sideof the moon, you can bet your ass there is one. period.
giggles i'm prepared to part with...

Anonymous said...

Why is it called "taking a dump, and not leaving a dump?" I mean you're not really "taking" it anywhere are you?


hello haha narf said...

ballcock! you fucking blew me away with the antarctica desert thing. BALLCOCK!!

(i might start hollering that instead of bob saget. feel good.)

pure evyl said...

But is it still alright to ask a hooker if she is really a woman?

FourLeafClover said...

Serious... Mary was conceived by... wait... what?

Verdant Earl said...

Marty - haven't checked it out yet, but I will.

Dude - who isn't a fan of the Maillard reaction? Huh?

WLC- that was common misconception #10.

Becky - Lemme try. BALLCOCK!!! BOB SAGET!!! Both work.

Evyl - only if you are into that. Sicko.

4leaf - I totally don't get that at all. WTF?

Trooper Thorn said...

Disney, and to a lesser extent Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom, used to stage all kinds of animal battles and misfortune. They would drop an animal into a completely foreign environment or combine two species that have no reason for contact other than to start a fight and film "what happens next".

Verdant Earl said...

Trooper Thorn - First the screen name. The Quiet Man is one of my all-time favorite films. Second...more reasons to hate Disney.

jiggs said...

I don't get the moon thing. Is it one you made up? When I went to the page it said this:

There is no dark side of the Moon; every part of the Moon's surface (save perhaps deep craters near the poles) is illuminated by the Sun roughly half of the time. The phrase uses the word "dark" in the less-frequent sense of "unknown" or "obscure" to refer to the far side of the Moon, which because of tidal locking is never visible from Earth.[25]

Anonymous said...

You are a wealth of useless trivia in which I will jack and use on my friends and family to make them insane.


Question... did that tat make your leg ache, like in the muscle?? I had a cover up done on my left leg, and the new one is huge... hit my ankle and shin bones... for like a week, my muscle hurt so much I couldn't walk without a limp... jeeeez.