Anyone interested in Fantasy Baseball?

So I belong to a competitive Fantasy Baseball league that a friend of mine runs, and it's a blast! For those of you who don't know what Fantasy Baseball is, here is a wiki link.

Fantasy Baseball, and the most popular variety called Rotisserie, has been around for around 30 years now. I've been participating in leagues for about 22 years, and they are always fun for the baseball fan.  The league I participate in now is a keeper weekly Head-to-Heat points league with playoffs.  The "keeper" there means that we can offer players on our teams 2 or 3 year contracts within the rule structures of the league.  We choose players in an auction and each team has a salary cap.  So you have to fill your fantasy roster with real players using fake money. Basically, if you really want Albert Pujols on your team you can spend the most money to get him, but it's probably gonna hurt the overall team you "field".  It's all kinda complicated, but fun.

But I've been thinking back to a simpler time and I think I'd like to participate in an old-school 5X5 Roto league with a plain, old draft.  Just for shits and giggles.  So I thought I'd see if there was anyone here who reads this pathetic blog who would like to join me in this endeavor.  I figure if I get another 9 or so people who want to join, then I will go ahead and do it.

My Rules

• You don't have to be a big baseball fan to join. Just someone who thinks they might enjoy interacting and playing along with other like-minded folk.  It's all in good fun.
• It will be a 5X5 Rotisserie League, probably run through Yahoo! Sports. If you don't know what a 5X5 Roto League is, but you are interested, you can email me and I will edumacate you.
• It will be an online draft.  I'll select a time that is agreeable to all.  All you will need is a couple of hours in front of your computer sometime in late March to be involved.  There is an option with these leagues to set your draft order and let the software auto-draft for you, but what fun is that?
• The draft order will be randomly selected. Basically, I will randomly select the preference order and then ask each team, in order, where they want to pick. If there are 10 teams, then the team that picks #1 overall gets the 1st pick in the 1st round, the last pick in the 2nd round, the 1st pick in the third round, etc...  The team that picks last gets the last pick in the 1st round, but the 1st pick in the second round.  It's called a "snake draft". There is some strategy here. Some people prefer to pick in the middle of a round, some at the beginning, some at the end.  
• This league will only be for fun. No money or prizes. Just something to make the long baseball league a bit more interesting for those involved.

That's it. Everything else will be determined once I see if there are enough folks interested.  

Even if you aren't interested, maybe you can forward this around to some of your bloggy friends who might be interested.  I can't imagine getting 9 other people from just my small number of readers. But I'll ask through Twitter as well, and maybe some of you kind folks can re-Tweet that shit and we'll see where we wind up. If there is enough interest after a week or so, I'll contact those who want to be involved and set the whole thing up.  Easy peasy.

So what say you? Anyone interested?

Ladies and Gentlemen...Tony Plush

I've generally ignored the "Shit ____ Say" meme or trend or phenomena or whatever. The first couple I saw were kinda funny, but they degenerated quickly into a tiresome form of comedy that just wasn't funny. And I generally like my comedy to be of the funny variety.

Enter Tony Plush.

First, a little background. Tony Plush is the online/social media altar-ego of Major League Ballplayer and current Milwaukee Brewer Nyjer Morgan.  Now, his name was already cool to begin with. Nyjer. He was also already the coolest cat to interview after a game.  And he is one of the growing number of young, black men in this country who also could have had a career playing hockey professionally.  He played semi-pro hockey as recently as 11 years ago before turning his attention to baseball full-time. Pretty damn cool.

But, really, it's when he slips into the Tony Plush persona that Nyjer Morgan really shines. His "gentleman's name", as he likes to call it. His Twitter feed is often hilarious (just as often...not), regaling us with his gentlemanly adventures. Either on his own or with his adopted cat, Slick Willy.

Since it's the off-season, he decided that Tony Plush needed to jump in on the "Shit ____ Say" bandwagon with a video of his own.

For your viewing pleasure, here's Tony Plush with "Shit Black Guys Do".  You won't regret watching this. Even if you don't enjoy Nyjer Morgan's fun energy or rather impressive baseball skillz.

Lilyhammer

For those of you with Netflix accounts, check out the full first season of Lilyhammer. The first original programming offered by Netflix, and a damn fine offering at that.


It tells the tale of a mob guy named Frankie the Fixer and his relocation to Lillehammer, Norway as a part of the Witness Protection Services.  He was forced to turn rat after an unsuccessful attempt was made on his life by his co-horts in crime.  He chose Lillehammer because of his fascination with the 1994 Winter Olympics that were held in and near that town.  It's a classic "fish out of water" story.  Definitely a comedy, but not outrageously so. The comedy comes more from the situations that arise when a tough NY mob guy has to adjust to life in idyllic, rural-sh Norway.

Steve Van Zandt riffs off of his character from The Sopranos as Frankie the Fixer turned Giovanni Henrikksen. And even though he is basically playing the same character, he gets to stretch his wings quite a bit more in this one.  His Frankie/Giovanni is much more interesting than Silvio Dante. Less and more dangerous at the same time, he is a man who falls in love with a town, a people, a woman and her son. Offering wiseguy advice and logic and learning a thing or two himself.

One of the interesting things about the show is the Norwegian cast. Van Zandt plays the only character who speaks English on a full-time basis. As a part of his relocation, he learned the language but not enough to speak it himself. So he understands everyone and they all understand him, even though they speak Norwegian most of the time. So it's basically a foreign show in subtitles. Don't worry, it's not distracting at all.

It's not the most original concept in the world. It's been done time and time again from Northern Exposure to My Cousin Vinny. But it works. And I'm fascinated by Norway, so it offered that extra appeal for me. 

The show has been getting good reviews and it has been renewed for another season.  But you can check out the first 8 episodes online right now.  Capisce?

Early in the Morning

I don't know a hell of a lot about Papa Mali yet. But I plan on digging a little deeper as he seems like a cool cat. Check him and the band doing "Early in the Morning" down below.

Dig.

Etymology of a Nickname - pt II

Bennington and Gogo

I did this a while back with our Avery and how his name somehow morphed into Bootsy Collins. It happens with all of them. Avery becomes Bootsy. Wolowitz becomes Dr. Wu. Bennington becomes LG...short for Little Guy. Even though he's probably the biggest of the pride now.  But he is he youngest, and at one point he was the littlest.

But Gogo's nickname transformation makes me laugh all the time. Somehow, she has become Feta Cheese. Yeah...Gogo to Feta Cheese. How does that happen?  Let's take a look, shall we?

• Gogo becomes Gogo-Nut, because she's bat-shit crazy. That didn't stick.
• Then we start calling her Bobo, for some reason. Didn't stick either.
• But the "Bobo" gave us inspiration for Gogo Fett. Well, Boba Fett helped a bit with that one.
• From there it's easy. Goga Fett becomes Gogo Feta which, of course, becomes Feta Cheese.

See? That wasn't so difficult.

Dear God...I've become an insane cat person. Help. Me.

PS - Can you handle the redonk cuteness of that pic above? Now Bennington is large and Gogo is tiny, but that picture really highlights the difference. What you can't see is that he is basically sitting ON her. A situation that would normally turn her into Black Annis. All fury and claws. But she was oddly content for 15 minutes or so like this.

Nobody But Me

I don't know when it happened, but somehow Twilight Zone: The Movie went from "Holy Shit...that's the flick where John Landis killed Vic Morrow!" to that flick with Dan Ackroyd and Albert Brooks were singing "Midnight Special". I mean, I guess Landis didn't really kill Morrow (along with two others) HIMSELF. And he was eventually found Not Guilty in the trial. But, c'mon...that was the flick that Vic Morrow was decapitated, and there is no reason that I should have forgotten that. At the very least, that memory shouldn't have been replaced by another memory of two actors singing along to Creedance.

Memory is a weird thing like that.

I re-watched it the other night. Probably for the first time in nearly 20 years. And damn if it didn't start off right away with Creedance, Ackroyd and Brooks singing "Midnight Special". Just like my dominant memory, um, remembered. Then came the Burgess Meredith voice-over mentioning the angriest man in the world, and all of a sudden the forgotten memory of Vic Morrow's death came flooding back.

Now I'm set for the next dozen years or so.

But really, Ackroyd and Brooks singing together is a much happier memory. Until that damned tape deck eats the cassette. Thank God those things don't really exist anymore. Ruining a perfectly happy memory like that. And who knows? If it hadn't eaten that cassette, maybe Ackroyd wouldn't have turned into some feral creature and eaten Brooks.  Then again, it WAS a movie. I probably shouldn't wonder about "real-life" timeline changes like that.

Although that would be a fun thing too, wouldn't it? What would have happened if Beatrix Kiddo had just told Bill that the baby was his a bit earlier on? Maybe all those folks wouldn't have had to die at her hands.  And the movie would have probably sucked. I really have no idea where I was going with this.

Oh, there was a television show as well. I guess most people remember the television show over the movie. That's another place where my memory goes all spastic. I should remember the television show first, but my first thought always seems to be "Let the Midnight Special....". Blah blah blah.

Do you remember the Dutch band Golden Earring? They had a modest hit with a song called "Twilight Zone" in the mid-80's as well. They are more well-known for their mega-hit "Radar Love". I remember that there was this rumor that they spoke no English at all and they recorded that song phonetically. I dunno if that's true or not. I do know that I had the album, "Moontan", that the song came from and there were other songs on it. All in English. I also know that whenever anyone looked at my music collection back then, they would wonder why I had a Golden Earring album from 1973. No one I've ever met has owned that album.

Nobody but me.

Fuck it. Let's just watch Uma (and Zoe Bell) fuck some shit up. Tarantino-style.

I can see it!

"Pitchers and catchers."  Those three little words mean just as much to obsessive baseball fans as those other"three little words everyone knows about. I'm talking about "bacon and bourbon", of course.

We've hit February, and February is the month that pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training, and baseball begins anew.  We are less the three weeks away. I can see February 19th on my calendar.  I can see it! It's coming!

And I can't wait.

In the meantime, here's a little story about a good-guy outfielder with a history of some bad game. Except for his exceptional arm in right field and the extraordinary optimism about his own talents. His name is Jeff Francoeur, nickname "Frenchy", and he plays for the Kansas City Royals.  Last year, he had his finest year in the bigs since his out-of-the-blue rookie season in 2005 for his hometown Atlanta Braves. The expectations many had for him after that excellent rookie season have largely gone down the drain along with his high strikeout rates and low OBP skills. Yet, he keeps trying. And teams keep giving him chances. He still doesn't know how to take a walk, but he hit for average and power last year. All while playing an excellent RF.

That story should bring a smile to anyone who enjoys baseball. And bacon, for that matter.  Yes, bacon is involved. Oddly.  And I actually watched the second game in the story last year, for one reason or another. I remember because the play described in the last sentence is one of the defensive highlights of the past year.  Something you rarely see, but something you always wish would happen. Very cool stuff.

Oh, and Frenchy has long been a favorite of mine and a favorite of others. Even with his lack of truly exceptional skills. Joe Posnanski wrote about him last spring. If you liked that first story, you should read Joe Poz' take on him as well.  Great stuff.

You might just become a fan of Frenchy after reading both of those. You should become a fan of his. Because he's one of the good ones. Even for occasional baseball cynics like me.

Kindle Fire Review

A few weeks back, Gia gave me the wonderful gift of a Kindle Fire from Amazon. She's been an Apple gal forever. A bunch of Mac computers in her past. On her third iPhone, but still using the first iPad like a fucking savage. ;)

But this Kindle Fire tablet is my first real gadget for the sake of having a gadget.  I NEED my laptop PC for work...and for play. I NEED my not-so-smart phone for work...and for play. But really the only reason I would get a tablet, of any kind, is for play and for play alone.

The Kindle Fire does that well. It does it very well. It ain't perfect, and I'm not saying it's as good as an iPad. But for my purposes, it works just as well.  Let's do a quick round of Sergio Leone's favorite game, shall we?

The Good

• The e-reader it top notch. It's exactly what I wanted an e-reader to be when the first Kindles were introduced. No buttons, just swiping.  And the size of the screen is relatively the same as a paperback, which I what I normally read anyway. Sure, the e-reader (and the Kindle app) on the iPad work pretty much the same and look just as good. But for hundreds of dollars less, you get the same functionality. 
• Watching films or TV shows thru Netflix or Amazon Instant is fast, bright and convenient.  The screen size is just about perfect for watching a film in bed or waiting in a reception area. It's much better than I thought it was going to be.
• It's ultra-convenient to carry around. I haven't found the cover that I like yet, but I have a number of jackets that have a handy pocket or two that it slips into rather nicely.  And having it by my side when I'm watching a TV show and I want to quickly look something up on the Internet is ultra-convenient as well. Very easy to swipe it on and type a few characters for the answer. Much more so than opening up my laptop for the same exact thing.
• Plenty of useful and free apps available from the Amazon Store. Too many for me to even consider reviewing right now. Mostly because I haven't done anything with them yet. But I will. I'm sure I will.

The Bad

• For right now, I'm pretty much using it for brain candy right before I go to bed. A quick game of this or that, filtering through my feed reader, reading what my Tweeple are saying. And that's all fine.  The mobile versions of Twitter and Google Reader work great on it. But for a lot of other websites out there? Not so much. Even just a simple Google search is...awkward on the Kindle Fire.  Maybe iPad users experience the same thing. I don't know, but I much prefer serious web surfing on my laptop PC to the tablet experience so far.
• No 3G. Oh well.
• No camera, blue-tooth, GPS or mic either.  Oh well, again.

The Ugly

• As I kinda alluded to above, I hate typing on the thing. I've always been a physical keyboard guy, and I'm finding the touchscreen keyboard difficult to get used to. Hell, even my phone has a physical keyboard for texting and what-not. I'm a touch typist, and a pretty darned fast one at that. So going back to the old hunt and peck for typing on the touchscreen always makes me shake my head a bit. 
• The Android operating system is a bit buggy. Not overwhelmingly so, but enough to make the Ugly list for me. I've encountered several screen freezes or application problems that seem to be tied directly to the operating system. I don't know if Amazon will be doing any system upgrades or fixes, but for right now I'm not thrilled with the performance of the system itself. More to follow on this one.
• Flash is supposed to be supported on the Kindle Fire, but most of the flash sites I've come across don't work or are EXTREMELY buggy. I think an operating system for a tablet, whether it's this one or iOS, should work with every internet site out there. Regardless of whether or not Flash is a good or bad product. I don't care. Everything that is on the Internet should be available on the device in full working condition. That's all I'm saying.

So that's it. My quick and mostly meaningless Kindle Fire review. It's a great toy, and just about perfect for what I intend to use it for.  It may not have all the bells and whistles of the iPad...I actually don't know because I've only used Gia's iPad on several occasions. But it seems to be an earnest attempt at a well-made, much cheaper alternative to Apple's tablet. 

Odd Winter

I'm totally going to ruin it with this post, but we've had just about the best Winter in recent memory so far. Weather-wise, that is. And by "best", I mean warmer than usual with no snow.

In fact, we had our first snowstorm of the year over this past weekend. A convenient little storm that began overnight on Friday and into early Saturday afternoon. All that meant to me was staying home with my woman and our recuperating cat (Wolowitiz is doing much better now, thanks), and drinking a whole mess of bourbon. Slept in Saturday morning and then went out to shovel about 4 inches of some dry powder.  It was glorious. The easiest snow removal day in memory.

I don't know why I even bothered, though. The weather forecast was for rain and 50 degrees on Monday, which is exactly what happened. By the end of the day, just about all the snow from the weekend was a memory.

I've been actually appreciating the warm weather even more than the lack of snow, even though those obviously go hand-in-hand. Went out to get the mail today in a t-shirt and it felt like around 60.  I'm sure it was colder, but it really didn't feel that way.

So January is almost over, and February is looming.  Normally a month when we get slammed with snow and cold weather.

But I'm hoping that this trend continues.  Right through the Winter and into Spring. 

A mild Winter is just what my soul needed.

Alright, Alright, Alright

David Wooderson is back, girls. And he's just as cool as ever. Check out Matthew McConaughey reprising his best role ever after 19 long years.  The song is courtesy of Butch Walker and the Black Widows.  Dig.

"The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N." - words to live by.

h/t: The Interrobang

Gogo/Yak?

I've mentioned before that our female cat, Gogo, is nearly impossible to catch in a photo.  Because she never sits still for even a second all day long. Yet, somehow, Gia was able to snap a picture of the elusive yak-cat with her new iPhone 4S.  We call her that because...well, look at the hair.  That's some yak shit going on, isn't it?

click to view the full horror of the yak-cat

Maybe she was sitting still because she was worried about her brother, Wolowitz. He's in the kitty hospital right now recovering from a blocked urinary tract.  Poor guy.  He went in yesterday, and we get to bring him home tomorrow morning. The house isn't the same without him.

Simon's Cat - Double Trouble

This is what every day is like in our home.

Except we have four crazy cats instead of just two. And we don't keep our litter boxes in the living room. Not even when the cats were just wee kittens.

Meow.

The smacks to the top of the head and the young kitty taking a "shiver/stare" crap in the litter box is our Gogo to a fucking T.

She generally likes to wait until we are cleaning out the litter boxes every day to do her business.  As if to say "Thank you, human. For giving me an appropriately clean place to take a shit. Now clean this mess up! I may have use for it again in an hour or so.  Chop chop!"

Bogus Globes

Every year, I like to re-post something that I wrote about the Golden Globe Awards way back in 2006. Actually, I forgot to re-post it last year for some reason. Maybe because Ricky Gervais did enough as the host to make me forget how much I despise this sham of an awards show. 

So in honor of Matt LeBlanc winning a Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy last night (seriously...for acting!), here's my nearly annual rant on the event.  Cheers! - Earl



01/19/2006 8:28 PM EST - date of original post.

Sofia Vergara - insert Golden Globes joke here

Hey kids! As you may have figured out, I'm a bit of a film fan. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that I like to watch the annual award shows to see who takes down the big prizes each year. I was a little bored the other night watching the Golden Globe Awards when I decided to find out who/what the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is all about. If you are not familiar with the group, the HFPA is the organization that determines the nominees for each award category and subsequently votes on the winners for the Golden Globes. But who are they? I mean it never made much sense to me. Are they Hollywood press reporting in foreign countries about the entertainment industry? Are they foreign press working in Hollywood? Who are these people that the media focuses so much weight on around award season? Surely it must be an astoundingly large number of critics and reporters from around the world weighing in on the best that Hollywood has to offer. Hundreds if not thousands of dedicated men and women working tirelessly to hand out awards that are the pre-cursor to the big daddy of all entertainment awards, the Oscars. Right? Wrong!

The HFPA is a non-profit organization of somewhere around 90 international journalists based in Hollywood whose purpose is to disseminate information about film and television to a world-wide audience. 90 JOURNALISTS! Are you kidding me? These 90 men and women are the only voices and votes for an award as seemingly important as the Golden Globes? Now don't get me wrong. The HFPA does some fine work, I guess. In 2005 they donated $1 million to various arts and cultural programs around the world in an effort to further the advance of the film and television. They also donated $250 thousand to the Red Cross. That's mighty white of them.

Where do they get the funding for their charitable work, as well as the funding needed to run the non-profit organization, you may ask? Well, they receive a sizable licensing fee from the networks to run their annual event...the Golden Globe Awards. They also receive licensing fees from various cable networks for allowing them to report from the red carpet. Hm-mm. So let me get this straight. The HFPA (all 90 of them) collect licensing fees from an award show that they run in an effort to award excellence in a field that is already swimming with too many awards. And they give out those awards in the award show that they sponsor, which in turn provides them with the revenue that they need to keep handing out awards the following year? Holy self-sustaining stroke-fest, Batman! And I thought I used to get confused with The Terminator and all of its time-line questions. Wait...how was John Connor born if he needed to send his own father back in time to be with his mother in the first place, and, and, and...system failure!

This is bogus, my friends. It's just another example of mutual masturbation that the media machine that is Hollywood has fashioned out of thin air. It made me sick to read about this, and if I ever see another weepy, blathering idiot of a winner (like Felicity Huffman this year back in 2006) crying about how this is the greatest night of their lives I may actually vomit on my television screen. "You really, really like me...all 90 of you! You really, really like me!" Actually, it's possible that only 25 of the members liked you, honey. Or whatever number of voters that is needed to beat out whomever came in second place. What a piece of crap award this is!

Once again, feel free to applaud the charitable work that the HFPA does. But let us not kid ourselves. Most of the money isn't going to help poverty and starvation in Africa, or to help relief efforts in India Haiti. No, most of the money is handed out in the form of financial grants to cultural institutions to help further their own causes. There is some good stuff in there, but most of it isn't of the do-or-die type of relief.

You can find out more about the HFPA on their website, that is if you can stomach it. Me...I'm done with this award show in the future. I always thought that some of the choices were a bit odd (C'mon...have you seen Geena Davis in "Commander in Chief"?), but I always thought there was some kind of integrity about the awards themselves. I don't know what goes into the voting for the Academy Awards, and I'm sure it ain't perfect. I just don't know if I have the heart to do any research on that right now. Sigh.

Oh, and if you were wondering why I placed a picture of the stunning Scarlett Johansson (decked out in stunning scarlet, thank you very much) Christina Hendricks Sofia Vergara at the top of this article, it wasn't so that we could make some blatantly obvious double entendre about the Golden Globes and her outfit. I just think she's got some nice hoo-has.

Hi. How are you?

I was reprimanded by a dude who smells like a wet dog yesterday for abandoning ye olde Verdant Dude since the holidays.  That wasn't my plan.  Nor was I planning on a specific timetable for rejoining South Blogistan.  I guess his little nudge worked because here I am.

Now what?

I hope everyone had a healthy and wonderful Holiday season.  Mine was a bit fragmented.  Gia went down to Charleston to see her family before Christmas, but I stayed local to see my family.  But I made it down to SC in time for New Year's Eve and Day, so we just celebrated double then.  All good.  We've both been back for about a week now, but we still haven't really settled into a routine.  Other than watching Sons of Anarchy marathons every night.

Much like me with this here blog.

I didn't make any New Year's resolutions.  They never work out too well for me.  But I have promised myself that I would do my best to move forward.  Move forward from what?  Well...everything.  Work, family, life.  A lot of times I get into these ruts where I just remain static.  Or worse, I start back-tracking.  So a generic "move forward" is something I am striving for in the new year.  Let's see how that goes.

I hope I can fill this space with interesting posts, or at least posts that don't make you want to vomit.  That's a thin line I'm constantly walking here.  I'll also try to post some more on our collaborative food blog.  I just posted a little something over there yesterday.  Then there is the radio show.  Now that the holidays are over, hopefully we can get back to a regular schedule in the Cornfield.  I'm wondering if Sunday nights aren't really the best time for this thing.  I'll keep you posted.

Other than that...I got nothing right now.  I hope you are all enjoying the New Year!

Oh, one more thing.  I got this package of old photos from when I was a kid over the holidays.  I may post a few of them here and there.  Below is one of them that I sent to a friend and she did some kind of clip-art thing with it.  It was from a cell phone picture that I took of the original, so it's not very clear.  Except, of course, for the rugged good looks.

Behold The Verdant Dude at age 6 or so in all his glory!!!

Charlie Bucket called...he wants his hair back.

Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered

Great article today from scribe Joe Posnanski about Babe Ruth and The MVP Formula.  But, as usual, my favorite part of the thing has nothing to do with baseball at all.  He compared something or other to an episode of Bewitched, and then...as he does...he had to include a Pozterisk.  What's a Pozterisk?  I'll let Joe explain:

Pozterisk (PAHZ-tur-isk), noun. An aside that has nothing whatsoever to do with anything but is thrown into the middle of the story because the author thinks it’s funny.

See?  He named it after himself because of his extremely heavy use of them. So anyways, here was Joe's Pozterisk about Bewitched:

*My daughters have taken a sudden liking to the show "Bewitched." And it reminds me of something that has always bothered me -- was Darrin insane? I say yes. He had a wife that looked like Elizabeth Montgomery and could do pretty much unlimited magic. She constantly wanted to use that magic to HELP him. And he basically yelled at her a lot and told her to STOP using that magic and become a suburban housewife? Huh? … The question goes double for Larry Hagman in "I Dream Of Jeannie?"

I've always thought the same thing.  Fools.

Image source

Bennington Claps

Here's out youngest cat doing his most special trick. He sits on his haunches, and...well, he claps.

Usually at nothing at all. Something he sees floating in the air. Something outside the window of our bedroom. We've even spied him doing it while looking at himself in a mirror. So odd.

But he will also clap on demand.  When food is involved. Check it below or go to Youtube here.

Bennington Claps for Food from BE Earl on Vimeo.

Merry Christmas!

The Pogues and Kristy MacColl doing Fairytale of New York.  Have a great one everyone!

H/T Savannah Marsh Mama

See ya after the holidays!

We had a freakin' blast of a time on Just Talking to the Cornfield Wednesday night. You should'a been there. Or maybe you were. Either way, you can catch a replay on Talkshoe or iTunes. I actually may have been semi-coherent for the show, but I'm not sure. A half a bottle of bourbon can play tricks on your mind.

So the next week and a half are gonna be busy. Gia is down in Charleston with her family for Christmas. I stayed up here to look after the cat harem and see my family for the holiday.  But I'm heading down there for New Year's Eve and Day. It's gonna be off da hook. And I'm gonna be REAL busy with work during this whole time. Year-end gets a bit nuts in my business. It is what it is.

With all that, I may not be blogging that much until the second week of January or so. But that's okay. You're a little sick of me anyway, right? RIGHT?

But I'll still be reading and commenting every once in a while. So don't you go changing.

Bottom line...Seasons Greetings, everyone!  Have a great Holiday season!

Happy Holidays from the Cornfield

Join the Colonel and I on Wednesday, December 21st at 9PM EST for a special Holiday Edition of Just Talking to the Cornfield.

It's all gonna be about the Holidays. Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Eid, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa, Festivus, Saturnalia or another of the Winter Festivals or holidays. Or if you just want to hear a couple of idiots ramble on about holiday food, holiday booze and/or holiday films.


We plan on sharing the pulpit with some very special guests as well. So it will surely be an episode that you won't want to miss.

Photo source

Baron Ambrosia

Those of you outside of the NYC/Metro area may not have heard of Baron Ambrosia. Hell, I live nearby and I had never heard of him until Wednesday night.  Now...everything has changed.

Who is he? Well, he's the screen alter-ego of NY filmmaker Justin Fornal. What is he? That's a much harder question to answer. Equal parts pimp, vampire, Anthony Bourdain, Kid Rock and William Shatner.  He hosts a cooking/travel show called Bronx Flavor on local public-access television.  A "quaffer of culinary consciousness" as he likes to say. It's kind of like "No Reservations", but with much shittier production values, campy bits and the Baron's odd and over-the-top voice-over.

I may get sick of it very quickly, but it also may be MY FAVORITE TELEVISION PROGRAM OF ALL-TIME!!!  And I've only seen one episode so far!

Check it out on the website for full episodes. All I can think of is that line in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas about Dr. Gonzo.

"There he goes. One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die." - Raoul Duke

Here's a clip of the opening credits. It's just...so odd. I can't look away.  

Behold

Just my opinion, ya see. Yer entitled to yer own.

Source: someone on the Internet...sorry.

Let's Try This Again

Didn't get a lot of response from this last week, so I figured I would give it one more try. If there still isn't any interest...well, then there is no interest. And we'll just move along. However, I'm all for giving folks a second chance. Unless they do icky stuff with kids, I mean.  Those people can burn in Hell, although I would prefer to see them burn here on Earth.  Instant gratification and all. Where was I?  Oh yeah...have at it! - Earl

_____________________________________________________________

So....one of the ideas that my co-host had for Just Talking to the Cornfield in the off-season was to have a show specifically dedicated to Christmas food and recipes.  Which is odd, because he's Jewish. But I think he meant the "holidays", in general. Not just Christmas. Or he just hates his heritage. Let's move on...

Besides, I don't really know what Christmas food is anyway. In my family, we basically just did Thanksgiving all over again on Christmas Day.  Maybe a spiral ham in addition to a turkey. I just don't remember anything memorable about Christmas or Christmas Eve dinner.  I know some of my friends of Italian descent do the whole Seven Fishes thing on Christmas Eve. I don't know what that is about. Sounds good though.

Here's my thought. We are gonna do a show sometime in the next two weeks about Holiday Food including recipes and suggestions. You can be a part of it. Either by joining us during the broadcast (I'll let you know when that will be), or by commenting here with your suggestions or recipes, or by emailing me your suggestions and recipes to babyburke at aol dot com.

I'll then post all the recipes and/or suggestions to our collaborative food blog after it is all said and done for everyone to enjoy.  What do you think?

Do it to it, peoples!  FUN!

Christmas Giving

I dig Christmas.

I dig Christmas music.

I dig Christmas movies.

I dig giving and receiving Christmas gifts.

I hate Christmas commercials.

Especially the ones where a husband tricks his wife into thinking the small box he is giving her is a piece of jewelery, when it's actually the keys to a brand new BMW parked with a huge honkin' bow in their snow-swept driveway.

Have you ever given a car to a loved one for Christmas? Has anyone in your family? Has anyone you have ever met done it? Has everyone anyone in your family ever met someone who has done it?

I fucking hate those commercials most of all.

But I dig Christmas itself. That's something.

You're So Mean

Best song ever...or BEST SONG EVER! Don't even argue with me. Seriously.

Precious

The Pretenders

I LIKE THE WAY YOU CROSS THE STREET 'CAUSE YOUR PRECIOUS 
MOVING THROUGH THE CLEVELAND HEAT HOW PRECIOUS 
TAKING RIDES AND ALL THE KICKS WAS SO PRECIOUS 
BUT YOU KNOW I WAS SHITTIN' BRICKS 'CAUSE I'M PRECIOUS 
MADE ME WANNA, 
MADE ME WANNA, 
YOU MADE ME MAKE IT 
OH, YOU'RE SO MEAN 
EAST 55TH AND EUCLID AVENUE WAS REAL PRECIOUS 
HOTEL STERLING COMING INTO VIEW HOW PRECIOUS 
IT'S A PITY THAT YOU BRUISED MY HIP 'CAUSE I'M PRECIOUS 
YOU SHOULDN'T LET YOUR MANNERS SLIP YOU'RE TOO PRECIOUS 
MADE ME WANNA, 
MADE ME WANNA, 
YOU MADE ME MAKE IT 
OH, YOU'RE SO MEAN 
WE WENT AROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND AND ROUND THE SHOREWAY WE WAS A DUET DUET DUET DUET DO IT ON THE PAVEMENT 
OH MAYBE MAYBE I'M GONNA HAVE A BABY 
WE WAS A DUET OH WE DO IT ALL NIGHT 

I WAS FEELING KIND OF ETHEREAL 'CAUSE I'M PRECIOUS 
I HAD MY EYE ON YOUR IMPERIAL YOU'RE SO PRECIOUS 
NOW HOWARD THE DUCK AND MR STRESS BOTH STAYED 
"TRAPPED IN A WORLD THAT THEY NEVER MADE" 
BUT NOT ME BABY I'M TOO PRECIOUS I HAD TO FUCK OFF 
MADE ME WANNA, MADE ME WANNA, YOU MADE ME MAKE IT 
OH, YOU'RE SO MEAN

Holiday Food Ideas/Show

So....one of the ideas that my co-host had for Just Talking to the Cornfield in the off-season was to have a show specifically dedicated to Christmas food and recipes.  Which is odd, because he's Jewish. But I think he meant the "holidays", in general. Not just Christmas. Or he just hates his heritage. Let's move on...

Besides, I don't really know what Christmas food is anyway. In my family, we basically just did Thanksgiving all over again on Christmas Day.  Maybe a spiral ham in addition to a turkey. I just don't remember anything memorable about Christmas or Christmas Eve dinner.  I know some of my friends of Italian descent do the whole Seven Fishes thing on Christmas Eve. I don't know what that is about. Sounds good though.

Here's my thought. We are gonna do a show sometime in the next two weeks about Holiday Food including recipes and suggestions. You can be a part of it. Either by joining us during the broadcast (I'll let you know when that will be), or by commenting here with your suggestions or recipes, or by emailing me your suggestions and recipes to babyburke at aol dot com.

I'll then post all the recipes and/or suggestions to our collaborative food blog after it is all said and done for everyone to enjoy.  What do you think?

Do it to it, peoples!  FUN!

Treeman

Forgive me if you've seen this one already. It's been making the rounds on Facebook, according to Gia.  Her musician friends all love this guy. All I know is that this video made Gia laugh harder than I've seen her laugh in years.

I love his accent and the way he punches himself in the hand when he can't get the notes right. This guy needs to be a star.  Even if he IS the world's angriest guitar player.

Jazz in the Cornfield

Last night we were all over the place in the Cornfield.

Usually one of us sets an agenda and we do our best to not stick to it. It's like a game where everyone loses.  But I was too lazy to set a proper agenda this week for us to ignore. So we did a free-form, stream of consciousness thing.  Just talked about whatever came across our tiny minds.  Which included:

• Christopher Walken impersonations. Bad ones.
• The TV show Taxi. Slow down....
• The actor Peter Coyote's birth name. It's Rachmil Pinchus Ben Mosha Cohon. He's Buddhist now. 
• Jazz. And our inability to really understand it.
• Joe Frazier, Muhammad Ali, Miguel Cotto and Antonio Margarito.
• The Odd Couple. "We're out of Cornflakes - F.U."
• Baseball Wives. It's a train wreck.

And it just got odder from there.

Check it out on Talkshoe or iTunes, if you have an hour and forty-six minutes to kill.

SALTALAMACCHIA!!!

Old Man Winter

Rears his fugly head.

Who is that lady in the background?

I like to layer my clothing in the late Fall/early Winter months. Sue me.

Holiday Films in the Cornfield

I'm being ultra-lazy today by making you do all the hard work for me.

We have a little internet radio show, and the initial idea was that it was going to be about 50% baseball and 50% other things that interest us.  Movies, TV, food, booze, etc...

But we love baseball so much that it often becomes difficult for us to include the other things we love.  Back before Halloween, we did a special show where we only talked about horror flicks.  No baseball talk at all. It was loads of fun.

In the coming weeks, we are going to incorporate more topics like food and booze as we see fit, but specifically we are planning a Holiday film episode a few weeks down the pike.  Just Holiday film reviews. And here's the thing...I don't know that many Holiday films off the top of my head.  Here's what I got:

• It's a Wonderful Life
• Miracle on 34th Street
• White Christmas
• Holiday Inn
• The Nightmare Before Christmas
• Elf
• Love Actually
• A Christmas Story
• A Christmas Carol (or any of the remakes)

That's all I can really think of.  I left out some that I didn't enjoy like The Santa Clause or Jingle All the Way.  I left out others that I did enjoy that I don't really consider Holiday films like Home Alone or Die Hard. Just because a film is set during the holidays, doesn't make it a Holiday film.  (Although one could make an argument for Home Alone)

So I'm asking you, dear reader, what is a really good Holiday film that I need to see and enjoy?  I'm looking for some suggestions so I can add them to my list and maybe review a couple of them during that show I mentioned previously.

And if Christmas isn't your bag, and your faith's holiday has a good flick, throw that in as well.  That's why I refer to them with the PC-tag "Holiday" instead of Christmas.  But, for the life of me, I can't think of one Hanukkah, Eid, Saturnalia, Yalda, etc... film.  So if you know of any, this is the place to enlighten me.

Movie Review: The Shrine (2010)

Just because we are done with the Halloween season, doesn't have to mean I'm done with horror flick. Nope, I watch those year-round. The latest and one of the greatest is this nasty little flick called The Shrine that I found on Netflix.

The film starts off with a young man who appears to be ritualistically killed by satanists or something.  It's a great opening that brings back memories of those old 60's and early 70's Hammer films, the non-vampire ones. Actually, the entire movie is like a love letter to those old satanist cult films that I loved so much as a kid.

A journalist and her two friends go to Poland to see if they can solve the mystery of the missing young man who was killed in the opening scene.  They find a backwards town that could have existed at just about any point in time, but would have fit right in with those Hammer flicks I mentioned. And the townfolk don't want these Americans nosing around in their business.  But there is this weird stationary fog that has settled over a part of the forest and they want to investigate it, so they do.

What they find is a creepy ass demon statue holding a human heart. Then shit starts to get real, or unreal to be more specific. I'm not going to give any spoilers because I don't want to ruin it for you if you intend on watching it, but the film really kicks into high gear after that.

Oh, and the filmmakers decided against giving us subtitles for the parts in Polish. This way we, the viewers, are as much in the dark as the American characters in the film. It's unsettling in a great way.

It's one of those small horror flicks that actually exceeded my expectations.  Nothing historic, you understand.  But it's pretty damn good.  Check it!

Green Man

I'm always looking for Green Man images for my blog and what-not.  I just dig it.  So my buddy, ever the thoughtful dude himself, sent me one that he found online somewheres that I can use during the holiday season.

Look for this one to be incorporated here sometime soon.

UPDATE: image credit Anne Stokes

Pretty cool, eh?

Ho ho ho, Holidude!

Thanks

To these things, I give the thanks:

• Our four cats. Gogo, Wolowitz, Bootsy and Bennington.  They make us so happy nearly every day. I say "nearly", because happiness doesn't just happen every day. Sometimes they puke on the carpet and you step on it with your bare feet. Those days aren't so great.
• Jim Beam. I love me some bourbon, and I love me some classy bourbons. But most times, I just want some plain old Jim Beam. Filet mignon is awesome, but a lot of times you'd rather just have a great burger.  Jim Beam is that great burger. You know what I mean.
• Baseball. I've been enjoying this off-season of baseball nearly as much as the regular season.  Having the weekly radio show certainly helps. Being a fan of a team that you know is gonna spends some money to ensure a quality product is out on the field every day is an even bigger help. 
• Cooking. It both excites and calms me. I was a indifferent chef for most of my life, but now I try to inspire myself in the kitchen at least 4 or 5 times a week. Good for me, good for Gia, good for our health. It might be a more recent passion than booze or baseball for me, but it's just as important.
• The Internet. Without it, I wouldn't be watching Breaking Bad or Mad Men on Netflix, boring y'all with this here blog of mine, wasting time on Twitter or playing silly games. I also wouldn't be finding as many cool recipes or friends or opportunities for...whatever. I never want to be unplugged again.  Except for the times when I don't wanna be plugged in. Again, you know what I mean.
• Tom Waits. I wasn't a big fan growing up, but I've really come to appreciate the man and his music.  Whenever I'm feeling particularly down or up, Tom centers me.  I dig that.
• My family. This is the extended family I'm talking about.  My family, Gia's family, our friends, our friends' families.  It's all family to me. They are...the best.
• All y'all. That, according to a Southern friend of mine, is the plural of y'all. Which, of course, is a plural expression. "You all". Hey, I don't try to make or break any rules.  But all y'all are pretty damned special, and I appreciate the hell outta you.
• My Gia. She is my world.

That's enough for now. I've got a lot more to be thankful for, but I'll save that for another time.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. 

Make it your own.  Fly your turkey freak flag.

Old

Turned 45 this past Friday.  Yeah.

Celebrated with Gia and our friends in NYC on Saturday with the following agenda:

• Biscuits and coffee from Donna Bell's Bake Shop in Hell's Kitchen.  Both were outstanding.  I had bacon, blue cheese and parsley biscuit, naturally. Gia went with the pimento cheddar and chive variety. Each was the size of a baby's head.  The service at the joint? Not so outstanding.  We ordered 4 biscuits, a muffin and four coffees and we got 3 biscuits, the wrong muffin, 3 coffees and a 15-minute wait for them to brew the last cuppa. The place is tiny, but c'mon...they need to work on that.
• Breakfast pitcher of beers (and bourbon) at Rudy's Bar & Grill.  The best dive bar in NYC.  We got there around 11:30AM, so the alcohol was indeed of the breakfast variety. I don't know what time they opened, but our bartender's shift ended at noon. And I've closed the joint past 4AM in the past.  I think they pretty much close for a couple of hours, and start all over again. My kinda joint.
• Took a walk downtown and stopped at a crummy Irish chain pub because one of us needed to pee. Wasn't me, by the way.  Didn't stop us from ordering a round of Lutaks. We miss you, big guy!
• We got hungry again, so we headed over to a sandwich shop on Broadway called No. 7 Sub attached to the Ace Hotel.  Gia had done a mess of research about the best sandwiches in NYC, and this place consistently popped up.  And they were awesome.  I had a brisket hero with Chinese mustard, pickled jalepenos (replacing the mushrooms) and parsley.  Gia went with the broccoli hero with Lychee Muchim, Ricotta Salata, and Pine Nuts.  Equally as awesome.  They are strictly a takeout joint, so we took our food to the lobby of the Ace Hotel which was an odd, wonderful experience.  Drinks were ordered at the Breslin Bar located in the hotel, and we sat down for a nice meal.  Did I mention the lobby was an odd experience? Packed to the gills with guests of the hotel and transients like us.  Drinks were being had, job interviews conducted, seemingly lots of work going down...all this on a Saturday afternoon. Weird, but it was a great place to people-watch.
• Our friends had to go home at this point, so Gia and I trudged on without them.  First to some local bar whose name I don't recall.  We were headed to the Flatiron Lounge, but it was still 15 minutes away from opening.  So we ducked into this joint.  Met some really interesting people there as well.  But the Flatiron Lounge was the real gem.  Great cocktails served with absolute precision by knowledgeable mixologists.  A real treat. 

We kinda called it quits after that.  Headed back to Penn Station for the train ride home.  There were a couple of more bars mixed in there, one at Penn while we waited for our choo-choo and one near our home.  By 10PM, 12 hours after we got to the city, I was done.  And feeling it very much the next day.  I can't party like I used to.

The title of the blog post says it all.

Old.

On Human Error

Go here to read Michael Lewis' (of Moneyball fame) great Vanity Fair article on Nobel Prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman.  It's utterly brilliant.  The power and often failure of human intuition and reasoning. Good stuff.

Here's an excerpt:

In 1983—to take just one of dozens of examples—they had created a brief description of an imaginary character they named “Linda.” “Linda is thirty-one years old, single, outspoken, and very bright,” they wrote. “She majored in philosophy. As a student, she was deeply concerned with issues of discrimination and social justice, and also participated in antinuclear demonstrations.” Then they went around asking people the same question:
Which alternative is more probable?
(1) Linda is a bank teller.
(2) Linda is a bank teller and is active in the feminist movement.

If you answered (2), well...you aren't alone. In a poll conducted, 85% of respondents agreed with you.  Once you really think about it, you will realize why that isn't the correct answer.  Or just read the article to get smarterer.

See? It ain't only sandwiches and baseball here. 

PS - But if you NEED the sandwich stuff, here it is. You are welcome.

Get Thee to the Greek

Don't live a stone's throw from half a dozen greek joints where you can get a tasty, authentic gyro?

I feel sorry for you.

BUT...Fugs1 (aka Bill Mangini) is here for the rescue!

Well, not here...over there.  With a recipe for homemade gyro sandwiches.  Including a recipe for the Tzatziki sauce that goes with it.  Yum!

Check it!

Over there now

I'm not here, and probably won't be for the rest of the week. Well, I'm here, but not here...ya know. 

Instead, I'm over there...talking about sandwiches.

Today: The Best Cuban Sandwich Ever!  Check it!

Sandwich Week: Simmer, Sip, Share

It's late on Sunday night as I type this, and I've had a rather sudden urge to write about my favorite food.

The sandwich.

A hero, a roll, a slice of pita or maybe just two pieces of bread. And something to put inside that bread.  That's what I like.  Gimme, gimme, gimme a great sandwich.  And don't be half-ass about it.  If it's gonna be tuna salad or egg salad, jazz it up a bit.  If you want to make it as simple as bologna, how about fried bologna?  All I'm saying is that I just don't want something hastily thrown together.  I need some thought put into it.

This coming Friday is my birthday, and Gia wanted to know what I wanted.  And, like every year, I have no response to that.  I don't really need or want any kind of gift.  I don't pine for objects I don't have.  If I want something bad enough, I don't wait for someone to buy it for me.  That's just been a part of my DNA forever.

So this year, I asked her to research the best sandwiches to be had in NYC.  I'm taking the day off and we are going to head in early for breakfast at this bakery I've been dying to try.  Then walk around some, maybe do some shopping, maybe have a beer someplace before heading to the sammich joint late in the afternoon to see what we see.

That's what I want to do on my birthday.  Have an incredible sandwich experience.  Insert gay joke from Slyde here.  Yeah...he's THAT obvious.

Oh...so we've got this food blog called Simmer, Sip, Share going on as well. I've been a little lax with posting over there lately.  So I've decided to make it Sandwich Week over there.  I'm going to post once a day about a great sandwich that I've made or enjoyed.  I encourage everyone who contributes to the blog (you know who you are) to join in on the fun, if they so wish.

Let's start off the week with this bad boy:

Yeah...that's a paper plate. Deal with it...

Looks delicious, right? Wanna know what it is? Well, you'll have to go here to find out. Heheheh.

Welcome to Sandwich Week!

Teeth

This is my few favorite thing in my reader: Nature Wants to Eat You.

Tigerfish will fuck you up!

It's a Tumblr site, and a fairly new one. So there isn't a lot to peruse just yet. But what is in there will haunt your nightmares forever.  THIS is why I sometimes hate nature.  Because nature can have "great big fangs".

"Look at the bones, man!"

PS - Happy 11/11/11. Let's all do a shot of something at 11:11:11 PM, okay?  Hell, let's do one at 11:11:11 AM for that matter! SHOTS!

5 Years Ago: The Verdant Dude Archives

Got to thinking about this today from a post Alex Belth put up over at Bronx Banter. It's about the night I met Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft. And, um, told Sarah Jessica Parker that I loved her. Ugh.  Read on, good fellows...

_______________________________________________________________

"Aww...that's so sweet!"
Sep 19, 2006 by B.E. Earl

Slyde's tale of his trip to NYC to see Martin Short's Broadway show made me think of my favoritist Broadway experience. Hang onto your socks...this is gonna be a long one. And I've told this story before (on Slyde's blog, I think) in short form so it may be repetitive. Oh well. Deal with it, beee-yatchs!

Now, I'm not a Broadway guy. I'd much prefer to hand over 10 bucks at the local movie theater to see a good film than sit through a Broadway play. Sometime, just sometimes, it's really worth it. This one time was more than worth it.

Before "The Producers" came out and became such a huge mega-hit, I had heard that it was being adapted for Broadway. I was/am a huge Mel Brooks fan so I was instantly interested. I also needed something to buy for my girlfriend at the time for Christmas.

So I went online to pre-buy tickets for the earliest show possible. There really wasn't a buzz for it yet as most folks didn't know it was coming. It wasn't Opening Night...it was actually the first "rehearsal" night in Manhattan, happening a few weeks prior to the official Opening Night. Cool.

When my friend Cristina found out about it, she asked me to try to score tix to the same show...which I did. Somehow I managed, three days later, to get the two seats right next to me and my girlfriend for her and her husband. Like I said...this was all pre-buzz, but I still found it odd that I could get those.

Anyway, we get to Manhattan some months later for the show and we do the dinner thing at Carmine's, drinks somewhere else before rolling to the show. The lobby was packed and we ordered drinks and settled in towards the rear of the lobby...back by the emergency exits. That's when we hear someone knocking on one of the exit doors to get in.

We didn't know what to do. Should we let someone into a sold-out first night performance of the show? After weighing our options we decided to open the doors. It was Mel Brooks and Anne Bancroft! 

MEL BROOKS AND ANNE BANCROFT! MRS. FUCKING ROBINSON!

They thanked us and we shook hands (I think I actually hugged her and she gave me a little kiss on the cheek...it's a blur) before they joined the party. I was dumbstruck! My friends Cristina and her husband then asked "Who was that woman with Mel Brooks?" AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH! I can't stand non-movie people!

So, if that wasn't good enough (and believe me I was high for two weeks after meeting them) the show was fantastic! Mel stood in the first row and conducted comically throughout. Hysterical! But it gets better...much better.

At intermission, we went out to the lobby to get another cocktail. As everyone filed in for the second half, me and my girlfriend stayed at the bar to finish our drink. I had to go tinkle so I told her to wait there and I would be right back. I turned around and there was Sarah Jessica Parker just standing there by herself. So I turned around and smacked my girlfriend to look over there at the Big Star. She was deep in conversation with the bartender so she didn't understand what I was saying. I didn't get that she didn't understand, so I just proceeded on towards Mrs. Broderick.

There were so many things I wanted to say. Her husband was awesome in the play...tell him I said Happy Birthday (don't ask why I knew it was his birthday on that day)...I love your show...I loved "Square Pegs". So many things!

All that came out was "I love you". I wanted to die.

But Sarah Jessica Parker, to her credit, was very kind. Instead of calling Security, she put her hand on my arm and said "Awww...that's so sweet!" with a great big smile on her face. I'm a fan for life because of that moment.


Epilogue: When I left her and went to proceed to the bathroom, I realized that my girlfriend didn't follow me over to the Big Star. I know had a decision to make. Do I A) go back past Big Star and tell girlfriend about her before I pee or B) not tell her and risk her almost certain wrath? I chose option A. So I snuck around Ms. Parker and whispered to girlfriend "Now act cool, but right now the only other person in the lobby is Sarah Jessica Parker". She responded by pushing me out of the way and running over to her screaming to put her in a bear hug in what was certainly the most un-cool act of hero worship ever witnessed. My work for the evening was done. Thank you.

Left Hook

In the 70's, if you were a boxing fan, you were either a Muhammad Ali guy or a Joe Frazier guy.  It was that simple.  I was only a kid watching the replays of their titanic battles on Saturday afternoons on Wide World of Sports on ABC, but even I knew that.  I was an Ali guy.  The big, bold personality.  The slick as lightning footwork.  The flair, the drama...everything.  Muhammad Ali was bigger than life, and Frazier was a hard-working pug with a tremendous left hook.  Ugly to watch, but efficient as a bulldozer.  The man never floated like a butterfly in his entire life.

But, as I got older and I became more aware of the everything that went down before and during these fights, I've become more of a Frazier guy.  I'm sure he was no angel either, but the verbal abuse handed out by Ali against Frazier in that time now seems incredibly over the top and offensive.  Calling him an "Uncle Tom" before their first epic battle.  Then calling him "The Gorilla" before their third fight in the Philippines because it rhymed nicely with "Manila". These were things that hurt Frazier down deep for the rest of his life. And coming from a man who he respected and helped, both financially and otherwise, during the time he was stripped of his title in the late 60's.  It was disgusting.

There was a social and political aspect behind these fights as well.  Ali represented the younger folks.  He refused to serve in Vietnam, and lost the Heavyweight title along the way because of it.  He was hip, fun and socially relevant.  Frazier wasn't any of those things.  But he really wasn't the opposite either, as the media and Ali suggested.  He just wasn't...Ali.

And then there was Frazier's boxing style, which I characterized earlier as "ugly to watch".  Except it really wasn't.  It was actually quite amazing.  Head down, always moving forward, punches coming from everywhere, never backing down, smothering his opponent with his aggression.  Mike Tyson had a little bit of that in him.  Except that Frazier also had the wonderful left hook. One of the best weapons I've ever seen from a fighter. Quick and mean, full of bad intentions.  It was a crippling blow that seemingly came out of nowhere. 

I've still got a lot of love for boxing, especially the Heavyweights in the 70's like Ken Norton, Ernie Shavers, George Foreman and, of course, Ali and Frazier.  But I also recognize it as a brutal, unnecessary sport that essentially kills these men before their times. Quite the conundrum, as some would say.

All that being said, I was much more saddened at the death of Joe Frazier earlier this week than I really expected. It was an odd left hook to the soul that I didn't see coming, naturally.

RIP, Joe.

source: NY Times

Twitter question

Most of you blogiots are also twidiots, and I mean no disrespect by that. I'm a twidiot too.  But I have a serious Twitter question that may or may not be awkward.

I've noticed some of you use websites/apps like Get Glue, Foursquare, Gowalla, etc... And you have them linked to your Twitter accounts. Checking in with these sites/apps (and I'm kinda guessing here) will generate a tweet to your Twitter stream.  Right?  Is that how they work?  To broadcast to the Twitterverse where you've been, what TV show you've watched, where you've eaten.  Things like that.  Again, I'm not sure exactly how they work, but that's the general drift I get from seeing the generated tweets.

I'm curious as to why you use these sites/apps.  What, exactly, are YOU getting out of it?

I mean, I can see when you've had lunch at McDonalds or breakfast at Denny's or whatever. Or that you've watched the latest episode of Glee with 75 others who've checked in. Or that you've unlocked some sticker of some sort for visiting someplace you haven't been before.

I don't really think about those tweets very much.  They show up in my timeline all the time, but it rarely interests me. As I peruse Twitter, I usually skip right past them. I'm just not sure why you want me to know that you are doing those things. Not sure what I'm supposed to do with that information.

So, again,  I'm curious as to why you are using these sites/apps.  I'm a relative noob to Twitter.  I only follow 56 feeds, and there are only 42 folks who follow me (42 people who must be bored to death with my Twitter lameness).  Maybe there is something here that I am missing with this particular piece of social media. Maybe there are some really fun and interesting reasons to use these sites/apps. I dunno. 

I honestly don't mean to put anyone down for what they are or aren't doing on Twitter.  It's not my place.  I'm just really curious about these things.  Truly.

Holla back if you care to enlighten me.  Thanks!

High Shelf Booze

I'm digging Eilen Jewell, the self-described Queen of the Minor Key, lately. Another Pandora discovery.  And not only because she sings about "High Shelf Booze".

But it doesn't hurt.

Dig.

High Shelf Booze

Eilen Jewell

If my man asks ‘bout what I’ll do
Now that he’s turned me loose
Tell him I’ve gone to meet all the girls
And drink all that high shelf booze

The high shelf booze, the high shelf booze
You won’t catch me dead with no blues
The high shelf booze, the high shelf booze
You won’t catch me dead with no blues

I always said I’d be his slave
Before I would be his dog
But it looks like he’s got me rambling ‘round
And sleeping in a hollow log

A hollow log, a hollow log
Sleeping in a hollow log
A hollow log, a hollow log
Sleeping in a hollow log

Well it’s one man on Sunday, another on Monday
Two on Tuesday afternoon
Easy come, easy go
You won’t hear me sing no lonesome tune

Easy come, easy go
You won’t hear me sing no lonesome tune
Easy come, easy go
You won’t hear me sing no lonesome tune

If I were Brian Cashman

Note: Stop reading now if you aren't interested in the fantastical musings of a NY Yankee fan. It will be better for you and better for me.  Slyde...don't even bother.

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Here is my off-season plans for the Yankees, now that they have extended the contract of CC Sabathia and locked up the options on Robinson Cano and Nick Swisher. It's very simple.

• Trade Nick Swisher.  Yeah, yeah...I know they just picked up his option.  And at $10.25 million, it was a very reasonable option. Yeah, this is a world in which $10.25 million is considered reasonable.  But there is something very real to dislike about Nick Swisher.  His game, his approach to hitting, is a very patient, wonderful thing. Until it's not so wonderful. He will not swing at a pitch that is an inch outside of the strike zone.  Over the course of the season, that's a great thing that leads to a wonderfully high On-Base Percentage.  But his game is over when confronted with an umpire that allows the outside or inside pitch to be called a strike.  He is virtually useless in these contests. I, for one, would appreciate a hitter who can roll with the punches a bit more.  Mark Teixeira is a similar type of hitter, but the Yankees are paying him a fortune for a number of years.  So he ain't going anywhere.  A hitter like Nick Swisher under contract for only one year is VERY attractive to the rest of the league at that price. Go get a decent starting pitcher right now.  He doesn't have to be an 1 or 2 guy.  He shouldn't be for Nick Swisher and one year. Or maybe go for some prospects, because I have an idea about SP coming a bit later. But the Yankees can get a decent return right now for Swish.  They should do it.
• Sign Jim Thome. My love of Jim Thome knows no bounds.  And the man can still crush right-handed pitching.  Having him as a part-time DH, along with Jesus Montero from the right side, is a great move.  And a solid long-ball threat off the bench. Yankee Stadium. Short RF porch. Jim Thome. I'm smiling just thinking about it.
• Sign Michael Cuddyer. Or Jason Kubel. Or Josh Willingham. I don't really care. Sign one of them to play RF in the absence of Nick Swisher. All three are underrated hitters and defensive liabilities.  Sounds like Swisher to me. And all three will come with lower price tags than Nick Swisher. Not that the Yankees have to worry about money. They don't.  But with the limited SP talent available in free agency, the combination of dealing Swish for a pitcher and signing one of these guys seems like a no-brainer to me.
• Sign Dontrelle Willis. As a lefty specialist out of the pen. Yeah, I know...he's always been a starter.  But as many analysts have pointed out already, he's no good in that role. BUT, he stymies left-handed hitters. Very, very well. This is a LOOGY you want in your pen right now.  And the Yankees can afford to give him more than the league minimum to do so.
• Release AJ Burnett. I like the guy. Honestly, I do. But he is a sunk cost and a hopeless cause right now. His roster spot can be put to better use.  Sorry AJ. Bye.
• Sign Yu Darvish and Hiroki Kuroda as a tandem. Darvish will be an expensive, long-term deal. The 37-year-old Kuroda will probably settle for a one or two-year deal. Pairing the young, inexperienced (in MLB terms) Darvish with the older, experienced Kuroda seems like a good idea to me. And a short-term deal for Kuroda is an ideal bridge to the two remaining Killer B's (Banuelos and Betances) in the Yankee farm system for 2013 and beyond. This is the move I'd be pushing for the most if I were Brian Cashman.
• Re-sign Andruw Jones. Or another decent, cheap OF-type with the ability to play RF and/or LF. And be a strong right-handed hitting threat on the bench. I don't really care who it is.

So here is my Yankee Opening Day 25-man roster:

Russell Martin - C
Mark Teixeira - 1B
Robinson Cano - 2B
Derek Jeter - SS
Alex Rodriguez - 3B
Brett Gardner - LF
Curtis Granderson - CF
Michael Cuddyer/someone else - RF
Jim Thome - DH/bench
Jesus Montero - C/DH
Eduardo Nunez - INF
Andruw Jones - OF
CC Sabathia - SP
Yu Darvish - SP
Hiroki Kuroda - SP
Ivan Nova - SP
Phil Hughes - SP
Corey Wade - RP
Joba Chamberlain - RP
Boone Logan - RP
Rafael Soriano - RP
Dontrelle Willis - RP
David Robertson - RP
Mariano Rivera - RP
25th spot - another corner infielder (Chavez?) or UTIL type.

American Horror Story

"No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill house, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for 80 years and might for 80 more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone."

The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson

You are gonna die in there...

Warning: very mild spoilers below

I've waited a few weeks to review the new FX series American Horror Story to give it time to fester in the cellar of my soul.  Because that's where this oddball horror series belongs.  In the cellar of my soul.  Festering.

That's a good thing.

In case you haven't been watching, it's about a family who have moved from Boston to LA after an affair by the husband with one of his students, and the still-born birth of their baby.  The two bring along their surprisingly frank and non-stereotypical teenage daughter with them.  She's the most "normal" one in the family, even though she suffers from depression.  The father is a psychiatrist, practicing out of his home.

They movie into an old restored mansion with a history. The house has seen so many deaths, mostly murders, that it has become a regular and popular stop on the Murder Tour.  A bus tour celebrating locations of famous murders in the LA area. Yeah...you don't want to live there.  Neither does this family after just a few short weeks.  But their savings are wrapped up in the house, so they are going to have to sell it before they can move on.  Hopefully while they are still alive.

Not a given.

The house some additional "residents" to speak of as well.  And not just the ghosts of the murdered former owners and their visitors.  Constance and her daughter with Down Syndrome, Addie live next door, but they seem to be tied to the house just as much as the specters.  Always walking in un-invited.  Especially Addie.  One terrifying scene had Addie crawl from under the teenage daughter's bed after grabbing her ankle and singing "Trick or treat! Smell my feet! Give me something good to eat!" on Halloween night.

Well, it was terrifying to me.

Then there is Tate.  A young disturbed man who is receiving therapy from the father in the family.  He's just as much of a fixture in the house as the overhead lights.  And he has a healthy/un-healthy romantic interest in the teenage daughter.  Something her father is not so keen on at all.  Tate's backstory hasn't been fully told yet, but somehow he is tied to the house as inextricably as Constance and Addie.

Then there is Larry Harvey, my favorite character on the show.  He's the horribly burned and disfigured former owner of the house.  He has been released from prison after murdering his entire family because of an advanced case of brain cancer.  Not sure that would happen in real life, because he is one crazy mother-fucker.  His "dream" is to become a character actor in Hollywood, but he is really around to warn the father about how the house "told him" to murder his family...and for comedic effect. Larry is a hoot.

And don't get me started on the...thing living in basement.  Or the dude in the rubber S&M suit who seems to be behind every door. Imagine an even more evil version of the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. Around every dark corner of your house.  Yeah.

This show is creepy as all hell. 

Dig.

See ya, NCIS

Shoulda done this a long time ago, but NCIS...I'm breaking up with you.

I haven't been really enjoying it for a couple of years now, but I've been watching it out of habit. It's fucking terrible. But it was like comfort food or comfort television, if you will.  Something to put on in the background while I'm doing something else.  It's really fucking terrible.

I feel like the only reason I hung in this long was my awkward crush on Pauley Perrette.  But even she (and her character Abby) are starting to wear on my last nerves.

Last week's episode was the final straw.

They introduced a new love interest for the elderly Dr. Mallard (David McCallum), played by Cheryl Ladd.  The homicide of the week looks like it was turning into a serial killer case.  And Ducky, Dr. Mallard (get it?), was having mixed feelings about how exciting his job was. Or at least he was having mixed feelings about sharing his excitement with his new lady love.  She seemed...oddly into it.

No. They weren't going to make Cheryl Ladd a serial killer, were they? Nah. That would require several weeks of character and plot development.  Plus the modus operandi was ridiculously complicated.  Getting someone drunk, getting them to a remote location, getting them to take ecstasy, tying them up, then getting them to drink enough water to kill them because ecstasy makes you thirsty.  What?  There were way too many problems with that. 

Yet, that's exactly what they did.  And, although Mark Harmon's character did figure out that she was the killer, she basically just confessed to Ducky when he demeaned the actions of the killer.  She wanted him to be impressed by the killer, ya see?

Ugh...it was the most ridiculous hour of television ever produced. And yet it wasn't that much worse than every other episode that I have been trudging through.  It just sucks.

Officially deleted from my DVR queue. Goodbye, NCIS. Forever.

Asshole Cat Part Duh

Remember when I told you about how much of an asshole this guy is?

He's only cute when he sleeps

Well, he has taken his morning routine of waking us up to entirely new levels lately.

You see, he used to just jump on us, meow, jump up by the window shade, rattle that, meow some more, knock some shit off the side table and then meow some more.

But Bootsy is the Terminator cat that is going to be the end of us all.  He's a learning asshole cat. He's actually figured out our technology.  And he's using it against us.

We have one of those iHome clock radios. You know the kind, it's got a dock to charge your iPhone or iPod on top.  Other than that...it's pretty much a regular clock radio.  And Bootsy has figured out how to work it.

I'm serious.

He turns the radio on and off.  We adjust the volume lower, but he has figured out how to fix that issue too.  He also knows how to turn the alarm off and on. My favorite thing, and by that I mean my least favorite thing, is that he has learned how to set the alarm so that it goes off in 2 minutes.

I'm serious.

He sets the alarm for two minutes in the future.  I don't even know how to do that!  How the fuck has our cat figured out to set a fucking alarm?

He's such an asshole.