Jun 2, 2010


Note: I don't have kids, I don't plan on having kids and I have never, ever wanted kids at any point in my life. They are perfectly lovely animals. Like mako sharks or porcupines or those tiny fish in the Amazon that swim up your pee-hole to lay eggs. Perfectly lovely. I just don't wanna cuddle with any of them, ya know what I mean? This level of disdain I have allows me to say awful things about kids. Maybe your kids. Hey, I know you love them. I get it (I really don't). They are just not my particular brand of tequila. So...you have been warned. - Earl

Kids today are a bunch of fucking pussies.

And you know what? It really isn't their fault. It's probably YOUR fault. Or OUR fault, as a society. As I belong to the non-breeding portion of society, I'm gonna go ahead and defer the blame to you, if that's all right. Makes me sleep easier at night.

But man oh man, kids today bug the crap out of me.

I was heading to the post office last week along a typical stretch of suburban road. Grid-like streets criss-crossing each other at specific intervals. All-way stop signs at each intersection. Pretty standard for many neighborhoods on Long Island. And I got behind a school bus letting dropping kids home from some nearby elementary school.

This fucking school bus stopped at every fucking driveway on this road to drop these mewling pussified kids off to their mothers or fathers or grandparents waiting for them at the side of the road. EVERY FUCKING DRIVEWAY! What the hell happened to bus stops? When I was growing up, we had a bus stop that was about 4 blocks away. Kids from all over the neighborhood gathered at that spot on that corner for the bus to pick us up. We didn't get fucking door-to-door service. What the hell is that all about?

I even saw two mothers chatting in one driveway a bit past where the bus was letting some little bastard off, and the one mother pointed at the bus, said her quick goodbyes and literally ran to her own driveway just steps away. So she could be there when her brat got dropped off 100 feet from where she was just standing 10 seconds ago. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I can sense you shaking your fucking heads out there (I really can). "But Earl, it's a different world now. Dangers around every corner. Pedophiles. Drugs. Slyde." I've heard it all and I don't fucking believe it. That shit was around when we grew up too. That's why we traveled in packs. Like hyenas.  Fine...you want to be there when your kid gets dropped off at school, then do it. Just fucking do it at a bus stop that is a little further away then the end of your fucking driveway.

I think this is about control.  It's just one more way to control every little facet of your demon spawn's miserable little lives.  I think it's about YOU, not THEM.  That's why I don't blame the little fuck-wads themselves.  I blame you.  Maybe that's unfair.  Maybe I'm talking out of my ass.  Maybe my point of view is skewed.

All I know is that you are making little Sammy or Belinda into a goddamn pussy. AND you are fucking up my trip to the post office!

Note: Remember to play the Badgerdaddy Trivia Challenge every day. But I'm sure your kids are just wonderful.


RW said...

Doesn't happen here. Must be a New York pussy thing.

savannah said...

damn, sugar, tell me how y'all really feel! ;~D xoxoxo

(i'm with RW, that sort of dropoff doesn't happen here in savannah!)

white rabbit said...

Kids grow into teenagers aka God's punishment for having sex...

wv: podyelia - sounds like a disease

sybil law said...

Oh, it happens here, and I have ranted about the exact same thing - even calling them pussies!
It really is ridiculous. And I *have* a kid.
When I let her out of her cage, that is.

Shania said...

Amen to that! I was just telling Sam the same thing yesterday as we watched Silas banging on some live ammunition with a hammer. We agreed it would toughen him up AND teach him a lesson.

Mrs. Hall said...

yeah. there is a HUGE fear of letting kids just walk about the earth, unguarded. It is ingrained in the Mommy DNA to fight this independence. Especially when they travel to school.

we live two blocks from our school. It's taken a full year to let her WALK BY HERSELF.

She kept insisting she could do it, that it would be fine. So we let her for a few weeks, all by herself. We tailed her though (without her knowing). And you know what?


Now she can ride her bike and goes around everywhere with the neighborhood kids. She will be gone for two-three hours at a stretch. Her and the pack of kids. It nuts. I feel the need to ride around checking on her but I don't.

She's seven now, best to let her be free a bit. She's a yellow belt in karate. GAAAH.

It's time to let her be a neighborhood kid, having fun.

best to just let it happen. because all this fear is not about her, it's about me as a mom. It won't serve her well in the end. so yeah, best to let her be. :)

Water Logged Canine said...

Wow. If I didn't know different, I'd say that you sound like a crotchety curmudgeon. Take it easy old man. ;-)

That Hank said...

What were you doing in the suburbs, anyway? That's what suburbs are for, kids and overprotective families that felt the need to move away from anything interesting.

Verdant Earl said...

RW - And it's a pretty recent NY thing. Sucks!

Savannah - That's about it. ;)

Wabbit - Podyelia is a condition caused by yelling at one's pod. A pod = a gaggle of children. How's that mixing animal groups?

Sybil - Good for you! Cage that animal!

Shania - I think I like that kid.

Holly - When I was a kid, my mother was happy to boot us out the door in the morning for school (one of 6 kids). Next time we saw her was around dinner. In the summer I would leave the house in the morning and not come back until around 7. She never knew where we were and she never worried.

Doggie - The picture isn't coming through, but I have an idea of what it is. Check out the tag on the bottom of this post. ;)

Verdant Earl said...

Hank - Unfortunately, Long Island is just one big suburban sprawl. Except for waay out on the East End. That's where I'm heading this weekend! Woot!

Avitable said...

There are still bus stops here. The kids in my neighborhood have to walk a few blocks, and that seems just about right. A house to house drop-off is ridiculous.

Verdant Earl said...

Avitable - Ridiculous is right!

Suzi Q said...

Oh yeah you hit a nerve with me alright on this one! I'm with you 145.7% Not only are kids these days pussies, they're rude and disrespectful. When I grew up children were seen and not heard!

Slyde said...

You have ALMOST completed your transformation into the old man who lives alone down the street who sits on a lawn chair screaming "get off my lawn!"

That Hank said...

Suzi Q, tell me that's a joke. Y'all are cracking me up.

Verdant Earl said...

Suzi - My house growing up was filled with kids, so it was impossible to NOT be heard. Hell, I don't mind kids having fun and being loud...as long as they stay outta my way. Ha!

Slyde - Yeah, I already used that joke. Scroll down a little and look at the tag, ya comment deleting bastard ya!

Hank - We are here for your entertainment. ;)

Kevin Spencer said...

While that doesn't happen here, we still have the bus stop thing, I do agree that kids today are pussies.

Case in point, no one is allowed to "lose" at sports anymore. In fact sometimes they don't even keep score. And at the end of the game, everyone gets a medal/trophy.

What ever happened to losing so badly that you felt like crap? Happened to me all the time. I think I turned out OK ;-)

That Hank said...

You know, I've been hearing that whole "no one is allowed to lose at sports anymore" thing since the early 90s, and it's no truer now than it was then. Go on, look up your local little league - they have championships, complete with winners and losers. That's true of all organized childhood sports above the age of 5 or so. Unless you are talking about a very specific, non-competitive group, losing and winning are still very much a part of the game.

Heff said...

Hell, I agree with this post FULLY.

Poppy said...

clap clap clap clap clap clap

standing ovation

loud CHEER

Word, Earl, WORD.

Suburban Milf said...

I think we pay taxes and that the least buses can do is drop the kids off door to door. It's a jungle out there and I don't want my little Johnny to have his rectum stretched by some strange ne'erdowell, nor would I like little Susie to have her mouth washed out with some pedophile's cock soap.

We should also award both winners and losers. Life is unfair enough, and there is no need to subject our angels to these hardships at young impressionable ages. This whole post is monkey shit. You should be ashamed of yourself.

hello haha narf said...

walking to the bus stop builds character. as does kids traveling in packs. BUT, if the little fuckers don't have packs then a parent should walk with them to a bus stop. regardless, the stupid bus should not stop at every driveway. talk about asinine behavior. sheesh!

also...we were of the "come home when the street lights turn on" variety of kids. i loved it as a kid, even begging to stay out later.

Verdant Earl said...

Kevin - yeah, that "no loser" thing is a new one too. Add it to the list.

Hank - They have it for the younger kids (not sure what age is the cutoff) and for sports activity days at school. As in, an elementary school might have a track and field day where everyone gets the same ribbon for participating. It definitely happens. Gia's nephew is in 2nd grade and he just had one of those days.

Heff - knew you would.

Poppy - ::bowing::

MILF - Hiya! Thanks for stopping by. You fucking rule! (PS - How I wish this were a real troll, instead of a buddy of mine having a laugh. Everyone else has them, why not me?)

Verdant Earl said...

Becky - Until the street lights came on. That sounds about right. And yeah, I have no problem with parents walking their kids to a bus stop. Just as long as it isn't at the end of their driveway.

That Hank said...

Yeah, but they've been doing the participation ribbon thing for school-wide play days since god laid an egg. It's easier to just hand all those out to kids than bother with keeping scores at that sort of event. Which is why I said "organized childhood sports", you know?

Anyway, kids today are the same as kids ever were. If you live in the suburbs, you see coddled kids. If you live in the city, you see 6 year olds going home from school on the city bus by themselves.

Verdant Earl said...

Hank - Excuse me while I disagree.

We never had the participation ribbons when I was a kid. Or the "no winners and losers" in organized sports either. True...they are starting kids with that stuff earlier, but one of my nephews played in an organized pee-wee football league at 7 and 8 (maybe even 9) and they weren't keeping score. And the school bus thing is another example. Sure there are differences between urban, suburban and rural areas. Always has been. But it sounds like your mind is made up, so let's just agree to disagree.

Verdant Earl said...

Hank - Oh, and I (and some of the other commenters) are quite a bit older than you, so that might have something to do with the difference in opinion. That and our own experiences. 'nuff said. Cheers! ;)

RW said...

Apropos of bullshit, the divide between urban and suburban is closing. Gangs are everywhere. Everywhere. It's true there are a lot more safeguards on the life of kids these days, and people move to the burbs so that there's a bit more space between them and the sociopath next door. Kids are coddled. But I'm told people who make too much of the "kids are coddled these days" and stereotype suburban life usually have small dicks and half a brain. Or the other way around.

Verdant Earl said...

RW - And that's a wrap! Thanks to everyone for playing! :)

That Hank said...

Hey, I'm just saying. Pop Warner (aka, Pee Wee) football down here has standings and scores down to quite a young age. So do middle school teams (grade schools don't field teams) and YMCA leagues. Maybe it's a regional issue?

Oh, on the age thing - I just took a quick look, and I'm older than or the same age as most of your posters here. Of the couple that are older than me, I could have been in grade school with at least one. I'm in my mid 30s. It's not an age thing. But, like I said, could be regional.

Verdant Earl said...

Hank - Yeah, it could be a regional issue. I don't know why, but I had you pegged for mid-late 20's. Guess you just look younger to my old yet young at heart) eyes. Never a bad thing, right?

That Hank said...

I get that a lot. At least once a week, I find out that someone thinks I'm 5 - 10 years younger than I am. (Might have something to do with the bug ring through my nose, or maybe I just have a baby face.) Which, you know, I'm not complaining. I don't mind getting carded. But it does mean that sometimes people assume that my take on an issue can be ignored due to my "lack of life experience." Assumptions are funny things.

sybil law said...

I don't live in the suburbs, so the bus thing doesn't happen here, but it does anytime I have to drive from the city and it makes me INSANE.
And yeah - they kept score here for soccer even when the kids were young, but everyone got awards. More rural places definitely are more hardcore about their sports because there's not much else to DO out in the country. Drive through small town in Kentucky with nothing else for miles, and their football fields/ stadiums are HUGE and really, really nice. It's bizarre.
Damn, I got completely off topic.

Mrs. Hall said...

six kids eh? ooft. sounds exhausting.

i think i'm a bit exhausted to. after all I chase the three year old around a lot. doesn't leave a lot of energy to chase the seven year old so yeah, she can flee a bit freer given the fact I'm exhausted.

if i had six kids, christ almighty . . . AND WHAT DO YOU GIVE YOUR MOM ON MOTHER'S DAY?



I think I see the street lamps coming on, gotta go ;)

Bruce Johnson said...

Thanks for having the guts to say what I have been thinking for years. Life isn't a guaranttee to happiness. Nature has a way of thinning the herd of the slow and simple minded. The ones that can't bond with the pack or run fast enough are the ones that the pedophiles catch. Law of the jungle, even in suburbia.

Verdant Earl said...

Hank - Actually, I wouldn't make those life experience assumptions. Just that society might have been different if you were indeed younger. I don't get "you look younger than you are" anymore. Never did, really. For me it's the other way around. Has been for most of my life since I started turning grey in my mid-20's.

Sybil - Sounded on topic to me.

Holly - Ah...we practically raised ourselves! ;)

Bruce - That's certainly one way of looking at it. Probably not my way, but... :)

That Hank said...

The thing about pedophiles, of course, is that they are most often in the house, not the alley.

Verdant Earl said...

Hank - you want to bash your head against the wall, take a look at the states that still have a law loophole nicknamed the "Incest Exception". Because a lot of state law was written hundreds of years ago, some states have incest laws on the book that were intended to keep brothers and sisters from marrying and having kids. So incest was a minor misdemeanor according to the state. Flash forward to the present times and some pedophiles are getting off (no pun intended) with a slap on the wrist instead of hard jail time because they are diddling their own kids instead of their neighbors kids. Sickening. And it's taking longer than anyone would think to have these states amend these laws or make new ones. The political process is just so tainted.

That Hank said...

No doubt about that. And, on the flip side, you've got people being convicted as sexual offenders and put on the public lists for life because they were 19 or 20 and had sex with their 16 year old girlfriend or boyfriend. Sex crime law needs a major overhaul.