So in honor of Jay Leno's boring return to television, here are some news headlines that caught my eye today:
Burt Reynolds in Rehab, Reportedly Found Lying in Pool of Blood
Since the headline didn't read "a pool of HIS OWN blood" I felt compelled to read on. Just to confirm that the Bandit had actually gone bad ass on Smokey.
Amusing End for Dad's Foul Ball
Wandering hubby found with drunken whore castrated by angry mommy. Not. Even. Close.
Found: Firm Place to Stand Outside Solar System
I was kinda hoping that Heaven had hard wood floors.
"Dead" GI is Alive & Well
You can all breath a sigh of relief. The military-run zombie apocalypse is still months away.
Boss at Ritzy Coach Store Sued for Asking Employee to Look at His "Weiner"...Dog
OK...The Daily News was gonna get me on this story no matter what the headline said. But then it got even better. Gay man at a NYC Coach store asks fellow male employee to check out the size of his weiner? What's so special about that? Oh wait...he claims he isn't gay. THAT'S the news right there.
Man Puzzled to be at Center of NYC Terror Probe
Osama bin Laden was shocked, shocked I tell you. Claims he was home watching the game with a couple of pals. Pizza and beer. Pizza and beer, my friends.
Note: Remember to play the Bug-Eyed Trivia Challenge every day. Bored Blogger Resorts to Reading the News.